What If…?

A friend and I took a lovely paddleboat ride on the Mississippi River one day, past old crumbling brick walls backed by sparkling new skyscrapers, learning a lot of history that we had never heard. The good time almost didn’t happen, due to a careless mistake on my part. That mistake did trigger some thoughts about small stresses in life, which in turn triggered this article. When I ordered the tickets for the paddleboat cruise, I was told to bring the printed order form plus a form of picture identification. We showed up at the dock, I reached into my purse – and remembered that I had put my major credit card and driver’s license into a small pouch the previous day in order to attend an art fair – and hadn’t replaced them in my purse. This is the kind of situation that can bring out creativity immediately. We had driven all the way to the landing, packing a picnic lunch, excited at this little respite from daily work and cares. Now the outing seemed threatened by my mistake. What if we were refused entrance to the boat? My first reaction was to say, “Oh, well, it’s a lovely day. If we can’t board the boat, we can have a nice picnic on the side of the river.” I said this loudly several times to convince both myself and my friend. Inside my head, I pictured the clerk adamantly refusing to give me the tickets without the proper identification, and pictured myself being my winsome best to persuade her to turn over the tickets. All the while I had to remind myself that the various scenarios that were floating around in my head were just that – scenarios. They bore no relation to reality because they were in the future, which hadn’t happened yet. Any time you can put “What if…?” in front of the description of coming events, you should recognize that you are being creative, and not necessarily in a good way. When we walked up to the window, I presented the order, the clerk frowned (a little inner tension for me here), and said, “What name was this under?” I replied, she reached into the drawer… and handed me the tickets, with no further conversation. I know people who wouldn’t be fazed at all by this kind of situation, assuming from the start that they could somehow handle it in a manner that would bring a positive outcome. It wouldn’t occur to them to worry about it for a minute. For those of us who spent a number of years perfecting our worrying, anxious thoughts will continue to surface any time a roadblock, however small, appears in our path. Worriers need to have a few mechanisms in place when things don’t seem to be working out as you planned. Consider other pleasant outcomes So what if your plans are blocked? Stay relaxed, and look for pleasant surprises in your life. You can make wonderful discoveries this way. Lamenting – “This is terrible. Our whole day is ruined” – forces you to focus only on the negative and stifles any creative solution. I once was denied access to a museum because I had my small dog concealed (I thought) in a large handbag. My friends went in; I crossed the historic main street of this little town, entered an antique store, and found that the owner, who had lived there for decades, could give me the complete history of the area, showing me artifacts and pictures to illustrate her words. She also was a dog lover; we spent a delightful hour or so. The dog had a good time, too. I could have sat outside in the heat, fanning myself, waiting for my friends, being alte ately annoyed at the museum and annoyed at myself for bringing the dog. In the case of our boat trip, I immediately began mentally planning an alte ate trip along the river. We went anyway, but after the boat trip, found scenery neither of us ever knew existed, and this in a city where we have lived for years. Imagine the best As long as you are creating future scenarios, why not opt for good ones? Potential lovers stepping out of doorways, exhilarating celebrations taking place just around the corner…. Advanced Worriers (AW’s) need to think of all the times your plans were derailed, or you had to take a detour, and instead found a pleasant surprise. RAW’s (Really Advanced Worriers) need to start making such a list. Look around you when you are blocked – really open your eyes and look at the scenery and the people. Many a relationship has erupted, many an entrepreneur has been launched, and all because of a chance encounter. New restaurants, old houses, unknown parks, charming shops, unexpected vistas can all pop up when you least expect them to do so. Rehearse – but not too well Prepare to handle the potential block to your plans by considering what actions you might take or what words you might use. Then remember that this is just one of several ways the situation might play out. I had a few persuasive words prepared if it was necessary, but I never had to use them. Practice your stress management skills on small frustrations, such as this one, and you will be ready for the more serious challenges you will face in life. Remember, we need systems in place that will help us to deal creatively with the small challenges that life brings to us all the time. Responding to these challenges creatively makes you stronger; responding with stress makes it more likely you will do so in the future. Practice the good stuff! Make it a habit. May all your “What if’s” be great!