What is Respect?

What is respect in a marriage?

In Proverbs 14:1 the Bible describes two kinds of women:

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” (NIV)

There are some things that a woman does that build the people she cares about, and there are others that tear them down. If you look at your husband as if he is at the top of your “To Do” list and think, “I’ve got to fix this guy!” Guess what? I bet he won’t change. In fact, I bet he’ll become more stubborn and less likely to go your way.

If you truly want to help him become bigger and better, if this is your desire use your words. But instead of using them to nag or “drip” as the Bible says use them to build.

Consistently feed him gobs of encouragement and affirmation and he’ll feel desired, loved, and safe. Once you get him feeling this way, watch out! He might just start changing right in front of your eyes because it is when he feels like he already has your respect he is more likely to listen to you when you want to point out something to him that might make him uncomfortable.

If you want to improve your man, be a good value for him. Tell him what’s good about him. Praise him when he does something right, even if it is something little. We all thrive on praise and do what we can to get some more. Instead of stomping down what you don’t like, water what you want to grow.

Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth, has a wonderful outlook on this. She says, “It is my job to love Billy. It’s God’s job to change him!” That says it better than I ever could.

This is a concept straight from the Holy Scriptures yet rarely grasped by couples today. In fact, I can honestly say I have seen it enacted in only a handful of marriages. Before you read it I want to say that implementing this in my own marriage was amazing. A wonderful marriage got even better. It is so simple to do you almost cannot have it pointed out to you and ignore it.

Yet, if grasped and acted upon, this principle holds God’s promise of healing and renewed love for hurting couples. It can radically change a mediocre marriage into a fantastic one. And, like it did in our case, if you put this principle into action you can take a great marriage into a whole new heavenly realm.

This principle is not only limited to the marriage relationship. It can also be applied to the way you treat other people. Many problems can be eliminated at work and church if we only treated others this way.

Ready? Here it is. Get ready to make your marriage the best ever: Women need to feel loved and men need to feel respected.rnYet we each withhold what the other needs and as a result get what we do not want. This cycle is talked about in Ephesians 5:33:

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (NIV)

There you have what both men and women need. Women need to feel loved and men need to feel respected. If we don’t feel loved we withhold respect. If he doesn’t feel he has your respect he doesn’t act in ways that make you feel loved. “A man is to love his wife as he loves himself.”

Let your words empower him by building him up. He has one basic need as a man; he needs to have your respect. Your admiration – not his boss’, not his friend’s, not his mother’s, but his wife’s admiration is something he NEEDS and only you can give it.

If you are having marriage problems, stop looking at what your spouse is doing wrong and re-evaluate your own treatment of him. Think about your words and actions (both public and private). Do you act like you admire and respect him? You should be.rnMy e-book, Loving Your Knight in Shining Armor-Even When He Doesn’t Shine-part of the “Marriage: To Have and To Hold” bundle, specifically addresses the concept of letting our words build up our husbands, our attitudes and our tongues. It’s never too late to learn to speak the language of respect to our husbands. The last part of the book lays out a step-by-step plan of action to enhance a good relationship or to revive a dying or dead relationship.