What is Self-Esteem?

What is self-esteem?rnSelf-esteem to many, is composed of many different things. I believe self-esteem is composed of three core things. Nathaniel Branden’s 6 pillars of self-esteem is much more comprehensive and I encourage all to look up and read his work. But, I believe self-esteem is Self-worth or value, Self-competency, and Self-respect. “It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him.” - Abraham Lincoln So first up, is self-worth or value. This encompasses self-acceptance. Do you believe that you are worthy of great things? Do you believe you are worthy of good things coming your way? Worthy of the work you will invest in your own character, habits, and personality? You always should. Many people come across the paradox of realizing that accepting oneself does not mean being satisfied with the qualities, skills, or perceived limitations one has as fixed for all time. In actuality, it means accepting that you are indeed for the most part are good, and that you are worthy. So worthy indeed, that you are worth every minute of work that you will invest in yourself to be the best version of yourself possible. That you can grow and that none of your character, skills, or qualities are at a fixed level and can be built upon like everything else. There is nothing that can stand in your way of building on you, but you. “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” -Gautama Buddha Next on the list is Self-competency or Self-efficacy. What this translates to for me is: How much do you believe in your abilities. How much do believe in your ability to triumph over life’s challenges and seize the day and your life consequently. This encompasses Self-responsibility and living consciously. Taking responsibility of one’s life and the consequences that ensue. Realizing that anything that happens in your day is either a direct result or somehow correlated with an action that you took. This is not for feeling negatively about your decisions. This is purely to grasp a seat of EMPOWERMENT. Because if you control your day, then if something is going wrong, then he or she that controls it, can surely change it. In controlling your day, being deliberate about your day, accomplishing your small task that you have set before yourself. You in turn build confidence in your abilities to accomplish and intentionally control tasks. In this building of confidence, you create a positive loop within yourself that must be guarded at all cost. There is nothing you can’t do with a little bit of elbow grease. Once you realize that, then obstacles will only appear as mere shadows in your past. “You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it's enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness. Never give up.” -Richelle E. Goodrich Last and surely but not least to come to the stage is Self-respect. I have already given takes on self-respect. This encompasses Self-assertiveness and Personal Integrity. Self-respect again always has to do with more of what you put out, or your output. Rather than what you take in from others or their input. Personal Integrity dictates that you have a standard that you set for yourself, no matter the audience. Because what you do, no matter who’s watching, you always will see and these actions positive or negative serve as a reinforcement to you of who you are and your character. So always remember, when you drop below your standard, it affects you ultimately more than it affects anyone else. Be mindful of your words and actions for they are a confession of your character. In being assertive, it also doesn’t mean you allow yourself to become a human stepping stone. Clearly define what your goals for situations are and allow that to be your guiding light as to what you will tolerate from others or not. Because being counterproductive to your own goals is just getting in your own way, and other people’s actions if stopping or slowing your accomplishment only mean one thing. That they have control over your life and not you. So again, keep in mind your goal and standards before reacting, and this will help you to also keep your personal integrity. Granted, this is not something easy. But, nothing good ever came easy. All skills and qualities are learnable, and practice is the road that the uncommonly great traverse. So put it into practice and it will be yours, because there is nothing that you can’t accomplish. “We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish any goals.” -Stephen Coveyrn