What’s Scary About Being in a Relationship? Part 1

What’s scary about being in a relationship?

I’ll tell you! There are many things we hear from our friends, we see in the news, on TV, or in the latest movies such as “Why Did I Get Married?” AND despite the age-old myth of “you live happily ever after... in bliss,” being in a relationship takes some work! You actually do have to learn, know and use some relationship skills to make it last longer these days. We only know how challenging it can be because we see divorce rates soaring, our friends are in unstable relationships or breaking up and we see the constant popularity of the online-dating revolving door.

So what are some of the challenges people are having being in relationship?

This is what my friends and clients are reflecting to me as their issues...

(1) Communication: People seem to not know how to communicate with each other without pushing each other’s buttons. People seem to use the wrong language or tone, which triggers another person’s dormant wounds (possibly repressed or unresolved issues from childhood or the past). In addition, many of us did not have positive relationship models in our parents or caregivers, so we model that which we know. This is not always the healthiest manner in which to communicate. I coach individuals, executives and couples on how to communicate in a way that gets you the most positive results. I also have a product that gives you the relationship techniques and strategies so you will communicate with success every time. One of the techniques is “active listening,” it’s a way of listening and repeating back what you have heard so the speaker feels listened to, heard and understood and/or validated by this exercise.

(2) Being Heard and Listened to: One of the biggest complaints I hear women make is that they do not feel heard or listened to by men. Women feel it’s because men don’t know how to listen. I believe that women many times don’t know how to talk to men, SO they WILL LISTEN. Many women talk to men in a blaming or accusing way (negative tone and language). Often men feel castrated when they are talked to in this way and so respond from a defensive animal-like way. It’s their knee jerk response to being judged, criticized, and talked at. Women need to learn to talk in a way to help make men feel good first, then men will listen with open ears and open hearts. I teach individuals and couples this secret language of win-win communication. Contact me when you would like to learn this special way to talk so men will listen to you and even share with you.

(3) Finding Time to Nurture Yourself (private time): Many people complain that it is difficult once you are in a relationship to find time to be alone and just take care of yourself. We often have so many things on our plates and it seems many of us put ourselves last when it comes time for taking care of our own needs. Many people neglect sleep, exercise, hygiene, quiet time, reading, thinking, jou
aling and spiritual time once they enter into a relationship. When in fact, these very activities when completed regularly, would benefit you and the relationship greatly in the long run. Other activities I recommend are getting a massage, facial or mani-pedi, walking on the beach, meditating, yoga and hiking.

YES, these can be done with another person, however when we do activities by ourselves, we get the benefit of turning within and listening to our internal voice or communing with spirit (whichever is more comfortable for you). When you fill yourself up into a whole-being and then relate with another whole-being, your relationship can be one of sharing, not needing or taking from each other. This is the healthiest way to relate.

I have shared 3 of the 6 major challenges people have in relationships today. Next, I will share part 2 – the other 3 important challenges people have - Balancing your life, Being Satisfied, Compromise vs. Narcissism.

Now, you too, can instantly start to improve and implement any of the changes or suggestions into your life and relationship as you see fit. I hope you find them useful and helpful.

Remember: In order to be the person you have never been, In order to have the life and relationships you have never had, You must do what you have never done before. Call and get support in having the best life you’ve ever had!

© 2010 Dr. Cindy Brown