What You Need to Do In Order To Find and Maintain a Successful Intimate Relationship

You might be surprised to hear that there are many things about yourself that you don’t know – and you even don’t know that you don’t know them. As a matter of fact, you know yourself only up to a certain point. You might fail in your relationships for the simple reason that you lack self-awareness, that you don’t really know your true self. A host of factors of which you are not aware affect your thoughts, attitudes, feelings and behaviors, without you realizing it, and drive you to behave in ways that sabotage your relationships.

When you develop self-awareness – getting to know and understand yourself better - you can understand the ways in which you harm your relationships, you can take responsibility for your part in their failure and you can take the necessary steps to change whatever needs changing.

Example 1:
BARBARA’S HESITATIONS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

For three years now Barbara has been telling herself that it’s about time she found a partner - but she’s still single. Something inside her keeps her from initiating; from meeting men her friends set her up with; from allowing herself to open up. True, if she had a relationship, she would be happy, but…

Explanation:

“Something” is preventing Barbara from getting into a relationship, but she herself doesn’t know what this “something” is. The only thing she knows is that there is “something”.

* Is it an unconscious fear of commitment?
* Is it an unconscious fear of abandonment from which she’s protecting herself by not getting into a relationship?
* Was she hurt in the past and she is behaving based on an unconscious fear of being hurt again?
* Are there messages she heard from her mother during childhood and unconsciously internalized, that a man might stifle her career?

Until Barbara develops Self-Awareness, she won’t know what that “something” is which is preventing her from finding and cultivating a relationship.

Example 2:
SCOTT’S JUMPING FROM ONE RELATIONSHIP TO ANOTHER

A week after he ended his relationship with Joyce, Scott started going out with Rachel. Two months later he found himself with Michelle. Apparently, he seems to be in demand, the kind of guy they all fall for.

But Scott is frustrated. Despite his success with women, he feels lonely. He doesn’t understand why he keeps changing partners one after another. What’s wrong with him that he can’t meet the right woman? He’s afraid that he may never succeed in developing an intimate, satisfying and long-term relationship.

Explanation:

Scott isn’t aware of what controls his behavior. Is it possible that he:

* Has a fear of commitment?
* Is acting out of unresolved anger towards his mother or towards other women who abandoned him in the past?
* Grew up without feeling his parents’ love and now, unconsciously, he needs to conquer one woman after another in order to prove to himself that he’s worth?

Until Scott understands what prevents him from staying in a relationship, he won’t be able to change his behavior.

BECOMING AWARE IS AN IMPORTANT STEP IN YOUR ABILITY TO FIND AND MAINTAIN A SUCCESSFUL INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

Just like Barbara and Scott, as you develop self-awareness, you will become able to identify the harmful ways in which you have sabotaged your relationships until now. Being aware you will then be able to stop harming your relationships, find and cultivate a successful bond.