When Furniture Attacks: A Formula for Overcoming Obstacles

Darn it! I did it again! I stubbed my toe on the end-table. This is almost a daily occurrence lately. I keep wondering if my feet are still growing even though I am well past the age of growing. After getting frustrated, cursing at the furniture and feigning a punch at it I began to laugh uncontrollably at the stupidity of personifying an end-table. Envision this... Once again, my nemesis, the only obstacle to starting my day on a happy note, the evil, conniving end-table jumped out to attack me where it hurts most, my baby toe! Argh!

Once I was able to calm my simultaneous laughter and pain to a more respectable level I noted that I should probably adjust the end-table to a slightly different angle to avoid injury at every turn. If not, then I could expect the same result.

Going through life we are constantly faced with different obstacles that keep us from achieving our goals, hearing our own voices, and attaining our full potential. While the furniture example is rudimentary it gets the point across that all obstacles can be met with a consistent approach that surely allows us to live a better life. Below is an acronym for OBSTACLES placed in steps that clearly outline a formula to help you achieve your best life.

O - Observe

When things don't seem to go the way we expect them to it is almost always because there is an obstacle in the way. The first step is to take a moment to observe and identify what it is that is in the way. In my case it was an end-table but it can be anything from distortions in your thinking, a change in circumstance, a gap in skills or information, a financial burden, etc.

B - Broaden

Once you have observed and identified what is causing the blockage you must broaden your scope to understand the full scope of the circumstance. Ask yourself some probing questions to get to the core of the obstacle. For example, is this something that keeps happening? Is my thinking getting in the way? Most importantly though, ask yourself, what is in my control and what is out of my control?

Honesty with oneself is absolutely required at this step. For example, one client I had in particular continued to struggle with many jobs and bosses. He maintained that it was the company's culture, the role changed to something he didn't like, or that his boss didn't recognize him. While these are all reasonable reasons he still couldn't pinpoint why everyone around him seemed to cope but he continued to struggle. It wasn't until he was willing to acknowledge that in all of those jobs and under all of those bosses he was the only common denominator. In other words, it was his own thinking that was the obstacle. You can see that the Broaden step is best done with a high degree of introspection.

S - Surrender

Regardless of what the obstacle is sometimes the only way to come to terms with it is to surrender to the elements that are out of your control. For example, if you are in a huge amount of financial debt or perhaps you have been diagnosed with a debilitating illness, there aren't always immediate answers. In these examples it is imperative that you surrender to what is out of your control. If you haven't won the lottery and there is no immediate cure for your illness, then acceptance is the only answer.

However, this does not mean that there is nothing that one can do. Instead, surrendering what is out of your control leads to personal empowerment. It allows us to come to terms with what is in our control, take appropriate steps, and educate ourselves as a few examples. To do this though, we must surrender to what is out of our control.

T - Tempt

We have often heard the phrase temptation is the devil. Utter trash! Now that you have observed the obstacle, broadened your thinking on it and done some exploring, and surrendered to the aspects of your obstacle that are completely out of your control you must tempt yourself. This means coming up with an enticing action plan to move past your obstacle. As you name and describe each action also note what the reward for taking this step is going to be. This will help keep you motivated. I have provided an example below:

Obstacles to Feeling Healthy

Too much junk food in the house

Feel ugly, fat and lazy

Don't think I can do it

It's never worked before

Action Steps for Overcoming Obstacles

Find a healthy replacement for junk food; perhaps surround myself with only fruit and vegetables

Remove all junk food from my house, office drawer, and ensure I am well fed with healthy options before I leave the house.

Treat myself once in a while because I already know fully denying myself treats doesn't work.

Develop affirmations for myself so that I can overcome distortions in my thinking

Do whatever it takes... talk to counselors, find a personal trainer, have my friends help hold me accountable, never give up!

Rewards

Just taking steps will make me feel better about myself and I will build my self confidence.

When I reach certain goals I can reward myself with a small treat that I will eat slowly to consciously taste and enjoy.

Do you notice how utter honesty is required in the above example? Getting real with yourself will be one of the best gifts you ever give yourself and isn't temptation also a wonderful reward and motivator?

A - Allow

Now, in the spirit of getting real we need to continue to be honest with ourselves. We know that mistakes will happen and that people will fall off the wagon. It is not about being perfect and it never will be, instead give yourself permission to make mistakes. You will feel much better about getting back on the wagon knowing that we all take a tumble once in a while. If you have to laugh it off and make a different decision next time, that makes you feel better. Do not under any circumstances beat yourself up over this or allow your brain to go to negative thinking, if you do, it will destroy the work you have already done. Instead, pick up where you left off, and know that it's never too late. Some obstacles can be a lifetime battle, give yourself permission and patience to enjoy the whole journey. Allow yourself to surrender to every moment, even the unpleasant ones. If you struggle with this just keep repeating "without judgment" or "water off a ducks back" over and over again.

C - Capitalize

As you move through these steps you will no doubt make some mistakes, but why focus on them? Instead, ask yourself what you have done already that has worked, what has been successful even if it only worked partially or for a small period of time. Whatever you come up with, even if it's one thing, you must capitalize on this. Leverage these successes, write them down, or give yourself a sticker on the calendar every day that you are successful. Then at the end of the month count only the stickers and not the blank spots. It doesn't really matter what you do, just remember what you feed will grow.

While the last example may seem juvenile I promise you it works. I can remember being in college and one of my instructors promised a fancy decorative pencil to any students who achieved 100% on their exams. On the first day we all laughed and rolled our eyes but she chided, "you laugh now but wait and see. After that first exam you will remember how you feel if she gets one and you don't." She was right! Those that got a cheesy little pencil felt so good about themselves and those that didn't tried much harder to get one on the next round. Besides, what do you have to lose? If it doesn't work, try something else!

L - Learn & Listen

You can see by this stage you are going to be learning a lot about what motivates and demotivates you. You will also begin to hear your own true voice about what is important and not important to you because when we remove obstacles we are able to see clearly.

At this stage I recommend you stop to listen again (this could start the process all over again with the Observe step using a new or different set of obstacles), do a quick inventory on what you have learned about yourself. For example; I have learned that if I come home from work and sit in front of the TV I will not go to the gym that day. I have also learned that if I put my gym clothes on right after work as soon as I set foot in the door, before I even sit down for a break then I know I am going to head to the gym right away. Notice how specific the learning was? I suggest you do the same.

E - Evaluate

It is important to understand that if you stop to evaluate the whole process you have just gone through, what you initially started with and where you are now you can start a domino effect. If you go through this process even once you will see the value in it. Like planting a massive row of peas in a garden, sometimes you have to look back down the row to see how far you've come, it's not always about how far you have to go.

S - Succeed

Throughout this process and certainly at the "end" of it (although once the dominoes start you can't stop them) ensure you celebrate your successes in a way that is meaningful to you and will make you feel good. For me it's about being around people to mark the occasion, sometimes this is a formal celebration and other times it can just be as simple as "Hey, I had a success today, I'd like to hang out and have a coffee with you to celebrate it!" It doesn't really matter what you do. What matters is that you build the belief that the reward is coming as a result of the success; however, big or small it may be. This will reinforce your thinking that the steps you are taking feel good and allows you to build a habit of overcoming obstacles.