When Paradoxical Client Comes to Psychologist

This is the situation that is usually not talked about openly and publicly. And yet, this is the very situation most Psychotherapists, Counsellors and Coaches are quite familiar with and must be able to recognize on the spot whenever it presents itself. This way they don’t waste their quality time and attention on someone who came to them to prompt them to do just that. As for the clients of this particular category, it would be practical for them too to actually recognize their own true (not verbally stated) intentions and objectives regarding healing of their traumas, resolution of long lasting inner conflicts and development of a solid state of inner mastery, which is the opposite of their habitual & somewhat comfortable and firmly established state of inner victimhood. On some level these clients do realize that dropping their long lasting state of inner victimhood and becoming self-sufficient masters of their own life will put them in a position where they will become aware that they always have multiple choice everywhere and it is their, not somebody else's responsibility to learn how to make good and independent choices and decisions for them - in all situations. Which is the opposite to living in a "no choice reality" these clients are so accustomed to. So, as these clients suspect on some half-conscious level, for them stepping into this "frightening multiple choice universe" and accepting responsibility for their past and present poor and "less then conscious" choices is like relocating to another galaxy. Besides, we all know that, as bizarre as it may sound, the state of inner victimhood may be way more comfortable in its strange discomfort than many realize, especially if we take into account that a) the so called civilized part of this planet has been having an epidemic of victimhood at least for a few hundred years and so this state has got “normalized”, and b) it is somewhat convenient to be a victim as, believe it or not, someone or something is always ready and willing to be any given victim very own and very committed perpetrator. And if a perpetrator doesn’t occur (which is rare), then well, there is always someone or something who the victim can blame forever while remaining oblivious to the fact that no blame assignment ever makes anything change for the better. In anybody’s universe. The bottom line is, the “paradoxical clients” do not and will not be looking for cure or effective and permanent resolution of their emotional, personal, relationship, etc. issues and conflicts. Period. What they are looking for or what they are more or less open to is a relief (a blanket solution to a permanent problem)- at best. At worst and way more often, they are looking for ways to create chaos or great mess that is bigger than the one they are currently having in their lives by means of engaging a Psychotherapist to give them a therapy that they are not willing to receive. So, let us explore and summarize all the ways these clients fool themselves and then the Psychotherapists, Psychologists, Counsellors, Energy Healers, Coaches or other experts they decided to work with. When the “paradoxical client” verbally or in writing declares they are willing to work with a given Psychotherapist towards full healing of this client’s traumas, full resolution of their issues and problems (while really intending to change NOTHING) they: 1. Tend to have long and detailed first (and usually second) conversation about the nature and possible causes of their problems and issues with a rather coherent, thought about, somewhat analyzed and very detailed description of the issues that they say give them overwhelming stress or make their current life situation unbearable. The long and detailed conversation may take place via email, by phone or in person. At the end of the conversation they will appear to be very interested if not enthusiastic to start therapy with this expert as soon as possible. 2. They will then, either miss (accidentally on purpose of course), postpone or reschedule their appointment once or twice or choose the most distant date to start their therapy with the given Psychotherapist/Counsellor/Coach. 3. Meanwhile, without the Therapist’s knowing, and sometimes with their knowing, such clients will visit 3-5 other therapists in the area, to demonstrate it to themselves that they are moving towards their healing objectives, i.e., they are “doing something” about their intolerable situation. Suffice to say, they are not going to have a meaningful therapy with any of the 6 Therapists that they have either contacted or have had no more than 1, rarely 2 sessions with. 4. These clients’ enquiry about various therapies and modalities turns into an activity that basically replaces the actual therapy and sessions they could be having if they were clear and honest with themselves in the first place. 5. If such clients via some miraculous whatever do start a therapy with an expert they feel ok with, all possible forms of self-sabotage and therapy-sabotage ensue, starting from day one. And what’s worth noticing is that the forms of this sabotage will be out of this world, i.e., the least expected, most ridiculous, unprecedented, mind boggling actions, choices or behaviours of such clients regarding anything related to the therapy will make it inevitable either for the Coach/Counselor/Psychotherapist or the client to discontinue the therapy for everybody’s sake. 6. The end result of the usually meaningless engagement with these clients is that it leaves both the Psychotherapist and the client equally dissatisfied and terribly annoyed. The bewildered Therapist regrets their time wasted, while the “paradoxical clients” leave the Therapist’s office with an even more distorted picture of themselves and their situation, while remaining mostly unaware of their unconscious choice to make their own unresolved situation worse (due to the “victimhood-state-benefits” I mentioned in the first part of the article). This article is written mostly for other Psychotherapists, Psychologists, Coaches, Energy Healers and Counsellors because they are normally a way more aware and more responsible party when it comes to such unrewarding interactions. It is therefore more possible and more doable for the Psychotherapists to make these “paradoxical clients” fully conscious of their highly idiotic and absolutely unacceptable game. And the sooner the Therapist makes such clients games self-evident for these clients, the better. Once this is accomplished, make it crystal clear for the “paradoxical client” that on your territory where consciousness, clarity and awareness prevail, no such games will ever take place. After you’ve done this, fully disengage with such client and make it the end of story at least for yourself. This article is also written for the “paradoxical clients” with hope that they may be able to see the plot, purpose and utter impracticality of their self-sabotage that they like to stage in the place where they could have received the help, healing and transformation they require. _________________ *** The article can be re-posted on other sites or blogs provided that no part of it is altered in any way, shape or form and the reference to the author is provided. *** The use of the article for any inappropriate and unsolicited advertising of anything that has nothing to do with the content of the article is prohibited and will not be tolerated, i.e. notification of all parties who are entitled to take appropriate actions in this case will take place immediately.