When Relationships Hit a Rough Patch

The evening was planned a week ago. Romantic dinner, tickets to see your favorite band in concert, just a night of fun with the man you love. But in what seemed a moment of time everything changed. Oh, you still had the dinner and tickets, but what you didn’t see coming was the temperature change. His temperature change. He went from loving and attentive to Oscar the Grouch and you had no idea why and you weren’t sure what to do.

When men have a mood swing the worst thing a woman can do is to try to talk him out of his bad mood. The second worst thing she could do is to assume it is her fault. Men have difficult days, bad bosses and physical challenges just like women do, but men handle life differently.

When you sense your man is irritated, he is not shooting up a flare for you to dash to his side with drama or drill him with questions. He doesn’t long to hear all the reasons why he shouldn’t feel the way he does. Men need to think it through and they need to process in peace. If they want to talk, they will tell you. They prefer to measure out the events that got them in the funk and work through it on their own. That’s not to say you can’t be a source of quiet encouragement so he knows you’re on his side, but allowing him the time and space to work through this adverse place is critical. When he’s done he will let you know and you will sense his renewed interest in love, life and the pursuit of happiness. Sometimes all he needs is a nap.

When you sense him making his comeback, allow him to ease into the race again. Don’t try to interview him about how it felt to be bummed, why he got fussy and how you hope you never see him like that again! When you are strong, stable and peaceful he can and will bounce back better.

Remember he’s not your girlfriend who may long for you to sympathize, and elevate the mood for her. He won’t respond to that type of chick chat chatter, in fact he will withdraw more because to him it feels like you are trying to control and condemn his behavior. Guys are wired differently and have different needs.

An important element in the nurturing of your relationship is to love unconditionally. That type of love was probably not freely given to him as a little boy, but it is a key ingredient for a healthy romance. So when he has a bad day, realize the mood is not reflecting who he is, but simply something he is going through. He will come through on the other side. But in the mean time, don’t get offended, learn how to love who he is, support him in the process and you will become his greatest asset.