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One of the great challenges facing many people who want to do transformational work in the world is that they can get stuck in situations where they feel like they are trying to push a boulder up the mountain. They experience so much resistance, or perhaps even harder, an organizational or societal culture that doesn’t want to hear anything they say. They yearn to make a difference and to use their gifts and talents, or even just for someone to acknowledge that they might have a good idea, yet frustration is taking over and their spirit is quickly being depleted. They just don’t know how to keep going.
When faced with layers of complexity and complication, we too often assume that making change or transformation will also be a complex and complicated process. And the more complicated and complex we perceive a process will be, the more easily we can become exhausted and disheartened, and not know where to begin.
While I certainly don’t claim to have all of the answers here, what I know is that approaching complexity with complexity can almost be a guarantee that nothing is going to change. Or if it does, the change will be a long time coming and the road will likely be painful and slow.
There is another way. I call it the Deep Simple. When we feel overwhelmed by circumstances, it can actually be helpful to first stop and ask some very simple yet powerful questions that can cut through the stuckness.
I’ve long believed that the way through complexity actually starts with getting back to absolute basics. If we want to unravel the tightly knotted situation, we must find an opening that can take us deep into the heart of what is going on, begin to open up the situation from its heart, and then work our way out from there.
Therefore, what we are looking for initially is not a complicated plan of action to work our way out of or past the challenge. Instead, we are looking for a simple and fundamental shift in perception or understanding that could possibly open a new door. We’re looking for the Deep Simple. We aren’t looking for the cure. We’re just looking for a door that can open. And once that door opens, we will see where we go from there. If we pay attention to what happens when the door opens, it will tell us what our next step will be. All we need to see is the next step.
So I came up with a five-question process that can open doors—five simple coaching questions that, taken in order, can pierce through the complexity and help us discover a simple shift that can make a difference. I share these questions with you in hopes that when you find yourself stuck or overwhelmed, perhaps they will help you open a new door.
The five questions are:rn1.What are three things I know to be true here?rn2.Which of those things holds the most power for us to explore?rn3.With that thing that you choose to explore, if there were something new trying to happen or something wanting to shift, what might it be? rn4.Who do you choose to be in that shift? What do you choose as your role?rn5.What is the simplest yet most powerful question you can ask of yourself or others to begin movement toward that shift?
Let’s look at these questions one at a time. First, “What are three things I know to be true here?” Even when we think we don't know anything about how to proceed, we still know at least three things about what is going on, even if one of them is, “I’m angry” or “I’m tired.” Whatever comes up is what comes up—no judgment. The first step is just to acknowledge three things that you know right now. One of those three things will lead you to a shift in perception or some clarity on a next step.
Once you’ve acknowledged three things that you know right now, which of those things feels most important for you to explore? Which of them holds the greatest power in your circumstance? Perhaps another way to ask the question is which one do you feel like you could actually touch and work with right now?
Before you began this process, you didn’t know where to begin. By answering those first two questions, you now have a place to start. And so you ask the next question. With this one thing that you have chosen to explore, if there were a shift trying to happen down underneath it, what might that shift be? Other ways to ask that question might be: What is this feeling or truth actually trying to tell you or ask you for? What does it need right now? What is it trying to show you?
You’ve now gathered another piece of information. It’s just information—no need to judge it as good or bad, right or wrong. It’s just information. Now what do you choose to do with that information? How do you choose to relate or respond to it? Who do you choose to be here? What role do you choose to play? All options are valid. Again, there is no right or wrong; it’s about what will work for you right now, and what might make the greatest difference in service of something bigger. If it feels like those are two separate things, then sit with both what works for you as well as what will serve a greater good, and find the place where you can be at peace inside.
Finally, what is the simplest yet most powerful question you can ask of yourself or others to begin moving forward? Said another way, what is a question that wants to be asked in service of a greater potential? Ask that question and see what new door opens. Then walk through that door and start with question #1 again.
When we give ourselves only one task—to discover the next step—we have a much better chance of, in time, breaking through the complexity and getting all the way through to the other side of the situation or circumstance. And in the process, there will probably be transformation as well. If, on the other hand, our focus is on the complexity or trying to tackle the huge situation all at once, we will exhaust ourselves in trying to figure things out before we even take the first step.
In complex issues, the shift that will change everything is almost never apparent on the surface. With some issues, the Deep Simple approach can cut through to the essence quickly. With others, each round of this process will peel away another layer or two or three. Don’t worry about which way it will happen. Just start with the questions and see how it unfolds. It will unfold—perhaps not immediately, and perhaps not as you had thought that it would, but if you stay with it, a pathway forward will become clear. Just one step at a time. Chances are this complexity took a while to build to this intensity, so it may take some time to unravel and transform it.
You may be surprised at what is revealed through the process. Or you may discover that what is at the core was something you knew all along but didn’t know how to address. You may, in the end, choose to dive in again and keep working toward your vision, or you may decide this is not the place where you are going to be able to do your most effective work. Either one is a valid option.
I won’t promise that this process will resolve everything in the many layers of what is going on. However, what I do know is that these five questions can help you break open the complexity and show you a path forward.
The next time you or someone you care about is stuck in complications and complexity, start by identifying just three things that you know to be true about what is going on. Check to see which one of those things would be the most helpful to explore right now, and continue through the process. A shift will happen.