When The Nightmares Start

I shoot up in bed sweat pouring from my body, the sheets clinging tightly all around me. I try to adjust my eyes to the light, while they are darting from one corner of the room to another. I know he is here I heard his footsteps on the stairs. He is coming closer and closer to me with ever step that he takes. Suddenly it’s all out there in front of me, the memory of his breath on my face, the rancid taste in my mouth. Invading my body whilst I am unable to move paralysed with fear. Why can’t I see him? The light was playing tricks with my vision. I know that he is here somewhere, was this some other trick he had perfected? I start to feel sick bile escaping from my stomach; a burning sensation at the back of my throat is making me gag. I curl up in a tight ball tucking in my hands and feet, the smaller I become the more of a chance I have of not being seen. My heart is beating so hard it feels as if it will burst right out of my chest, I had to quieten it down the noise would bring him right to me. I take a big gulp of air and hold my breath. This time someone would come they just had to, all along knowing that nobody would they never did. There’s a scream trying to escape my mouth. I bite the inside of my lip and concentrate on the pain, anything but the monster I knew was only inches away from me. I’m suddenly aware of the bitter taste of blood but I had to keep biting down hard, it was the only way to stop the scream from escaping. I know he is just behind me, I could hear each breath that he took in the deathly silence. Maybe it will be over quickly, I could just close my eyes until he was done with me. Why was the wait before he found me far worse than the act? Was it the fear of the unknown? A fearful emotion which I still had some control over? Once found I would lose all control, all the power would become his. I was too big I had to make myself smaller. Panic stricke
I was thrown into a state of intense fear and desperation. The air was filled with apprehension not unlike waiting for a snake to strike. It’s so sudden when he does that it knocks the wind out of me, his crazed mad eyes reminding me that he was in charge and that he always would be. I won’t tell who was I fooling? No one would believe me, they would take me away and put me in a children’s home. I scream but there is no sound, the scream I had been holding in until it almost choked me had now dissipated.
I’m now wide awake having found myself in a dream within a dream. I feel utterly wasted, just as if I had been in a prise fight. I look around the room only to find that I am all alone. I lower my head back on to the pillow its two o’clock in the morning, any more sleep this night would be lost to me. This situation had been going on for so long, the fear of closing my eyes whilst fully aware of where that would take me. How do you close your eyes in the knowledge of the dark place waiting for you? You feel yourself drifting sleep is almost yours. You are just so tried maybe tonight the dreams won’t come, you fight to stay awake your eyes stringing with the required effort. You know it’s only time before exhaustion takes over. The doctor offers you medication; that’s not a choice you can make sleep is the enemy. Living your life in a loop it seems on a never ending merry-go-round. You feel as if there will never be an end to the nightmares; I am here to tell you that there positively is. Our dreams are our own subconscious thought’s. No one else has access to the deeply troubled and vivid memories inside our heads. We are having these nightmares because we have still not dealt with the fundamental cause. There are so many things to do during the day that can occupy the mind, we busy ourselves; there is not enough time to dwell. But when the lights go out and we climb in to our bed there is nothing waiting there for us but our thoughts. So how do we change that? The answer is to deal with our issues one at a time, during our waking hours where there are distractions. You can then take strength from those around you, they may not even be aware that you are doing so but they don’t have to be. Ask yourself this question; is it better to deal with your demons in the day light hours or all alone in the hours of darkness? I’m sure you will arrive at the same conclusio
I did. Don’t run if you need to walk, go at a pace that suits you and you alone. Even tiny steps will turn into strides if you make enough of them. There will come a day when the only thing waiting for you in the turbulence you have suffered, will be a peaceful welcoming sleep. Take heart, take courage, and above all believe. It is achievable and yes you can take my word on that………….