When to Stop Going Back After Multiple Betrayals From The Same Partner

For those who have been cheated on, finding out about the betrayal completely shatters your world and destroys everything that is familiar with it. Beyond the fact that it causes you to question everything and lose trust, it becomes a struggle for many on the moral ethics of whether you should stay with your partner or not. A lot of individuals say that being cheated on is a “breakpoint” issue, meaning that if they get cheated on, they are done with the relationship. For some though, this issue is a lot more difficult when they actually face the aftermath of the infidelity, mainly because individuals will experience fear and hope that it was only a one-time mistake. Although the popular saying indicates that a cheater will always be a cheater, this is not necessarily true as there is a difference between a one-time cheater and a serial cheater. With this said, let’s take a look at what a serial cheater is and when you need to stop going back to them.

Are You Living With a Serial Cheater?

To put it simply, a serial cheater is someone who will both deliberately and willfully choose to have extramarital affairs or romantic relationships outside of their main partnership. rnAccording to a study done back in 2016 in the Nature of Neuroscience, the brain actually adapts to dishonesty, which makes it all the more easier for serial cheaters to cheat and lie without feeling guilty about it. rnEssentially what occurs is the more a person chooses to cheat, the more likely they are to repeat the behavior because they feel less and less culpable for their actions. This adaptation to dishonesty occurs as the emotional response of being dishonest becomes diminished over time, causing the individual to feel less guilt, less shame, and less responsibility. The key factor that prevents an individual from cheating is the emotional reaction we have when we think about engaging in that type of behavior or essentially, how bad we would feel about it. Here are a few signs that your partner a serial cheater. • If they have engaged in multiple betrayals, it’s likely they will do it again. • They will have a fear of intimacy. • They will have a large group of friends that are of the opposite sex (or same sex if they are gay or lesbian). • If they are unwilling to commit to you officially. • If you receive a lot of gifts. An occasional gift is wonderful to get but if you get a lot, all the time, it could be a sign of guilt. • If you caught them cheating on you and confronted them about it and they gave you a half-ass sorry and walked away without addressing the issue, then they likely don’t care and will do it again. This seems that they have stopped caring completely. • If they do not have a relationship that has ever lasted longer than three months. • If they get defensive and angry with you for asking about why they are texting so-so or where they were on a certain night. • If you ask them directly about cheating and they avoid answering the question and turn it around on you, this could also be another sign. Now that you know what a serial cheater can potentially look like and you know that your partner has had multiple betrayals, here is when you should walk away.

When You Should Walk Away From Cheating

The only reason to stay with a partner that has cheated on you is if he or she is genuinely sorry for their mistake and are willing to work to gain your trust back. However, if they have had multiple affairs and have betrayed you more than once, it is unlikely that they will not cheat again. Walk away if you experience any of the following: • They want to talk about it once and move on. This is them not wanting to own up to the responsibility needed for their actions. • If they blame you for their actions, turning their wrongdoings onto you and saying it is all your fault. • If they consistently and pathologically lie to you about everything, including their cheating behavior. • If they do not show any type of remorse or understanding of the pain that they have caused you. This is likely due to a lack of empathy. • They get defensive about anything to do with the affair. This includes talking about the actions, the other person, about their responsibilities and your pain. • They are selfish and claim that the cheating was a mistake. You cannot mistakenly cheat on your partner. You have to make a conscious choice to cheat because of the emotional response cheating evokes. • The anger, sadness, and bitterness will never go away. A part of you and your current relationship will always be shadowed over by the adultery. If you cannot move beyond these emotions and feel animosity towards your partner, walk away. It will only cause further unhappiness for you. rnWhen it truly comes down to it, yes there are some relationships that can survive infidelity, however, you do deserve better than being on the receiving end of betrayal after betrayal. rnIf there is no genuine remorse and no significant actions or choices taken to create boundaries and change the cheating behavior on the cheater’s end, then you need to walk away as heartbreak will only ensue.