When You Fail Having a Satisfying Relationship – Denying or Acknowledging it Determines Your Future Success

There are those who, in order to feel happy in their relationship, deny and reject all “negative feelings” which have to do with what they don’t like about their bond. But the only way to “be there” in the relationship, to experience it, enjoy it and grow with it (and with your partner) is to see things as they are, acknowledge and accept them. Closing one eye, ignoring and pretending not to see doesn’t lead anywhere. Indeed, in the short term it might help you “cope” with whatever situation you area coping with, with whatever “negative feelings” you have about the relationship (and/or about your partner), with whichever issues you prefer not to acknowledge. You think (or manipulate yourself into thinking) that by not seeing these; by ignoring these; by “not paying attention” and that by closing one eye you are safe; the relationship is safe; and that things, after all, will change for the better with time (so you hope). A short-term solution But it helps only in the short term. Since for how long can you truly ignore that which angers you, saddens you, frustrates you, makes you uncomfortable and disturbs you? So as time passes you not only realize that whatever it was that you tried to deny and ignore is present on a daily basis, you also feel that it isn’t such a “small” thing as you have thought and hoped it to be (and therefore you have been trying to ignore it in the first place thinking that with time “everything will be fine”), but that these “small” things are actually the basic “ingredients” of your relationship; the main characteristics of your partner. It is then that you realize – these things you just can’t ignore! So now you have to confront some options; make some decisions: should you go on with your partner and the relationship “as is”? Should you leave? Should you try to make a change? There are those that, at this cross-road, continue “as if’ everything is “just o.k.”. They go on with their old fantasies and expectations, refusing – or don’t have the courage – to look reality in the face and make decisions based on what they see. Their hesitation often derives from fears and needs they can’t control but rather are controlled by (such as: fear of loneliness; the need to have a partner “at all costs”; and so on). When is a change in your attitudes and behaviors possible? A change is possible only when you acknowledge and accept the situation you are in; realize what kind of a relationship you have and who your partner really is. A change requires that you cope with whatever fears you might have, whatever expectations you have had. A change requires that you become aware of whatever patterns of reaction and behavior you have been used to – an awareness which enables you to understand and realize in which direction you should and could move. A change requires that you acknowledge, deep down inside, that you deserve to have a better relationship. A change requires that you get up the courage to embark on doing things differently – whether with your present partner or, upon leaving, with a new partner. You are the only one who can take responsibility for whichever situation you are in, and for whatever change you can proceed to make. As you become aware of your power to make the right decisions you become empowered to make them.