When Your Love Life Seems to Be On A Merry-Go-Round

Does it seem like you’re running in circles when it comes to your love life? Well, you’re not the only one. I have come across a lot of ladies who seem to find themselves running around in circles. They keep getting themselves into the same situation over and over again and have no clue why.

This is what I like to call the Merry-Go-Round-Syndrome. (Please note that this is not a medical term but something I made up.) It’s when you find yourself in the same situation time and time again. It may be that you seem to find yourself with men who constantly cheat on you or regardless of what man you get into a relationship with they all end the same.

Melissa, one of my previous clients couldn’t figure out why she would always seem to be in a relationship with a man only to learn that she was the other woman. She was beautiful and educated and felt like this should not be happening to her. After a couple of sessions, we realized what her problem was. Melissa wasn’t paying attention to the signs.

Every time Melissa would meet a man she would be so intrigued by his physical characteristics that she didn’t pay attention to anything else that he would say. Men would tell her things like:

“I’m still in contact with my children’s mother, but it’s complicated.”

“I’m in the process of getting a divorce but it’s not finalized yet.”

“My girlfriend and I are having problems and I’m thinking about leaving her.”

“I’m leaving my girlfriend but I haven’t completely moved out yet.”

“It’s complicated.”

“I don’t love her but I’m just staying because of the kids.”

“We live together but we don’t care what we do.”

Melissa was getting all of the signs that would tell her that this man has someone but she didn’t listen. Because she didn’t pay attention, she always found herself in a situation where she was the other woman.

Well, how did Melissa get over this Merry-Go-Round of being the other woman? The first step in getting off the Merry-Go-Round is to:

1. Reflect on your past relationships. What do they all have in common? In Melissa’s situation all of the men weren’t single and gave her a hint that they weren’t however, she didn’t listen. She was also very shallow and focused only on each man’s physical characteristics.

2. Learn your lesson. The lesson that Melissa had to learn was to pay attention to the red flags. If a man stated that he was with someone do not take it any further than hello. No he can’t call you, take you out to dinner, or stop by your house.

3. Appreciate the lesson. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and ungrateful, be thankful that you learned your lesson.

4. Forgive. Melissa was constantly beating herself up about what happened and calling herself stupid. We all make mistakes. So instead of beating yourself up, forgive yourself and also forgive the other person.

5. Move on. I am so proud to say that after Melissa learned her lesson, forgave herself and the men that she dated, she moved on.