When Your Wife is Ill and Romance Ain't Happening

When your wife has a chronic illness, though you may love her no matter what, it can be hard for her to get into a romantic mood. Physical pain from the actual illness to weight gain or loss, bloating, and less-than-fun symptoms of medication can all be a deterrent to some romantic moments.

Know that her lack of interest likely has nothing to do with your, but rather is just the result of being one of the 133 million people who deal with an illness. Sadly, seventy-five percent of marriages end in divorce when an illness is present.

Is it possible for you to make a difference and let her know you want to romance her? Of course! With a few simple ideas, you can get the spark back into your marriage.

Buy her food that she can eat without guilt--even if you have to hunt it down. Did you know chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of "being in love"? Look at your pharmacy for Russell Stover's sugar free chocolate. Starbuck's just introduced a heavenly new drink, a sugar-free Cinnamon Dolce'. Now that's romantic!

Women with a chronic illness are the same as most women. They want their man to hold their hand. Give affection generously, but also carefully to not cause more pain. Rub her back, call her a pet name you haven't used in five years, and don't pressure her for more. Cuddle, snuggle, and cuddle some more like you will never let her go.

Pour out your heart about how much you admire the strength she shows in the darkest moments. Let her know you know that living with illness is difficult and that you are blessed to be married to someone with so much character and joy. Remind her that you love her and are in it "in sickness and in health."

Pamper her by purchasing her something that she wouldn't splurge on for herself. Let her know you are listening to her by purchasing a CD that she says has one of her favorite news songs on it. Buy her a down comforter for a cozier bed. Brainstorm about item that she could enjoy when she isn't feeling well.

Give her a getaway. In short, take the kids out of the house an entire day and don't say anything when you come home at 4 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.

Write her little love notes and hide them around the house. Or give her a romantic card and write in it, cover one whole panel with your own words.

Looking for a romantic dinner idea for staying home? Buy a fondue pot and commit to dipping something in it during candlelight one evening a week while you talk about the week.

Need conversation starters? Buy a game such as "To Know You ... Better" or buy a book. Just do a search on "book of questions" for dozens of options. There are still a million things you don't know about each other, and yes, talking does create intimacy.

Don't forget to make a few changes in the bedroom to spark some romance. As silly as it sounds, candles, roses, and a great play list on your ipod tells her that you cared enough to set the mood for her.

There is no perfect way to romance your wife because every woman is different and needing different things. So communication is the key. Ask, "What are your biggest conce
s right now? How can I help you feel more loved?"

When you make an effort to increase the romance in the relationship, chances are she will notice and appreciate the effort so much you may not get a chance to finish that book on romancing your wife, because she may be ready for some romance. And don't forget, doing the dishes or the laundry can be the best way to your wife's heart.