WHY DO YOU STOP?

During the first week of the year, I was asking everyone in my classes at Healing Rhythms—our mind-body healing center — to set an intention for the year. Most people were thrilled, because a new year invites new beginnings. I softened the request by differentiating the word “goal”, from the word “aspiration.” Why shy away from the word “goal”? Because over my last 15 years of coaching people, I have seen people have a “love/hate” relationship with setting goals. I myself, have had the same relationship, because sometimes I reach my goals and sometimes I don’t, and when I don’t, I feel lousy about myself. I have the privilege to coach very intelligent, successful, and extraordinary people, yet when it comes down to pursuing what matters most to them, I often see them stop! Lately I have been puzzled by that fact and wondered why it happens. Here are two examples. Someone contacted me, courageously taking the first step, and inquiring about a program that I offered. After an exchange of two or three emails, I invited her to call me to see if this was really a “match” for her needs, but didn’t hear anything back from her. I even said “no pressure” on my part, and I really meant it! I set up these phone conversations to really make sure that this is going to work for everyone. Because this is a very personal process, I want to make sure that people know what they are getting into. The second example was almost a year ago, when one of my clients made the leap of leaving a business that she had built over the past 20 years. I must admit that I was more nervous than she was when she announced it to the group. At the same time, I always trust that when people get clarity and make such a decision, they are being guided from within, and that her inner processing is what led her to that decision. She tied up all the loose ends in three months, took some time off, then decided to come back and focus on what she wanted to do next. She got clear and very excited about what she discovered, began setting things in motion, then “hit the wall” and disappeared. What is the wall you might ask? Fear is the answer. I see this happens often. When we discover what we want we feel excited, filled with a renewed sense of vitality. We tap into something greater, a larger version of who we are and see possibilities. Simultaneously, whatever inner conversation/ self-criticisms and fears we have in regards to getting “bigger” will kick into gears and try to bring us down, back to “older” version of who we are. It is not that we are bad or that there is something wrong with us. It is like our “database” has not been updated. It makes sense that at some point in time, we adopted that behavior for good reasons, and now that same reality doesn’t exist. We have to re-boot our beliefs system and recognize that this is NO longer the truth about who we are. We give it all kinds of reasons; too busy, too old or too young, not the right time, don’t really know what I want, lack of money, not good enough, don’t know enough or no willpower etc. to prevent ourselves to evolve and go for what we want. We may even get sick because fear holds us tight as we get closer to shining our light. Joseph Campbell coined the term “the dark night of the soul” to illustrate this process of getting “stuck” into a dark place before we get to re-birth. In other words, “hitting the wall” is part of the process and if we stop there, we don’t get to overcome our internal limitations. How do we move through this? The first step is to recognize that it is your fear speaking not who you are truly and name it. Then ask yourself; “if I can be, do or have anything I wanted, what would it look/feel like”? Listen for the answer and notice what happens inside of you as you speak. If you feel some resistance, fear, objections, ask that resistance, fear and objections what they are there for. What is/are their reason(s) for not letting you go for what you want? And listen again... what do you hear? Listen without judgment. Try bringing compassion to that part of you that is afraid. If you can make the distinction between the parts of you who “knows” what you want and the part of you who “puts” the breaks on because of fear, congratulations! You have begun the process of moving from breakdown to breakthrough!! Do not hesitate to ask if you have questions or comments. Keep me posted on how things are going.. or make comments on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/pages/Mind-Body-Breakthrough-Coaching/195183027170356 With love,rnChantal