Why "I Have to Be Good at It to Enjoy It" Can Hold You Back From Doing What You Love

Let me explain. Mid-life is the time to take time to consider who we really are underneath the things we do every day.

One good way to do this is to find out what we love to do; to consider what gives us a sense of fulfilment, achievement, connection and pleasure. This might be in any area of our lives, but let's start with interests outside of work.

Let's start with Karen.

Karen has reached the age where her children no longer need her in quite the same 'hands-on' way and her work, whilst still interesting, and certainly busy, doesn't quite meet her growing desire for something more, something "just for me". She finds herself pacing the house, wondering what this woman who has been taking care of others for so long really wants to bring into her life.

So she decides to try out some different activities in her day. She started with watercolour painting, which she used to love in her youth. This time round, not so much fun. She got a sore back from sitting for too long, but more than that, she realises that actually she's just not that good at it. When she was younger, she imagined that if she kept going with it, she might be 'good enough' to exhibit her paintings, even if that were just in a local cafe. Others would see them, and the praise they gave would give her pleasure.

Now there are two ways (at least!) to go here. One is to realise and accept - how exciting! - that it is still her dream to paint well, to develop herself in this way, to exhibit - and to accept that for this to happen, her life needs to shift around.

The other is to acknowledge the direction her life has taken, perhaps the other ways in which she has created - children, work, connections with others, caring for others... and allow the painting to find a different place in her life now. To go with where life has taken her.

It's not just about 'doing it well'

There are many reasons to paint. To be so lost in the flow of creativity as to lose sense of time passing. To share enjoyment of the process with others and learn new techniques at a class or on a holiday. To learn more about what shapes, forms, colours, subjects... make your heart sing. To feel a sense of satisfaction and achievement (yes, that is important too) as you complete a painting.

For me, it's cooking. I used to work as a cook, but I don't want to do that any longer. I do know that cooking, for me, is a way to express creativity, attain relaxation and flow, and it offers me time to mull over thoughts and worries, and make plans without focusing too closely on them. Whether it is good cooking - well that's another matter. and that's OK. It's edible, and usually I like the results.

Focus on the process more than the outcome

This takes the pressure off us to 'be good' at something when we are still learning, or are returning to an activity we dropped many years ago. If we pay attention to how we feel doing the activity, or afterwards; to how it meets our needs (or not), we can start to find out whether it should have a place in our lives. If it does, then it is surely worth doing. Even 'badly'.

Where have you stopped doing something because of a sense that you are not 'good enough' at it? What would it be like for it to take on a different role in your life now?