“Why Is This Happening To Me?”

Whatever your age right now, if you can read this, you have a past that you can recall. Just take a few moments now and think about your past. How would you describe it? Easy, tough, slow, fast, full, mostly happy, very sad, busy, regretful, joyful, etc. etc.

How you see your past actually has a tremendous effect on how you will see the accomplishment of your goals unfolding. I haven’t met anyone who tells me their life has been a day at the fair. I have met many who have told me their life has been like slogging through deep, sticky mud. Either way, it’s not what has happened in your past, it’s how you remember it. Our minds can play such tricky games with us depending on our perception. It is this perception that you carry with you, not the experience.

Let’s say you experienced failing a grade in elementary school. Or, your marriage ended in divorce, or you were a victim of abuse, or you lost a child, suffered betrayal, addictions, physical disability, being an outcast in high school, and on and on. This is tough, yes.

During tough times, did you ask “Why me?” “What am I being punished for?” “Am I a bad person” “What did I do to deserve this?” “I can’t take it anymore!” Most likely you did, I know I did in my younger years. Plus we tend to put the blame on someone else to ease our own conscience.

So we have perception, questioning and/or blaming, things which factor into how you see some of the events in your life thus far. Then when it comes to goaling and looking ahead, there will be clouds on the horizon of your future if you haven’t come to terms with your past. Your perception may be, “I’ve had so many bad things happen to me, I’m sure I won’t have much good in my future.” “God seems to have it in for me and I don’t know why.” “My marriage failed because my ex husband was a jerk.” etc.

The good news is that all this can change.

Try this. Let’s say that all the ‘bad’ things that have occurred in your past are all written on individual ‘tickets’. There is a machine in front of you with a slot to insert a ticket. With a shrug you think ‘why not’ and you stick one of your tickets in the slot. Suddenly lights flash, horns, bells and whistles sound and eventually your ticket returns to you with something written on the back. You read these words: “What was the value in this lesson?”

Now you are thinking “Whadya mean, lesson?! What does this have to do with my ex husband being a jerk? I’m not in school here!” So you insert another ticket. Lights, horns, bells, and whistles later it comes back with the very same words on the back! A few more tickets with the same result and you’re now frustratingly thinking this is a dumb machine; it must be broken and throwing the tickets on the ground and stomp off.

But those words, “What was the lesson in this situation?” keep ticker taping across your brain. You try to read, try to sleep, try to watch TV, but they keep intruding. You think of your failed marriage. “Well, guess my ex husband wasn’t really a jerk, we just didn’t know how to talk with each other. Maybe I was over-reactive sometimes.” A few hours later you think about it again and add “We really were very different in our personalities and wanted different things out of life.” And later, “He was an okay guy, we just mixed like oil and water and possibly I was as much to blame.” Still later, “I learned quite a bit from that marriage, that a couple should really get to know each other before making a lifetime commitment and talk about important things like finances, goals, kids, each other’s families and such.” BINGO! The machine wasn’t broken after all.

You see, it’s a “Change Your Perception” machine. It’s very necessary for you to insert all your tickets for past experiences around which you have a painful perception, are questioning in any way except “What am I to learn?” and rendering yourself powerless with blaming. In fact, seeing as there really is no “Change Your Perception” machine except in your imagination, why not make your tickets as described above and write the words “Where was the value in this lesson?” on the backs? The answers may not come quickly, but if you hold the ticket in your hand and ponder occasionally, the answers will come.

No experience in your life, good or bad, is without value. Although that may sound ludicrous when you are thinking of nasty ones, as you actually look at the possibility of value from them, you will be amazed to find it.

Once you recognize this, the goaling path is cleared of debris. You have become a ‘forward thinker’ instead of mired in negative emotions of your past.
Make it a goal!
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Lynn Moore is the founder and creator of Clear Goals Coaching.
Lynn SKILLFULLY brings women together with what they have been longing for using her brand new, unique and fail-safe system she calls INSPRIATIONAL GOALING which produces goal achievement every time where other systems have not.
An example can be found in her complimentary article "11 Things Clearly NOT to Do If You Want To Be Safe, Secure and Thriving in Tough Times" at her website http://www.cleargoalscoaching.com which clearly shows her problem-solving ability along with a generous offer for you.
Lynn can be reached at lynn@cleargoalscoaching.com