Why Men Won't Commit

Oh, you think men won't commit?

I know for a fact that millions of men can't wait for that 'special day' to arrive. They'll think about it constantly. Talk about it with their friends. Dream about it at work. And the week leading up to that special day - they can't wait for it to happen.

Finally it comes! And win or lose, they're still just as committed to their favorite football team. And don't even get me started about fly fishing. Or car racing. Or...

And what about their careers? How many men are married to their jobs? You think that's not a commitment?

When you think about it, men have no problem making commitments. The problem is - if you're a woman - how come the man won't make a commitment to YOU?

It's simple. When a man thinks of making a commitment to a woman, it often conjures up images and feelings of loss of freedom. And nobody wants to lose their freedom.

Rightly or wrongly - correctly or incorrectly - thoughts of commitment to a woman mean that he will have to endure some sort of pain. And it often becomes an evaluation between the perceived pleasure versus the perceived pain. Is the reward of sex, companionship, sharing, and oh yes, love... worth the pain of being trapped and having to endure the inevitable griping and nagging?

Generally speaking, that's 'how a man thinketh'. Maybe not in those exact terms, but I can assure you there is some sort of evaluation process going on; of weighing the pros and cons of a commitment.

So what's the solution for you - as a woman who's looking for a man to commit? Because certainly YOU wouldn't seek to curtail the freedom of the man in YOUR life. YOU wouldn't gripe or nag.

Well, you could simply sit down and talk to the man in question. Reason with him. Use logic - cold hard logic - to present your case. Just like he would try to use logic with you. Convince him that it's in his best interest to make a commitment.

Use logic; since the lipstick doesn't seem to be working...

It probably won't work. But you could try. Actually, I can just about guarantee you it won't work.

No, you'd be much better served by looking at your OWN beliefs and attitudes and feelings and thoughts. Why do you want a commitment from a man?

I know. It's obvious. But pretend it isn't. Start by looking at your assumptions. What do you think a commitment from a man is going to give you? Love? Security? Intimacy? And what does it mean if you secure a commitment?

"I got him!"?

Or do you truly seek to better the human species?

Or do you want to help love itself evolve?

In other words, what agenda are you bringing to the table? Your mindset - your beliefs - your agenda - your feelings - they all come together to form a resonance.

A resonance that others can pick up to one degree or another.

If you're cool and calm and sweet on the outside - but a stewpot of desperation and fear and anguish and anger on the inside... If you're 10% calm and 90% frantic - you're going to form a SINGLE resonance that is mostly franticness.

You can try to hide your true feelings; even from yourself. Everybody does. But it still shows up in your resonance. And resonance determines what happens. YOUR resonance determines what happens to YOU. That's why it's so vitally important to look at your assumptions. Because they're a major component of your resonance.

Ideally, you'd write out your true feelings. Get out paper and pen, and at the top of the paper write something like: Why I Want A Commitment. Then just start writing and see what happens.

With the goal of tapping into The Repressed Voice. The denied emotions - the thoughts and feelings that aren't socially acceptable but nonetheless are there. Because if you're seeking a commitment from a man - and it's not happening - there's a very exact reason why it's not happening.

And if you think the reason is because the man is a coward or the man is this or the man is that - you've just given your power away. So nothing will change.

Most likely the reason you're frustrated is because of The Repressed Voice inside of you... that's making up a HUGE part of your resonance.

The key is to get in touch with those thoughts and feelings and beliefs and attitudes you deny. Get them out on the table. Let them speak. (Privately - to you!) Dissipate their energy so they will stop controlling your life and giving you what you say you don't want.

It comes down to being real with yourself. Loving and honoring yourself enough to let even the unpleasant emotions come up. Let them come up and let them express and let them release. Nobody else has to know.

Then you can truly become the person that any man would love to commit to.

As the saying goes: a man wants to be with a woman because she makes him feel good. By healing your repressed emotions and allowing your muted anguished voice to express itself - you will become the woman that naturally attracts a commitment from a man.

Because you've made a commitment to yourself first. And you proved it by taking the time to understand yourself more.