Why Putting Others’ Needs Ahead of Your Own Can Lead to Domestic Abuse

In our culture it is very common to teach our children, especially girls, that putting others’ needs before our own is the key to keeping harmony. This is how a person learns Codependence. rnBut when you are dealing with a partner who believes it is your job to make him happy, which is a typical narcissist trait, no amount of effort will please him and your Codependence may actually displease him to the point of Domestic Abuse. .rnPeople with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) commit Domestic Abuse, not because they are frustrated with you, or because you are doing something wrong. They lie and cheat and hit to cover up their own frustration at not being able to create their fantasy relationship. The real people in their real relationships can never hold up to their idealized partner so they create fights, are verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive in order to make you wrong and justify their actions. When your Codependence tries to please a narcissist, he starts fights to compensate for his guilt and will almost always blame you for the fights. rnTherapy rarely helps, if you could even get your narcissistic partner to agree to therapy in the first place! Programs for Domestic Abuse perpetrators are full of people with NPD, but rarely are they there voluntarily. Usually they are there because of a court order. rnNot everyone with NPD is physically abusive, but, if you are on the receiving end of Verbal Abuse, Mental Abuse or Emotional Abuse, the odds are very high that you will eventually find yourself the victim of Domestic Abuse. rnNaturally you want to avoid this, but there are some important things you need to know about how leaving can escalate a Narcissist’s rage and worsen a Domestic Abuse situation. You may badly want to leave, however, please check out our advice about how to do it safely first. Just because you have left that is no guarantee your problems will be solved or your abusive partner will just go away. rnI can take you through some very effective steps that will show you how to develop peace and safety from Domestic Abuse. rnKim Cooper is the author of “Back from the Looking Glass” and “The Love Safety Net Workbook,” e-books about healing an abusive relationship. She and her husband Steve co-host The Love Safety Net talk radio show and website at www.thelovesafetynet.com.