Why We Try to Change People

It's never about the other person....there's no one doing it to us....every things an inside job. No matter what we are experiencing, no matter how it appears to be someone else’s fault, someone else’s personality defect, someone else’s manipulation or lie, it isn’t. Everything in our lives sources from the content in our own multi-leveled mind and can only be changed by changing the consciousness that created it.

The beliefs, programs, memories, expectations, and emotions stored in our data bank, our subconscious mind, trigger in response to every event and are set on automatic create to continue the old operating systems, habitual reactions, biases, and goals that were installed there beginning from conception.

When we change our sabotaging beliefs, our habitual thinking patterns, and routine behaviors, our life changes, our moods change, our expectations change, and we attract what we want to be attracting...our expectations being the prime force in creating and attracting.

We get what we expect. Negative or positive, which is why it is important to delete negative expectations for events and people so we don’t draw that expectation to us to be experienced as a real time event.
What this means it that it is futile to try to change someone else to suit your needs and demands. It is your programming you need to change. You have to let go of trying to change anyone other than yourself. You can only change yourself. You only have control of your own consciousness.

It is up to them to change if they see fit to do so. It is their business not yours. Their evolvement on every level is theirs to do not yours regardless of your belief that you are doing them a great service by constantly telling them what they are doing wrong and how to do it right.

What you can do is change your reaction to who they are and what they do. That is your work. And it’s done by examining who you are and why you react in the way you do to their actions.

As long as you are waiting and wishing for someone else to change, you are disempowered and dependent for your stability and happiness on them.

You have given that person power over you to control your happiness, peace, and sanity. Take back your power and create the life you want by becoming self referred not other referred.

No matter what happens in the world, the goal is to be capable of maintaining the inner peace that surpasses understanding. If you’re not in control of whether you’re peaceful, that goal has been forfeited by you.
We all have expectations based on our beliefs and frames of reference about what a person should be, a woman or man should be, a wife or husband should be, a child should be, a parent should be.
Until you release those personal biased "Shoulds" you will have expectations of how they should be or must be in order for you to be happy, stay in the relationship, and continue to love them.

And when they are not that, you get to feel bad. Then you get to play the denial projection game of it’s not my fault I feel bad, am miserable, am incapacitated, am a failure….It’s your fault.

It’s always about you. There’s only you. There is “no other” in reality. We will get into this later but suffice to say everything in your energy field that you have unwittingly created from default settings, or deliberately created, is yours and until you own it, it will control you and dictate your future instead of you controlling it and your future.

And when you start blaming them for feeling bad, not getting your work done, being sick, taking meds to cope, getting angry, being hurt, you stop doing anything for yourself to make yourself feel better, to get your work done, to get well, to use meds appropriately, to stay calm and present in the moment, to love yourself so you don’t need validation from others.

As long as you’re focused out there on them….you’re not focused inside on you where all the work must be done to change your life.

And as long as you’re not doing your work, you will continue to be unhappy, unfulfilled, unsuccessful, and stuck in a judgmental identity.

The set up behind co-dependence is one person dominating the other one and that person often is a fixer who believes their job is to save, fix, or change other people. This is a ruse they play with themselves so they don’t have to pay attention to what needs fixing in them, how unhappy they are, how they are not fulfilled in life. No one wins in co-dependent relationships. The Messiah Complex or fixer is an identity I always recommend be deleted along with the Dominating Personality, the Need to Be Right Identity, and Control Freak identity.

Many people continue to have relationship after relationship not work out because they always attract and accept “dysfunctional crazy people.”

They never stop and ask themselves “What’s the common denominator of all my relationships…”Oh that would be Me….I’m the only one whose always there.”

The next logical question is “What is it about me and my beliefs and behavior patterns that causes this to keep happening over and over?”

And the answer is always…. “The program in my consciousness that’s creating this outcome, that creates bringing in dysfunctional people and staying with them, has not been changed and until it is either deleted or altered, I will continue to have repetitive bad relationship experiences.”

Usually part of the causality of this program is lack of self worth issues which are wired to this complex. Until you feel you deserve better you will not attract better. Additionally, there is the Fixer identity running also that keeps the other person defensive and feeling unappreciated and bad about themselves. Then you try to fix them by telling them they need to have some self esteem and self confidence, all the while you are running them down without even getting the connection between the two.

So you go right on judging them and labeling them, forgetting you did attract them in and many of them by agreement, for a higher purpose.

This article is continued in "What Makes You Think You’re Right That Other People Should Change?"