Why Your Husband Won't Share the Details of His Affair - Is He Hiding More?

Does it seem like your whole life just got turned upside-down? If you’re like a lot of women out there, you are completely taken off guard when you discover your husband cheated. I’ve been there myself. I know only too well, just how it feels to find out that your partner is cheating. What’s worst, is that looking back, you can see how all the pieces fit together, and you feel so naive for not seeing it sooner. Maybe you even had a suspicion that he was getting dangerously close to his new “friend.” Either way, you probably have tons of questions about the affair racing through your head. Why did he do it? How long has it lasted? Does he love her? Where did they do it? You probably want all the details to try and make sense of it all. That’s completely understandable, but often your husband doesn’t really feel like opening up and sharing all the details. Why is that? Is he hiding more secrets? In most cases, your husband doesn’t want to willingly open up about the affair because he feels shame and embarrassment about what he did. He knew what he did was wrong. That’s why he hid it. When you hide something for a long period of time, a sense of shame builds up around that subject. It makes him incredibly uncomfortable to talk about his affair with you because he has to confront the fact that he did something wrong. Before it is discovered, your husband may have found ways of rationalizing his choice to cheat. Maybe he says that he had unmet needs--either emotional or physical. Maybe he privately blamed you for those unmet needs. By villainizing you, he may have felt justified in having the affair. However, now that the light of day is shining on his secret, his fragile justification seems paper-thin and now he’s forced to come to terms with the fact that he did something horribly wrong and horribly selfish. He can see with sober thinking that you aren’t the bad guy anymore and that what he did hurt you deeply. No one likes to think of themselves as a bad person, your husband included. However, now he has to come to terms with what he did, which is extremely difficult for him. Most men approach the subject like a whimpering dog with his tale between his legs. Now, I’m not trying to justify his actions or tell you that he should keep his secrets about the affair. I’m just trying to let you know exactly how he feels. After all, with understanding comes empathy, and with empathy comes real communication. And isn’t that what you really want from him right now? If you are going to get him to open up, so that the two of you can have an honest discussion about your marriage and the future, then both of you are going to have to be much more understanding of each other.