Wise Women: A Valuable Resource

Wise Women: A Valuable ResourcernByrnPatricia Gottlieb Shapiro, MSW Stereotypes about older women abound in modern American culture. Ridiculed in television commercials about dentures and incontinence, they are portrayed as incompetent, dull, and stupid. But in researching my latest book, Coming Home to Yourself: Eighteen Wise Women Reflect on Their Journeys, this is not what I discovered at all. I found mature women who are bright, engaged, passionate and wise. rnTake Edie Elkan who had to give up the love of her life--playing the harp--at age 22 for financial reasons and yearned for it for 28 years. Today at 66, she runs Bedside Harp, which brings harp therapy to patients in hospitals in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Her words of wisdom: “It’s never too late to follow your dreams. Allow yourself to go after the things you long for or you’ll die never having done them.”rnValerie Ramsey loved raising her brood of six children and when they left home, she forged a career in the corporate world. Today she is an author, public speaker and runway model. She told me, “At seventy years of age, I’m comfortable with who I’ve become. I’m doing the things that most fulfill my passion: inspiring other women to continue to grow, to expand their horizons, and to reinvent themselves as they move through transitions, especially aging. We’re never too old to celebrate a new success, and my life is proof of that.”rnThen there’s Victoria Zackheim, 65, who wanted to be “somebody” her whole life: somebody famous, somebody whose singing could bring a crowd to its feet, or somebody who would make her parents proud. In the summer of 2008, following a fall down the steps of her San Francisco loft, she realized, “After six decades, I finally understand that being a somebody is not the opposite of being a nobody. It has nothing to do with being famous, recognized or admired. Being a somebody simply means being who I am and living that way. Being a somebody is being myself.”rnThese are just a few examples of the thousands of older women all over the country who want to share their wisdom and experience, if only our society would give them the respect and appreciation they deserve. The Longevity ParadoxrnSince January 1, 2011, more than 10,000 baby boomers have reached the age of 65 every single day. That is going to continue for the next 19 years, which results in a new phenomenon for our culture: More women living longer, healthier lives than the previous generation. At age 65, we are no longer in midlife and yet we don’t consider ourselves elderly either. This age group is in a phase of adult development without a name or an identity. rnThat’s the rub and the opportunity: There is no template for this stage in our lives. Our parents died at younger ages, lived more sedentary lives and viewed their lives as “over” once they retired. Not so today. Many of us are still working. If we’re not working, we’re engaged in meaningful volunteer work or in pursuing a passion. We still have a lot of energy and years of life experience to share. Wise women are ideal role models for the younger generation. They bring a sense of historical continuity, seasoned judgment, encouragement and a broad vision. We all have such women in our lives but most of them go unnoticed and unheralded. My yoga teacher, Sonia Nelson, 67, is such a woman in my life. Although she’s only one year older than I am, she brings a different perspective as well as wisdom gained from 25 years of studying yoga philosophy and tradition, which she shares when she guides me about my practice, my teaching and certain aspects of my life. Wisdom: A Force for Positive ChangernWe need nothing less than a societal shift to honor older women instead of belittling, scorning or ignoring them. Mentoring programs are an important step but as with any kind of prejudice, permanent change begins on an individual basis, person to person. For myself, writing Coming Home to Yourself has been an eye-opening experience. In interviewing the eighteen women in the book, I saw firsthand how women from 55 to 77 years old live with purpose, meaning and passion. This book will shatter stereotypes about mature women for each woman who reads it and hopefully, she’ll recommend it to a friend and slowly, perceptions will shift.rnWould the younger generation be open to viewing older women in such a positive light? Some of them have already moved in this direction. Margo Bachman, 37, an Ayurvedic practitioner and mother of two, said, “Wise women are a huge value because they have life experiences and wisdom from living all those years. In the past, we lived in small communities where we had access to village elders. That has been lost in our modern society, so we younger women have to seek out older ones so we can receive their wise counsel.”rnThere are many advantages for younger women and men to have mature women to guide, mentor and inspire them. Let’s not forget the rewards for the wise women themselves. Being with younger women rejuvenates them and invigorates them with energy and new ideas. That, too, is something to value and ultimately, celebrate. rnWisdom, whether on the giving or receiving end, is a positive force for our society and one that we all need to nurture and cultivate for the benefit of everyone.