Your State of Being

When I first awaken in the morning, I check into my ‘state of being’. How do I feel? Are there any sensations in my body? What space is my heart in? What thoughts are going through my mind? How am I really feeling?

Awareness of my ‘state of being’ means I take a barometer reading of where I am emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. I check inside to how I am feeling. If I feel at peace and my mind & body are relaxed, it shows that my alignment is good; everything is in harmony. If I feel anxious, fearful, worried or have any emotions that don’t feel good that is an indicator. If there is tightness or stress in my body or I have cycling thoughts of concern, these are all letting me know that I am not in harmonious alignment. It is important for me to acknowledge where I am, and be aware of what it may be about. If I don’t know what these feelings and sensations are about, I can ask questions within and be open to receive answers. With understanding comes the ability to shift my present ‘state of being’ if that is necessary.

Since I know that I am the manager of my ‘state of being’, I use this formula to begin my day and monitor where I am in any given moment:

1. Check in to where I am
2. Be Aware on as many levels as possible
3. Acknowledge where I am
4. Express and ask questions for clarity if needed
5. Embrace and/or Shift my Focus if necessary

Here is an example to illustrate my point. John and I were in a ‘discussion’, you know those kinds of unsettling conversations where two people are anxious and feeling unsafe? We had not resolved the core issue that was causing the discord between us, and what made it worse was that I had left on a business trip after the night of the ‘upset’. So when I woke up the next morning, and I checked in, there were feelings of fear and dread in my gut. My heart ached. I was aware I was not in alignment.

I acknowledged the feelings of fear and dread, and did some deep breathing to move through it. This fear did not seem based in reality. I typed out my feelings to release them through expression. I asked myself questions like, ‘What is at the core of this?’ ’What story is my mind wanting to make up about this situation?’ The clarity I received was an awareness that the fear was around loss, when I hadn’t even lost anything. The dread was based on stories my mind made up about what could happe
IF…. The dread felt almost cellular in nature, ‘I know what is going to happen because THIS is what happened in the past.’ …’THIS’ seems based on past history. It’s like my mind had cataloged it as what can happen when an ‘unpleasant’ conversation is in progress. So when I am in the middle of this unsettled place, my mind is sure that it is ‘not a safe place’. Yet maybe the fear is actually good news. Maybe, we as a couple, are on the verge of creating a closer more bonded relationship with one another? Maybe because this situation is stretching me out of my comfort zone, my mind is triggered into feeling this is unsafe territory?

I found that as I stepped back and became aware of more than just the emotions, I was able to take the thoughts that were projecting me out of the present moment and refocus into being right where I am now. I noticed that in looking back over our relationship that my responses are different than they used to be. I’m no longer triggered into a deep dark emotionally chu
ing place that I used go into. I am able to stay connected to John instead of the energetic run-away and hiding in disconnection. I can stay present rather than my mind going into incessant cycles of unproductive and sometimes gut wrenching fear, anxiety or anger.

It has been a process to come to this place of ‘handling’ the upset better. Now we are able to make suggestions that move us out of reactive responses and return us to a heart-centered place. More and more we are using the tools we have access to, which has included our own inner resources and a qualified third party person that is a complete match to support us in our process. Each time we have had an upset, I have noticed we are incrementally improving our ability to be with one another, and strengthen the bond we have. We have a greater sense of safety and support as we grow closer and closer. For this I am deeply grateful.

I share this formula because it has worked well for me. What do you do to monitor and improve your ‘state of being’?