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Articles by Barry and Joyce Vissell

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39 articles by Barry and Joyce Vissell · showing 39

Browse every published article connected to Barry and Joyce Vissell, or search within this exact expert archive.

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

The Shiny Pen: Taking Responsibility in Relationship

For a relationship to be healthy, both partners need to be willing to take responsibility for their own part in an argument. This is sometimes very difficult to do. It is always easier to see your partner’s fault than your own. If you’re angry or defensive in a situation, look deeper and you will find your part. Joyce and I sometimes tell the following very humbling story in our workshops to illustrate mutual responsibility:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,861 views3/5 (1)

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Angels on the Road"

Barry: If we only knew how many times we are rescued by divine intervention, we would completely trust this higher power. There would then be nothing to worry about – ever! Joyce and I had yet another powerful reminder of this truth – and divine miracle – last week.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,640 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The Golden Key to Happiness"

Several days ago we attended the Cultural Awareness Program at Mt. Madonna School where our grandson is in first grade. His grade of ten adorable students reenacted a Buddhist story from Cambodia. In this story a single mother has three grown sons. She is very conce ed that her sons do not help her or anyone else, and care only about money. She confides this conce to her beloved sister and together they come up with a plan. The mother draws her three sons together, shows them a treasure chest, and says, “When I die, you can open this chest.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,561 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Can Our Light be Totally Eclipsed?"

A few weeks ago, Joyce and I got to experience the total eclipse high in the mountains of Idaho, in the exact center of the “zone of totality.” It was, for us, the experience of a lifetime. In our seventy-one years of living, there have been other major eclipses, but we have never been in their direct paths. And not since the year 1257 has there been a total eclipse that has passed across the whole of what is now the United States.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,532 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Unsuspected Heroes among Us

In 1960, I was fourteen years old and my mother was the first civil rights activist that I knew. She did not march the streets. She lived her beliefs. She had Blacks, Muslims, Gays and other minorities over to our house for dinner almost every Sunday. She treated them all with the greatest respect and honor like they were part of her family. She also spoke up loudly if anyone said anything against one of these minorities. She often coached me, “Joyce, remember every person is a child of God. It does not matter what color their skin or their religion.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,382 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"To Really Trust a Woman"

rn(Excerpt from the Vissell’s not-yet published book, To Really Love a Woman)

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,782 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Be a Miracle"

Miracles happen all the time. You probably know someone who has had a miracle happen to them, or maybe a miracle has happened to you. I know a woman whose cancer tumor disappeared ove ight after she and several others stayed up all night praying. The doctors said there was no medical explanation for this. I feel it is a miracle how I met Barry at the very young age of 18, and that we have been able to be deeply in love with each other for 53 years now.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,640 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

A Mother's Final Gift

[We are excerpting one last time from our new book, A Mother’s Final Gift: How One Woman’s Courageous Dying Transformed Her Family]

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,530 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

***To Really Trust a Woman

To really love a woman is to give her your complete trust. I love the line in Bryan Adams’ song, “… and when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms, you know you really love a woman.” To lay helpless in her arms, you need to give up control and be vulnerable. You need to trust that she will not intentionally hurt you, that she is looking out for your well-being, fully on your side, and watching your back. Even more importantly, you can trust in a higher power expressing through your beloved, an abundance of love and caring that can come through her.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,583 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"REALationship: The 7 Primary Ingredients"

Okay, it’s a cute word. But what does it mean to have a real relationship, a relationship with substance? What does it take to have a relationship that not only lasts, but also thrives with loving connection? From growing with my beloved of 52 years, Joyce, and from our work with couples for 42 years, here are our 7 primary ingredients for REALationship. Every one of our couple’s retreats includes these elements. Of course there are many more ingredients but, if you sincerely understand these basic 7, the others will come along quite naturally.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,415 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The Joy of Service"

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” --Rabindranath Tagore

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,123 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The Joy of a Long Love"

December 21, 2018 is our 50th wedding anniversary. We got married during a snow storm in Buffalo, New York at 7pm in the evening. The church was filled with candlelight and poinsettias. My uncle played the organ, my sister-in-law sang and the minister learned Hebrew prayers for our combined Jewish and Christian ceremony. We spoke our own vows, which at that time was unprecedented. It was the happiest day for me, after four years of loving Barry and having people tell us that a Jewish/Christian marriage just cannot work, we were actually doing it.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,173 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The 3 Stages of Life"

Joyce and I love watching our two-year-old grandson, Owen, just as much as we love spending time with our first grandson, almost eight-year-old Skye. When they were new babies, their dependence was obvious. Because Owen is younger, I will use him as an example. He would not have survived for long without the nurturing and protection of our daughter, Mira, and her now-husband, Ryan. (They got married here in our home last month!)

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,055 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Feeling ALL Our Feelings"

There are popular feelings: joy, happiness, love and affection, to name a few. And then there are unpopular feelings: anger, sadness, grief, hurt, and fear, among others. Most of us tend to hide the unpopular feelings and, instead, only feel and show the popular ones. If we want integrity and wholeness in our lives, we must embrace all our feelings. Picking and choosing simply won’t work. Believe me, I’ve tried it plenty, and in a bit I’ll tell you what happened to me.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,539 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Being Vulnerable with a Woman"

(An excerpt from the Vissell’s new book, To Really Love a Woman) TO BE VULNERABLE WITH A WOMAN IS TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SEEN AND KNOWN IN YOUR ENTIRETY, not just your powerful, independent, secure, loving and capable self. Yes, you love a woman by being powerful, by protecting her from all harm, by fathering the little girl inside her, and by gently taking the lead. But without vulnerability your loving is incomplete.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,612 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"A Closer Look at Unworthiness"

Do you ever feel unworthy to receive good things in your life? It’s not an easy question to answer. Some of you are in touch with your feelings of not deserving. Some of you are not. I dare say that feelings of unworthiness are present in most of us, although we might not be aware of them. The first step in overcoming these feelings is to become aware of them. This can’t only be a mental process. Feelings of unworthiness need to be recognized and felt, before healing can happen.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,917 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Asking our Higher Power for Help in All Situations"

The first three steps of the twelve step program for recovery from addiction have to do with asking for help, knowing that we are powerless without help from a higher power, and trusting that this higher power can restore our lives greater than we could even imagine. I have seen these twelve steps work miracles in the lives of many people. What about people who are not struggling with addiction? I feel the twelve steps, especially the first three, can help all people.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,733 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The Courage to Ask For Help"

I have to admit. I have a hard time asking for help. I have that “false pride” thing about being able to do it myself, that if I have to ask for help, it means I’m helpless. It makes me think about the two year old who proclaims, “I can do it myself!” And now that I’m on the other side of the life spectrum, at age seventy, it means even more to me to be able to still do things by myself. A recent weekend brought all of this into the light.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,773 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The 3 Parts of Relationship Commitment"

What does it mean to be fully committed in a monogamous relationship? The traditional meaning has to do with focusing your romantic energies only upon your partner. You are not committed if you have “one foot outside the door,” meaning you are still available for romantic relationship with another person. I use the term “roman-tic” to include sexual relationships as well. You are committed if you are sure you are with the right person, or feel there is no one else out there who can better fulfil your needs. Most people understand this definition of commitment.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,351 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"One of My Greatest Vulnerabilities"

What if Joyce dies before me? This is one of my greatest vulnerabilities. Sure, I could die first. Statistically, women live longer than men. But this is not my vulnerability. My dying first brings up other feelings, like abandoning my true love, not being there to help her when she needs me. Of course I know I’ll always be there for her, just without a body. I have full faith that, in the realm of soul, I’ll be even more present for her without the distractions that are here on earth.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,271 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

Opening To Your Life Partner

In our book, Meant To Be, thirty-three year old Kat Trueblood describes herself as tired of dating. It was the spring of 1989, and while visiting a friend near where she was living in Colorado, she picked up and started reading a copy of our first book, The Shared Heart. Unable to put it down, ...

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

2,314 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Workaholism: A Growing Problem"

In a couple’s counseling session, Dolores accused her husband, Perry, of workaholism. His immediate response was, “Yes, I’m a workaholic.” Joyce and I were surprised at the actual pride revealed in his voice. He continued, “I’m a creative man, an entrepreneur. I thrive on juggling many projects.”

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,077 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The Gift of Rejection"

Rejection can hurt. Perhaps a person can be rejected by a friend, partner, boss, sibling, parent, co-worker, someone you work out with at the gym, or even your grown child. Scientists are discovering that the hurt of rejection can be actually recorded within your body.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

937 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Can We Ever Be 'Too Much'"

At our recent retreat in Assisi, Italy, besides visiting powerful spiritual places, our group entered into an atmosphere of deep healing. Sometimes Joyce and I have the opportunity not only to lead the retreat, but also to participate in some of the exercises for our own continual healing, which is an ongoing lifetime adventure. One morning, all of us in the group revisited our childhoods to more closely examine those things that still have power over us. We did this in small groups of four persons and, when it was my turn, I revisited some physical violence from my parents.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,127 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The Gift of Helplessness"

I love being outside and physical activity to balance the counseling, workshops and writing, which I also love. I enjoy walking the dogs with Joyce, mowing the lawn, fixing things, gardening, doing anything to be outside. Some folks like to sit around when they are on vacation. Not me. Multiday river trips are my favorite vacations, as well as backpacking in the wilde ess. Of course I value stillness. Each morning, Joyce and I sit for 10-20 minutes, trying to meditate, sometimes successfully. We know it’s important work, even when our minds seem too active.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,553 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Separation as a Powerful Relationship Tool"

For too many people, separation is a prelude to divorce. Taking time apart from a loved one is often thought of as the end of the relationship. But after 53 years together, and helping to guide thousands of couples, Joyce and I view separation as a sometimes vital necessity in a relationship that could very well end without separation.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,099 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The 2 Parts of a Successful Relationship"

A successful relationship has two very important components: learning to love yourself first, and then learning to love another person. Too many people ignore the first part, then wonder why it’s so hard to love another. It’s like expecting to water a plant with an empty water pitcher. Or trying to put on your child’s oxygen mask when the airplane cabin pressure drops, but passing out from lack of oxygen before you can get it on.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,336 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Finding Your Perfect Partner: 2 Key Ingredients"

Sharing your life with a loving partner is very rewarding and meaningful. Barry and I met at the age of eighteen during our first year of college. Many people our age met someone in college or in their home town during a social event and got married by the time they were twenty-two years old. That was often the norm for the sixties and early seventies. But now that is far from the norm. There are many people of all ages wishing and hoping they could meet their life partner. And hardly anyone gets married now at age twenty-two.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,188 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The Power of Showing Up"

“The amount we receive back within our hearts from helping is much more than the time or money that we give.”

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,549 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The Divine Setup: How Our Perceptions can be Painfully Wrong"

Sometimes our perceptions can get us into trouble. What appears so clearly to be our reality may not be real at all. Or it may be partially correct, but not the whole picture. We humans have a tendency to interpret our partial experiences as the whole truth and ignore other people's partial experiences. How brave of us to actually consider that we may be partially right and may have partial information.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,346 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"My Experiment in Forced Simplicity"

Sometimes we get what we ask for without knowing it. And sometimes we don’t like what we get, even though we asked for it. This is what happened to me a few days ago…

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,237 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Lightening Up: A Very Different Kind of Spiritual Retreat"

When I think of a spiritual retreat, I imagine a lot of meditation, quiet walks, no computers or media, listening to gentle music, and withdrawing from the busyness of the world. Several weeks ago, Barry left for eight days to raft the Owyhee River in very remote Southeast Oregon. He had wanted to raft this river for a long time, and had just found out that this year the abundance of rain provided enough water for a spontaneous late spring trip. Typically, every year, Barry leaves for a week doing some kind of an adventure by himself.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,676 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"To Really Choose a Man"

(An excerpt from the Vissell’s new book, To Really Love a Man) TO REALLY LOVE A MAN IS TO CHOOSE HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It’s not enough to say marriage vows one time, though that is certainly important. The relationship is deepened if you let him know often that you would choose him all over again if given the choice.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

2,132 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"What would your sign say?"

January 21 will long be remembered as the day of the women’s marches. It is so inspiring that women from each continent participated, even Antarctica. We just watched a women’s march that took place in Israel in which Jewish and Arab women marched together. We could not read their signs but I could only imagine that they all wanted peace. There seems to have been such a feeling of joy within these marches.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,434 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"When our Children 'Come Out'"

Last week, Barry and I found ourselves at 10pm sitting at a special reserved table at “The Stud,” the 50-year-old first gay bar in San Francisco. First of all, there are a few things you should know about us. We are quiet country people who like to go to bed early. We never drive the ninety minutes to San Francisco unless it is to go to the airport for work travel. For the most part we do not drink alcohol or listen to loud music. Our idea of a good time is rafting a wilde ess river and camping all by ourselves in a beautiful spot along the river with our two golden retriever dogs.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,413 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

“Love, Serve, and Remember”

A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,414 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"Don't Cry Because It's Over. Smile Because It Happened."

Those nine words by Ted Geisel (Dr.Seuss), one of our country’s favorite storytellers, contain so much wisdom. They apply to many different aspects of life, but I would like to focus on the area of relationships. Most of us are going to have relationships end at some point in our lives, whether they are marriages, partners, friends, relatives or any other type of relationship. People leave, or die, and it hurts. What to do with the hurt?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,530 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The Cosmic Mass: Risking to Follow Inner Promptings"

“Our minds map out a neat, perfect little road for life and we hate to have it changed in any way. Yet that perfect little road may completely by-pass our goal of God-realization.” –Barry and Joyce Vissell, The Shared Heart

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,752 views

By Barry and Joyce VissellRecently published1 topic

"The Blessing of Differences"

Our son got married a few days ago to Isaiah, the man of his dreams. Hardly ever in our work with couples have we seen such depth in love, respect and commitment. Whoever feels that only a man and a woman can truly love each other, has not witnessed the kind of deep love that Isaiah and our son, John-Nuri, have had for each other for the past four years. Love truly can take on many forms.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,497 views

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