Articles
Browse every published article connected to Beth Dargis, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
Articles
Browse every published article connected to Beth Dargis, or search within this exact expert archive.
Part of the reason people don’t get the simpler lives they want, is that they feel trapped in their current life. Stifled by obligations, responsibilities and other people’s expectations. It seems that the way life is right now, is the way it always is. Too often it only feels like you are trapped. Options seem clouded. But, you have more control then you think.
First of all, no one, not decluttering gurus, best friends or anyone else can tell you what to get rid of and what is important to keep. Only you know the stories behind your possessions and how they affect you. There is no "should." You don’t have to get rid of anything. But, if you feel you need more space for your current life, you’ll feel better if you can let go of things. Here are some guidelines you can use:
This week in the Money Class we have been talking about Debt Reduction. It’s easy to slip into too much debt. But, there are some signs you are too far in debt and need to fix things fast before you get into the debt hole you can climb out of. * Using Cash Advances on your credit card. Very expensive form of getting money. * Moving to a different card because it has a lower rate more than once a year. Card hopping looks bad on the credit report and may mean you have too much on your cards. * Using one credit card to pay off another card.
I love the clean slate feeling of a new year. A whole 365 days to design a life worth living. For a fresh start, here are some ways to complete 2003 and make room for 2004. 1. Start Your Calendar Don't just pick any old calendar. A huge selection is out there, so choose one that makes you ...
Some people collect knick-knacks. Some people buy an abundance of clothes or shoes. My vice is books. As a kid I would ride my bike for miles to get to the library. I always asked for books for holidays. When I finally made an income my first purchases were horse novels. Being a coach and writer has made buying many books even more acceptable. After all I have to keep learning, right? We tackled my son’s cramped bookshelf of sci-fi, spy novels and science non-fiction this past week. And it reminded me I needed to go through my books.
Even though I am still reeling from my son’s death, things still must get done – taxes, money stuff, work, prosecution stuff… Here’s what’s been working for me: 1. Have grief sessions every morning and/or evening. Just a time to let whatever you are feeling out – through music, jou aling, art. Letting it out every day, makes it easier the rest of the day. 2. Only choose 3 things that have to be done. On some days, just 1.
A lot has been written lately about unplugging. Taking a day a week or a month at unplug from technology so you can re-connect with yourself and with the ones you love. But are you doing it? Since we don’t see it as a necessity, we can find all sorts of excuses – my family will get mad at me if I turn of their technology, I just need to make one more phone call, but a show I like is coming on… How can you make unplugging work for you?
Many clients of mine have busy lives. They think they don’t have time for what matters. But, it is rarely the lack of time, but how time is used. Especially if you are feeling overwhelmed, it’s easy to zone out - too much tv, talking on the phone, surfing the net. Instead of ...
Recently I have had people ask how they can keep from spending. It’s hard to say no to yourself when the urge to spend strikes. Here are 20 tips to stop spending: 1. Don’t shop for fun. I don’t go on big outlet mall trips and when I am low on cash I stay away from Barnes and Noble. Make a list of fun things you can do for free or low cost and post it. Keep away from places you tend to spend money. 2. Play with getting your needs met. Get enough rest, fun, and quiet time so you don’t need shopping to satisfy you.
A new client of mine is beginning a big project. So the first thing we did was set her up to make the project easier. Do you have a project or goal you are doing or about to do? What would it mean to set yourself up to win? Some ideas: * Get enough sleep * Get a relative or babysitter to watch the kids * Visualize the outcome before starting to go from, "this is too hard" to "this is what I want to see." * Clear off your desk * Create a project file * Clean up a location * Get a coach, buddy or support person for accountabilityr
Many times when I talk to people they tell me they are busy and they don’t know how to stop. They have to take the kids here and here and here. Or work is keeping them overtime. Or they have to attend so many meetings. The biggest difference I’ve noticed between the "too busy" and the "not too busy" is that for the too busy it’s always someone or something else causing the problem.
On the news the other day, I heard them talk about consumer spending not being up because the economy is getting better, but because of "frugal fatigue." People were just tired of scrimping. Saving is going back down, credit card debt is going back up. So how can you counter frugal fatigue before you get into financial trouble? Get your endorphins a different way Exercise. Play some great music. Call a friend. When a shopping craving hits, ask yourself, "What do I really need and want?" Most likely it’s something that can’t be purchased. Splurge. A little.
Where does your time go? We all know we are busy, yet we feel behind and don’t get to do the things we really want to do. Planning is the best time saver there is. At the beginning of the week jot down your goals that you want to accomplish, fun things you want to do, work that needs to be done, and appointments to keep. Then write out a loose schedule for the week ahead, balancing it out between work, family, home, self and your other roles.
I’ve been talking about mindset with some of my clients this week. Most of us don’t realize how important it is for success in whatever endeavor you are doing. If you are trying to declutter and organize, if you begin your session feeling overwhelmed you only lose energy. You quit faster. And you may not start at all. If you begin a workout thinking you are fat, out of shape and will never get stronger it’s harder to get the gumption to try. You start comparing yourself to others at the gym. And the next time you don’t even get to the gym.
"Happiness is not a destination; it is a method of life." - Burton Hills Are you waiting until all your goals are completed to be happy? You lose 20 pounds? Your home is immaculate? The kids are doing their chores and getting good grades? You can be happy right now. Even if you are feeling ... "Happiness is not a destination; it is a method of life." - Burton Hills Are you waiting until all your goals are completed to be happy? You lose 20 pounds? Your home is immaculate? The kids are doing their chores and getting good grades?
I love to learn. Information is like catnip to me. So in order not to drown in information, I have had to systemize things. Library Books For instance, when I get library books, I look at how many pages the book is and how many days I have before it is due. I divide how many pages by how many days to find out about how many pages I need to read a day. Then I write that number on a small piece of paper, which becomes my bookmark. I don’t necessarily read that exact number of pages each day, but I try to stay close or I know I won’t finish the book on time.
Many times when I talk to people they tell me they are busy and they don’t know how to stop. They have to take the kids here and here and here. Or work is keeping them overtime. Or they have to attend so many meetings. The biggest difference I’ve noticed between the "too busy" and the "not too busy" is that for the too busy it’s always someone or something else causing the problem.
Standing in line, waiting for the doctor, sitting in traffic do not sound like presents, but if we look closely at them we can see the gifts that waiting gives to us. The Gift of Downtime We complain that we have no downtime, but every time we wait in a line is an opportunity to slow down for a little while, to take a breather. No one is expecting anything from you at the moment. Often though, we are not relaxed in line. We complain, look at our watch, and think nasty thoughts about the people ahead of us in line. We have no control over how fast the line will move or traffic will go.
I believe in authenticity. It’s a great gift to the world to be yourself. I also think that sometimes a persona is helpful. The dictionary defines a persona: 1. A voice or character representing the speaker in a literary work. 2. The characters in a dramatic or literary work. 3. The role that one assumes or displays in public or society; one’s public image or personality, as distinguished from the inner self. I like to think it as a little play acting, a game of pretend to move yourself to action.
Clarity is an important piece to having a simpler life. Otherwise you end up with a simpler life, but one that is not fulfilling. Too often we think we are confused and don’t really know what we want. But, really we aren’t listening. I’m sure you’ve gotten inklings that something wasn’t right or something wasn’t right for you. But, you plowed ahead anyway. Maybe you are afraid if you knew what you wanted, your life would be so far from that you would get depressed.
One of the big reasons people lives don’t seem simple, is the lack of looking ahead. Is it more relaxing to fill up the tank one evening or go to the gas station, wait in line, on the way to work in the morning? Is it easier to plan a weekly menu and get your groceries at once or think about what you want for dinner every night at 5pm? Is it more fun to plan for a day off on the weekend or let another Sunday be filled with work and chores? One of my clients just got a calendar that he can see the week and month ahead with. It’s making a big difference already.
How do you want to feel when you walk into your home? Soothed? Relaxed? Comforted? At the moment how to you feel when you walk into your home? Most of us want a place we can relax in and be renewed. This will be different for different families. Some like a little clutter and homeyness. Some like spaces that are clear and pure. Some like places full of arts and crafts. CREATE COMFORT You can add comfort with green plants (unless you have a brown thumb and dried plants would be all over your home.)