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Like the tides which ebb and flow on the shore, the cycles of intimacy and solitude drift in and out of my life. I have been living in the absence of intimacy since writing my last blog, The Love Doves.
The love doves are gracing us with their presence this week. Droves of them leap in and out of our precious oak, forming the largest bird community to take residence here. I’m attempting to write about intimacy – on the laurels of Valentines Day, where so much emphasis rests on the myth of romantic love. And yet I can’t quite find my groove.
There is a wonderful scene in the movie Starting Over, in which Burt Reynolds is in the furniture section of a big department store with his girlfriend (Jill Clayburgh) when she proceeds to have an anxiety attack right there in the store. She is moving in with him and this transition is bringing up oceans of anxiety for her. As he struggles in a bewildered fashion to help her pull herself together and get her emotions under control, he looks up to find that they are surrounded by hoards of curious shoppers.
There is a death that occurred when I became a mother. It didn’t happen right away. In fact, like a successful Broadway show, I had a tremendous run, lasting about four good years. During my pregnancy, childbirth, and the early years, I was shielded from this recognition.
image018_0000 Sometimes I help friends and clients create a spiritual practice, during which I will explain every juicy nugget I’ve gathered over the last thirty years; the Spiritual, philosophical, and practical nuts and bolts, and the habits it demands. All in all this can take me about five minutes. Maybe I'm being a bit hard on myself. Let's say fifteen and call it a day.
You have just disappointed someone you love. You are feeling rushed for work, school, an appointment, or meeting a friend. You can’t get your work done with your children around. A car cuts you off on the road. Someone looks at you wrong, or has a tone. Your child's behavior embarrasses you in front of another person. You feel unwell in your body, again. These are just a few of the countless ways that might call it in, but once you begin to take notice, you may realize this experience is very familiar.
For those of you who know me, I have worked with women for many years who are struggling with conceiving a baby. I write, not only from a professional place, but also from a very personal place, for I tried to get pregnant for a very long time. This struggle is such a deep and painful road for many people. It can also be a profoundly transformative experience as well.
Calm down! Don't worry! Just relax! How irritating and un-soothing these words can be; and how many times have I heard people (guilty as charged) say this to others when they are suffering? It’s not so easy, as you probably know - to calm the waters. The other day I was in the Vitamin Barn when a woman walked up to the counter and picked up a box that said, "Let Go," and with such raw vulnerability, said to the woman at the counter, "Does this work?" Everyone wants to be happy, but few know how to create it.
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
As a psychotherapist and a specialist in the field of mind-body fertility, I have counseled many women who have put off having children until they felt the time was right for them. They postponed marriage until they achieved financial security and found a partner they loved. They delayed pregnancy until they felt mature enough to forge an emotionally satisfying relationship that could provide them and their children with a nurturing atmosphere. I, personally think this is admirable. But the media and the medical establishment’s inclination to depict women over thirty-five who want babies a
I became a mother when I was seven years old. An all consuming love happened in an instant, as it does for some new mothers, when my angelic brother, just having been adopted, was brought home at seven days old. When I first saw him, gorgeous as a crescent moon, with blond tiny ringlets, I was seeing God for my first time in the depth of his hazel eyes. From that moment he was mine; loving him as if he had come from my own body.
Have you ever had one single ripple effect every other ripple in your life? Like a domino that gently falls into a line of dominos, making a beautiful and unexpected mandala. A year ago I was driven by an unexplainable frenzy to get an infrared sauna; it just had to be NOW, this instant. In hindsight an act I now see as divinely guided. The first time I entered into this sacred 3 x 4 hot box, a place I now refer to as my 'Himalayas', something wholly entered into me.
It can be excruciating to love so deeply. My daughter came into our room last night shaking from a scary and painful dream… She and I are living alone in a very happy place, and she is taken away and put into a prison cell of a room. Each day someone brings her food without talking to her, closes the door, and she is left alone again. I am able to visit her once every three years. On this latest visit, friends come with me and she pleads to take her with me. They tell her they can't, and she frantically begins stapling herself to me.
Love is action! That's what my friend Jess taught me. So last week I put my money where my mouth is and woke up at the crack of dawn to drive downtown to witness one of my besties, getting sworn in to become a US Citizen. I assumed I would be witnessing a hundred people or so, and call it a day. When we arrived and saw the millions of people (well, 3061 to be exact; 18 million over the last 10 years) that had come here so they could officially call the US of A their home, I experienced a moment’s panic. I mistakenly thought I would have to sit here while each person’s name was read aloud.
A little late to the party, I am diving into the world of what I hope to be mindful marketing as well as recommitting to writing my blog.