Articles
Browse every published article connected to Connie Hammer, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
Articles
Browse every published article connected to Connie Hammer, or search within this exact expert archive.
Did you sense how your identity changed when you became a parent? At the moment of birth or adoption, our lives are never the same because once a parent, always a parent. Despite the fact that our self-identity shifted once Mother Nature inaugurated us as mom or dad, this new role is not necessarily a fixed one because our children will always impact it.
Your son with Asperger's is refusing to go to school. Your sensory sensitive daughter is constantly testing your patience when it comes to mealtime. Your six year old with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is throwing tantrums like clockwork. Your four-year-old child with PDD is not responding positively to potty training. Is there anything about these scenarios that you can relate to?
What type of messages do you think are going on inside your child's mind? Children with special needs such as Autism will intuitively grasp that they are different and pick up on the less than positive judgments from others - however subtle they may be. Do you pay attention to that voice inside your head? I am not talking about auditory hallucinations here. I am referring to the things we say to ourselves everyday. That continuous chatter of our inner dialogues that typically never stops unless we actively meditate.
If your child hits, bites, screams, pushes and destroys things and you are at a loss for what to do, don't dismay. Negative behaviors such as these are learned and they can be unlea ed as well. Keep in mind that misbehavior is simply an expression of an unmet need or an inability to cope with the circumstances in the current environment.
If you have more than one child, do they compete for your attention? Do you detect jealousy that you would rather not see? Does the amount of bickering among your children and lobbying for No. 1 position conce you as a parent? Welcome to the world of parenting!
Will a diagnosis of an Autism Spectrum Disorder limit my emotional connection to my child? As parents we all want to cuddle, kiss and hold our children. Not only do they feel good to hold but they smell good too - most of the time. But what is a parent to do when their child pulls away from their touch, refuses to be embraced or won't hug back?
As parents, we all want to do what we can to reduce any type of school related anxiety for our children and minimize the possible stress it can bring into our households. As a parent coach, I have guided many parents to discover ways that will make school a positive experience for their child. ...As parents, we all want to do what we can to reduce any type of school related anxiety for our children and minimize the possible stress it can bring into our households. As a parent coach, I have guided many parents to discover ways that will make school a positive experience for their child.
This is an ever-changing world and there are many things in it that we would like to protect our children from. The last thing any parent wants to see is their child violated, hurt or in pain. As parents, we do our best to provide our children with safety equipment, expose them to lessons that will give them the tools to protect themselves and be there for them when they need us. Unfortunately, we cannot be with our children 24-7, especially as they grow and venture into the world towards independence.
Parents often complain that they work on changing one irritating behavior only to find their child has replaced it with another annoying action. The easy solution to this problem is to choose the replacement behavior yourself and instill it as a habit.
There are many things we do to stimulate or calm our senses. We rock babies to soothe them and we sing or hum to ourselves in the shower, we fan ourselves to cool off when we are hot, and we hug and kiss others to give and receive comfort. When we want to increase or arouse our senses we often run or engage in some form of physical activity or exercise, or we may turn the music on loud to get in a party mood and dance. Most of these behaviors are seen as appropriate if carried out at the proper time and in the proper place.
Do you have a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) that is just not interested in the holiday fanfare? Unfortunately, many children on the spectrum may be tuned out or just not interested in some or all that comes with the holidays.
Parents of children diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder often fret about when to tell their child they have an Autism Spectrum Disorder and how. What if you didn't have to tell your child he or she has Autism? Wouldn't it be nice if you lived in a world where your child could just 'be' - no disclosure necessary, no labels? Ah, yes, it would but that might be a bit unrealistic. But what if I told you there was an easy way to tell your child? What if I told you that you can create a positive experience for telling your child he or she has Autism?
The start to a new school year can be riddled with anxiety for any child. When you think of your first days at school, I am sure your memories are mixed with some years having a better start to the school year then others. Going to a new school or having a new teacher in the same building can be cause for worry even among the most confident of kids. But when you have a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder their conce s are usually bigger than this.
Along with motivation, curiosity is the one of the best and most direct paths to learning new things. Encouraging curiosity in children is a crucial role parents need to play in developing their child's intellect. Children will stay curious as long as they are allowed to explore, discover and ask questions. It's that easy! If your child is non-verbal and unable to ask questions remember that there are many ways to be curious. Never assume that a child cannot learn just because he can't articulate a question. Every child's level of curiosity will be unique.
Having a child with a disability is every parent's nightmare. Once you have heard the words, "Your child has Autism." the disappointment, anger and the feeling of isolation can leave you in shock. How long you remain there will be determined by how well you deal with your emotions.
October may be the month many children look forward to for costumes, candy, and parties with creepy ghouls and goblins but all of this may not be your Autistic child's cup of tea. Every child is different and unique yet it is typical for almost all of them to develop anxieties and fears at some point in their childhood. Children with special needs, especially those with sensory issues and those on the autism spectrum, tend to be more sensitive or prone to acquire fears that may linger past the typical developmental stage that appear in other children.
I have always been astonished by the amazing abilities individuals with an Autism Spectrum Disorder have. Sometimes these gifts are hidden and I have to help parents dig for the treasure that lies within. Other times this extraordinary talent is obvious to all, which makes it easy for parents to nurture and cultivate. Then there is another scenario – one where this skill, this aptitude, is forever present and threatening to interfere with other aspects of daily life. Here is such a situation that was presented to me recently:
All parents, regardless of the label their child has been given - anxiety disorder, PDD-NOS, overweight, learning disorder, lactose intolerant, Autism, OCD, near sighted, gifted, etc - struggle when it comes to dealing with negative behaviors. I have never met a parent who wasn't open to learning new skills that are guaranteed to help them manage annoying behavior better. We all know the behaviors that irritate parents. "He won't do his chores." "She has a tantrum when I ask her to... " "My kids never listen!" Wouldn't life be more pleasant if kids just listened?
Does parenting exist without guilt? Let’s face it - guilt comes with the territory. Whether or not your child is on the Autism spectrum, guilt is a difficult emotion to avoid no matter how hard a parent tries. If you are a seasoned parent you may have had more than a few encounters with guilt but experience may have taught you how to handle it better.
It’s NOT your fault. Don’t be a receptacle for guilt; address your feelings of guilt instead of letting them fester. Guilt is something that will always be waiting in the wings; you just have to learn how to deal with it when it wants to make an appearance. Once your child is diagnosed with Autism, you will engage in conversations about treatment choices such as ABA, discrete trial training, floor time and biomedical approaches. You will be told about the importance of eye contact, social skills, sensory issues and the development of receptive and expressive language, and much, much more.r
Dads come in all shapes and sizes, personalities and temperaments, just like moms. Both mothers and fathers have dreams for their children that begin even before conception. Once a person discovers they are to become a parent, ideas form of how things will be with their son or daughter. Any father-to-be will entertain visions of the type of child he wants to raise. He will ponder what he will teach his child, what values he wants to instill and how he will spend his time with his child. By the time his child is born the father may already have a certain scenario fixed in his mind.
Does your child have a bully problem? If not, consider yourself lucky that you don't have a bully to deal with right now but would you and your child be prepared if one should arrive on his or her doorstep tomorrow?
Does the old fashion medicine man or witch doctor still exist? Remember the stories of the charlatan selling snake oil by the side of the road? Have you been told about someone who can 'cure' your child with Autism? Have you been contacted by someone claiming they can reverse the progression of your child's disorder? Have you found a website that promises new and exciting treatments that will "fix" your child's condition?
Are you confused by all the information out there in cyberspace regarding the use of praise with children? Is there a best way to praise a child and should a parent of a child with Autism distribute praise differently? If you look at the literature on using praise with children over the past 20 years or so, experts have been on both ends of the spectrum. Many experts have claimed that praise is necessary to enhance a child's positive sense of self and others have stated that we have overinflated their self-esteem.
It’s inevitable - all parents eventually have to deal with the job of weaning their child from diapers and instructing them to use the toilet independently. As this time approaches parents begin to collect resources and information from various sources to help guide and support them in this important yet often dreaded parenting task. Potty training any child is definitely a challenge and one never knows how it will pan out.
Children do not come into this world able to care of themselves. In the beginning they are dependent upon their parents for everything, but gradually they learn to wash, dress and feed themselves. Typically, a child will master daily self-care skills with relative ease. Many are self-motivated as is demonstrated by the words of a young child who wants to be like mom or dad, “I do myself.” Of course they can easily revert to “I can’t do,” within the next second.
Did you know that anxiety symptoms and disorders are the number one health problem among children and adults in America? Anxiety disorders are more common in children today, than in their parent’s generation. The Anxiety Disorders Association of America states that one in eight children are affected by an anxiety that persists beyond its normal expectation.
As parents we would all love to have a quick and efficient way of changing some of the negative behaviors our children display. There are behaviors that irritate us, embarrass us and exasperate us, and ones that present a safety issue at times. And then there are those unique, repetitive behaviors that children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) often present with.r
Has your child ever vehemently resisted your request to perform a task? I worked with a young mom recently who came to me exasperated by her daughter’s refusal to wash her hands and dry them or sometimes have a meltdown when the mom would do this task for her. The mom was at her wit’s end and having tried many ways to make her daughter comply she resorted to punishment and loss of privileges as a last resort.
There are many things that can cause stress in any child. This can include a change in family dynamics, fighting with siblings or typical tension in the home. While these may be manageable stressors for adults, they can be big deals to children so it is important not to dismiss them.
Do all of your child’s behaviors make sense? Most likely they do not, especially if your child has an Autism Spectrum Disorder. The neural pathways in the brain of a child with Autism are wired differently causing him or her to respond in ways that may be very foreign to us. Does that make it bad or just different?
No two of us are alike. We all have likes and dislikes, challenges and strengths. But we are similar in that we are social animals and we live in a social world. Some of us may thoroughly enjoy making social connections and others may view it as a chore or an intrusion into our world.
Do you really know how your child feels about going back to school this year? Maybe last year was a positive experience but can you really assume this will be another carbon copy? Many children, even those without an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), can harbor secret worries and conce s they can't seem to express which can then develop into troubling and difficult behaviors. If you think back to your first days of a new school year, what comes to mind? Along with the excitement of wearing that new outfit and seeing your good friend again what were the conce s you carried with you?
All children want to be good and please their caretakers. Young children don't PLAN to misbehave or fall apart. When a child has an emotional meltdown it signals they are having trouble controlling their emotions, especially when the demands of the environment exceed their current ability to cope. Handling emotional outbursts may seem daunting yet there are many proactive things parents can do to manage and reduce temper tantrums.
Potty training a normal, healthy child can propel any parent into a state of anxiety, overwhelm and exhaustion. Now let's consider what potty training is like for a parent when their child is on the Autism spectrum? A child with Autism may have sensory issues that get in the way or they may not even understand what it means to use the potty. Here are some things to consider when potty training a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) to reduce the number of bathroom battles you encounter.
All parents worry about their child's future. Many of us wonder what our children will be like when they grow up. Will they go to college, join the military, find a good job and be financially independent? Will they have healthy relationships and become parents themselves?
The myth that families of children with Autism have an 80% divorce rate was proven false by researcher Brian Freedman, PhD, clinical director of the Center for Autism and Related Disorders at the Kennedy Krieger Institute in Baltimore, as this article, Autism Families: High Divorce Rate Is a Myth, states. Despite the fact that parents of a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder experience more stress, the rates of divorce remain similar to those of parents with neuro-typical children. Unfortunately, that does not mean that parents of special needs children do NOT get divorced.
The holidays are a time of great joy, laughter, learning experiences, sensory awakenings, and fabulous opportunities. Unfortunately, maintaining a holiday atmosphere full of merriment and cheer is not possible to sustain twenty-four hours a day, every day of the week, especially when you have a child on the autism spectrum.
Every once in a while parents are embarrassed by their child's behavior or the factual remarks they make, such as pointing to a person next to you in line and claiming, "she's fat!" Moments like this can be very uncomfortable but fortunately do not occur often, but the risk may be higher if you are a parent of a child with Autism.
Every holiday from New Year's to Christmas and everything else in between provides opportunities for families and businesses to celebrate. It offers a time for families to gather and do something special and it gives business a chance to increase their revenues. As a result, the holidays and other occasions, such as back to school, are always accompanied by ample media messages in print and on the screen. We have come to know these as commercials and advertisements, and every holiday comes with new enticements to buy, buy, buy!
Do you have a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) who is challenged socially? Do you realize that you don't have to rely on the professionals who provide services to your child to enhance their social skills. Social skill groups and classes led by experts in the field are extremely beneficial but you also have the power to take every social interaction your child experiences and turn it into a teaching/learning opportunity.
Do you remember not getting what you had your heart set on when you were a child? Maybe it was a special birthday gift, or that trip to the zoo, or that new skateboard you coveted. That was childhood but now as adults we are more mature in how we deal with disappointment, or are we?
There are many things about parenting that are enjoyable, such as holding your infant in your arms for the first time or seeing your child take her first step. On the other hand there are some events attached to parenting that we just don't look forward to as much and for many parents toilet training their child is one of them, especially if your child has an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).