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Articles by Jan Denise

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67 articles by Jan Denise · showing 50

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Give Him a Clean Slate for Christmas

Give Him a Clean Slate for Christmasr By Jan Denise Trying to decide between a beach getaway and a stocking full of coal for your sweetheart? Why not give him a clean slate, instead? Wipe away the black marks and start fresh, aiming—once again—for perfect love. Only this time, do it with perfect love in clear view. Know what you’re going for, and you have a better shot at it. According to Robert J. Ste berg, a psychologist and psychometrician born in NJ, perfect love is a high level of intimacy, passion, and commitment.

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Lose Weight, Change Your Life

INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2009 Lose Weight, Change Your Life Last week I asked: How would your life change if you were to lose weight and satisfy the hunger that food can't? To help answer the question, I also posed it to Keith Ahrens, the man I introduced last week, who lost 200 pounds, became a fitness trainer and wrote his memoir "Outrunning My Shadow." "I wish I had a video camera when I see someone I haven't seen in a few years," says Ahrens.

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Finding One In A Million ...

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, AUGUST 10, 2007 Finding One In A Million … Of all the people on the planet, how is it that we end up with (SET ITAL) one (END ITAL) … and maybe even purport that one to be (SET ITAL) the (END ITAL) one? What attracts two people to ...

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Start With a Clean Slate ... and aim for perfect love

Start With a Clean Slate … and aim for perfect love For the best summer—and relationship—ever, start with a clean slate. Wipe away the black marks and start fresh, aiming, once again, for perfect love. Only this time, do it with perfect love in clear view. Know what you’re going for, and you have a better shot at it. According to Robert J. Ste berg, a psychologist and psychometrician born in NJ, perfect love is a high level of intimacy, passion, and commitment. • Intimacy: Psychological knowledge shared, and connection based on that knowledger

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Off to Mom's ... to see how enlightened we really are

Off to Mom’s … to see how enlightened we really are In keeping with this month’s travel theme and Mother’s Day, why not plan a visit to Mom’s? If you have a whole litany of excuses, maybe I can help. Let’s start by acknowledging that our deepest wounds are often created when we’re still dependent on a caregiver … and mothers are first in line for that role. I like the way Ram Dass (a contemporary spiritual teacher) said it, “If you think you’re so enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents.”

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Breathe Life Into Your Wish List

Breathe Life Into Your Wish List If you want to order the cheapest thing on the menu or take a budget vacation, go ahead; but don’t resort to practical wishes. What do you really want for Christmas? Now, tell him, tell everybody. Don’t depend on anybody else to deliver it, though.

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Whether You Stay or Walk, Love Well

INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2009 Whether You Stay or Walk, Love Well (SET ITAL) I hate to give up on our relationship, but to stay feels like giving up on my dreams. (END ITAL) To walk away from what we hoped -- and promised -- would last forever is one of the most heart-wrenching breaks we can make. It feels as though we're cutting off a piece of ourselves … and we struggle desperately to decide if it's right and if it's necessary. How do we know? Ask yourself: What would I do if I weren't afraid?

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Eat Less and Be More Satisfied

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2007 Eat Less And Be More Satisfiednn (SET ITAL) I want to vent about fat women. I stopped out of town at a Chinese Buffet and looked around at about 100 people, probably half men and half women. Of the women, there was ...

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

The Love of My Life

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, AUGUST 31, 2007 The Love Of My Lifenn (SET ITAL) This week's column is written by a special guest, my husband Horace Osbo e Ferguson, III, DVM. If you're a regular reader, you know him as Sam. (END ITAL) Wow, did I ever hit the ...

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Nobody is "just" a Wife

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, JULY 27, 2007 Nobody Is (SET ITAL) Just (END ITAL) A Wifenn "Well, I'm just a wife," she said, with apology in her voice. n A wife, according to Webster, is: A female partner in a marriage. That may not sound like a full-time job, but ...

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

You Choose: Honored Guest or Guest Of

INSIDE RELATIONSHIPSnBY JAN DENISEnRELEASE: FRIDAY, MARCH 20, 2009 You Choose: Honored Guest or Guest Of? Especially if the economy has you in crisis mode, you might be looking for a savior, somebody who has everything and wants to share. After all, you have a lot to contribute, albeit ...

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Flower Year Round, Unabashedly

Flower Year Round, Unabashedly by Jan Deniser March 2011 The sun shines longer in the spring, telling the trees it’s safe to reveal the countless buds beneath their scales. And when green blankets the earth, we’re inspired to show our own colors; but we don’t have to wait for spring.

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Relationships Cycle Predictably

Relationships Cycle Predictably by Jan Denise Whether you dread or cheer summer’s end, autumn arrives. So, too, each season of your relationship takes a turn, repeating a cycle as predictable as spring, summer, fall, and winter. Why not transition through the seasons with your eyes wide open and profit from each one? Sure, you can have a favorite, but you may as well find meaning and reason to celebrate in every day of the year.

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Blinded By Lies--Not Love

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2007 Blinded -- Not By Love, But Liesnn How is it that people "wake up" after 12 years of marriage (or 3 years of dating) and realize that if they ever had anything, it's gone? People really do grow apart. But there's more ...

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Naked, the Only Way to Be In Love

INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2009 Naked, the Only Way to Be In Love I launched this column 10 years ago as "Naked Relationships" to help you experience the ultimate in authentic, loving relationships -- something I had yet to get my arms around. With the zeal of a diligent seeker, I researched love and interviewed the experts in order to deliver the goods on intimacy, passion and commitment. The fairy tale was real, but it was more than a happy ending.

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Perfect Love Has 20-20

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, JULY 6, 2007 Perfect Love Has 20-20 From a reader: (SET ITAL) I think he loves me -- he can't keep his hands off me. The problem is: I'm not sure he knows me. We jumped into an all-consuming intimate relationship … and now that I ...

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

What Are You Doing to Your Child?

INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS WEEKLY COLUMN RELEASE: SEPTEMBER 4, 2009 What Are You Doing to Your Child? When you hold a newbo baby, you sense something God-like … I dare say, even if you're an atheist. A baby is untainted, sacred, perfect! It's important to hold that thought because incessant crying can get old, questions can grow monotonous, and running after a toddler can be a full-time job. That's not really the problem, though; the problem is that you already have a full-time job.

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Get What You Want for Valentine's Day

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2008 Get What You Want for Valentine's Daynn Valentine's Day is for the infatuated, the brokenhearted, the deeply in love, the old and worn, the young and anxious … and, of course, the coupled and the single. It's for ...

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Stop Looking to Find Somebody

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPSnBY JAN DENISEnRELEASE: FRIDAY, MAY 16, 2008 Stop Looking to Find Somebodynn If you're single and looking for a partner or just a date, you've probably felt impatient, maybe downright frustrated. I hear from a lot of lonely people who want to know how to find ...

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Another "New" Year

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2006 ANOTHER "NEW" YEAR It feels like I've blown too many to get another one. Still, here it is … a brand new year. Somebody knows what he's doing because, after all these years, I'm getting better at life, getting better at love. And here I am trying to share what I have learned from falling down and getting up again. What comes to mind: 1. Life is good. I am good, but no better than anybody else -- no worse, either. 2.

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Don't Declare War In Anger

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2007 Don't Declare War In Ange n From a reader: (SET ITAL) I am really wondering if I made a mistake in marrying Donald. I thought we were in the working it out stage, but now I am not so sure. Now, there are moments when ...

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By Jan DeniseRecently published1 topic

Bringing the Unknown into the Known

Bringing the Unknown into the Knownr By Jan Denise The goal of learning is to bring the unknown into the known. The mere act of embracing the unknown as the truth requires a degree of faith. When we limit ourselves to believing for the known—or what we have already proven to be true—we also limit our results to those we have experienced. While we can move beyond our own experience by learning from somebody else’s experience, we are still operating in the known—albeit it “unknown” or new to us.

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Your Chance to Bounce Higher

Your chance to bounce higher No matter who you are, you feel less comfortable financially than you did a couple years ago. And particularly if that's the only comfort you knew, you're hurting. The good news is that you also feel less complacent! If you haven't gotten more creative and motivated yet, you can. You will, once you feel that spark of hope and begin to fan it.r

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Shared Space, Shared Happiness

Shared Space, Shared Happiness While you’re thinking of all the ways you can improve your home, don’t get preoccupied with trends and technology. Make sure it reflects the behavioral, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, sexual, and magical you. Then consider all the ways you and your sweetheart can enjoy every facet of each other in your space. And then, build in reminders.

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You ARE Love

You ARE Lover By Jan Denise From the time we learn the word “no,” we begin to get the message that what we would do naturally is “bad.” As young children, we can’t make a distinction between our behavior and ourselves, so we buy into a lie—the lie that in order to be good enough we have to sit still and be quiet, or look pretty, or SOMETHING. But you know as well as I do that some of the demands we place on children (and ourselves) are more apt to stifle them than make them good.

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Meet, Date, And Be Merry--Or Married

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2007 Meet, Date and be Merry -- or Marriednn (SET ITAL) I am 54 and was divorced in 1998. I have not had a serious relationship or sex since 1996. I have been to all types of singles groups and, of course, nightclubs, which ...

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Meet Six Needs and Bond for Life

INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2009 Meet Six Needs and Bond for Life Relationships make for a happy, fulfilling life or a miserable existence. So, why didn't our parents sit us down early on and teach us to do relationships well? If you think about their relationships, the answer might be painfully obvious. There are few people doing relationships well. Some avoid the ugliness by repressing what's felt, controlling what's expressed and avoiding confrontation.

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Enjoy More, Maintain Less

Enjoy More, Maintain Less With the emphasis on home and garden this month, it's easy to feel as though you spend more time maintaining your home than enjoying it, right? And chances are you've also felt that way about your relationship. The words — muttered or screamed — go something like, "My God, can't we be civil long enough to enjoy one measly weekend?"

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What of Our Fathers?

We can be quick to judge our parents. There are so many things they could have done better. That is, if they had been better trained. We tend to compare our parents -- at least during some stage in our lives -- with an ideal that virtually no parent measures up to. If we must compare them, ...

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Lousy Segments Make for Good Life

INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2009 Lousy Segments Make for Good Life Often we're so engrossed in snippets of our lives that we fail to see the big picture; but life, directed by the mother of all directors, has a way of bringing the pieces together. Think of your favorite movie. It's tough to find a single segment that conveys the message of the whole; individual pieces range from blissful to horrifying. And it takes all of the pieces to create a great movie -- or a great life. I recently watched "Scent of a Woman" for the third time. Lt. Col.

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You Have More Than A Talking Part

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2007 You Have More Than A Talking Partnn Some of us love to talk -- or give directives. And when we've done what we love to do, we leave the ball in our partner's court! n Recently, I talked to Sam about spending more ...

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What You See Is What You Get!

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2007 What You See Is What You Get! One day everything seems perfect. Another day (maybe the very next day) nothing seems remotely perfect. What happened? The company downsized, he screwed up again, she dumped you, one ...

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Think Thoughts Are Inconsequential?

It's tough enough to assume responsibility for our actions and words. Should we, can we, also be responsible for our thoughts and intentions? Those are private, right? Yours alone? Apparently not. According to Marilyn Schlitz, president of the Institute of Noetic Sciences, we're ...

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Treat Problem, Not Symptoms

INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2009 Treat Problem, Not Symptoms Q: I am in desperate need of some advice. I feel that my marriage is going downhill fast and I want to save it. Let me tell you the story. A couple of years ago, I accidentally found e-mails that my husband was sending to an old girlfriend he wanted to meet up with. He told her a ton of lies about our relationship. I confronted him, and everything has been going OK. But now he is meeting women online and talking "personal" talk to them.

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Have Your "Affairs" At Home

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2007 Have Your "Affairs" at Homenn Illicit affairs are about sex. And it strikes me that at some point we might grow out of their shallow gratification. I can see the jaws dropping. n But come on, sex is, well, sex. It's ...

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You Are Somebody's "10"

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, JULY 20, 2007 You Are Somebody's "10" In desperate moments, we just want somebody to have dinner with … but in our heart of hearts, we want to be cherished. We want to be completely known and loved by somebody who thinks we're ...

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Compliment Or Slap In The Face?

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2007 Compliment Or Slap In The Face?nn (SET ITAL) Dear Jan: I am looking for some insight. I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a public event in an art gallery. We talked for 30 minutes and really seemed to ...

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Slow Down the Clock

INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, JULY 24, 2009 Slow Down the Clock As I mentioned last week, we can't stop the aging process; but we (SET ITAL) can (END ITAL) slow it down … and appreciate the blessing of time. A few wrinkles (OK, eventually, a lot of wrinkles) are a small price to pay for what matters on the other side of what doesn't. Seems we have to learn for ourselves that money can't buy love and that we can't really love others until we've learned to love ourselves. That's big!

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Just Friends ... Or True Friends?

BY JAN DENISE Just Friends … or True Friends? The mere term "mixed company" reminds us that men and women used to be more segregated. Work, education and networking provide more than opportunity -- they practically dictate a mingling of the sexes. n So, wouldn't refusing friendship with the ...

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Learn Your Partner's Language

We can look on as an aunt and uncle berate each other year after year and know that, despite appearances, they love each other. There was the time when he thought he was going to lose her to cancer, or the time when she jumped to his defense when somebody else attacked him. Nonetheless, we ...

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Her's Not a Stranger

Her's No Stranger While his mom and dad saw the eye doctor, he colored pictures and helped Tweety Bird through a maze. And when he found a tic-tac-toe page, he asked me, "Do you want to play tic-tac-toe with me?" n "Her's not a stranger, her's a nice lady," he told his parents. That was my ...

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Mirror Reflects Hunger Within

Mirror Reflects Hunger Within Two out of three Americans are overweight, making obesity the second leading cause of preventable death. Instead of eating less, we spend $35 billion a year on weight loss products. We're not stupid; we're in pain. We have an emptiness, a yearning, a hunger … and we're doing our damnedest to satisfy it with food. We can't. So, what is this hunger, and how can we satisfy it? We want to feel connected and secure, we want to have something to contribute and we want to be gaining ground. We want to know that we're worthwhile.

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Put Heart--Not Habit--In Pet Names

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2007 Put Heart -- Not Habit -- In Pet Namesnn "What do you think about guys who call everybody 'honey'?" asks a reader. n The habit reminds me of two stuffed dice hanging from a rearview mirror -- or a waitress apron tied ...

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See What Lurks Beyond Your Own Drama

INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, JULY 31, 2009 See What Lurks Beyond Your Own Drama Is there somebody who always leaves you feeling better than he found you? I used to live next door to such a person. Whenever I ran into Bob, whether it was for 20 seconds or 20 minutes, I'd later count our meeting among the high points of my day. It took me a while to figure out why. Bob was a psychologist -- still working, still playing tennis, still stimulating -- in his 70s. And he had, with much practice, learned how to make everybody feel accepted: He accepted them.

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How Attractive Are You?

INSIDE/NAKED RELATIONSHIPS BY JAN DENISE RELEASE: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2007 How Attractive Are (SET ITAL) You (END ITAL)? The media hosts an ongoing parade of beautiful people. They even offer commentary on the most beautiful eyes, lips and buttocks … helping us to embrace both a false ...

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Resolve to Be Happy This Year

Resolve to Be Happy This Year Life is about falling down and learning from it, getting up and starting again. And if that doesn't sound like fun to you, just watch a baby do it. Better yet, let the baby wrap his little fingers around yours and help him learn to walk. Look into his twinkling eyes and see if you don't get a new perspective on resilience — joy in the stumbling and peace in the falling. There might be some cries and screams, but they won't keep him down. With a little coaxing, you can turn his cries into smiles and laughter.

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You Direct the Spring Within

You Direct the Spring Within by Jan Deniser As seen in Jan's relationships colum "Choosing Love" in the March 2012 issue of In Jersey magazine I was in paradise wandering from one little alcove to another, with angel trumpets cascading overhead and roses perfuming the morning air. The wonderment of spring in a garden is unmatched, except maybe by the wonderment of spring in a relationship!

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