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Browse every published article connected to Judy Ringer, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
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Browse every published article connected to Judy Ringer, or search within this exact expert archive.
"But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes … "nn-- High Hopes, Jimmy Van Heusen/Sammy Cah My friend, Suzanne, is an inspiration. One of her favorite songs is "High Hopes" – as in "high-apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes." I see Suzanne regularly at our ...
The beginning of a new year, like the beginning of anything, brings with it thoughts of change, rejuvenation, new life, and resolutions about how to accomplish these changes. Life offers possibilities of a fresh start for our relationships. But we don't always carry through on our resolutions. ...
"I'm sick and tired of HR's red tape. I need this employee now, not next month. My department suffers while you drag your feet trying to get references I don't need. I want THIS person. Get off the stick and make it happen!" OK! Jack's trying to communicate an important need. What's his ...
My friend and colleague, Sandy Davis, who lives in the northern reaches of the state of Maine, is an executive leadership coach. Among other things, he teaches people how to be resilient. He has a simple, effective formula that includes spending fifteen minutes each day in three different ...
"Scrooge was better than his word. ... He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man as the good old City knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough in the good old world.nn ... And it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive ...
So, there I was alone in a hotel room in Poughkeepsie, NY, instead of attending my college reunion festivities. I’d been looking forward to meeting up with past classmates, going to lectures and, most of all, walking the campus. The Vassar campus is unbelievably beautiful in June. Trees are centuries old, architecture is varied and grand, gardens abundant; and walking the well-known paths is a silent meditation. But the first thing I did after breakfast was to fall and sprain my ankle. It took approximately ten minutes to blow up like a balloon, and it hurt – a lot.
"The power of discovery enables us to achieve excellence without having to be "perfect.'" nn– Thomas Crum, The Magic of Conflict I arrived at the conference center ready to present my workshop. Almost immediately I noticed the room was too small and it was not set up as requested. There ...
It's easy to be a shock jock today. Twitter, Facebook, Google +1. What is it about social media that allows us to drop our inhibitions and say anything that comes to mind? Could there be something beneficial about having no filters? What can we learn from Anthony Weiner's experience with social media?
Sometimes it seems that the energy has been drained from much of our communication. We try to do the right thing, say the right words, and be safe instead of real. And while our intentions are noble, we often leave the meaning out. It stays hidden behind carefully constructed technique that actually doesn't say very much. While I am not in favor of reactively blurting out whatever comes to mind, unfiltered and potentially harmful, I am in favor of being real. Of saying what we need to say so that we can engage in meaningful dialogue.
Does conflict disrupt your workplace environment? Read on! Judy Ringer answers some commonly asked questions on the subjects of workplace conflict, difficult people, and how to manage them more effectively. Q. What are some typical breakdowns in the workplace? JR: I wouldn’t call them ...
I received many responses from July's article on "Negativity in the Workplace" including some great resources for turning negativity around. It started with friend and colleague Barbara Wilson's email quoting Patch Adams: "The most revolutionary act one can commit in our world is to be publicly ...
Hurry up and meditate, I'm thinking as I sit in half-lotus, willing myself to quiet down and connect with the source. Wow, that's really taking things to extremes. How can you meditate in a hurry? Isn't the whole point to SLOW DOWN? Quiet the rushing stream of thoughts and make the world ...
My good friend and colleague, Thomas Crum, taught me a lot of what I know about having hard conversations. A method he uses with children - the BLT - is so simple and easy to remember, I often use it with adults, too. Breathe, Learn, Talk. So when a mom asked me about how to help her 10-year-old daughter Becky solve a problem with her teasing friend, Tom's BLT method was a perfect solution. Becky's friend was making jokes at her expense, and Becky wanted her to stop. Conflict Resolution for Kids: Breathe, Learn, Talkr Dear Becky,r
Occasionally I have an identity crisis. I think that's good. From time to time I have to ask myself questions like: Who am I? What am I doing? Do I like doing it? Am I good at it? Will it help the world? and How does the world know I'm doing it? It began this time when I asked a friend and ...
"Judy, I thought of the opportunity that lies in managing conflict AFTER I came out of one today. Always after. I am so angry at myself for always biting the hook, for falling that damn hole. I can't seem to remember to become present. I just go right for my old ways and then I publicly embarrass myself. I am a batter who keeps swinging and striking out. Is there hope?"
The Holiday Season. Does time seems to compress, or is it just me? There's so much going on - the end of autumn, the beginning of winter, and all the holidays that follow. As a child it was an exciting time of year. As an adult, it seems filled with more shopping, baking, parties, and other ...
A friend has this quotation on his office wall: "I know worry works because nothing I worry about ever happens." I think I must believe that, because I worry a lot -- and about the most insignificant things. I worry about the big things, of course, like health, relationships, and finances. But ...
Even the most effective leaders lose their way occasionally. In spite of best efforts, you forget how much influence you have and how your action (or inaction) affects the workplace environment. These six traits are common causes. Ineffective Leadership Traits 1) Avoiding Conflictr
The more I practice centering, the more I realize that as important as it is to be able to identify and access the centered state, it is equally important to be able to know when I'm NOT centered. Otherwise, how do I choose? When I'm centered I'm in control of my behavior. Centered action is ...
Our goal in conscious communication is not to change the other person . . . Our goal is to establish connection. Andrew LeCompte, author, Creating Harmonious Relationships A parent of three attended a workshop I gave on managing conflict. A few days after the workshop, she emailed me to say ...
There are many ways to improve the way you communicate. For example, you will always start things off on the right foot by opening the conversation in a way that creates mutual respect. Using phrases such as, "If you have a minute, I'd like to talk with you about something that I think will ...
I received a hopeful inquiry from a visitor to my Website recently: This is a common question with coaching clients and in workshops. What if I'm the only one who wants to resolve the conflict? While I have written on this topic in past posts, I think the question deserves more attention. What if they don't care about resolving the conflict? If you're entering a conflict conversation believing this, it will be difficult to gain traction. More than any other element, your attitude does the heavy lifting in determining how the conversation goes.
“If you don’t like what’s happening in your life, change your mind.” This brief quotation from the Dalai Lama reminds me that my experience of life changes as I do. As I change, I change the way I influence - and am influenced by - my surroundings. How are you inventing your life today? How ...
Is there a difficult conversation you’re not holding? * Coworker not pulling their weight? * Supervisor not holding members of the team accountable? * Irritating behavior getting on your nerves? What stops you from saying what’s on your mind? You may know exactly what you want to say, but you don’t say it. Instead the problem festers and the associated emotions leak out. You talk to others about the problem, lose sleep, or take refuge in a cold shoulder, sarcasm, or temper tantrum. The longer you hold back, the harder it is to bring it up.
Time, time, time. It seems there is never enough of this precious life support. In a previous story about time, I quoted the following aphorism: TIME IS MY FRIEND, TIME IS MY ALLY I HAVE ALL THE TIME I NEED FOR EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO. I received a lot of grateful responses and some ...
We are what we do repeatedly, Excellence, therefore, is not an act, It is a habit. -- Aristotle The concept of practice applies to any skill that you want to cultivate. If you take up a new musical instrument, you will need to practice a while before you're ready to give your first concert. ...
Respect is like air: if you take it away, it's all people can think about.rn~Kerry Patterson - Author, Crucial Conversations Respect is like air, I've heard it said. When it's plentiful, there's no issue. We take it as given. But when it's missing, you can't think about anything else. I was swimming at the Portsmouth Indoor Pool early one morning. My lane partner was taking up more of the lane tha I thought necessary, more than his share. I was grouchy, shrinking and trying not to be run over as he swam by in the other direction.
I am a martial artist and black belt in aikido, a practice that continues to teach me about life, both on and off the mat. For example, at the end of each aikido practice, I express gratitude to my partners by bowing and saying: "Thank you very much." I've found over the years that sometimes I ...
The capacity to withhold an action that we have prepared but reconsidered is an important distinction between intelligent and impulsive behavior.rn~ Marcel Brass, of the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences and of Ghent University.
"… the impossible challenges of life are the best teachers."n– Amy Mindell, Metaskills Driving home late one night during the first snow of the season, I hit a patch of ice on a slippery bridge and collided with the barrier that separates the bridge from the air and the water. I careened off ...
Think of a conversation you’ve been putting off. Got it? Great. Then let’s go. There are dozens of books on the topic of difficult, crucial, challenging, important (you get the idea) conversations (I list nseveral at the end of this article). Those times when you know you should talk to ...
"Go ahead, Judy, talk to your father. What do you want to say?" With these words offered by my favorite Aunt Mimi, I was given the greatest gift—the gift of myself. Mimi and I had gone on an aunt-niece shopping adventure, and at age 15, I became the proud owner of my first mini-skirt. Upon ...
You've spent time and energy preparing and holding an important conversation. You developed a useful purpose, acknowledged your conversation partner, and framed your message with skill. But, in spite of your best efforts, the situation does not improve: a direct report continues to be ...
Disclaimer. You're probably reading this because you want to be heard, and I'm going to talk about how to listen. Because that's how to be heard. Become a good listener. The three primary ingredients of conversation are: Inquiry, Acknowledgment, and Advocacy. • Inquiry is about learning, curiosity, and doing your best to understand how something looks to someone else. • Acknowledgement is letting that someone know you've heard them. • Advocacy is inviting them to hear you.
"How are you Inventing Your Life Today?" – the lead story from my last issue of Power & Presence – drew comments from several readers. Most of the comments went something like: "I wish I could have the degree of control over my life that you apparently do." I want to say, I wish I had the ...
I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.rn~ Charles Dickens At church last Sunday, our pastor invited the youth of the congregation up front for the traditional "Time for Young Disciples." Three- and four-year-olds, seven- and ten-year-olds all came forward bearing Sunday smiles and the energy of the young at heart. Since we're in the season of Advent, Pastor Dawn asked: "What do we know about Christmas?" Answers (in this order): • You get presents. • You give presents. • You get a Christmas tree. • You get presents!r
A good friend gave me a book last week, thinking I might like it. The book is "Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion" by Jesuit Priest Gregory Boyle about his work with gangs in Los Angeles, CA. Reading the first chapters in the early spring sun this morning at Beach Pea in Kittery, Maine, I feel calm and centered and blessed. The book's uplifting message, flowers budding, birds stopping for crumbs, and the melody of conversation at nearby tables open a stillness in me, a quiet place of gratitude and connection, of being lucky to be alive.
It started out innocuously. I asked a colleague if she'd be willing to listen to an upcoming presentation for a local non-profit. She said she would, and I plunged in. My colleague had a lot to say and delivered it with stinging energy. "You use too much jargon; I hate jargon," she said. "And you need something besides theory. They'll fall asleep." My hackles went up. Wow! Was there anything you liked? My left hand column was in overdrive. I was ready to leap on her but stopped, centered myself, and decided to practice what I do, in fact, teach.
Last week I attended an excellent 2-day workshop called "Staying Grounded When on the Spot," offered by the Public Conversations Project, in Watertown, MA. Geared to help facilitators and trainers manage challenging group moments, I found that the skills applied in a variety of settings, ...
"Keep your center and you’ll know which way you have to go."n n– Terry Dobson, aikidoist and author, Aikido In Everyday Life I had undertaken a project that I was beginning to feel was beyond my personal resources to accomplish. I had asked a friend and colleague if I might organize a workshop ...
I spent time with Wendy Palmer in Boston recently. Wendy is an author, inspirational teacher and bright spirit. She offers coaching and training programs for leaders, groups, and individuals like you and me on Conscious Embodiment.
A friend told me about a conflict she was having with her next door neighbor. Due to a misunderstanding the neighbor was pretty upset, so much so that when they passed on the street and my friend said hello and reached out to shake his hand, he withdrew it, avoided eye contact, muttered a ...
What does this quotation by Morihei Ueshiba say to you? “Opponents confront us continually, but actually there is no opponent there.” Morihei Ueshiba, 1883-1969, is the founder of Aikido, the martial art I practice, teach, and use as a metaphor in my work. Aikido -- "The Way of Blending With Energy" -- teaches us to unite with the "opponent's" energy and redirect it, keeping both defender and attacker free from harm and re-establishing harmony. Dealing With Difficult Conflictr
Why do you do what you do? What is your real work in the world, and why is it important to know the answer? I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I have started and run several businesses, and as I look back, I think the most important element in financial and personal success is awareness of purpose ...
It was the 10th day of rain, and I walked into the pool locker room feeling a little soggy around the edges. I asked my pool friend, Laurie, how she was and she said, "Bright and cheery. It's a wonderful day and I'm going to accomplish a lot of good things." Laurie, who is recovering from hip ...
There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.rn-- Benjamin Zander Author/conductor Ben Zander’s quotation flashed through my mind when I had to cancel a day of work thanks to a nor’easter that blew though Portsmouth in January. As forecasters made their blizzard predictions, my mood grew cloudier. O, for heaven’s sake! We’ve got fourteen people coming. I can’t believe this! Stupid, stupid weather!
When you're really angry, what do you want? • Satisfaction? • Support? • Understanding? • An ally? • Agreement? • Self-control? When I'm really upset, I want all of the above, but I think my highest priority is to get back to a composed, centered self that can operate effectively, efficiently and purposefully. And I'm grateful for someone who will help me get there.
"Use every man after his desert, and who shall 'scape whipping? Use them after your own honour and dignity: the less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty." – Hamlet, William Shakespeare When was the last time someone made your day – or you made theirs? In the national bestselling ...
I just got back from Colorado where I spent a week relaxing, re-energizing and revisiting the key values in my life. The lodge where I stayed is called Peaceful Valley, and it has a chapel on the premises. I’ve been to Peaceful Valley and to this chapel many times over the years. The ...
There’s a saying in Aikido: “There are many lessons on the mat.” It means that when we’re practicing Aikido we’re not just learning Aikido, we’re also learning about life. For example, when someone grabs my wrist too hard and I get angry but don’t say anything, I eventually learn that it would be more useful to ask him not to grab so hard. I may also notice that it’s difficult for me to ask for what I want in other places in my life, that I suffer needlessly because of it, and that I blame others and justify my blaming instead of taking action. Many lessons...r