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ARE YOU LIVING IN TODAY? There is real joy in working with others. They, in part, keep me totally focus in the day. I help my clients to identify their dreams and make them a reality. By the journey they take is taken a day at a time. Again, the words of others ring true. “Living or ...
Choosing Hope Over Fear What a great topic for the times we're in. I received a piece of this blog from the head hunting business and as you can see, received it earlier in 2009. When I got the courage to do what I had felt was my life purpose, I picked a company name that reflected what I had ...
Got this great reading today from Hazelden, and boy did it hit home! I only wish that I had “got it” as it relates to my mother by the time I was 35. Man, she, and a few select other very close to me, knew exactly what buttons to push. I’ve learned that it was I who allowed them to be pushed, ...
When we live with fear and a lack of self confidence, we need to be in control. Do you see the need to control people, places and things in yourself? Daily, I use the serenity prayer, and on some days, with great frequency. In my professional life, it is easy to slip in to this mode and to be ...
CHASING HAPPINESS? “One is happy as a result of one's own efforts, once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness — simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self denial to a point, love of work, and, above all, a clear conscience. Happiness is no vague dream, of that I now feel certain.”-George Sand-19th Century female French novelistr I came upon a part of this George Sand quote in one of my daily readings and in exploring who George Sand was, came upon the whole quote.r
Believing In You! Over the weekend, I was asked by a friend about the similarities of people I coach on “Life” issues and in the area of addictions. Throw in people I work with on a “service/volunteer” base and there is one huge area in common. Those who are struggling or ...
LIFE ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND I’m generally not a computer pack rat, and tend to keep my inbox, sent and so on with little stuff in them. That being said, every now and again I hold on to something which I’ve read and intuitively know it is going to be very real on an upcoming day. Below is something I received back in very early September. I was aware that it was there, and in talking with a couple of clients today, it reminded me to look back and share.r
Responsibility brings power. "To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist." -- Gail Sheehy Time spent on my personal co-creative process of recovering a life that I knew was meant for me opens my eyes to truths on a continuous basis. One of these truths is that for my ...
BE TRUE TO SELF! And this above all, to thine own self be true. And it must follow as night the day, thou canst not be false to any man.rn--Shakespeare "To thine own self be true." "Live the life you were meant to live." "Be the person you were meant to be." These statements convey a wonderful truth. They form the basic philosophies coaches have about clients - that when we go inside and trust our intuition, life opens before us. When we ignore our inner leanings, however, trouble arises.r
WALK. DON'T RUN Another reading reminded me of the title of one of those great old songs from my past- "Walk. Don’t Run". Who did that one? The Ventures I certainly remember when I finally accepted that my life needed major change, and found the courage to go out and get the help I needed to identify the path to change. I remember hearing from a respected Doctor Psychologist friend that the 12 steps were a great model for good mental hygiene. I was, and I guess instinctively still am, a person who when he wants it, he wants it now.
This getting your life back together, setting goals and being accountable is serious stuff! That being said, Laughter plays a very important role along the way, and one of the new skills I have picked up is a genuine ability to laugh at myself. I found the following quote and reading a good ...
LYING TO FEEL ACCEPTED I blog frequently for several reasons. I have “jou alled” or blogged for years as a part of my life recovery. Simply, it lets me get things that are on the inside to the outside. I was taught that this was healthy behaviour and guess what? It helps. Honest sharing is good for all. Over the years, as I’ve shared some of my writings, I have been told that they have helped others. I am not unique, and others can relate to some of the thoughts that go through the “Disney World” that sometimes serves as my mind.
This is one I’ve wanted to do for a while. I’m just back from my favorite Saturday morning meeting, and it is always a great reminder of where I was, and what has changed! I am ete ally grateful. It stops me from taking things for granted, from assuming! Even though I have been on a ...
AN EXPECTATION/PROMISE You have decided to work hard on rebuilding a life that you are happy with. You understand the process ahead of you and realise that it will require commitment and hard work. You have set some goals. It is time to act, but you have normal fear about making big changes. Will others still like me? Will my life become boring?
APPLES and TREES We often hear that the apple does not fall far from the tree. Did that ever come home to roost this week. I received a phone call from my adult son late yesterday afte oon. In this economy, he has gone through a rough patch with employment even with an MBA and Chef certification. We live in different towns, so do not see each other frequently, but generally talk often. Over the past couple of months phone calls had been further between, and I know our son has allot of pride and does not like to ask Dad and Mom, or anyone for that matter, for help.
PLEASE LIKE ME? I don’t know how many years I went through life deep down just wanting people to like me. Can you relate? As a kid, I had friends, but never felt that I was anyone’s “best friend”. I longed to be the person who got that first phone call or had people knocking at my door on the way to places. I wanted to be the one asked when a parent allowed one of my friends to have just one person over for a sleep over. As I grew older, the theme continued. I’d do almost anything to have you like me. I think it’s known as people pleasing.
Life Out of Whack? H.A.L.T. Today is February 9, 2011 and it is mental health awareness day in Canada. A reminder to all, 20% of the total population suffers from a “mental health” issue in their life. Be aware of it, and if you are in that 20%, have the courage to seek help. There are no negatives attached to issues IF you deal with them!r
Goals and Self-Esteemr In my own funny way, I have always had goals. For a long period of time, my self-esteem was low. Safe to say, I was not a fan of me from the inside out. The process of "life recovery", as I have experienced, is a process that is from the inside out. To quote an old phrase, “It begins with me". How true. In creative recovery we start out by setting goals for ourselves.
People really have trouble at times getting their head around coaching. As pure coaching as a discipline is new to a lot of people, let’s see if this analogy from my school-Rhema International- rings some bells. There have always been coaches; we just don’t know how many we are ...
Want A Useful Life? Well, here I sit well into a new year. Over this period, I love to take time to reflect back, look at jou als that go back many years, and appreciate the journey that has unfolded and what was the underlying motivation to take the journey I continue on. To the headline question, the answer was a definite yes. I did want a useful life, a life with purpose that was not driven by the material.
Playing Life Forward (and loving you). Life moves forward whether we want it to or not. It never plays in reverse. The past is past. Over. Finished. Our job is to move with the flow of the present. We are propelled by what went before, but we do not try to swim against the current of our present lives by regretting or yearning for old times. It is called your history! Each day of life recovery releases us from the past and gives us a fresh start. We can put behind us the misery of compulsive behavior - we certainly don't yearn to re-experience that!
A Thought: Limited expectations yield only limited results. Our thoughts determine our actions, and when our thoughts are negative, our successes are few. What we hold in our mind is certain to be reflected in the day's activities. And we are capable of fueling our thoughts positively, if we ...
Some universal truths I have learned in my own process of life recovery and in working with hundreds of others. "Family" is an issue I hear about almost everyday, and deal with directly on many occasions in my own life. As today is a statutory holiday here in Ontario-"Family Day",- it is a very ...
There was a point in my life, a decade plus ago, I was living in insanity. I was doing things that were negative repeatedly, but expecting a diffrent outcome. I was less than honest, leading a double life- one for the public and a diffrent life inside of me, I suffered frequent depression and ...
Do you love yourself? What a great question and I thank Express Coaching and their Idea Generator for sending. It is probably the first questio I drill to with the clients I take on, and one each of us must regularly ask ourselves! "At the heart of personality is the need to feel a sense of ...
Scared To Take Chances? Being afraid to try and fail was part of the turmoil I faced before making a decision to regain my life and recover from the demons. I get some great readings, and this one from Hazelden resonated! If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take ...
Having Fun Yet? Recently, life has been full of challenges that a larger than the norm. When issues are directly related to blood family, they can be more stressful than most issues. Money gets in there too. On a frequent basis, I ask myself, “Are We Having Fun Yet?” I began the ...
Insanity? Restored to? I think we all go through rollercoaster rides. Even though I’ve been on the recovery journey for a while, things happen, we face stress, and even though we try to turn it over, a black cloud appears! This isn’t the first one I’ve had, nor will it be the ...
THINK YOUR TOUGH? Real Tough People Show Feelingsr Alex Karras was a hard nosed football player. In his day, if you looked up “tough” in a dictionary you might have found his picture. Alex on “tough”: It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more "manhood" to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.rn--Alex Karras In our culture, being a man often means being tough and not showing feelings.
Four little letters, but an emotion that plays havoc on so many of us. Have you ever really sat and thought about how much “Fear” has impacted your life. For those who have experienced going through “The Creative Theory of Life Recovery”, they are always surprised to ...
WHAT AM I THINKING? "I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it." -- William Faulknerr Years ago I was in a treatment facility trying to learn how to live life on life’s terms. To say my mind was a super speedway would have been an understatement. Disjointed thoughts continually raced around. What was I really thinking? I was introduced to the concept of jou aling. I must admit, initially, it struck me as silly. Isn’t this what girls do when they keep a diary?r
SELF AWARE As I went through life, I lost a sense of who I was; I was not aware of certain behaviour patterns and thought patterns that were occurring in my life. I certainly was aware of the patterns of others that I was in frequent contact with, and as we all know, sometimes the behaviours of those we know well become predictable to us. However, I had lost the ability to predict my own behaviour and at 46, had no idea of who I was. A very sad thing that I think many, if honest, can relate to. As a thought provoker, I offer you an “Idea Engineer” from my coaching mentor, Randin Brons.r
YOU WANT CHANGE. WHY? Another great question prompted from my coaching mentor, Dr. Randin Brons “Idea Engineer”. I work with intelligent people who are prepared to invest time, and in the case of my clients, money, to get a better life than current. To get what they want, they must be prepared to make change. Why do they want change? What prompts them? It is likely the same thing that prompted me to transform my life. What within a person calls out for change?r
WILL THEY FIND OUT? (Or do they know?) I sit here today a relatively content man. That is the result of a journey to change that I found the courage to start some 15 years ago. Today, the constant worry about will they find out or even worse, do they already know is gone. What a relief! What's this all about? Is he talking about me because I can understand the question and relate. I'm glad to see issues about mental health more out of the closet than ever before and very well known personalities sharing their own experiences.
This is a time of the year when for a lot of us, emotions and feelings run high. Family, or lack of family; friends or lack of friends; loneliness, big ups and big downs, and of course the lingering resentments, something many feel at this time of the year. One of the big challenges I faced in ...
Posted October 31st, 2008 by Keithnn * A NEW EARTHn * ADDICTIONn * Certifiedn * CREATIVE THEORYn * DREAMSn * EGOn * Life Coachn * www.hopeserenity.cann MORE ON EGO! While I haven't jou alled about it in a while, ego, the duality and things Eckhart Tolle has written ...
Posted November 5th, 2008 by Keithn • A NEW EARTHn • Creative Theory of Recoveryn • Keith Bray. Life Coach Awakening To Purposen Last night I watched the world change. As I was going to sleep, US voters showed courage to change; they made a decisio I did not think I'd see in my ...
WHO’S BEHIND YOUR SUCCESS? Behind an able man there are always other able men.rn--Chinese proverb The similarities between this and the saying “Behind every good man is a good woman” are striking. How many say “I am self-made”? No one succeeds alone. Most of us have had a strong desire in our lives to "do it ourselves." We have had the idea that strength and independence meant we should not rely on or receive help from others. Ah yes, big boys (and girls) don’t cry, and to ask for help to many is a show of weakness and a skill never learned. I know because I was there.r
ROCKETED INTO a 4TH DIMENSION of EXISTENCE Over the past weekend, I had the privilege of attending a “spiritual retreat” at a wonderful place of peace called Manresa . What is a spiritual retreat? Sounds out there! For me it is like taking a time out from life and listening to a leader lead discussions on things of the inner spirit (not necessarily religious) in a setting that is removed from a lot of life’s daily distractions; and after listening, to be able to ponder and meditate on things that were at one time baffling or just didn’t matter.r
As I started on the process of life recovery, I felt that there was no one there who would really listen to me and actually hear me. Today I realise there are a few people who do listen to me and hear me; and this includes my wife and a few “skilled” others. Listening is a learned skill that ...
WHAT DOES SOBRIETY REALY MEAN? WHAT IS SUCCESS? When people hear the word sobriety, they automatically think of freedom from alcohol. When I was finally ready to accept my life was being negatively impacted by the over and improper use of alcohol, sobriety meant exactly that-freedom from ...
Someone Gave Me A Compass Early in my journey, someone gave me a compass. What the heck is this about I wondered? One of the great discoveries I have made as I get stronger on the journey, the divine spirit I know is there trusts me enough to give me freedom of choice. This spirit is also the ...
It was a very interesting day yesterday. A day where I had a wonderful opportunity to lunch with a psychiatrist associate, then golf with a business coach I have known for years, but never had the opportunity to spend one on one time with. Upon reflection this morning, and looking at what has ...
I am not, today, a religious person, but to move from a low start point to a life I love today, I had to understand what god is to me. It is safe to say, at my lowest hour, I was spiritually bankrupt. I was the centre of my own universe and I tried to control all within it. For a long period it seemed to work; then it flew apart leaving me with a life without centre. I believe in the psychology of the 12 steps and a concept of a Higher Power as you personally understand that power.
THE POWER OF ACCEPTANCE As each new year begins, I love to go through and meditate on the 12 steps. As I constantly tell others, while the 12 steps in the familiar format people look at today come from AA, there is no better model for any human being to follow for good mental hygiene. Want a better life tomorrow than you have today, start a journey using the 12 steps as your map! My mentor Dr. Randin Brons just published the following thoughts in his Idea Engineer, and lo and behold they go right to the first step’s theme. ACCEPTANCE. He wrote: The power of acceptancer
HOLISTIC HEALTH/BALANCE “Health is wholeness and balance, an inner resilience that allows you to meet the demands of living without being overwhelmed.”rn— Andrew Weil, MD Health is wholeness, and health is multi-faceted. When major areas of health are addressed, balance results. With an MD such as Dr. Weil, physical health is of primary importance. Keys are proper eating, exercise and rest and all in moderation. To co-creatively ensure your physical well being, regular check-ups are a key.
(An adaptation from a business article) Success allergy? How can that be? Success is a concept, not something you eat, drink, wear or come into a physical contact with. Even so, it does appear that a large number of people just may be allergic to success. Perhaps, not in the sense that you ...
TAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY S...t happens; there is no doubt that this is true in my life and yours. We have no control over most things exte al to ourselves! What happens to us is not as important as how we respond. From my friends at Hazelton, a great way to look at things. Read and think.r
GET REAL (with expectations) Another one of those readings that struck a chord, and reminded me of universal truths in life and recovering an abundant life! I am a very avid golfer; some have even accused me of being addicted to the sport. Funny, what I really like about golf is the sociability of the game coupled with the natural outdoors setting. At my darkest times, I found more serenity on the golf course than in any other spot on earth. People assume because you play a lot and are passionate, that you are good at it. For me and golf, this is not the case.
NOVEMBER 11 May I Never Forget/Gratituder Thankfully, November 11 is an annual day that is celebrated. I wonder if I would so clearly remember to be grateful without the reminder. I am truly grateful that I did not have to live through or fight in any global wars over my lifetime, and I pray the same is true for my children, grandchildren and our lineage going forward. This did not happen by chance. I look back and remember with gratitude stories told to me by my grandfather and both my father and mother. They served their home lands with honour in WW! and WW2 respectfully.