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Browse every published article connected to Keith Bray, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
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Browse every published article connected to Keith Bray, or search within this exact expert archive.
It’s taken me a long time to learn, and I was reminded again in working with a client today, I have the right to be wrong. Oft times, upon reflection, I am wrong. New behaviors dictate that when I know I am wrong, I promptly admit it, and make amends when needed. I’ve also learned ...
For a long time I thought I was on a run of bad luck! My wife had left me, friends were pulling away, and nothing seemed to come together at work, not to mentio I never won the lottery or even a lucky draw? Ever had that feeling?? Just plain bad luck. It’s funny after I decided to seek ...
By definition, unmerited means undeserved, and the gift I was given, the gift of life recovery-was seemingly undeserved. Why me? The question has no answer that I understand. For a long period of time, my life was in decline, some periods slow, some much more rapid and obvious to others. I was ...
What a fabulous day yesterday with my grand kids. With no other adults around, and with the range of things that we did, I loved seeing the day through the eyes of children; and being “silly” at times also. I’m so grateful that the journey I’m on allowed me to have a day ...
I have been jou aling, and posting my journal as a blog for some time. Why? I am a member of a group of coaches who can be found at Big Life.ws, and have been part of a share group about blogging. I am trying to put into practice what others are telling me about blogging. I look for the input ...
One of the most important things in my life is family, yet sometimes I wonder why. As I start a new week, the thought of family and relationships is foremost in my mind. Funny, I’m reminded, you can pick your friends, and you can’t pick your family. In these thoughts, I must remember ...
Gratitude-A Reminder Last night I was a t a meeting, and old timers were welcomed. A couple of people glanced my way, and I guess it a fitting title in that fellowship. I should be grateful. I was there again, and free from addictions. Over the last period of time, we have had some major ...
Some days I feel like a cartoon character and not my beloved Popeye. I am the person you see in the cartoons with the little black cloud over my head every where I go. I’m thankful that I don’t get this way often, and know it will pass, but the feeling is here, right now. I think ...
A weekend is in process, and I pray that my golf game gets better. It’s a wonderful journey when the worst thing you have to worry about is your golf game. Friday, I played the worst round I’ve played in years, and didn’t even mutter a curse word. I may be getting too mellow! I ...
This is a phrase used in the bible of the original 12 step organization (known as the Big Book). As I have traveled the road of life, I often found myself looking for an easier, softer way to get what I wanted. In school, I dogged assignments and read other peoples notes. I have tried get rich ...
And Who Heals Me? Over a year ago, I went on a journey to look at some real fuzzy philosophical questions. “Who Am I?”was dealt with years ago, but “What Is My Purpose?” remained vague. I went on a real journey to discover what it is about past employment that I loved ...
-many ask for “things” I thought about and journal about the need for prayer and meditation yesterday. Meditation is a listening skill. I was familiar with prayer. As a child, I learned to pray in Sunday school and even in real school. We said grace before meals, and the like. As my ...
So You Want the “Big Life”? Getting it through coaching Written by Gary Glasscock and Keith Bray Whether it is in life, sports, fitness, career, relationships, health, or executive performance, more and more people are turning to personal coaches to help them achieve goals they set ...
Yesterday, I had a mentoring session with a fellow coach, and attended my online class. Funny how you hear things when you should (if you listen) and how one thought can lead into another. Yesterday I gave thought to benchmarking progress along the journey and how hard it can be to recognize ...
Ready For More Steps/Footprints? I can get off track with the best of them! I was rolling along on a step review which I like to do annually, and ensuring the “footprints” I use in my practice are in sync with what must happen to live a quality life. Life got in the way. In the ...
Well, we are coming to the end of the first good weather (supposedly) long weekend of the year. For my American friends, we celebrate “Victoria Day” the weekend ahead of Memorial Day, a tie to our British roots. I feel for those with cottages and those who are campers. If people were ...
-to keep what is given, you must be of service to others Funny, I wrote a blog for today earlier, and for some reason, lost it within my computer! We are nearing the finish line in this review of the steps/footprints, and today I look at “the ask” that we carry the message. Before I ...
Last night, we went and saw the new Indiana Jones movie. I remember the original very well, the special effects were incredible and the story had me at the edge of my seat. I loved it. While the flick I saw last night had great special effects and some spectacular location shoots, I found it ...
With a smile on my face, I say, “will restore us to sanity”! It’s Sunday, and for the second day in a row, I headed to the golf course with anticipation. For the second day in a row, it began to rain part way through the golf game. For the second day in a row, I finished the ...
Is Personal Change Possible? Success? - a Couple of great questions that I have come The last day and a half has been hectic but interest! Coaching is all about asking questions, and having the client find answers with. Yesterday I was asked if it were possible for people to make significant ...
-flashback to my 20’s, it’s not me today I went to a concert over the weekend to see Credence Clearwater Revival, or what’s left of the group. The music was great, it really was good old rock and roll, but the feelings were funny! There was a lot of gray hair in the crowd, ...
I’m a real Canadian, and as such, a hockey fan. Wayne Gretzky is a hero. I was coaching a client this morning who shared a great statement he ascribed to “The Great One”. “You’ll miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” How true is that? What do we miss ...
A real true friend sent this to me. She is going through a lot with a husband who is unfortunately being taken slowly by cancer. Patti is hanging in, hanging on, and despite all that is happening to her and around her, she is so often there for others. This small piece of prose is part of her ...
I get a chance to go to some very interesting meetings with some very bright people. All should understand you meet very bright people in recovery programs; they were smart enough to do something about their living problems. Today a person stated that during his “dark” days, he has ...
Years ago I was introduced to the power of positive affirmations. Like those I introduce affirmations to today, at first I thought it was ridiculous. At Homewood, a great treatment center I was at in 1994, they gave us not only a sheet of self-affirmations, but a list of qualities and asked us ...
It’s always interesting to see what a difference 24 hours can make, even two hours. I am a life transformation coach, coach based on many of the principles Eckhart Tolle put forth in A New Earth, I have a strong spiritual foundation, have helped many others, have been addiction free for a ...
Interesting day today. It’s interesting when you go to a closed 12 step meeting and run in to someone you know from another part of life. I have no conce s about people knowing I’m in recovery. I accepted that I was powerless over a few things fourteen years ago, and that began my ...
A good reminder for me. I started on the journey to get a life back that had fullness, happiness, hope and serenity. I worked very hard at that process, have had a spiritual awakening, and benefited from the advice of professionals and peers who had walked before me. I wanted what I perceived ...
A NEW YOU IN 2012? READY FOR CHANGE? Here we are, 9 days in to a new year and most things back to normal. By now, a majority of people who have made resolutions have broken themr As you looked at a new year, what changes have you committed to make in how you live? More importantly, how are you going to make them? What has held you back? Winston Churchill once said, “I’m always ready to learn, although I don’t always like being taught.” Can you relate?r
SPIRITUALITY-SOME THOUGHTS I work with people who simply put, want to make major change in their life. The reasons vary and may include addiction, abuse, stress, and depression. The common denominator is that the zest for life is not what they want and personal relationships are stressed or gone. Most of my clients do not love themselves. Life transformation and the recovery of the life you want is a process. My experience and learning tells me it is a holistic process and one that requires “outside expertise” to guide the journey.r
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE Courage: The power to let go of the familiar.rn--Raymond Lindquistr Letting go of the familiar really does require courage. Why? Very simply, the thought of change evokes fear. Fear of what? Only YOU can answer for you. Let me pose three very simple questions to you. If they really get you thinking, let’s talk about them. What self esteem issues or addiction related issues are your biggest challenges? What will happen to you and what will it cost you if you don’t deal with them? What do you want instead?r
Do you have an addiction problem? You’re reading this because you are looking for information about “addictions”. I address this to two groups of people in particular. * The person who thinks s/he has a problem. * The person trying to drink/drug/behave in moderation. Many are here because deep down they think they might have a problem. Guess what? If you think you might have a problem with drugs or alcohol, chances are very high that you do.
NEED A RECOVERY PROGRAM? I am blessed to be acquainted with a great group of people who are involved in addiction recovery and helping others. Patrick Meninga who operates the web site www.spiritualriver.com is one of those people. Over the years, Patrick and I have collaborated on several pieces of work and we share many common beliefs. Both of us recognize the good work of 12 step programs; both of us believe that there are several options to the addicted to regain a fulfilling life that is addiction free.r
AM I INSANE? I had not thought this question out very well back in the 90’s. While I did crazy things, the life I was living would have indicated that at times I was nuts, but no one would have considered me insane. I had a responsible job, a family, a home, two or more cars, no debt, volunteered time to causes, etc. Yet a voice inside kept saying “Keith your nuts” and I fought it. Sure I drank too much at times and drugged some, sure I used other people to make me feel good; but then, wasn’t this “normal” for people in my position? The voice inside said “NOT”.r
DO YOU THINK THINGS OUT? So, you want to transform your life from where it is today to something much different, something you know inside that life should be for you. If that be the case, do you truly think things out? I am not a follower of any religion but have read many “great” books including the Bible. There is an interesting passage in Romans 12:2 where St. Paul says “They are transformed by the renewing of their minds”. It is the concept of renewal and transformation that really interests me. Want a better life then there are some things that must happen.r
2011-POSITIVE CHANGES? May you LIVE all the days of your life-Johnathan Swiftr Another new year. Another year entered into with the best of intentions. Ever look back and really measure the changes you planned to make in 2010 and where you sit today? For most, their resolutions are but a fading dream about 2 weeks into a new year. My grandmother drilled it into my head- the road to hell is paved with good intentions.r
Self respect = Self esteemr Last week I had the opportunity to talk with you a little bit about the meaning of RESPECT. Ultimately, in the addiction world, we have to add SELF into the equation. How important is self respect/self esteem and have I got it?I have had the opportunity to interface with multiple thousands of people who have addiction issues or have been directly impacted by addiction. I have worked individually with hundreds. Let me make a bold statement: “I have never met an active addicted person who has good self esteem (or self respect)”. Chew on that one.
TIGER GETS HONEST “At first I didn’t want to look inward. Frankly, I was scared of what I would find—what I had become. But I am grateful I did examine my life because it made me more grounded tha I’ve ever been; I hope that with reflection will come wisdom.” –Tiger Woodsr This is the first indication that I’ve had that Tiger Woods is starting to “get it”. He must have been working with more than a swing coach!r
WANT A SHOT OF HOPE? (How’s Your Spiritual Life?) Someone sees that word “spiritual” and the mind says “oh no, more religious crap”. That someone, back then, was me. For those who are familiar with my blogs, you’ll know I like simplicity and often turn to the good book written by Mr. Webster to get definitions I can understand. It puts us all on a level playing field. Today’s word is HOPE. I talk to so many people who tell me their life is lacking in “HOPE” and they want more.r
WHO AM I? I can remember those dark days back in 1994 that I really did not know who I was. Have you been there or are you at that point today. I knew the roles that I played, amongst them husband, father, employer, community volunteer, company leader; roles I played on life’s stage like an actor. Some I played much better than others.r
FISHING POLE-FOOD FOR LIFE Yesterday, I had posted something that asked for input and answers to a couple of specific questions. I am still looking for more input, and thanks to those of you who did respond. I got one great reminder and I have to remember it, and it may be a great reminder for you to. I love to help people. I can be guilty at times of trying to “fix” their surface problem. This depends on the “role” I am playing in the person’s life. The great reminder was a parable.r
A Dilemma-“WANT” vs. “NEED” Things are said and life issues sometimes converge, and really cause the mind to ponder. I have just gone through a situation like that, and it relates to work life/career equally to life recovery, life transformation and getting addiction help. There is a huge difference between want and need. Please read on and I think you’ll understand. It may well help you to better understand the results you get and actions you take. I will try to keep this concise.r
ASKING FOR HELP We roll into a new week, and I look forward to it! Interesting things happened last week, one in particular that reminded me that I have no control over people in my life, particularly my adult children. While I can’t control them, I am amazed, with all the work I have done on myself, how much their actions can still hurt! But with the help of a power greater than me and a little time we do move on. The space in my head has value, and there’s no point in letting things that don’t pay rent to occupy that space.r
Practice, Practice, Practice I’m a golf nut, and some may say certifiable. With the amount of golf tips and lessons I’ve had appear on my computer screen this last little while; it caused me to reflect on not only my golf game, but my life. I am a believe in asking for help, and when it comes to my golf game, I read a lot a do watch instructional videos and tips. I watch top level professional players and listen to them. I have gone to what might be called golf “rehab”, intensive clinics lead by great teachers where 100% of the focus is on the golf swing with the intent to improve.r
THE IMPORTANCE OF RESPECT in RECOVERY Quotes about respectr When I was asked to do an article on respect, my thoughts immediately flashed to Aretha Franklin’s 1967 theme for the feminist movement- “R.E.S.P.E.C.T”.- which upon examination of the lyrics, tells us that she will do anything in return for respect. Respect is very important to each of us! (I was surprised to learn the song was written and first recorded by a man-Brook Benton in 1965.) That the song was recognized as the “anthem” for major social change emphasizes how important respect is to living an abundant life.r
Holistic Living-Spiritual Awakeningr For something to have an “AWAKENING”, it must have been asleep. Now isn’t that the most brilliant thing you’ve ever read. For me, I made the changes in my life for one big reason, to live abundantly with peace with in. I was an unhappy person and knew that there was a positive option. I had no real idea on how to realize the option. After trying to figure it out and fix it on my own without real success, I sought and got help.r
HOLISTIC? /SPIRITUAL? WHOA I love to think that the huge positive changes in my life over the past 16 years or so have been holistic and as part of this, there has been a “spiritual awakening” (like brought out of a spiritual coma) as a part of what has happened. Let’s go to Webster’s for a couple of accepted definitions. Holistic: treatment of the whole organism; not just the symptoms of a disease. Spiritual: relating to or conce ed with the soul or spirit (opp; TEMPORAL)
ADMITTING-VERY HARD Admitted to God (Good Orderly Direction source), to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.-12 steps/5th stepr Admitting can be such a big word and a very hard thing to do. When looking thoroughly at myself and my past, I unearthed many things I was not proud of and had done many things that not even those closest to me were aware of. To plagiarize, these were secrets that I had intended to take to my grave. No one had to know!r
Between The Ears “Life is a game played on a 5 inch course, the distance between your ears” As well move into a new year, the above statement is worth remembering, only because it is true. It is adapted from a quote Bobby Jones made about golf. I am often struck by the similarities between golf and life, and how many lessons learned through gold apply to life today. So what is 2011 going to be for you? To do the same thing repeatedly expecting a different outcome is, to me, the best simple definitio I know for insanity.r
A DUCK? WHO ME? One of the joys of living in the times we do is the internet. It gives us a huge access to information and people. Through the site www.myrecoveryspace.com, I have had the good fortune of befriending Dennis S. in the Califo ia desert. Dennis writes a lot of things I can relate to and learn from. But it is the way he “paints a picture” that I really love. Today, I’ll see if I’ve learned anything from Dennis.r