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Articles by Margaret Meloni

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94 articles by Margaret Meloni · showing 44

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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

What is EQ and Why Do You Care?

EQ is the acronym for Emotional Intelligence. So not only do you and I have an IQ (Intelligence Quotient), we also have emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is not about traditional intelligence. It is about our ability to handle ourselves and others. It is all about our ability to get along with others and build relationships. The concept of EQ became popularized by Daniel Goleman in 1995. His book (also called Emotional Intelligence), helped us to understand that it is not just technical and analytical abilities that make a successful leader.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Seasoning our Behavior

Hi Everyone, The item below is not a new post, but it has become an ‘old favorite’ and it is appropriate for this time of year. Once again I bring you ‘Seasoning Our Behavior’. This week marks the Thanksgiving holiday in the United States. There are many traditions that surround this holiday and I am not just talking about overeating and hitting the mall for shopping the next day. Thanksgiving designates the beginning of the holiday season for many residents of the United States. And the workplace during this time of year can be very interesting indeed.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Stop Wasting Time

So there you are in line at the grocery store or the hardware store or the bank. It could be anyplace really. You could be on hold waiting for a customer service representative or waiting for a meeting to begin. You have time on your hands, what do you do with that time? What time, you ask? You really do not plan on being in line or on hold or waiting for more than five minutes. It's not a large block of time. What difference can it make? The difference it makes depends on how you spend that time. Do you: - Spend it being annoyed that you have to wait?

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Is it Worth It?

“Whenever you find yourself on the verge of losing your temper or falling into a bad mood, ask yourself, ‘Is this how I want to spend my day? Is it worth it to let this___________ (Fill-in-the-blank; person, situation etc.) take control of my day? Really?” – Margaret Meloni You are probably not surprised that the above comes from me. Yes, this is one of those points that I just will not give up. Perhaps you have sayings that you like to use or expressions that your family, friends and co-workers expect to hear from you. I guess this is one of mine.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Don’t Assume a Thing

In one of the first classes I taught, I had a student who was always scowling at me. It would have been really hard to miss that scowl. He sat in the front row and it was a small class in a small room. He was friendly enough when he entered the class room and when he left for the evening. But invariably at some point during our class discussions he would scrunch up his face and start scowling at me. I had no idea what I was doing to upset him. I spent a great deal of time thinking about it. I can’t say that I changed the content of the course I was teaching because of his scowls.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Culture Is Everything

“The thing I have learned at IBM is that culture is everything.” Louis V. Gerstner, Jr. former CEO IBM Too often I have worked with people who have joined a new organization only to crash and burn. Too often a complete and total disregard for organizational culture has played a part in this unfortunate scenario. Here is what NOT to do: - Assume that because you were hired, you have something much more special than the people already employed at your new place of business - Complain about the way they do things, call them outdated or wrong

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Fight Fair, Here’s How

The time has come. You have a conflict and it cannot and must not be avoided. Not everyone agrees on the solution and arriving at an approach that moves you and the team forward is absolutely necessary. Now what? This really does not need to be a big deal. But you do want to set the stage for a strong and healthy battle. Sure the word battle does not always have positive connotations, but when you have multiple factions arguing over an issue, you do have a battle. If it makes you feel better call it a competition.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Don’t Be a Jerk to a Jerk

Sometimes you find yourself working with someone and no matter how kind and compassionate you try to be, you still think they are a jerk. Maybe they yell all the time or they are condescending or a back stabber. It might be tempting to yell at them more loudly than they yelled at you or to answer them with sarcasm or to plot your revenge.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Decisions, Decisions

“Tom I really think that when there is a technical decision to be made, it makes perfects sense for you to delegate the decision to Simon. After all he is our technical lead.” Marilyn chimed in, “I agree with Jacob. I think the trick is that you need to make it clear that you trust Simon to make the call.”

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***How Am I Supposed to Do That?

“Margaret, you share with us these great tips for treating people with compassion. You make sense when you remind us that other people’s behavior is about them. But how are we supposed to really do this in the real world? Especially when someone is right in my face and I just want to yell at them?” Not only is that a fair and honest question, it is one I hear frequently. If treating others with compassion was easy to do all of the time, almost everyone would do it all of the time.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***What Could Happen

When you are facing a difficult decision sometimes the best thing to do is to sit back and analyze the potential outcomes from your decision. What path will each outcome create for you? Trace that path to its natural termination. Are you OK with this path? In other words: If you do X, what is the worst thing that could happen? Now, what is the best thing that could happen? Are you prepared for both scenarios?

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

It's OK to Change Your Mind

Jarrod listened to what the team had to say and then he reached a decision. He was very comfortable making decisions and most of his decisions played out well for him and for his team. His decision making style typically involved soliciting input from his most trusted team members and then using that information to determine an action plan. His team knew how he liked to work, so they understood what to expect.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Changing Your Mind

“Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.”rn- John Kenneth Galbraith Have you ever watched someone put enormous time and energy into proving why they were right? I am talking about the kind of person who just cannot let it go. You or someone else disagrees with them about something and then the next thing you know you get a half hour lecture on why they are right, then a follow-up phone call and several emails. Phew, that is so much energy!

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Comparisons

“Never compare your insides with someone else’s outside.” – Hugh Macleod It is not often that the quotes I share with you come from someone who is still breathing. Today’s quote does and this makes me a bit nervous. See I am not certain if I am using the quote the way that Hugh Macleod intends it to be used. (See http://gapingvoid.com/about/ to learn about Hugh). However, as he is all about being creative and has also written a book called Ignore Everybody I am going to proceed.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Stop the Shoulding!

The women next to me in line said to her friend, "I am so tired of people telling me what I should do. I just want to yell, STOP SHOULDING ON ME!" I could not help but smile a bit. Not at her annoyance and frustration, but at the phrase, 'stop shoulding on me.' I thought, "What a great expression." The expression stayed with me for days.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Thinking Alike or Not Thinking?

It sure is easy when everyone agrees with you and tells you what you want to hear. But sometimes what we want to hear is not what we NEED to hear. This is when you need a dose of conflict or opposition or a contrarian. Unless you and all of your ideas are absolutely perfect 100% of the time, it is unusual for everyone to agree with you. If they do, is it because they are afraid to tell you what they really think? Are they apathetic? Or have you surrounded yourself with ‘Yes People’ who are too much like you?

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Pick Up the Sword?

That’s it YOU have had it. You are tired of dealing with that person. THEY are always doing things on purpose to make you look bad. THEY are always doing things on purpose to get on YOUR nerves. Well it is time to do something, so YOU are going on the attack. Going on the attack can mean different things to different people or different things in different environments. For the purposes of our conversation you are not planning a physical attack. This is the workplace and let’s assume an office environment. Your form of attack looks something like this:

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

How Did That Feel?

Mary Carol arrived at the hospital too late, Lydia had just died. Mary Carol and her co-workers all knew that Lydia was dying. Lydia had been fighting cancer for several months and unfortunately she did not respond to the treatment. Mary Carol was coming to say goodbye. She said her good byes and helped the family as best she could. Then she placed a call to Gina. Mary Carol worked for Gina and so had Lydia. When Gina did not reply to her call, Mary Carol left another message. Gina never replied to Mary Carols call.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Be Yourself

"Do I have to be an extravert to be a good leader?" "Do I have to be able to walk up to strangers and strike up conversations to be a successful leader?" My answer to both of the above: no and no! I receive both of the above (or similar) questions all the time. For some reason people who are less outgoing think that if they cannot walk around glad handing people like politicians, that they will never be successful leaders. Funny thing, I have never had someone ask me “Hey, do I need to dial it down a bit and be less outgoing to be a good leader?”

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***The Intersection of EQ, Difficult People and You!

Question: What happens when you take someone with empathy and place them in a meeting with someone who is pitching a fit? Answer: The person who is pitching the fit gets lucky because they have someone in the room who understands that sometimes others get upset in the workplace AND someone who can probably help them gracefully stop pitching that fit. Let's try another one. Question: What happens when you take someone who knows they are tired and crabby and then you invite them to a meeting to tell them bad news? Answer: If they are self-aware and they can self-regulate then you sho

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Choose YOUR Battles

“Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. “ Jonathan Kozol: On Being a Teacher, 1981 Truthfully I do not know if I completely agree with the above quote, I bring it to you anyway because part of me thinks, ‘well this makes sense, I want to pick battles I can win’; but part of me wonders, ‘is this discouraging me from thinking big?’ I have spent so much time learning that so many of us really under estimate ourselves, that I would never want the above to be an excuse for playing it too safe or not fully utilizing our potential.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***What Difference do Differences Make?

You have worked side-by-side with your team for quite some time and the good news is that it has been truly enjoyable. You get along, you work hard together and you laugh hard together. Lucky you, this might even be an example of a high performing team. You assumed it was because you had so much in common. Then one day the inevitable occurred. The conversation turned toward religion or politics or some other high stakes topic. You were not too conce ed. After all, you get along so well and this must be because you are all so alike.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***New Ideas

“There is no squabbling so violent as that between people who accepted an idea yesterday and those who will accept the same idea tomorrow… “ CHRISTOPHER MORLEY Wow now isn’t that the truth? Here is another excellent opportunity to sharpen your conflict resolution skills. Some of you accept new ideas right away in fact you live for the opportunity to challenge the status quo. Some of you don’t see the need for anything new, everything works now as-is, why gum up the process? Why fix something that is not broken? Most of you are probably somewhere in the middle.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Don’t Give in Without a Fight

Sometimes conflict cannot be avoided and that is not a bad thing. When you and your team or you and a colleague resolve a conflict together, you build a better working relationship. When I say to you, ‘Don’t give in without a fight’; I don’t mean go have an ugly nasty altercation. I mean don’t just back down when you have a disagreement, don’t avoid a healthy debate and don’t give in because it feels easier or you think it is the peaceful thing to do. It isn’t the peaceful thing to do, because YOU won’t feel peace and neither will your team.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Collaborating Over Conflict

Mary Carol had a difficult decision to make. Her team had an important and risky system upgrade to complete. The upgrade definitely needed to occur over a weekend. The schedule was tight and many of the team members felt that the upgrade should occur over an upcoming holiday weekend. This would give them extra time just in case the upgrade did not go smoothly. Other team members hated this idea and were rebelling against the idea of giving up a weekend plus a Monday holiday. As the senior project manager, Mary Carol would make the final decision.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

***Next Time YOU Make a Mistake

Most of you are your own worst critic. So when you make a mistake you are much harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else. It is completely normal to be disappointed with yourself, but the longer you beat yourself up the longer it takes for you to regain your confidence. If you were mad with a friend or a family member, that anger may not go away in five minutes. You might be angry for a little while. The same thing is going to be true with YOU. And again, if you are your own worst critic, you’re going to be harder on yourself than you would be with someone else.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

What’s Your Motivation?

Jane had a tough decision to make. She had two strong candidates for her former Director of Software Development position. Newly promoted to CIO (Chief Information Officer) Jane needed to backfill her old position quickly. This was the first decision she would make in her new role, so selecting the right candidate was truly critical. While Jane was still in her previous position, she had worked with a leadership coach. The coach introduced Jane and her direct reports to the concept of EQ or Emotional Intelligence. The concept of EQ really resonated with Jane.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Conflicted Priorities Equal Conflicted Behavior

It was 4:45pm and the requirements review meeting had already gone fifteen minutes beyond the scheduled end time. Joe was becoming agitated. He needed to get out the door at 5:00 pm exactly in order to pick up his daughter from soccer practice. The meeting was not showing any signs of wrapping up. He let out a big sigh. He pointedly looked at his watch. Finally Joe blurted out “Who cares if the report displays in landscape or portrait format, just list the fields you need on the report and move on.”

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Sending and Receiving

“But communication is two-sided - vital and profound communication makes demands also on those who are to receive it... demands in the sense of concentration, of genuine effort to receive what is being communicated.” Roger Sessions

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Mitigate the Risk Called YOU

Sometimes your behaviors support you and sometimes they do not. The key is to identify the supporting behaviors or opportunities so that you can use them more and to identify the behaviors that are damaging or the threats so that you can learn to prevent them. When you pay close attention to your behaviors you can learn what causes certain behaviors and what is caused by those behaviors. In terms of emotional intelligence I would say that being self-aware is what leads you to exhibiting self-control.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Bad Company

“It is better to be alone than in bad company.” - George Washington Other people do form opinions about you based on your group associations. This is also why good employees leave bad teams. They simply do not want to be associated with a group that has a bad reputation. They rarely hang around to try and improve that reputation; they get away from it as fast as they can.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

People Do Not Leave the Company

“I disliked working with those people so much that I don’t even know if I hate doing this for a living or it was just those people at THAT place.” - Anonymous Unfortunately this quote or versions of this quote are not unique to any specific individual. Isn’t that sad? I have heard it on more than on occasion.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

9 Tips for Navigating YOUR Office Party

It’s that time again, peace on earth and good will to all. Or at least it would be if you were not worried about those darned office parties. What are they anyway? Are they work or are they parties? Here are some tips to help you navigate the maze of professional pitfalls that lurk behind that innocent invitation to celebrate with your co-workers. Keep these tips in mind and emerge with your reputation clearer and stronger than ever before.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Off Your Game?

“Jason, did you know we were waiting for you in the conference room down the hall?” Jason looked up from his desk and then at the clock and realized that yes he did know. Somehow he just forgot. He spent most of yesterday afte oon preparing for this budget meeting. He felt really odd about being late, there was no specific reason for it, he just kind of spaced out.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Narrow YOUR Focus, Increase YOUR Impact

I do not know about you, but every once in a while when I think about all of the different causes I could join I start feeling overwhelmed. We have so much to do for our planet, our creatures and our people. Where do I start? Where do I place my focus? How can I make a difference? Then I remember this quote, a quote I love and use: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” — Margaret Mead

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Keeping Others Down

"As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might." Marian Anderson This is so obvious when you think about it from a physical perspective. If you were physically holding someone down, unless you have really long arms or really strong legs or some other technique; you have to adopt a posture which keeps you lower to the ground. I think this is only a good thing in wrestling or mixed martial arts fighting.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Be Skeptical

Be skeptical but learn to listen. This seems like an interesting agreement to use in navigating today’s world. By agreement I mean a treaty or contract that you have made with yourself. I can’t take credit for this idea; it comes from ‘The Fifth Agreement’ by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son Don Jose Ruiz. Whether you acknowledge it or not you use agreements in each aspect of your life – personal and professional. You believe that you cannot write or that you cannot handle stress. These are agreements and based on them you make decisions.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

Are YOU Playing to YOUR Strengths?

“Oh no, here we go again” thought Joe as his Quality Assurance Analyst Heidi approached him with his memo, complete with typos circled in red ink. He was not really annoyed by Heidi, she was just doing what she does; he mainly felt embarrassed. After all as the leader shouldn’t all of his work be perfect? He tried, he really did, but editing his own writing was just boring to him and not one of his strengths.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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By Margaret MeloniRecently published1 topic

When to Be Aggressive

Is an aggressive communication style always bad? Sometimes it appears that much of the information about aggressive styles or dominant personalities is presented using fairly negative words. Or is it that I interpret these words as negative? Here is a list, what do you think? • Domineering • Hostile • Uncooperative • Confrontational Of course I have a bias. So do you. We all come from different perspectives and different styles. These styles are shaped by our personality type, our preferred behavioral styles, how we deal with conflict and our cultural and emotional backgrounds.

Primary topic: Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
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