SelfGrowth.comThe Self Improvement Guide

Articles

Articles by Margaret Paul

Browse every published article connected to Margaret Paul, with exact attribution and full-archive search.

articles
564
shown per page
50
search signals
Topic + expert

Articles

564 articles by Margaret Paul · showing 50

Browse every published article connected to Margaret Paul, or search within this exact expert archive.

By Margaret PaulRecently publishedTopic pending

***Addicted to Porn?

________________________________________ Are you addicted to porn and not feeling good about it? Discover the likely underlying cause and what to do about it. ________________________________________ I received the following question when I was conducting a webinar on sexual addiction: "I have had a pornography addiction since I was a teenager. I am now in my mid 30's. For the past four months I have abstained through Inner Child work, but two days ago I visited a porn site and masturbated. I feel really sad about this. What is the best way to address this?"

Primary topic: Recently published
Recently published
1,597 views1/5 (1)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Politicians Need Inner Bonding!

How would our country change if politicians had to learn to love themselves and others before taking office? What if politicians had to be mentally evaluated before running for office? How many of them would pass as being emotionally stable and healthy? What difference might it make for our country if all politicians had to work through a program like SelfQuest before taking office?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,109 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***How To Be A Loving Advocate For Your Inner Child

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. September 27, 2016 What does it look like to be a loving advocate for your inner child? Learn how now! What does loving self-care really mean? Our wounded self and our loving adult have totally different concepts of what self-care really means. The wounded self might say, "I'm taking loving care of myself when: *I reward myself with chocolate cake after a really hard day." *I withdraw and feel justifiably angry when someone makes unreasonable demands on me."r

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,258 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Kind at the Beginning…Critical Later. Why?

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. January 11, 2016 ________________________________________ Have you been mystified when someone who has appeared to be very kind and caring suddenly becomes blaming, critical, or just disappears? ________________________________________ How often have you had the experience of feeling someone's kindness, only to feel deeply criticized as the relationship progressed? This was Leslie's experience and she is struggling with whether or not it was her fault:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,368 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***8-Step Guide To Messing Up Your Kids

We all know that most parents REALLY want to be good parents. But since it is rare for parents to take parenting classes before becoming parents, we inadvertently do lots of things to mess up our kids. This tongue-in-cheek article may help you to see what you are doing! 1. IGNORE THE ...

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
2,397 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Actions of Love

Myrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because she often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and family. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship but she took no ...

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
3,399 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***"When Someone's Behavior Affects Me, What Can I Do?"

When someone's behavior is affecting you, what can you do, other than blame them? We Are Not Separate Some authors suggest that, when we are healthy enough, we will not be affected by others' unloving verbal behavior. We will rise above it and not take their words personally – that "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." I strongly disagree.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,899 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Healing Love Addiction Within a Relationship

Relationships can provide a wonderful arena for healing love addiction. Many relationships flounder due to the issue of love addiction. Since people come together at their common level of woundedness - i.e., their common level of self-abandonment - if one partner is love addicted, it is likely that the other partner is also love addicted or addicted to caretaking the love-addicted partner.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,609 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Fears of a New Relationship

Katie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman. After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of ...

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
2,896 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Relationships: "I'm Open, You're Closed"

Rianna and Joel consulted with me because they kept getting stuck in their relationship whenever there was a conflict. It wasn't the issue itself that kept creating a problem, but how they were dealing with the issue. Married for 7 years with three children, they loved each other deeply, and were both distressed when they were disconnected due to their inability to work through conflict. "Rianna," I said in our conjoint phone session, "I'd like to hear about the issue from your point of view."

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
4,682 views5/5 (1)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

*** Relationships: The Art of Listening

In 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, "Conjoint Family Therapy." In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called "Parent Effectiveness Training." In the book he taught parents to "active listen," which ...

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
4,265 views4.4/5 (5)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***The Relationship Trap: "Let's Talk."

"Let's talk tonight," said Callie. "Oh no, not again!" thought Darren as he gave Callie a blank stare, feeling like a deer in the headlights. Darren knew from past experience that "Let's talk," meant, "Let's talking about what you are doing wrong, and about how you are not meeting my needs, and about how hurt and unloved I feel."

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
4,537 views3/5 (2)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***The Law of Love

I have learned over my 43 years of counseling that no one heals without a personal connection to a spiritual source of Guidance. William was struggling with issues of shame and depression. He had struggled with feelings of insecurity and jealousy most of his life, despite years of inner work. While he intellectually knew that he was okay, emotionally he never felt it. This was his first phone session with me. "William," I asked, "what is your concept of God or a Higher Power?"

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
2,711 views4/5 (1)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Stop Escalating Conflict!

________________________________________ Do you get into fights that turn ugly as the conflict escalates? Discover how to stop doing this. ________________________________________ A participant in one of my webinars asked: "Is there any way to resolve conflict if you have two 'escalating' personalities trying to solve a problem? In other words, how do you resolve conflict between two very strong willed, always-right personalities, who tend to escalate with every attempt at solving conflict?"

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
2,047 views1/5 (1)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Fear of Anger - Yours and Others

Are you terrified of others' anger? Are you afraid to open to your own anger for fear of getting out of control? If you grew up in an angry or violent home, there is a good possibility that you have a fear of both your own anger and others' anger. Fear of Others' Anger I grew up with a very angry mother and I was terrified of her anger. Her anger was irrational and it came out of nowhere. My whole body used to shake when she got angry.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
3,702 views5/5 (1)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Are You Caring or Caretaking?

Caring = giving to another from love, for the joy of it - as a free gift Caretaking = giving to get love, giving with an agenda attached, giving yourself up Even though the actions of caring and the actions of caretaking might look exactly the same, the intention is totally different, so the energy of the actions is also completely different.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
5,243 views4.7/5 (3)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Hurt Feelings vs. Hurt Heart

Clifford, 42, married with children, told me during a phone session that he was tired of not feeling happy and joyous. "As a small child, I remember being so happy and excited about life. But my parents didn't receive me at all. They were indifferent to my creativity and excitement." "Clifford, how did you feel when they didn't receive you?" "Shattered."

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
6,396 views4.2/5 (6)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***"I Lose My Cool In Relationships."

________________________________________ Do you find that as soon as you really like someone – whether as a friend or as a partner – you 'lose your cool?' ________________________________________ Relationships offer us more opportunities for personal growth than just about anything else in life. But sometime the opportunities are very challenging! For example, Larry asks: "Whenever I feel a real connection with someone, whether it's for friendship or a love interest, I lose my cool completely, can't function and I end up losing them. What can I do?"

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,282 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Giving To Others: Draining Or Fulfilling?

Giving to others can be one of the most fulfilling experiences in life, or it can be one of the most draining. What makes the difference? The difference has to do with WHY you are giving to others. Giving From A Full Heart When we give from a full heart, we are giving because we are so filled up with love that it is overflowing, and we receive great joy in giving to others.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
3,177 views4/5 (2)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***5 Reasons Why You Might Want to End Your Relationship

When I married my ex-husband in 1963, I was determined to create a stable, loving relationship. I wanted an intact family where we could raise our children and share the joys of our grandchildren. We did raise our children together, but ended the marriage after 30 years. We do get to share the joys of our grandchildren, but as friends rather than partners. Through the process of our difficult marriage, and my 43 years of counseling individuals and couples, I learned much about why it is better for some relationships to end.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
3,857 views5/5 (2)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Do You REALLY Want to Lose Weight?

If you asked almost any overweight person, "Do you really want to lose weight?" the answer is likely, "Yes, I would love to lose weight." If most overweight and obese people would so love to lose weight that they spend billions a year on trying to lose weight, why is our country growing fatter? Why aren't people losing weight when they say that this is what they want to do? Because, as much as they say the want to lose weight, there is something they want even more than losing weight: they want to fill their emptiness and avoid their painful feelings.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
5,201 views5/5 (4)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

*** The Meaning of Life

Some say that the purpose of life is to seek happiness. Is happiness the purpose, or is happiness the result of another purpose? Is happiness the meaning of life, or is happiness the result of discovering what has heart and meaning for you? There is not one right answer to this question. The ...

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
5,525 views5/5 (3)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Standing Strong In Your Own Truth

________________________________________ Are you able to stand in your truth, or do you let others talk you out of what you know is right for you? ________________________________________ When the biblical floods hit Colorado on September 12th, I texted my daughter to see if they were okay. "We’re Ok, the house isn't." I called immediately. "There's a six foot wall of water in our back yard. The creek is a huge raging river!" she shouted, panicked. Six weeks prior, we had moved from Durango, to Berthoud, Colorado, into a huge house.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,511 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Needs vs. Neediness

I recently received the following request: "Hi Dr. Paul -- I would be interested in an article that talks about having needs vs. being needy. I was brought up to be ashamed of my needs. I was supposed to be self-sufficient. As a result, I am ashamed of neediness and often don't recognize my own needs. I also don't know how to tell if others are "being needy" or simply expressing a need.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
2,932 views5/5 (1)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

*** Real Love: What is Real Love?

Most people would love to have "real love," yet often they have no idea what real love is. Take a moment to think about how you would define real love. Defining love is like defining a particular color to a person who has never been able to see color - you have to feel it know what it is. ...

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
3,430 views4/5 (2)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***"How Can I Manage Overwhelm?"

________________________________________ Do you often feel overwhelmed with demands, tasks and life in general? ________________________________________ Most of us lead very busy lives and it is easy to become overwhelmed with all we need to do. In addition, about 15% to 20% of us are born with highly sensitive nervous systems that are far more reactive to having a lot to do than the general population.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,314 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Beyond Misery Junk!

What creates your misery? Junk! What kind of junk? - Junk thoughts - Junk Food - Junk drugs Junk Thoughts Junk thoughts are any thoughts that create anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, blame, resentment, jealousy, envy – any thoughts that create misery.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
4,228 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Are You Hard On Yourself? 9 Reasons to Love Yourself Instead

If you are hard on yourself, do you believe that this is helpful to you? You might want to re-evaluate this false belief. Are you hard on yourself? Do you think this is a good thing? Do you believe this motivates you to do better? Think again. If you are doing well, it's likely in spite of being hard on yourself, not because of it.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,222 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

*Saving Your Marriage When You Have Children

Research indicates that, unless there is violence in the home, children are better off being raised by an intact family. Whenever clients who have children call to work with me on their marriage, I always encourage them to do all they can to save their marriage. Leah is a good example of a ...

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
2,812 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Healing a 'Fix Others' Addiction

Are you addicted to fixing others? Do you believe this is loving rather than controlling? Many of us were raised to base our identity on helping or fixing others. Fixing others is often the addiction of choice for people who have a naturally deep level of empathy and who easily feel others’ pain. This was one of my major addictions for many years. Deeply feeling my parents' pain and the pain of others around me was unbearable to me as a child. I thought that if only I could make them happy then I wouldn't have to feel their pain. Leslie is struggling with this very issue:

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,448 views4/5 (2)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Alcoholism: Why Can't I Stop Drinking?

The underlying basis of all addictions - and alcohol is no exception - is the avoidance of pain. While there is evidence that some people have genetic and biological predispositions toward alcoholism, not all people with these predispositions abuse alcohol or become alcohol dependent. Many ...

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
11,316 views4/5 (2)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Five Secrets to Weight Loss

Weight loss - such a "big" topic! Every month another book or program is out by another expert on weight loss. Everyone wants to know the secret to losing weight. Weight used to be a major issue for me. Losing weight was never out of my thoughts, and I can't tell you how many different diets, pills and programs I tried until I discovered some "secrets" that have worked for me for many years now. - Learn to disce which part of you determines what and when you eat, as well as how much you eat.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
4,405 views5/5 (1)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Do You Experience Life As A Burden Or As A Sacred Privilege?

Learn how to embrace life as the sacred privilege it is rather than be stuck just getting through. Peter experiences life as a burden - a sentence to get through that is filled with suffering. Peter trudges through his life, experiencing little joy. He works hard, makes enough money to feel financially secure enough to take care of his family, and spends little time in connection with others. To Peter, life has no real purpose other than to make money and do the best he can to feel safe.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,514 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Why Loving Yourself Creates Sexual Passion With Your Partner

By Margaret Paul, PhDr February 13, 2017 Discover the great benefits to your relationship in learning to love yourself! What creates sexual passion? • First, there needs to be sexual chemistry between two people. Sexual chemistry can sustain passion for a while, but it isn't enough in a long-term relationship. • For sexual passion to continue, partners need to feel emotionally connected with each other. What creates emotional connection? • In order to connect with a partner in a committed relationship, you need to first be connected with yourself.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,167 views
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

Doorways To the Presence of Spirit

"How can I be more spiritually connected? How can I hear the voice of my spiritual guidance?" I frequently hear these questions from my clients and from people who attend my workshops and intensives. Everyone who is on a spiritual path wants to experience the presence of Spirit in his or her ...

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
4,049 views5/5 (1)
Read article
By Margaret PaulRecently published1 topic

***Who Is In Charge of Your Decision Making Process?

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. September 19, 2016 Which part of you – your ego wounded self or your loving adult – is in charge of your decision making process? Which part of you makes your day-to-day decisions, as well as your major decisions - your wounded self or your loving adult? Which part of you makes the decision to move back into a relationship with someone who has consistently backed out whenever the subject of marriage comes up?

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
1,161 views
Read article
Back to top ↑