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Browse every published article connected to Margaret Paul, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
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Browse every published article connected to Margaret Paul, or search within this exact expert archive.
How is your relationship with your partner? What are the positive and negative aspects of your relationship? What are the positive and negative aspects of your relationship?
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. April 18, 2016 ____________________________________________________________ Have you wondered if you have an abandonment issue? Discover the answer to this question in this article – and what to do about it. ____________________________________________________________
Discover what to do if you are stuck not being able to love yourself. When you were growing up, did you feel important to your parents? Did they attend to you in loving ways to show you how important you were to them? Or, did you often feel like a bother or a burden to them? Did either of your parents or caregivers role-model loving themselves? Did your caregivers think they were important enough to truly value themselves and take loving care of themselves?
I have spent many years trying to discover the ONE thing - the one vital choice - that leads to healing and joy, or to suffering. Over 35 years ago I discovered an essential piece of the puzzle: that we each have only one to two intents at any given moment - to protect against pain and responsibility for it, or to open to learning from our pain and take responsibility for it. In other words - to learn from pain or to run from pain with our various addictions.
During my many years of counseling couples, I have frequently worked with the sexual problems that often occur in marriages. The most common complaint from men regarding sex is frequency, and the most common complaint from woman is lack of emotional intimacy. There is a very good reason why ...
-------------------------------------------------------------- How honest are you willing to be with yourself regarding your intent? -------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes, when there is conflict in a relationship, it's hard to tell if you are withdrawing to avoid conflict - or as a way of punishing your partner - or if you are lovingly disengaging to take loving care of yourself.
A circle of love is the result of people being together with open hearts, and is the most wonderful experience in life. Have you ever experienced a circle of love?
"Love has nothing to do with fai ess. Love is Love." --Susan Page, Why Talking is Not Enough "It's not fair!" How often have you heard this from young or adolescent siblings? I grew up as an only child, so I was never indoctrinated with the concept of fai ess. Not growing up with it, I ...
Do you really see your children? If you operate from core shame and cannot see the beauty of your own essence, your children will not feel seen by you. Yet they need to be seen by you to truly value themselves.
Our society is filled with verbal and emotional abuse, from radio and TV commentators and presidential candidates, to parents, educators, employers and managers. As Patricia Evans states in "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", the old adage, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will ...
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. October 10, 2016 Do you feel ready to leave your relationship but wonder whether or not this is the right time to call it quits? Many of my clients struggle with knowing when it's the right time to end a relationship. Mary asked me:
______________________________________ What's really happening when someone blames and shames you? If you stopped taking it personally, what would you be feeling? ________________________________________ What do you generally do when someone blames you for his or her feelings? Do you find yourself taking it personally and blaming yourself? This is what Melinda struggles with:
Discover what makes you feel worthy and lovable and what false beliefs might be in the way of taking this loving action. Take a moment to think about this: What do you believe makes you feel worthy and lovable? Do you believe you are worthy when you receive others’ approval? Do you believe that you will feel worthy when you lose weight or look a certain way? Do you believe you will feel worthy when you make a certain amount of money, or have a certain amount of money in the bank, or when you have the house or car or boat you've always wanted?
The next 'Love Yourself' Course starts February 21, 2018. Are you ready to learn how to love yourself? Love Yourself: A 30-Day Home-Study Inner Bonding Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul, to self-heal anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, addictions and relationships. "I feel like I have finally found what I have been searching for, for decades....I believe this is equivalent to spending decades in traditional therapy." ~ Marge Skinner
The next 'Love Yourself' Course starts February 26th, 2020. Last time at this price! Are you ready to learn how to love yourself? Love Yourself: A 30-Day Home-Study Inner Bonding Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul, to self-heal anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, addictions and relationships.
Very often, in my work with my clients, when I ask them what they are feeling they say, "I feel sad." Often, they do not know why they feel sad. Sadness comes from two very different sources. Core Sadness Core sadness is sadness that is in reaction to something that is happening or has happened exte ally. Many life situations can cause sadness, such as:
"If I could define enlightenment briefly I would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is." - Dr. Wayne Dyer As simple as this definition seems to be, how often do you quietly accept what is? Instead, what do you say or do? - I say things like “It’s not supposed to be this way.” “It should have been different.” “It should be this other way.”
Are you aware of the feelings you cause yourself when you attempt to control others rather than love yourself? "I have never been able to conceive how any rational being could propose happiness to himself from the exercise of power over others." - Thomas Jefferson
Gina consulted with me because her marriage was falling apart. She had discovered that her husband was having yet another affair, and when he was with her, he was either angry or withdrawn. She had requested numerous times that he join her in couples therapy, but he had no interest in healing ...
I was recently at home of a friend's daughter and she had affirmations taped on the walls everywhere. "Are these helpful to you?" I asked. "Not really," she answered. "I do them all the time but they don't seem to be doing anything. I've read about the law of ...
Do you live your life with your heart mostly open or mostly closed? Do you spend most of your time protecting against rejection or being taken advantage of, or most of your time open to sharing love with others? As children, many people had very heartbreaking experiences that caused them to close their heart. What experiences led to you closing your heart?
Our imagination is a great gift - a connection with our Divine Source - when we use it from an inwardly connected loving Adult to create the life we want.
Infidelity is a huge challenge, but relationships can heal from this and actually become stronger. Sheldon wrote this question to me during one of my free webinars:
Are you a complainer? Are you ready to do something different? "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." - Maya Angelou Do you complain? If you do, why?
In my experience as a counselor for 40 years, I have found that love addiction and approval addiction are far more prevalent than any other substance or process addictions. We live in a love-addicted, approval-addicted society. What does it mean to be love/approval addicted? Below is a ...
________________________________________ Do you have a mother wound that plagues you in your life and your relationships? ________________________________________ Many of us have a deep and painful mother wound from not receiving the nurturing we needed. Without adequate healing, this wound can follow you around your whole life and affect all your relationships. Are you still trying to get the love from your mother that you did not receive as a child? This is the situation that Katie is in:
_______________________________________________________ There are many experiences that create momentary happiness, but there is only one experience that is truly the greatest joy in life. _______________________________________________________ Take a moment to think about what you believe is the greatest joy in life.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. March 21, 2016 ________________________________________ There can be a big difference in intent between being nice and being loving. Being nice might be manipulative, while being loving means being authentic. ________________________________________ Our society has long trained children to be "nice." Being nice might mean • Telling white lies so as not to hurt another's feelings, such as agreeing with them when you really disagree. • Listening politely when someone is going on and on, even when you are so bored you can hardly stand it.
Over the 40 years that I have been counseling individual and couples, I have very often worked with people who are considering leaving their marriage. Often they say things like:nn* I no longer feel close or intimate with my spouse. I love him/her, but I'm no longer in love with him/her.nn* The ...
Discover that stress is NOT being caused primarily by people or situations, but by your own thoughts and actions. We tend to think of stress as something that occurs because of outside events, such as having financial problems, relationship problems, health problems, or from having too much to do. Certainly events such as these are challenging, but they are not the actual cause of stressful feelings. Stress Is An Important Message
Discover why any kind of engaging when someone is angry is a waste of energy. "Rage can…shut off the hippocampus [linked to memory], and people with out-of-control anger may not be lying when they say they don't recall what they said or did in that altered state of mind." Mindsight, P.155 Daniel Siegel, M.D.
By Margaret Paul, PhDr December 13, 2016 Loneliness has much information for us when we open to it rather than judge it or avoid it with various addictions. One of the saddest and most dysfunctional aspects of our current culture is that it fosters loneliness. It's not hard to imagine that when most people lived in tribes or small villages, loneliness was not the epidemic that it currently is.
"What should I do if my spouse won't go to counseling?" I often hear this from my clients. What are they really saying with this question? Generally, they are saying something like: "My unhappiness is coming from my spouse's behavior," or "The problems in our marriage are my spouses' fault," ...
What are couples really meaning when they say, "We can't communicate"? The issue with understanding what this means is what they mean by "communicate." All too often, when a partner states, "We can't communicate," what he or she means is "I can't get my partner to listen to me and understand things from my point of view." And unde eath this is, "If my partner only understood things through my eyes, he or she would then change and do things my way."
No one SAYS they want a terrible relationship, yet so many people go about creating them that we need to assume they must WANT them! So, here's my 7 Step foolproof guide to creating a terrible relationship. 1. TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN FEELINGS Make sure that you do not take ...
Do you say you want to be healthy but continue to turn to various substance addictions? Do you believe that it’s just a matter of will power? As we all know, many people in our country are suffering from obesity and major health issues. It’s interesting to explore this in terms of intent. When a person eats too much or eats junk, the intent is to control. The person is using food to suppress pain - to have control over not feeling painful emotions. Wounded Self: Control Over Avoiding Emotional Painr
Do you have the common false belief that the better you feel about yourself, the more alone you will be? Yolanda asks:
“I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” “I’m a looser. I’ll never get anywhere.” “I’m so stupid. I should have learned this by now.” “I don’t fit in. I don’t belong with these people.” “I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never do it right enough.” “I’m permanently emotionally damaged. I’ll ...
For the last 35 years, I have been working with individuals, couples and families, as well as business relationships. I have 8 published books on relationships and healing, some of them best-sellers. In the first half of my career, I worked as a traditional psychotherapist, and was not happy ...
One of the most common complaints I receive in my relationship counseling work is "We hardly ever have sex." Since you might be addicted to the anger and complaining around this issue, I want to make sure you do ALL the right things so you get to continue being angry and complaining about ...
Have you recently ended a relationship or are you recently divorced? Are you thinking about dating again? Many times, putting yourself back into the dating scene is a good idea. But how can you know when it is time to start a new relationship? Here are some questions to ponder: 1. Are you ...
Do you understand the power of kindness to change your life? "Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again." Og Mandino, 1923-1996, Author
Are you stuck in your life? Do you receive some satisfaction from staying stuck and from no one being able to help you get unstuck? If you are invested in staying stuck, why not do it consciously and deliberately? Here is your guide to never getting unstuck. 1. Make Resistance Your Guiding ...
"I'm so sick and tired of Andrea's anger and bossiness that I'm about ready to leave this relationship," said Paul in our phone counseling session. "Everything has to be her way. Why can't she just keep her mouth shut? She is ruining this relationship. I hate her judgmentalness. Every time she ...
You've worked all your life and now you are looking forward to retirement. How will you spend your time? Many people have not created balance in their lives between work and play, so when it comes to leisure time or retirement, they don't know what to do with their time. If you no longer have ...
You might not think you are selling your soul, but is this true? What have you given up for money and possessions? - Have you given up kindness to get ahead? - Have you given up family time for a bigger TV? - Have you given up fun for a new car? - Have you given up hobbies for a promotion? - Have you given up vacations for prestige?
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. November 07, 2016 You have a much better chance at conflict resolution when you are loving yourself rather than trying to control the other person.
When I was in school training to be a psychotherapist, one of my professors introduced me to a concept that I find very valuable: "bad faith." We are in bad faith with ourselves and others when we are out of alignment with what is true for "who we really are." Who we really are - who is ...
Jacob, a participant in one of my telephone support groups, was exploring the fact that he generally didn't like to be touched. He was sharing with the group a situation that used to happen with his mother. "She used to sit me on the couch with her and grab my arms and look intently into my ...
Do you hide from your feelings when you are challenged by life? Or do you allow your feelings to overwhelm you? You CAN learn to manage them and learn from them. "The art of living lies not in eliminating but in growing with troubles." ~ Be ard M. Baruch "How can I get this pain to go away?"