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Articles by Martha Tara Lee

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107 articles by Martha Tara Lee · showing 50

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By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Silence is golden

Have you heard of the saying, “Speech is Silver, Silence is Golden?” This phrase can be traced back to early Egyptians and it essentially means that while speaking is good, saying nothing is better. Discretion can be worth more than even eloquent words. Have you ever felt glad, relieved even, to get away from someone because the person would not stop talking, and worse yet, about themselves? Have you wished the person sitting behind you on the bus or standing behind you on the train would stop talking into their phone or to the person next to them at the top of their voice?r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,491 views4/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

What Can I Do About Premature Ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation happens when a man ejaculates earlier than he would like to. It is also known as rapid ejaculation, rapid climax, premature climax, or early ejaculation. The average male takes less than three minutes from the time of insertion till he ejaculates. To gain greater orgasmic control, the first thing is to understand what is happening to his body when he ejaculates: the functions of the prostate gland and pelvic muscles.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,306 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Pouring ‘Cold’ Water

Have you ever poured ‘cold water’ over somebody else’s happiness? In a literal translation from the Chinese language, ‘pouring cold water’ means dousing the flames of passion. This usually happens when the opposite party is feeling elated about a new love, promotion or business deal, and somebody comes along and ruins the ‘moment’.

Primary topic: Sexuality

815 views3.7/5 (3)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Wellness – In What Other Ways?

Living in harmony with nature’s rhythms and gifts is not easy in a heavily-developed world. Nature can be very helpful in restoring sensory, behavioural and emotional balance. Are we listening?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,231 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sexology is my calling. What’s yours?

I facilitated a session which defined sex, sexuality and intimacy during SlutTalk, a fringe event under SlutWalk Singapore. It was the inspiration for an earlier piece on publichouse.sg with the same title here. After my session, I thought I could go off-work, resume my civilian status, and was easing into my seat. An undergraduate lady sitting next to me began small talk by first remarking that I look nothing like my namecard/ website/ media pictures. She next asked me if my work was difficult.r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,610 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Do’s and Don’ts for Your Sex Dates

Do's Discuss what makes a good date in your opinion so your partner knowsr Take turns planning the date and making it happen the way you like it tor Talking about what is going on in your relationship right now, or resolve old issuesr End the evening with a high note or with a fun activity. Don’ts Don’t spend a lot of money on the date. The quality of the date is not necessarily determined by the amount of money spent. Do not wait for the “mood” to come over you. Decide to be you are open to possibilities.r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,500 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Does the G-spot exist?

There is a place within a woman which is so famous that it is referred to by a singular alphabetic term. I am asked frequently, usually by men, just where this is. Many women are confused about whether they have one. The fixation has a lot to do with the belief that its stimulation results in an instant mind-blowing orgasm. No, not the T-zone. That’s right. We’re talking about the G-spot.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,551 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Masturbation is self-love

Mention the word “Masturbation” and what do you think of? While masturbation means different things to different people, it is one of the most misunderstood subjects in the world, as it is enshrined in mystery and secrecy because of the simple reason we speak so little about it. Masturbation may evoke massive levels of guilt and shame, as many of us were told from when we were young not to touch ourselves “down there”.r

Primary topic: Sexuality

6,860 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Can I Tell If She’s Faking an Orgasm?

An orgasm is not just a physical experience, it happens in your body, mind, possibly even spirit. And there is no single definition of orgasm. Some tell tale signs of an orgasmic response might include increased heart rate and blood pressure, increased muscle tension, a flush of her skin, as well as a release of tension followed sometimes by a feeling of deep relaxation. On the other hand, she might experience one or several of these things and not “feel” she had an orgasm. Trying to figure out if she had an orgasm can also be a dead end.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,257 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Do I Get Her to Orgasm with Me?

During intercourse, it is the outer third of the vagina that is most stimulated. Some women are able to orgasm through this vaginal penetration. That is, vaginal orgasm — without clitoral stimulation.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,386 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Can I Make My Orgams Stronger, Naturally?

The idea of having better orgasms isn’t meant to make you feel like there is anything wrong with the orgasms you’re currently having. Here are some basics: 1) Breathe so your orgasm becomes more of a full body experience; 2) Instead of tensing up and holding still during orgasm, move your body and let the energy spread through your body; 3) Experiment and prolong the period before orgasm; 4) Try to build better orgasms by doing your Kegel exercises; 5) Use sex toys; 6) Fantasize. Remember not to compare your orgasms with others. What works for you is good enough.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,943 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Should I Tell Him My Sex History?

How much you reveal to your partner has a lot to do with what kind of a relationship you want. If you want an honest and open relationship, then it is important you are as honest and open as you possibly can. Your past is a part of where you have been, and may not be representative of who you are as a person now. If he has difficulties differentiating that, then it might be very telling of his emotional maturity and you might not want to pursue a relationship with such a person anyway.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,102 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Does Frequent Masturbation Cause Premature Ejaculation?

For most men, their earliest sexual experiences are with masturbation done secretly and quickly, for fear of being found out. Hence it is often believed that such early experience actually condition some men’s sexual response to a pattern of rapid ejaculation. In reality, masturbation is one of the best ways for men to learn about their bodies and develop confidence about their ejaculatory control in a pressure free environment. Using lubricant, slowing down on the stroking action when you masturbate and letting yourself enjoy the sensations more are all part of the learning process.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,336 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Common Mistakes Men Make Sexually

It is easy to point the finger elsewhere and say it is the men’s fault. For every man who we say is making a mistake, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Really, since men are not mind readers (though we would like them to be), we have to communicate. Men won’t be making ‘mistakes’ if only women are clear first about what it is they want, and then being clear about asking for what they want.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,401 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Will The First Sex Session be Like?

How will the first sex session be like? Be aware of your feelings and know it is normal to feel excited and awkward at the same time. Talk to each other: ask what’s working and what isn’t, don’t assume that what feels good for you feels good for her. During lovemaking, the penis is inserted into the vagina. One partner will usually use a hand to slide the inner labia apart and guide the head of the penis into the vaginal opening. Most people need foreplay, or outerplay, before, during and/ or after intercourse to relax and become sexually aroused. This includes:r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,995 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Being Woman: A Singaporean Chinese Writes

For the longest time, being a woman, to me, meant being:rn-seen and not heard;rn-expected to help, serve (for instance cook, clean, iron) and please people around me, especially the men;rn-fertile, and being expected to bear children.rn-expected to look good, smell nice, and happy and positive at all times.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,334 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Hug Language

What the hug is saying that you are missing. 1. A hug that’s followed by a thump on the back A thump on the back above or below shoulders is more of a friendly or ” hey how you been ” hug. This is an indication of discomfort with hugging you or with your closeness. However not all back thumping is negative and can be difficult to analyze the precise reason. 2. A crushing bear hug

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,446 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Can I Make My Penis Thicker, Naturally?

The length or girth of a penis is not the measure of a man. Penis pumps, pills, and patches can only make your penis bigger temporarily. They all work on the same principle of increasing blood flow in order to get a thicker penis. I would be wary of any body alte ating devices and invariably hurting the sensitive nerves of the penis. However as long as you use your penis pump safely there is no reason not to try it if you really want to. That said, lots of people are having great sex with no penis involved at all! Most women don’t orgasm from penetration at all.

Primary topic: Sexuality

5,620 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sex Is Not The Same As Sitting For The ’10-year Series’

I tell my clients that sex is not the same as sitting for the ‘10-year series‘. For those who don’t know, the 10-year series is a colloquial term unique to Singapore where students refer to official compilation books of examination papers for the past years for the GCE N-levels, O-levels and A-levels, approved by the Ministry of Education and the University of Cambridge Local Examination Syndicate, respectively.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,512 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Can Food Boost Sexual Desire and Performance?

Aphrodisiacs are substances that supposedly enhance erotic perceptions and sexual performance. In virtually all societies, people have sought such agents and have attributed magical or powerful properties to unusual substances, like ground rhinoceros horn. It is controversial whether any single substance has singular and specific effects in enhancing sexual arousal and orgasm. Whether the effect is real, minimal or nonexistent may well be a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,372 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Best Positions to Have Sex

1. For a quickie You have a few minutes and you want it hot, quick and sexy! Try Wall Standing Sex where both partners are standing doing penetration. The female uses a wall to support herself while being penetrated. Tip: Bend your knees to change the angle of penetration. The guy may wish to intense the depth of penetration by holding up his partner’s leg or legs. 2. To have a baby

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,059 views2/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sex – Learning to Ride a Bicycle

Why is sex like learning to ride a bicycle? Well, do you know how to ride a bicycle? Not the four-wheeled type. The two-wheel ones (one front, one back) upon which the rider needs to be balanced. If yes, how long did it take you to learn to ride one? While you were learning how to ride the bicycle, did you fall? Did you feel like giving up? Was there anybody who helped, supported or encouraged you?

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,408 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Do I Help Her Overcome Her Bedroom Insecurities?

1. Do not make fun of or dismiss her anxieties/ insecurities as irrelevant, nonsensical and the like. 2. Find out where her comfort level is i.e. she doesn’t like/ want to do A, B, or C. What can she do or is willing to do? Start from there. 3. Gently stretch her comfort level e.g. if he wants her to give him oral sex and she doesn’t like/ want to due to fear of bacterial infection. For instance, how about getting her to stimulate the same with another erogenous part of his body e.g. ear/ finger first?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,433 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Toys for Adults

Have you heard of the expression, “Men don’t grow up; their toys just get bigger and more expensive.”? True, since adult men don’t talk of Matchbox cars, but full-sized motorized ones. What of their electronic devices and gadgets from the iPhone, Wii, mp3 players, to laptops?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,633 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

What is Slow Sex?

As the name suggests, it refers to the reverse of fast sex, think fine dining or a 12-course meal as opposed fast food. Slow sex does not necessarily infer to the amount of the time needed for sex, but the way it was being done – slow. It would be good to set aside 30minutes to practice slow sex. The Slow sex movement is a term used by Nicole Daedone, founder of the One Taste Urban Retreat Center, who describes herself as the movement’s leader. She describes Orgasmic mediation and mindful sexuality as its practices.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,740 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Getting Feedback After Sex (Part 2)

In a previous piece, I talked about the role of open- and closed-ended questions to get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. You might begin asking for sexual feedback by using a few open-ended questions. If your partner is not forthcoming, or you wish to get clearer answers, you could consider incorporating some closed-ended questions. What else could you try? Scale of 1 to 10 This is where the scale could come in. This is how you might begin: “On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, what do you think of this (technique/position/etc.)? Give it a number.”r

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,863 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Why I Became A Sexologist

If there is one questio I am asked almost every time I meet somebody new, it is this: “Why did you become a sexologist?” Even complete strangers on Facebook find it is their business to pose one-liner questions along the lines of: “Is your job for real?” Occasionally my polite replies would be followed by cheekier replies of: “Can I know you?” Or I will receive lengthier ones trying to draw me into philosophical, theoretical or academic discussions related to sex and sexuality. Indeed, I have an interesting profession. This is my official answer, all of which is true:

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,056 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Do Guys Need to Take Protein Supplement After Making Love?

Do guys need to take protein supplement after making love to replenish the loss of protein?

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,003 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Am I Doing Alright in Bed?

Am I doing alright in bed? How can I tell? We get turned on through our senses – seeing, feeling, touching, smelling, tasting, hearing – and through thought or fantasy. When we begin active sexual movements, we feel the flow of pleasurable feelings centering in the genitals and abdomen. The entire body is gradually flooded with warmth, generally increasing in intensity and reaching toward a peak. In both sexes, heart rate, breathing rate and flushing (if it occurs) continue to increase.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,312 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Revised – Sexual Terms

I was browsing through the October issue of an expat magazine recently when I chanced upon an article entitled, “Well-being and Sex”. Intrigued, I read the piece, only to come upon the sexual terms: ‘sexual transmitted diseases’, ‘impotence’ and ‘frigidity’. The author is obviously not a sexologist because these terms are passé.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,368 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Is It Safe to Use Flavoured Condoms?

Some sexually transmitted infections can be passed on orally, so it’s a good idea to put on a condom for oral sex. Flavoured condoms would be the same strength as well as gone through the same rigorous testing as the normal condoms so you shouldn’t worry about it at all. There is a chance of the condom breaking or tearing if the girl is actually biting or chewing on the condom as part of the oral sex. It is a good idea to change the condom before vaginal penetration.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,110 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Why Do Men Stray?

The first thing we should know that the monogamous model for relationship has not existed through all societies and time. More so in our Asian culture, we are exposed to concepts like polygamy where Muslim men can have up to four wives; and patriarchal systems where the father or eldest male is head of the household, having authority over women and children and expected to continue the male line or family name.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,140 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Five Ways to Maximise Sex

Work out suitable times in the week both of you can make sex happen. It might sound unromantic to plan time for sex but we all know how to make time for what is important to us – and sex deserves us making time. The anticipation, lead-up and preparation for the date will make it sweeter. Experiment

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,660 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Slow Down, Cowboy!

How can one overcome premature ejaculation? When is faster not necessarily better? That’s right – when we are talking about premature ejaculation or ‘PE’. PE is also known as ‘early ejaculation’ or ‘eager ejaculation’. This occurs when a man ejaculates quicker or earlier than desired. It is actually a very common sexual concern. Can you learn to last longer without resorting to medication? Here are some tips: 1) Do your Kegels

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,555 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Erectile Dysfunction

How much of erectile dysfunction is biological and how much of it is psychological? Erectile dysfunction, sometimes known as impotence, is attributed to physical causes in up to 85% of cases. Medical conditions linked to erectile conce s include heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, neurological disease, and other health conditions. Research has shown that psychological causes of erectile dysfunction occur in up to 15% of cases. They include anxiety, depression, stress, and problems in relationships. Is popping Viagra the only solution to ED?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,387 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Do I Start Using Sex Toys?

For starters, you can use a vibrating ring which looks like a hair band except it has an exte al battery with an on-off switch. Have your husband stretch the vibrating ring over his penis and rest it at the base of his erect or non erect penis, and watch the penis come to live as you turn the ring on. Ride him as you usually do and the added stimulation may well help you get a stronger orgasm. If he isn’t comfortable with a vibration ring at the base of his penis, you can always use the vibrating ring for outer play such as on your clitoris or around your vulva.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,822 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Back on The Dating Scene

What’s the best way a guy who has been out of the dating scene for some time can get back in the game? Before venturing out into the dating world, take time to figure out who you are and what you are about such as listing a personal inventory of goals, lifestyle priorities, what works and what won’t. You want someone who is the best fit in terms of lifestyle temperament and connection.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,138 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Do I Tease Her Ear?

The ear is one of the erogenous centres of a woman’s body. Since ears are very sensitive, touching, kissing, sucking and even gently biting her earlobes, can send her into a sexual tizzy.

Primary topic: Sexuality

4,482 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Smile – You’re A Woman

A smile is a wonderful thing. Yet it appears that a smile can have more connotations than what is usually appreciated (on the surface) in our society. At the age of eleven, I was taught this poem when I joined the Brownies (a school uniform group similar to the Girl Scouts): “A smile is a quite funny thing, as it wrinkles up your face; And if it’s gone, you cannot find its secret hiding place. But far more wonderful it is, to see what smiles can do: you smile at one, he smiles at you; and so one smile makes two!”

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,338 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Setting Sex Goals For 2011

We set resolutions, goals and targets for all manner of things, from our career and our finances to our love life; so why not for our sexual lives? Your face might be wearing a bemused expression after seeing the above title. But, let’s pause and think about it. We set resolutions, goals and targets for all manner of things, from our career and our finances to our love life; so why not for our sexual lives? Still sounds strange? Setting sex goals within your relationship can have a very positive impact. Here’s how and why:

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,177 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Putting Sex Life Back on Track

How do you know your sex life back on track? It depends on what aspect of her sexuality she is not happy with. If she is not receiving sexual pleasure the way she would prefer, she needs to be first looking at what are some possible reasons she is not asking for what she likes. Does she know what it is she wants? If she knows, why is she not asking for it? If she does not know, how can she find out?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,216 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Does Male Circumcision Make Sex More Pleasurable?

Does male circumcision make sex more pleasurable for both the guy and the girl?

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,196 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Spice Up Your Sex Life

What factors should a couple take into consideration when wanting to spice up their sex life? Consider if your partner is a visual, auditory or kinaesthetic (touch) person. Does irritating sounds bother him to no end? Is he particular about textiles, fabrics and the way they feel next to his skin? Most guys tend to be visual followed by auditory. If you have a visual guy, you know he would be able to watch you. So have dim lights on, or candles as they make you look even more alluring. Better yet, have sex infront of a mirror so he can admire the reflection of you (and himself!).

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,413 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Getaways for Couples in Singapore

Loh Lik Peng. Does this name sound familiar? If you are any Singaporean worth your salt, you would know that he is an hotelier and restaurateur with not one, not two, but three boutique hotels located in Singapore. What may be lesser known is that his empire also includes six restaurants in Singapore; as well as one hotel in Shanghai and two in London.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,804 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Facebook’s Bra Colour Campaign For Breast Cancer Hurts More Than It Helps

I first learnt about the ‘Facebook Bra Color Campaign’ through the blog post by sex-positive activist Carlin Ross who works alongside the legendary Betty Dodson. The campaign, believed to be started by women in Detroit, Michigan, who are trying to raise awareness of Breast Cancer, asked women to post just their bra color and nothing else.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,813 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Vulvas and vaginas are pink

I didn’t know I had a vulva until I went to sex school. Don’t get me wrong. Of course, I do have a vulva (pronounced as ‘vuhl-vah’) and a vagina (pronounced ‘vha-gine-a’). I just didn’t know what they were called. I couldn’t even pronounce the word penis (pronounced as ‘pee-nis’) for that matter and called it incorrectly as ‘pen-is’. For the longest time, I was calling the whole area ‘no nok’ because that was what my mother said it was. For the purposes of this article, I asked my parents how to spell it and realised that what I always assumed was a Teochew word is in fact Malay!

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,605 views2.5/5 (2)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sex is Learned

Sex is a learned act. That’s right: l-e-a-r-n-e-d. I remember contributing an article to an online portal a few months back. I had written the sentence: “For most people, sex is a learned act.” When the portal owner’s edits come back, she had written: “Don’t you mean, ‘For most people, sex is a natural act’?”. My immediate response was territorial: ‘Who is the sexologist here? Are you saying I am wrong? What are you trying to imply here?’

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,098 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Account of a Tuition Survivor

I had tuition from when I was in Primary One until Secondary Four. My younger sister started from when she was Kindergarten Two. She started early because she wouldn’t leave me alone during my tuition lessons – insisting on playing with me, talking with me, peeping on me – she felt left out. I, on the other hand, hated being forced to take supplementary lessons I did not need. After a succession of tutors who quit – one of whom pinched me – I realised that my mother was going to continue forcing tuition down my throat. I eventually settled on the one I thought was the nicest.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,080 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Book Review: The Joy of Sex

The Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Love Making by Alex Comfort This original The Joy of Sex, first published in 1972, has often been credited with inventing the modern sex manual and enjoyed unprecedented success world-wide gracing 8 million homes. Illustrated with line-drawings and watercolors of a couple, this book aims to be a personal one-couple notebook containing valid sexual behaviors, plus a certain amount about how and why they work.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,626 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Squeeze, Hold, Release Your Way to Sexual Health

Have you heard of pelvic floor exercises? You may have learnt about them from your aerobics instructor. Or perhaps your urologist was the one who ordered you to squeeze your butt cheeks together? Maybe your gynae was the one who asked you to attempt to tighten your vagina, or was it your anus? I have news for you: They’re all the same thing. This exercise is more commonly known as the Kegel exercise.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,206 views

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