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November 13, 2016 It's time for us to step up straight white men! This campaign and this election have exposed many issues in our country and our world...issues that have been there for a very long time, and although we've made progress on them through the years, it's time for real change and we're a big part of that.
These few days before the start of the New Year have a magical and sacred quality to them. I appreciate the lull in activity that often takes place this week and the opportunity we have to reflect back on the year that is ending, as well as to create new possibilities and intentions for the year that's about to start. It often seems more exciting to focus on our "resolutions" for the coming year than it does to look back. However, before we jump ahead and start making our goals for next year, it's essential that we complete the year that is about to end consciously.
I have a tendency to take myself a bit too seriously at times, especially when I get stressed, irritated, or scared. I’ve noticed that sometimes these feelings not only make me less effective in dealing with a difficult situation, they actually cause the difficulty itself, or at the very least exacerbate it. I also find that in these moments of taking myself too seriously, it’s easy for me to become self-important and to think that the weight of the world is on my shoulders (which is often a bit of an overreaction and almost never helpful).
Are you facing challenges in your life or your business right now? These days, there are some real challenges facing many of us - at work, at home, in relationships, with money, with family, with housing situations, and much more.
How often do you find yourself feeling rushed, pressed for time, hurried, stressed, or overwhelmed? For many of us, myself included, these feelings are all too common, especially these days.
We recently went into escrow on our house, but don't yet have a new house to move into. As excited as we are about our move (just across the San Francisco Bay from Concord to Marin County), it feels pretty scary to not yet know exactly where we’ll be living next month.
I was recently talking to my counselor Eleanor, asking her for some guidance on both an important meeting I had coming up and on the approach I was taking in some writing I was planning. She said to me, “Mike, get out of your head and into your heart. Remember, the truth can’t be rehearsed.”
A few weeks ago I listened to a radio interview with Michael Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation, and he said, "A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul." When I heard this I laughed out loud. The wisdom of his statement resonated with me deeply. I thought about a number of experiences in my life which have been quite "bad" for my ego (i.e. embarrassing, disappointing, and even painful), but in hindsight have been great for my own growth and development.
How healthy are your boundaries? Maybe you think about this directly and often, maybe not. Boundaries weren’t something I personally spent much time thinking about for many years. I’ve often related to the concept of boundaries in a negative way. Of course I’ve known they’re important, especially in the context of parenting, relationships, and work, but the idea of having clear and specific boundaries had sometimes seemed limiting or restrictive to me.
I shaved my head again last week. This is the fourth time in the past five years I've done this. As has been the case for me before - it feels both liberating and vulnerable. My hair has been thinning for about ten years (most significantly in the past two or three) and, as I've written about a few times previously, this has caused me a great deal of fear, insecurity, and self criticism. These feelings are not new and aren't specifically related to my thinning hair (although it is definitely something that triggers them for me in an intense way).
Fear is something that we all experience throughout our lives, especially on our journey toward deeper authenticity. Being who we really are, expressing ourselves honestly, being bold, and going for what we want in life can cause a great deal of fear in us. I get scared all the time. When I was younger I thought there was something really wrong with me because I would get so nervous – in sports, in school, in social settings, and more.
Oprah Winfrey is one of the most successful and influential people in the world today. Her life-story of the difficulty, poverty, rape, teen pregnancy, and pain that occurred in her early years are well-known and documented. For the first six years of her life, the young Oprah Winfrey was ...
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
If you’re anything like me you’ve probably spent more time than you’d like to admit trying to “fix” your various “flaws.” Although I may pretend otherwise, many of my own goals, desires, and even my motivation to “grow” has often come from a deep place of insecurity within me - thinking that if I could just fix what was wrong with me, then everything would be okay.
I recently saw a wonderful video on YouTube that has been making its way around the internet of a little girl passionately affirming herself and her life in the bathroom mirror ("My whole house is great, I like my hair, I can do anything, I like my family," etc.) If you haven't had a chance to see it, check it out - it's adorable, funny, and a beautiful example of appreciation in action.r
I first heard the phrase “act as if” about fifteen or twenty years ago. I remember learning that if we “act as if” we already have something we want, “act as if” something is already occurring in our lives (even if it’s not), or “act as if” we know how to do something (even if we don’t) – we create the conditions for it to manifest in our life with greater easy and probability. In recent years, this concept has been popularized and even mainstreamed by books, films, and teachers talking about the “law of attraction” (i.e.
My wife Michelle read the bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and has transformed our house over the past few months. I’ve enjoyed and appreciated all that she has shared with me about the book, and especially all that she has done to de-clutter and tidy up. However, until this past weekend, I hadn’t really engaged in the process much myself. But, starting with my clothes and then moving onto my books, I had a transformational experience over the past few days going through everything and letting go of a LOT.
I had a powerful conversation recently with my good friend Theo. I was telling him about some of the intense challenges I've been facing and my underlying fear that I simply can't handle all that is going on (and what I fear may unfold in the coming days, weeks, and months). Theo listened to me with empathy and compassion, and then said something simple, but profound. He said, "Mike, it's important to remember that you have more than all of this requires."
I'm heading to my 15-year class reunion at Stanford this weekend. I'm excited to see some old friends, spend time on campus, and attend the various parties, sporting events, and fun stuff planned for the weekend. At the same time, I'm feeling quite anxious about the whole experience - knowing how easy it can be for me, especially in that environment, to get caught in a pattern of negative comparison.
How do you feel about celebrating? If you're anything like me and most of the people I know, you probably enjoy it. However, I notice that as much as I like to celebrate, I sometimes find it challenging as well. Here are some of the reasons that I use not to do it: - I don't have the time or money to celebrate right now, there's work that needs to get done - Things aren't yet as good as they "should" be for me to stop and celebrate - People will think I'm weird, naive, or obnoxious if I celebrate too much
How do you feel about disappointing others? How about being disappointed yourself? I’ve recently noticed how much of my conscious and unconscious attention is focused on not disappointing others, while at the same time protecting myself against being disappointed.
As someone who is very interested in current events, sports, politics, the state of our economy and world, and more - I pay a lot of attention to the news (sometimes more than is probably healthy for me). I read newspapers, check out various news sites/blogs, watch TV, and listen to the radio. With all of this news and information, I'm often struck by how little of it is "good news," especially these days.
On January 7th, 2016, my big sister, Lori Dempsey Robbins, passed away after an almost four year journey with ovarian cancer. Lori was 45 and the single mom of our 11 year old niece. She was my first friend and one of my greatest teachers.
The holiday season is now in full swing. If you’re anything like me you probably have mixed feelings about the holidays. I love the excitement, parties, decorations, rituals, music, gifts, connections, and more. However, even these fun things can wear on me.
As we embark on another new year of life, I find myself experiencing a mixture of emotions about 2011. I'm excited about the possibilities of this New Year and inspired by the energy of creation that exists at this special time. Similar to last week, there is a magical quality to this first week of the New Year - lots of hope and positive anticipation.
I recently gave a TEDx talk in which I reflected on what I've seen and learned over the past fifteen years - researching, writing, and speaking about essential human experiences in the workplace. As I addressed in this talk, I believe that for us to thrive professionally, especially in today's world, we must be willing bring our whole selves to the work that we do. And, for the groups, teams, and organizations that we're a part of to truly succeed, it's essential to create an environment where people feel safe to bring all of who they are to work.
Do you ever ask yourself the question, "Why is this happening to me?" Most of us do, especially when things aren't going the way we want them to or we're dealing with something that's difficult or painful. A few years ago I was talking to my friend Brian about this and he said, "If you change the word 'to' to the word 'for' in that question, it can change your life." When Brian said this, it really resonated with me and I never forgot it.
Like so many people here in the United State and around the world, I've had a very strong reaction to our election. Given the pre-election polls, I was shocked by the outcome, and given how I voted, I was disappointed by it. As I've ridden the roller coaster of intense emotions over the past week and listened to reactions, read articles, and talked with people in my life - I've been struck by the profound level of division and disconnection in our society, which actually conce s me as much as almost anything else right now.
This past weekend, while we were away for the 4th of July holiday, I had a profound realization of how addicted I've become to my iPhone. While I love many aspects of how technology enhances our lives and allows us to connect with one another in some very cool ways, I'm also aware of the potential dark side of being so connected technologically that we lose connection with ourselves, those around us, and what truly matters.
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Do you consider yourself bold or someone who goes for it with passion in life? Some of us do, but most people I know and work with, myself included, admit that they don't often think of themselves as a bold person. Or, if we've done or said bold things in our lives, they seem to be few and far between...and they also seem to scare us half to death. Hence, we often don't find ourselves going for it in our work and our life - or not nearly as much as we'd like (especially these past few years).
My 40th birthday was amazing! I received such beautiful blessings from so many people in my life - it was exciting, wonderful, humbling, and a bit overwhelming. As touched and honored as I was (and still am) by all of the appreciatio I got, I also noticed there were moments when it was challenging for me to fully receive the appreciation and let it in.
How do you feel about change? If you’re anything like me, you probably have mixed feelings about it. While it often depends on our perception of the type of change – big or small, good or bad, needed or unnecessary, easy or hard, etc. – most of us seek and fear change simultaneously.
Fear is something that we all experience, especially on our journey toward deeper authenticity, fulfillment, and success in life. Being who we really are, expressing ourselves boldly, and going for what we want in life can cause a great deal of fear in us.
During the holiday season, it's easy for us to get caught up in the stress of decorating the house, preparing for parties, and rushing around to buy gifts for everyone. Many of us will spend hundreds, if not thousands of dollars on holiday presents. Instead of just giving the important ...
How often to you feel like a victim? If you're anything like me, probably more often than you'd like to admit. Although I usually pretend to be too "evolved" to play the role of victim in my life, I do catch myself at times feeling, thinking, and talking in that old, familiar, "oh poor me" kind of way. Can you relate? I remember one of my mentors telling me years ago, "Mike, you can't simultaneously be grateful and victimized."
Wow... that was quite an exciting ending to the Super Bowl, wasn’t it? If you happened to have missed it, the New England Patriots beat the Seattle Seahawks 28-24. The Seahawks had the ball on the one yard line with less than a minute to go in the game and a few downs to work with. It looked like they were going to score a touchdown and win the game. However, instead of handing the ball off to their superstar running back, Marshawn Lynch, they decided to pass the ball on second down, and it was intercepted - thus clinching the dramatic victory for the Patriots.
I recently read a great quote from Ben Franklin that I hadn’t seen before. He said, “Joy doesn’t exist in the world, it exists in us.” While the quote was new to me, the concept wasn’t.
As we were rushing around to get out the door for our 4th of July weekend trip to the lake, I misplaced my iPhone and was forced to leave without it...for 4 days! What at first seemed like a curse, ended up being a blessing! After the initial panic wore off, I actually felt free and liberated...and had lots of fun with Michelle, the girls, and our friends on the trip (probably more fun tha I would have had if my phone was with me).
How comfortable are you with being uncomfortable? I know this may seem like a paradoxical question, but it's not. In fact, Michelle and I took a workshop this past weekend where they emphasized the importance of being uncomfortable - related to expanding our growth, success, fulfillment, and more. Over the past few days I've been taking some real inventory of my own life and looking at how willing (or unwilling) I am to be uncomfortable myself. I notice that in certain areas of my life, I'm quite willing to be uncomfortable; while in others, not so much.r
I was talking to a friend of mine last week and she said, “If worrying worked, I’d weigh 115 pounds and be a millionaire by now.” I laughed out loud – appreciating her humor and insight. Worrying, which is something I’ve spent and wasted a lot of time and energy on throughout my life, never seems to work, does it? Worry is actually detrimental to our health, well-being, and our ability to manifest both the things and feelings we truly want in life.
As we embark on another new year of life, I find myself experiencing a mixture of emotions about 2010. I’m excited about the possibilities of this New Year and inspired by the energy of creation that exists at this special time.
This is an excerpt from my new book Nothing Changes Until You Do, posted with permission. Published by Hay House and available online or in bookstores.
In a sessio I had with my counselor Eleanor last week she said to me, "Testing is not trusting." I realized in talking to her that much of what I've been calling "trust" is actually me simply "testing" new attitudes, techniques, and approaches... hoping they will work out, but fearing that they won't (or at the very least wanting some kind of guarantee that they will.) Maybe you can relate to this?
During one of her shows a few years back, Oprah Winfrey made a profound and beautiful statement that I appreciated very much. She said, “We do shows about lots of ‘stuff’ and my ‘favorite things,’ but what people want more than anything else is to know that they’re appreciated...that’s the best gift of all.” At this time of year it's easy for us to get caught up in the stress of getting everything on our “list” crossed off, preparing for parties and events, and rushing around to buy gifts.
Let’s Appreciate Ourselves In my years as a college and professional baseball player I learned many things. One of the things I learned to do as well as almost anything else was beat myself up. I became a master, along with many of my teammates, at being hard on myself and “never being ...
I've been reflecting on change quite a bit recently. This year has been full of changes for me and my family. The two most significant and emotional changes have been the loss of my sister Lori back in January and the purchase of our new house a few months ago. While these two experiences are very different in so many ways, they have each had a profound impact and have pointed out some things to me about how I deal with change, loss, and more.
Apologizing can be a bit tricky for me. While I pride myself on being someone who is able to look within, take responsibility, and resolve conflicts directly - I also know that my own arrogance and insecurity cause me to sometimes stubbornly refuse to apologize or, often more damaging, over apologize, which can include apologizing for who I am.
I just finished Wayne Dyer’s new book I Can See Clearly Now, in which he recounts many of the pivotal moments of his life, the lessons he learned, and how he “can see clearly now” the meaning, purpose, and synchronicity of it all. I loved the book and got so much out of it. With my 40th birthday last month, I’ve been in a deep process of self-reflection and have been looking back on my own life and all that has unfolded in the past four decades. I, too, can clearly see all of the amazing synchronicity that has led me to where I am at this moment.
A few weeks ago I led a weekend workshop at Esalen. It was wonderful! On Saturday evening after our dinner break, one of the workshop participants suggested that we delay the start of our evening session so we could walk out on the deck and watch the sun go down over the Pacific Ocean. We did and it was spectacular.