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84 articles by Peggy Ferguson · showing 50

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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: Prevent Relapse By Making Good Choices

Relapse is a process that occurs over time, in the context of significant decisions. Many people who relapse say that drinking or using was the furthest thing from their mind just before they consumed the chemical. In reality, most of the time, relapse was in process some time before the chemical was ingested. The relapse process involves a return to old thinking, old feelings, and old behavior. When someone is addicted, consumption of their mood altering drug of choice is almost automatic. It is a deeply ingrained and somewhat unconscious action. It has become "first nature".

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: "Treatment" and "Recovery" Are Not The Same Thing.

"My spouse went to recovery. Now they tell me that he needs to go on to additional counseling. What is that all about?" "Recovery" and "treatment" are not the same thing. Inpatient treatment, detox, or outpatient treatment, in and of itself, is not "recovery". Recovery is generally a return of good health, and a restoration (or acquisition) of effective functioning in one's life, in all areas including relationships, work, and community. Treatment for addiction is not a pill, a therapy, a place, or even a slice of time.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction Recovery Worksheet For Identifying Healthy Replacements for the Alcohol and Drugs

One of the most important tasks of early recovery from alcohol and other drug addiction is learning to replace the chemical with health living skills. When you have taken the chemical out of your life, it leaves a big gaping hole, where something of substance was. Alcohol or other drugs have served many purposes over the course of addiction. They have played many roles. They had meaningful functions in your life. When the chemical is removed from your behavioral repertoire, how will you deal with stress, an annoying coworker, insomnia, and task overload?

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

A Realistic Approach to Reducing Unhappiness and Preventing Divorce

While many conflicted and combative couples stay together through the holidays to not disappoint the kids or the extended family members, other couples who may have not even been thinking about divorce, begin to feel discouraged, disappointed, and disenchanted after the holidays and decide to divorce. Although there are very good reasons for divorce, personal unhappiness may not be caused by the marriage, and divorce may not be the solution. It is unlikely that your marriage is the source of all of your unhappiness.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Sixteen Helpful Guidelines to Help You Navigate Through Your Grief

You may be wondering if it is even possible to survive the loss of someone you love. You may be thinking that you are going crazy, or that you will never quit crying. You may think that you will never be the same and will never feel better. Grief is one of the most devastating experiences that human beings have and it is universal. Sooner or later, we all experience grief. When we experience the loss of someone that we love, we often find ourselves at a loss for what to do with ourselves, with our daily lives, and with the grief.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Couple Communication: How to De-escalate A Discussion

Many couples get into a dysfunctional pattern of conflict escalation and withdrawal as they attempt to discuss the problems and issues in their life. Each unsuccessful attempt to solve the identified problem sets the tone for the next time that they attempt to resolve the issue. Unresolved issues tend to be self-perpetuating and can persist over decades. A common pattern is where a couple identifies some relationship issue or problem to discuss and starts talking. They begin to get upset, bring out the dirty fight tactics, and the argument is "on".

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

The Key To Successful Recovery of Your Marriage Is Within You

The key to successfully recovering the love that has eroded is within you. The fun that you once shared together can happen again. The robust sense of "us" that colored the choices you made on a daily basis can be restored. The ability to accomplish these things is within each partner. The key to restoring marital happiness is not dependent upon what your partner is doing. It is not about how much money you have (or how much debt). It is not about how the household chores are divided (equally or not). It is not even about how much time you spend together.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

How to Separate the Help From The Hype In Addiction Treatment

There is so much "information" on the internet about addiction and recovery and unless you already have some knowledge about addiction and recovery, all resources may appear equal to you. This is not the case. There are advertisements, articles, and blog posts about addiction recovery products and services that are pretty much equal to the latest snake oil products for losing weight without diet and exercise. If it seems too good to be true, it is. There are no magic pills, herbal supplements, or miraculous techniques that cure addiction.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Family Dynamics of Addiction and Recovery: How to Let Go and Regain Your Peace of Mind

What are you afraid of? Fear and anxiety are part and parcel of daily life with familial addiction. Fear is a paintbrush that colors almost all aspects of family life. Some fears are easily recognizable in an addicted family: "What if he gets arrested?" "When am I going to get the call in the ...

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Why People Have Marital Affairs

Why, when most people believe in monogamous marriages, and that affairs are "wrong", are so many couples struggling to recover from infidelity? Most people do not intend to have an affair and most couples never would have believed that it would happen to them. Affairs happen in the marriages of all kinds of people. Not bad people. Not people whose marriages are "doomed". The reality is that any marriage could be vulnerable to an affair, given the right conditions. One of the first questions that the partner asks when they learn of the affair is "why?".

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Family Dynamics of Addiction: Anger in Early Recovery

“Angry”, “mad”, “irritable”, “frustrated”, “annoyed”, “irate”, “seething”, “agitated”, and “cranky” are all labels for anger. This list, although it could be a lot longer, reflects varying degrees in intensity of anger. Anger, although a normal emotion, can be problematic for recovering alcoholics and addicts who not feel fully competent in dealing with their anger. Many recovering alcoholics and addicts have an unrealistic expectation that when they get clean and sober, that they will not have to experience uncomfortable feelings, especially anger.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: Drinking or Using Dreams as a Normal Part of Recovery

When you have a drinking or using dream, you may wake up not really knowing if it actually happened. Many people in early recovery find it disturbing and frightening when they experience a "using" dream. Drinking and using dreams are those dreams where the central theme or experience is about drinking or using.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Help For the Sex Addict - Part 3

Treatment for sexual addiction can occur in an inpatient or outpatient setting. Like treatment for alcohol and other drug (AOD) addiction, treatment for sexual addiction is usually made up of individual and group counseling, education about addiction, and self-help participation. When choosing ...

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: Ten Common Myths about Alcohol and Drug Addiction

People who don't know much about alcohol and other drug addiction, often buy into common myths and stereotypes about addiction and addicts. It is important to replace mistaken assumptions and judgments about addiction, so that you can approach those afflicted with the illness, with compassion and understanding. Many people mistakenly believe that if you call addiction a "disease" that somehow it exempts the alcoholic or addict from responsibility of their behavior. Below are some myths in italics. The truth is in regular print. 1. Addicts are losers and skid-row bums.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: Do You Need Detox After Relapse?

While most people realize that relapse is a common experience for addicts in recovery, they often do not know how to get back on track after relapsing on alcohol or other mood altering drugs. Although relapse is commonplace, it is predictable, and thus preventable. For many recovering people who relapse, the idea of a return to twelve step meetings may bring on a panic attack, or an overwhelming sense of shame. Although the recovering person knows that going back to meetings is the appropriate thing to do, s/he prevent themselves from doing so, due to false pride.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Guide to Eliminating Deception and Dishonesty - How to Get Real in Addiction Recovery

Many people, while active in addiction, engage in deceptive, dishonest behavior, and diversionary tactics. These are part and parcel of addiction and the need to keep the extent of their problem hidden. It is difficult to juggle all the demands of being addicted with all the "normal" demands of living, plus hiding the addiction from others. Other people in an addict's life are affected by the addiction. Conflict is inevitable. Performance in various areas of an addict's life begins to slip as the disease progresses.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Treatment for Spouses and Other Family Members of Alcoholics and Addicts

One of the most frequent questions that I hear from family members is, “Why do I need to be in counseling, when she is the alcoholic/addict? The family members that do come into treatment willingly and eagerly at the beginning are most often motivated to “help” the addict. The idea that spouses and other kin need help for their own issues often feels like an insult initially. Non-addicted loved ones need their own help because they are negatively affected by the disease in several ways. Addiction runs through generations in families.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: The Cross Addiction Worksheet

Many recovering people who begin the process of becoming clean and sober, harbor the notion that they can continue to hang on to some remnants of an old drinking/using lifestyle. They often initially believe that specific drugs are The Problem. Initially alcoholics/addicts may not consider use of other drugs (including alcohol) as problematic. When the idea of being addicted to all mood altering drugs does come up, the idea is often dismissed as not being applicable.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Breaking the Stalemate: Using Cognitive Therapy to Change Your Marriage

Couples often come to counseling in a last ditch effort to avoid divorce and save the marriage. They have many goals and objectives in mind, often involving helping the therapist fix the other spouse. The real underlying goal is often the desire to restore the positive feelings toward the spouse and to feel loved by the spouse. Invested in their own solutions, these same partners often go about trying to accomplish this goal by pointing out what their spouse is doing "wrong", how they "always" engage in undesirable behavior and "never" do the things that are requested.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

What Can We Do to Improve Our Relationship? Answers from "Ask Peggy"

Communication is not only the life's blood of a marriage, it is the cornerstone that the foundation of relationship skills rest on. You have to have good communication skills to be able to convey your love, affection, and commitment to your loved ones. You can not effectively problem solve without good communication. Inadequate communication creates or worsens the struggle to maintain the positive emotions in the relationship. All people want to feel loved, appreciated, and a sense of belonging.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Couple Communication: Can You Really Not Communicate?

I often hear couples complain that they cannot talk about anything. Does that really happen? Think about what would happen in your relationship if you really, literally could not talk to your spouse--about anything. How would you exchange information about work, daily routines, groceries and other products needed, bills to be paid, etc., if you literally could not communicate. Living in a house with another person takes a certain amount of cooperation and teamwork.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Everyone Loses When You Give Up on Your Marriage Without Trying to Acquire the Skills You Need To Keep It

There is the "should" that says that you should be able to solve your own problems without help. Here is the rationale: "If your relationship has enough tension and strain that help is needed, the relationship is not going to make it anyway, so why waste time and money with counseling?" The reality is that if you give up on your marriage without first trying to acquire the skills that your need to be happy in it, you lose. Everyone loses.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Cross Addiction and Relapse - Examples and Relationships

Cross addiction is one of the leading causes of relapse in early recovery. Cross-addiction involves being addicted to all mood altering drugs. The following are illustrations of cross addiction. 1. Some people become cross-addicted in their efforts to camouflage their addiction. Alcoholics may change to a different drug of choice to hide the smell, or the impairment of fine motor skills. 2. Cross addiction can occur in the process of withdrawal mediation. This is where you use a different drug to avoid or reduce the symptoms of withdrawal. 3.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

A Relapse Prevention Tool - Emotional Cues for Cravings in Relapse Worksheet

We experience sensory, emotional/psychological, cognitive, environmental, and physical cues on a daily basis in early recovery. These cues or triggers, if left unchecked can turn into powerful cravings for the chemical. Cravings can lead to relapse. In order to avoid relapse it is crucial that you identify your cues, take action, and not let them turn into cravings. One powerful set of cues that can set off cravings are emotions or feelings.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

How Do You Know if Infidelity is a Symptom of Sexual Addiction: 10 Indicators

You have just discovered or been informed of your partner's infidelity. You are in shock. You are confused, angry, immobilized, depressed, and thinking you will absolutely go crazy. In the midst of all this, you keep hearing about "sexual addiction" in the media and you wonder if it is sexual ...

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Six Super Simple Guidelines for Developing Your Communication Skills By Improving Your Ability to Listen

Building a solid foundation for the development of good communication skills involves learning how to listen effectively. There are several elements of effective listening. These elements include attention, reflection, ability to tolerate tension, and ability to challenge the assumptions that are usually made. When teaching couples how to change how they talk to each other, active listening is stressed. Much of the time, poor listening skills are at the heart of couple communication problems. You can't have effective communication without good listening skills.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: Why Don't They Just Quit?

Family members are often stymied about how their alcoholic/addicted family member can continue to drink or use in the face of overwhelming evidence that the chemical is destroying their lives. “Why don’t they just quit?” is a question that could rightfully top the list of “FAQs by Family Members About Addiction”.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Your Spouse's Infidelity Revealed: Getting Over The Shock and Getting To Recovery: Part 2

Marital infidelity can be revealed in a whole host of different ways. Regardless of how the infidelity is revealed, the revelation of the infidelity creates a crisis within the marital relationship and within the faithful spouse. The shock of discovering the infidelity leads to compulsive ...

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

One More Essential Tool For Preventing Relapse in Early Addiction Recovery

Most non-addicted people have routines and organizing structures inrntheir lives that help provide stability. An addict's lifestyle is often one of chaotic instability and disorganization. A general lack of structure and routine contributes to this disorganization and chaos. An addicted lifestyle is often missing daily routines of fulfilling personal and family responsibilities, engaging in predictable and consistent eating and sleeping habits, and appropriate self care. These missing elements are self-reinforcing in addiction.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Family Dynamics of Addiction And Recovery - Deciding What to do about an Adult Child's Addiction

When an adult child with addiction problems lives with his parents, those parents are faced with hard choices. The addict believes that he is only harming himself, yet the truth is that the addiction is hurting everyone and is typically tearing the family apart. Parents and significant others of alcoholics/addicts in deciding upon a course of action must make decisions based on what they can live with. There is a huge difference between bottom lines and threats.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

How to Find The Best Marriage Counselor For Your Needs

Everyone wants "the best". When you are looking for a marriage counselor it is important to find someone who is specifically trained in marriage counseling and has the credential of "licensed" or "certified" marriage counselor". This indicates that they demonstrated some level of competence necessary to have had to passed some test(s) or other criteria of competence.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Two Things You Can Do Now To Reduce Your Holiday Stress

We know that once Thanksgiving is over, we will be having an increase in our stress. This yearly event, when the demands for our time, energy, money, and other resources increase exponentially, and our stress levels rises accordingly, is lovingly known as "the holidays". And each year, we just seem to accept that this time of year will be stressful and continue our holiday tradition of being stressed out during the "silly season".

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: How to Catapult Your Recovery to the Next Level by Using A Problems Checklist to Drive Skill Developmen

Early recovery is a time of self-assessment and problem identification. You have to know what is not working in order to begin to fix it. One of the first tasks, right after learning basic craving management techniques is spending the time and energy to identify the roles that chemicals have played in the life of a newly recovering alcoholic/addict. This is especially important since the chemical has occupied so many crucial roles or functions and that removing it from a person's life leaves big, gaping holes in their behavioral repertoire.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: Don't Let Grief Over the Loss of Alcohol Derail Your Transition Into Recovery

One of the common experiences of the earliest efforts toward quitting drinking and becoming sober, is grief over the loss of the chemical. For many people with an alcohol or other drug problem, the chemical, (whether it is alcohol or oxycodone) has become the addict's best friend and constant companion. When this best friend is given up, the alcoholic/addict experiences grief. The chemical plays all kinds of roles in the alcoholic's life and these roles are necessary and meaningful.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Couple Communication: Overcoming Roadblocks to Communication to Maintain or Regain Your Marital Happiness

Most people want to have a loving, committed, happy marriage. And they think they know what will make for that happy marriage. Some of the characteristics often identified as making up a stable and loving relationship include: trust, love, respect, honesty, and faithfulness, among other attributes. Many people have the oversimplified desire to “just be happy” in their marriage, like happiness in a relationship is some simple, ordinary thing that each person is “naturally” entitled to.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: Do You Really Have to Hit Bottom to Recover?

There is a generally misguided notion that you have to "hit bottom" to be able to get sober and stay sober. "Hitting bottom" is usually seen as the loss of the things that you value in your life. It is an individually defined event and the concept has probably hindered the recovery efforts of a lot of people or at least served as a rationalization for continued drinking. For some people hitting bottom is embarrassing themselves in public-once. For another, it may be spending so much money on their drug of choice that they can't pay the bills.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

What To Do Right Now To Keep Your Spouse From Leaving You and To Build A Better Life Together.

What if you were called into your boss's office and told that s/he was thinking about letting you go, that you were not fulfilling your job responsibilities, and that you were holding the company back rather than helping the company grow and prosper? Yes, you might be shocked or stunned. You might also already realize that you have not been working any where near your potential, that you have been somewhat disengaged from the company and just "putting in time" until retirement.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction Recovery Tools: Why You Want to Learn to Forgive in Recovery

Although forgiveness is an important part of working through feelings, and thus, a tool of recovery and the healing process, it is an often neglected topic. People often erroneously equate forgiveness with forgetting. The best definition that I ever heard for forgiveness is simply "giving up the need to punish". This definition doesn't say anything about the actual act of punishing, or forgetting--for that matter. It speaks only of letting go of the compulsion, or fantasy of punishing.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Help My Teen: Could Your Child's Problems Be Due to Addiction?

Parents often find themselves in a quandary trying to figure out how to help the adolescent whose behavior, disposition, and mood has changed for the worst. The exact nature of the problem may be eluding them. They use a trial and error problem solving method where they end up trying anything and everything to solve the problem. They try assertive discipline, enrolling their child in extracurricular activities to improve self-confidence or self-esteem, tutors, antidepressants, etc. without really knowing what they are dealing with. They are often operating under faulty suppositions.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Getting Started: "Ready, Set, Talk!"

Sometimes couples wish they felt more emotionally close to their spouses. You may feel taken for granted and might even recognize that you take your spouse for granted. One or both of you might be daydreaming about dedicating some time and energy to restoring that eroding emotional connection. You are probably both aware that marriage, like anything else we value, requires nurturing and sustained effort to maintain it. One spouse might even mention that he or she wants to set aside some time to spend together—just the two of you.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Family Dynamics of Addiction: Family Systems Can Work for or Against Your Recovery

Alcoholics/addicts do not normally live in a circle made up exclusively of alcoholics and addicts. Most people suffering from addictions have a multitude of people in their lives who are affected by the addiction. Even alcoholics and addicts that are estranged from their significant others, ...

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction and Recovery: Who Will Enable Your Addicted Loved One When You Quit?

"Enabling" can be described as a behavior pattern of the significant people in the life on an addict or alcoholic. "Enabling" involves rescuing the alcoholic/addict from the negative consequences of his or her behavior. When the addict has those negative consequences of his/her addiction removed, the significant other is, in effect, "enabling" the addict to continue drinking/drugging. The significant other enablers the addict to stay in active addiction. This effect is usually not the intention of the worried and caring family member or friend.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Addiction As Disease Does Not Equal "Get Out of Jail Free"

Sometimes family members have a hard time with the idea that addiction is a disease. When this is the case, it often has to do with the issue of responsibility. Sometimes family members believe that "disease" is equated with a "get out of jail free card" or not being held responsible. This is not the case. An addict has responsibility for choosing recovery over choosing to stay in the illness.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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By Peggy FergusonRecently published1 topic

Essential Definitions for People Trying to Gain Assertiveness Skills

Although most people have some pretty clear-cut notions about what assertiveness is and isn't, assertiveness is often confused with aggression. Assertiveness is not necessarily about having your will prevail over the will of others. That is actually more descriptive of aggression. Especially when there is little regard to the rights or feelings of others. Instead, assertiveness is simply about being able to stand up for your own rights without trampling on the rights of others.

Primary topic: Drug and Substance Abuse
Drug and Substance Abuse
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