Cling Less, Love More
As a rock climber and a parent, I know some physical kinds of clinging are good - like too-small holds or small hands!
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
404 views
Read articleArticles
Articles by Rick Hanson
Browse every published article connected to Rick Hanson, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
- articles
- 254
- shown per page
- 50
- search signals
- Topic + expert
Articles
254 articles by Rick Hanson · showing 50
Browse every published article connected to Rick Hanson, or search within this exact expert archive.
Receive Generosity
Life gives to each one of us in so many ways. For starters, there’s the bounty of the senses – including chocolate chip cookies, jasmine, sunsets, wind singing through pine trees, and just getting your back scratched. What does life give you? Consider the kindness of friends and family, made more tangible during a holiday season, but of course, continuing throughout the year.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
28 views
Read articleWhat Would Make a Difference Inside You?
We all have issues - including demands upon us, stresses, illnesses, losses, vulnerabilities, and pain. (As Alan Watts put it: "Life is wiggly.") Of course, many of our issues - in the broad sense I'm using the word here - are related to important sources of fulfillment, such as starting a business or raising a family; still, there's some kind of challenge.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,005 views
Read articleDon't Quarrel
It's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught up in your position that you lose sight of the bigger picture, including your relationship with the other person. Then you're quarreling.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
35 views
Read articleDo People Ever Make You Mad?
As the most social and loving species on the planet, we have the wonderful ability and inclination to connect with others, be empathic, cooperate, care, and love.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,095 views
Read articleEat Right
The easiest and usually most effective way to replenish your body is through good nutrition.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
211 views
Read articleDo You Got To?
We're pulled and prodded by financial pressures, commuter traffic, corporate policies, technology, advertising, politics, and the people we work with and live with. As well, internal forces yank the proverbial chains, including emotional reactions, compelling desires, "shoulds," and internalized "voices" from parents and other authority figures. Sometimes these pressures are necessary, like a flashing light on your car's dashboard telling you to get gas. Even a broken clock is right two times a day.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,168 views
Read articleFind Stillness
Things keep changing. The clock ticks, the day unfolds, trees grow, leaves turn brown, hair turns gray, children grow up and leave home, attention skitters from this to that, the cookie is delicious but then it’s all gone, you’re mad about something for a while and then get over it, consciousness streams on and on and on.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
367 views
Read articleDrop the Load
You may have seen the old Mickey Mouse movie in which he is working at a conveyor belt in a factory. More and more widgets come at him that he must handle, and he gets increasingly frazzled as he struggles to keep up.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
322 views
Read articleWhat is an open heart?
We all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who has you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right now I'm thinking of a neighbor who refused to pay his share of a fence between us. As Jean-Paul Sartre put it: "Hell is other people." Sure, that's overstated. But still, most of a person's hurts, disappointments, and irritations typically arise in reactions to other people.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,039 views
Read articleRecognize Suffering in Others
We’re usually aware of our own suffering, which – broadly defined – includes the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there is more to life than suffering, including great joy and fulfillment; that said, we’ll sustain a single focus here.)
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
174 views
Read articleRest in Center
Gravity and entropy are powerful processes in the natural world. Gravity draws things together, toward a center, while entropy scatters them into disorder. In much the same way, in our own lives, some things bring us to the center, while others disturb and disperse us.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
261 views
Read articlePet the Lizard
I've always liked lizards. Growing up in the outskirts of Los Angeles, I played in the foothills near our home. Sometimes I'd catch a lizard and stroke its belly, so it would relax in my hands, seeming to feel at ease.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
481 views
Read articleAre You Feeling Cross?
[Note: This JOT is adapted from Mother Nurture, a book written for mothers - focusing on typical parenting situations and gender differences that are experienced by many, though not all, mothers and fathers, and by parents in same sex relationships.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,204 views
Read articleBe Benevolent
Benevolence is a fancy word that means something simple: good intentions toward living beings, including oneself.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
470 views
Read articleSee Beings Not Bodies
When we encounter someone, usually the mind automatically slots the person into a category: older, younger, your friend Tom, the kid next door, etc. Watch this happen in your own mind as you meet or talk with a co-worker, sales clerk, or family member. In effect, the mind summarizes and simplifies tons of details into a single thing - a human thing, to be sure, but one with an umbrella label that makes it easy to know how to act. For example: "Oh, that's my boss (or mother-in-law, or boyfriend, or traffic cop, or waiter) . . . and now I know what to do. Good."
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
435 views
Read articleWhen Are You?
There’s a profound and miraculous mystery right under our noses: this instant of now has no duration at all, yet somehow it contains all the causes from the past that are creating the future. Everything arising to become this moment vanishes beneath our feet as the next moment wells up. Since it’s always now, now is ete al.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,123 views
Read articleLet Things Change
The fifth of my personal Top 5 practices (all tied for first place) is open out, by which I mean relaxing into a growing sense of connection, even oneness, with all things.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
296 views
Read articleLove Someone
Sometimes something happens. Perhaps your sweet old cat takes a turn for the worse, or there’s a money problem, or your son waves goodbye as he gets on a plane to start college on the other side of the country. Sometimes it’s on a larger scale: maybe there’s been an election, and you’re grappling with its consequences. Or you might be dealing with something ongoing, like a dead-end job (or no job at all), life after divorce, chronic pain, or a teenager who won’t talk to you.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
171 views
Read articleSpeak Truly
It's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon), since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
65 views
Read articleHug the Monkey
To simplify a complex process spanning 600 million years, your brain developed in ways that are loosely related to three major stages of vertebrate evolution: - Reptile - Brainstem, focused on avoiding harms - Mammal - Subcortex, focused on approaching rewards - Primate/human – Neocortex, focused on attaching to “us”
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
458 views
Read article307 views
Read articleGot Cheese?
As the nervous system evolved, your brain developed in three stages: - Reptile - Brainstem, focused on avoiding harm - Mammal - Limbic system, focused on approaching rewards - Primate - Cortex, focused on attaching to "us"
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,167 views
Read articleBe Friendly
Friendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive. Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, comfortable, and at ease; safer; more open and warm-hearted.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
111 views
Read articleBless
Lately, I've been wondering what would be on my personal list of top five practices (all tied for first place). You might ask yourself the same question, knowing that you can cluster related practices under a single umbrella, your list may differ from mine, and your practices may change over time. In these JOTs, so far I've written about two of my top practices:
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
343 views
Read articleSee Your Part
In situations or relationships with any kind of difficulty – tension, feeling hurt, conflicts, mismatches of wants . . . the usual crud – it’s natural to focus on what others have done that’s problematic. This could be useful for a while: it can energize you, highlight what you most care about, and help you see more clearly what you’d like others to change.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
454 views
Read articleWhy do we have cheerleaders?
Let's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, or thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. Then what?
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,099 views
Read articleWho are you prosecuting?
Lately I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that hasn't, and implicit taking-things-personally.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,085 views
Read articleSay Thanks
What do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, an encouraging word.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
63 views
Read articleDon't Be Intimidated
Humans evolved to be fearful, since anxiety helped keep our ancestors alive. Consequently, we are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.”
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
30 views
Read articleFeel Cared About
Everyone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
112 views
Read articleDo You Care?
Compassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern. You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), groups of people (victims of crime, those displaced by a hurricane, refugee children), animals (your pet, livestock heading for the slaughterhouse), and yourself.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,111 views
Read articleLet it R.A.I.N.
When you're young, the territory of the psyche is like a vast estate, with rolling hills, forests and plains, swamps, and meadows. So many things can be experienced, expressed, wanted, and loved.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
365 views
Read articleDown Deep, Do You Feel At Ease?
I've always liked lizards. Growing up in the outskirts of Los Angeles, I played in the foothills near our home. Sometimes I'd catch a lizard and stroke its belly, so it would relax in my hands, seeming to feel at ease.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,274 views
Read articleGet Out of the War
By "war," I mean here a mindset, not combat between nations with tanks and bombs. The "war" I'm referring to is an attitude of conflict and animosity toward a person, object, or condition. Parents can feel at war with a misbehaving teenager, and certainly vice versa. Neighbors quarreling over a fence. Spouses edging toward divorce; divorced parents continuing to battle over holidays. Someone stuck in traffic, at war with other drivers. Ideologues reviling the other side. Kicking the chair after stubbing a toe against it.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
306 views
Read articleFeel Whole
When I look back on mistakes I've made - like dumping my anger on someone, making assumptions in haste, partying too much, losing my nerve, being afraid to speak from my heart - in all cases, a part of me had taken over. You know what I mean. The parts of us that have a partial view are driven by one aim, clamp down on other parts, really want to have a particular experience or to eat/drink/smoke a particular molecule, yammer away critically, or hold onto resentments toward others.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
247 views
Read article370 views
Read articleTell the Truth, Play Fair
Perhaps like you, I’ve been worrying lately about what it will take for all of us to live together in peace. I remember what I’ve heard many teachers say to their students: Tell the truth. Play fair.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
126 views
Read articleHold Wants Lightly
Getting caught up in wanting - wanting both to get what's pleasant and to avoid what's unpleasant - is a major source of suffering and harm for oneself and others. First, a lot of what we want to get comes with a big price tag - such as that second cupcake, constant stimulation via TV and websites, lashing out in anger, intoxication, overworking, or manipulating others to get approval or love. On a larger scale, the consumer-based lifestyle widespread in Western nations leads them to eat up - often literally - a huge portion of the world's resources.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
449 views
Read articleSee Good Intentions
Hustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop’s refrigerator, a man bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he’d put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying, “This one is cold.” I said thanks and took the one he offered.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
375 views
Read articleLove the World
To simplify and summarize, our brain has three primary motivational systems – Avoiding harm, Approaching rewards, and Attaching to “us” – that draw on many neural networks to accomplish their goals. Lately, I’ve started to realize that a fourth fundamental human motivational system could be emerging as well.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
435 views
Read article203 views
Read articleFind The Good News
“Tell the truth.” It’s the foundation of science – and the foundation of healthy relationships, communities, and countries. But the truth of things is complicated. To simplify, there is the good of things that are enjoyable and helpful, the bad of things that are painful and harmful, and the neutral of things that are neither.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
376 views
Read articleWhat do you notice in people?
Many interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's inside other people - especially their good qualities?
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,019 views
Read articleLet It Flow
I think there are five key things we can do inside ourselves to be happier, stronger, wiser, and more loving this year:
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
109 views
Read articleAccept Difficulity
Sometimes things are difficult. Your legs are tired and you still have to stay on your feet another hour at work. You love a child who's finding her independence through emotional distance from you. A long-term relationship could be losing its spark. It's finals week in college. You're trying to start a business and it's struggling. You've got a chronic health problem or a disability. Sometimes people don't appreciate your work. You're being discriminated against or otherwise treated unjustly. The body ages, sags, and grows weary.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,362 views
Read articleFeed the Mouse
To simplify a complex process spanning 600 million years, your brain developed in ways that are loosely related to the three major stages of vertebrate evolution: - Reptile – Brainstem, focused on avoiding harms - Mammal – Subcortex, focused on approaching rewards - Primate – Neocortex, focused on attaching to “us”
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
425 views
Read articleEnjoy Now
There’s a profound and miraculous mystery right under our noses: this instant of now has no duration at all, yet somehow it contains all the causes from the past that are creating the future. Everything arising to become this moment vanishes beneath our feet as the next moment wells up. Since it’s always now, now is ete al.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
362 views
Read articleSee the Good in Others
Many interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's inside other people - especially their good qualities?
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
95 views
Read articleWhat Are You Saying?
"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with criticism, derision, shaming, anger, rejection, or sco - and the impacts they've had on your feelings, hopes and ambitions, and sense of yourself.
Primary topic: Positive Psychology
1,090 views
Read article