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Articles by Sam Vaknin

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239 articles by Sam Vaknin · showing 50

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By Sam VakninOct 12, 20141 topic

Putting the Broken Humpty-Dumpty Narcissist Back Together

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Positive feelings (about oneself or pertaining to one's accomplishments, assets, etc.) – are never gained merely through conscious endeavor. They are the outcome of insight. A cognitive component (factual knowledge regarding one's achievements, assets, qualities, skills, etc.) plus an emotional correlate that is heavily dependent on past experience, defense mechanisms, and personality style or structure ("c

Primary topic: Personal Development

Personal Development

2,600 views

By Sam VakninSep 6, 20141 topic

Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Bipolar I Disorder

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The manic phase of Bipolar I Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Bipolar patients in the manic phase exhibit many of the signs and symptoms of pathological narcissism - hyperactivity, self-centeredness, lack of empathy, and control freakery. During this recurring chapter of the disease, the patient is euphoric, has grandiose fantasies, spins unrealistic schemes, and h

Primary topic: Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder

2,694 views

By Sam VakninSep 6, 20141 topic

Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Asperger's Disorder

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though evident as early as age 3 (while pathological narcissism cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence). In both cases, the patient is self-centered and engrossed in a narrow range of interests and activities. Social and occupational interactions are severely hampered and conversational skills (the give and

Primary topic: Autism

2,476 views

By Sam VakninSep 6, 20141 topic

Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Anxiety Disorders – and especially Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – are often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Anxiety is uncontrollable and excessive apprehension. Anxiety disorders usually come replete with obsessive thoughts, compulsive and ritualistic acts, restlessness, fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and somatic manifestations (such as an increased heart r

Primary topic: Anxiety

1,817 views

By Sam VakninAug 22, 20141 topic

Inner Voices, False Narratives, Narcissism, and Codependence

The narcissist constructs a narrative of his life that is partly confabulated and whose purpose is to buttress, demonstrate, and prove the veracity of the fantastically grandiose and often impossible claims made by the False Self. This narrative allocates roles to significant others in the narcissist’s personal history. Inevitably, such a narrative is hard to credibly sustain for long: reality intrudes and a yawning abyss opens between the narcissist’s self-imputed divinity a

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

3,339 views

By Sam VakninMay 15, 20141 topic

Misinformation about Covert vs. Classic Narcissists

Contrary to misinformation spread by "experts" online, covert narcissists are not cunning and manipulative. Classic narcissists are: they often disguise their true nature effectively, knowingly, and intentionally. They are persistent actors with great thespian skills. Not so the covert narcissist: he suppresses his true nature because he lacks the confidence to assert it. His is not a premeditated choice: can't help but shy away. The covert narcissist is his own worst critic.

Primary topic: Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

4,480 views

By Sam VakninFeb 27, 20141 topic

Narcissistic Offspring, Narcissistic Parents

The Japanese call them “parasite singles”, the Americans “boomerang kids”. Sociologists refer to the “accordion family”: it expands and then contracts and then expands again as children return to what should have been an “empty nest.” Why do youngsters opt to live with their parents rather than strike it out on their own? The jobs markets are anemic: youth unemployment hovers above 20% throughout the industrial world, 50% in some countries of the EU; Higher education is ext

Primary topic: Family

2,046 views

By Sam VakninDec 29, 20131 topic

Solitude as a Rational Choice

“Purebred” schizoids shrug off their disorder: they simply don’t like being around people and they resent the pathologizing of their lifestyle “choice” to remain aloof and alone. They consider the diagnosis of Schizoid Personality Disorder to be spurious, a mere reflection of current social coercive mores, and a culture-bound artefact. Narcissist, as usual, tend to rationalize and aggrandize their schizoid conduct. They propound the idea that being alone is the only logical

Primary topic: Overcoming Trauma

Overcoming Trauma

2,115 views

By Sam VakninNov 24, 20131 topic

Munchausen and Munchausen by Proxy Syndromes: Forms of Pathological Narcissism?

Patients afflicted with the Factitious Disorder colloquially known as “Munchausen Syndrome” seek to attract the attention of medical personnel by feigning or by self-inflicting serious illness or injury. “Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome” (Factitious Illness or Disorder by Proxy, or Imposed by Another, or FII – Fabricated or Induced Illness by Carers) involves the patient inducing illness in or causing injury to a dependent (child, old parent) in order to gain, in her capacity as

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

1,942 views

By Sam VakninNov 17, 20131 topic

Psychology of The Lifestyle (Swinging)

The Lifestyle involves sexual acts performed by more than two participants whether in the same space, or separately. It is also known as “swinging”, “wife-, or spouse-swapping”, “wife-, or spouse-sharing”, “group sex” and, where multiple people interact with a single person, “gangbanging”. Swinging can be soft (engaging in sexual activity with one’s own intimate partner, but in the presence of others), or hard (having sex not with one’s spouse or mate.) Threesomes (mostly mal

Primary topic: Sexuality

7,057 views1/5 (1)

By Sam VakninNov 7, 20131 topic

The Death of Traditional Sex in a Unisex World

Traditional sex – the heady cocktail of lust and emotional bonding - is all but dead. In a culture of casual, almost anonymous hookups, suppressing attendant emerging emotions is the bon ton and women and men drift apart, zerovalent atoms in an ever-shifting, kaleidoscopic world, separated by a yawning expectations gap, their virtual isolation aided and abetted by technologies, collectively misnomered “social media“. It is increasingly more difficult to both find a mate and

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,942 views

By Sam VakninOct 8, 20131 topic

Narcissists, Social Media, and Po

Social media, such as Tumblr.com, have become the playground of narcissists, psychopaths, and sadists who post extreme and, at times, illegal porn and revel in the reactions to it, thus garnering vicarious narcissistic supply. Via such postings, they express their rabid misogyny by objectifying women and subjecting them to humiliating subjugation and to aggression bordering on outright violence. Yahoo and Tumblr’s protestations to the contrary notwithstanding, some of the co

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,940 views

By Sam VakninOct 8, 20131 topic

How can you tell a TRUE friend from a FAKE one?

A TRUE friend supports you only when he believes that you are doing the right thing in your self-interest and welfare; A FAKE friend supports you always, no matter what you do. A TRUE friend respects you only when you have earned respect and act respectably; A FAKE friend "respects" you regardless of your behavior - or misbehaviour. A TRUE friend trusts you only as long as you prove yourself trustworthy, only while you do not put his trust to the test too often, and only

Primary topic: Friendship & Loneliness

Friendship & Loneliness

3,067 views5/5 (2)

By Sam VakninOct 8, 20131 topic

The Test of Three Rs

Acquired Situational Narcissism can be induced in adulthood by celebrity, wealth, and fame. But, it may also occur in a variety of other situations. Codependents, aiming to fend off gnawing abandonment anxiety, can resort to and evolve narcissistic and even psychopathic behaviours and traits in order to cater the whims of their “loved” ones; in anomic societies and depraved cultural or religious settings, people with a conformist bend tend to adopt antisocial modes of conduct

Primary topic: Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

2,698 views

By Sam VakninOct 8, 20131 topic

"I Admire and Support him and He Abuses Me!"

“I admire and support him. I am his biggest fan. I am his right hand and one woman audience. I am his best friend and his only source of succor. Yet, he constantly humiliates and berates me and abuses me in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. What gives?” He may be a narcissist. The narcissist depends on his coterie for Narcissistic Supply. He resents this addictive dependence and himself for being so frail and impotent. It negates his self-delusional grandiose fantasy of omnipo

Primary topic: Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

2,389 views

By Sam VakninAug 7, 20131 topic

Sexual Fantasies of Narcissists and Psychopaths

Inevitably, the sexual fantasy life of narcissists and psychopaths reflects their psychodynamic landscape: their fear of intimacy, misogyny, control freakiness, auto-eroticism, latent sadism and masochism, problems of gender identity, and various sexual paraphilias. Fantasies which reflect a fear of intimacy involve the aggressive or violent objectification of a faceless, nameless, and sometimes sexless person, often in impersonal, alien or foreign settings (example: narrati

Primary topic: Psychology

12,869 views

By Sam VakninJul 4, 20131 topic

The Narcissist's Conflicted Relationship with His Fans, Followers, and Admirers

The narcissist depends on his coterie for Narcissistic Supply. He resents this addictive dependence and himself for being so frail and impotent. It negates his self-delusional grandiose fantasy of omnipotence. To compensate for this shameful neediness, the narcissist holds his sycophantic acolytes in contempt. He finds his fans, admirers, and followers repulsive and holds them to be inferior. He sees himself reflected in their presumptuousness and sense of entitlement and re

Primary topic: Business Networking

Business Networking

4,320 views

By Sam VakninJul 3, 20131 topic

TIPS: How to Cope with Financial Abuse

Q. Would narcissists often try to restrict their partner's independence by reducing their access to shared family finances? Why? A. Narcissists are control freaks, paranoid, jealous, possessive, and envious. They are the sad products of early childhood abandonment by parents, caregivers, role models, and/or peers. Hence their extreme abandonment anxiety and insecure attachment style. Fostering financial dependence in their nearest and dearest is just another way of making su

Primary topic: Financial Freedom

Financial Freedom

2,174 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninJul 2, 20131 topic

Bad Mother, Good Mother, Good Son/Daughter: Offspring of Narcissistic Parents

Children of narcissistic parents grow up to become either sensitized or desensitized to narcissistic behaviours, traits, and personalities. In adulthood, sensitized offspring are able to rapidly disce the presence of narcissists by reading their body language and by resonating with subtle cues emitted by the narcissist even when he is on his best behavior and when he puts on a show and embarks on his charm offensives. They experience repulsion, resentment, and rage and react

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,853 views3/5 (2)

By Sam VakninJul 2, 20131 topic

Sex - Or Gender? Children of Same-sex Couples

"One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman." Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949) With same-sex marriage becoming a legal reality throughout the world, many more children are going to be raised by homosexual (gay and lesbian) parents, or even bytransgendered or transsexual ones. How is this going to affect the child’s masculinity or femininity? Is being a gay man less manly than being a heterosexual one? Is a woman who is the outcome of a sex change operation less

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,740 views

By Sam VakninMar 28, 20131 topic

Impulse Control and Narcissistic Fear of Failure

Many narcissistic defences, traits, and behaviours revolve around the compulsive need to sustain a grandiose self-image of perfection (“perfectionism”.) Paradoxically, deficient impulse control helps achieve this crucial goal. Impulsive actions and addictive behaviours render failure impossible as they suggest a lack of premeditation and planning. Moreover: to the narcissistic patient, these kinds of decisions and deeds feel immanent and intuitive, an emanation or his core s

Primary topic: Overcoming Fear

Overcoming Fear

4,142 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninFeb 11, 20131 topic

"My Wife's Separate Vacation Spells the Beginning of the End of Our Relationship"

Separate vacations may, indeed, signify the beginning of the end of your relationship - or serve as a boost to its quality and durability. It all depends on several factors: 1. Topical vs. recreational vacations If your wife is addicted to chess and you can't stand the game, she has the right to travel to attend a tou ament in another city. If you are an expert skier and your spouse prefers more sedentary pursuits, why drag her along to your ski resort? Separate vacations t

Primary topic: Divorce

6,985 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninFeb 11, 20131 topic

"I Want Him to Pay a Price for What He Did - Yes: I want REVENGE!"

The need to seek revenge on wrong- and evil-doers is as ancient as Mankind. But people attempt to address their grievances in three ways: 1. Punitive-moralistic The aim of this type of vengeance is to restore justice and, with it, the victim’s view of the world as orderly, predictable, and causal. Perpetrators should be punished; victims should be soothed and elevated; and society should publicly acknowledge who is who and mete out opprobrium and succour respectively. This

Primary topic: Forgiveness

2,542 views

By Sam VakninFeb 10, 20131 topic

Once and Future Monogamy

The ancient institution of monogamous marriage is ill-suited to the exigencies of modern Western civilization. People of both genders live and work longer (which renders monogamy impracticable); travel far and away frequently; and are exposed to tempting romantic alte atives via social networking and in various workplace and social settings. Thus, even as social monogamy and pair commitment and bonding are still largely intact and more condoned than ever and infidelity is fe

Primary topic: Marriage Coaching

Marriage Coaching

2,125 views

By Sam VakninFeb 10, 20131 topic

People-pleasers and Pathological Charmers

People-pleasers dread conflicts and wish to avoid them (they are conflict-averse) - hence their need to believe that they are universally liked. Always pleasant, well-mannered, and civil, the conflict-averse people-pleaser is also evasive and vague, hard to pin down, sometimes obsequious and, generally, a spineless “non-entity”. These qualities are self-defeating as they tend to antagonize people rather than please them. But conflict-aversion is only one of several psychodyn

Primary topic: Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence

7,967 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninFeb 10, 20131 topic

The New Matriarchy and the Redundant Male

From the dawn of history to the late 1950s, the collective had been the organizing principle of human affairs. The pursuit of happiness was channelled via collectives and even dissidents and rebels formed collectives to express their grievances. But, this old system brought humanity to the verge of extinction. Disenchanted with mass ideologies, people switched to the opposite pole: militant individualism, which became the new battle cry and organizing principle of increasingl

Primary topic: Singles

2,085 views

By Sam VakninOct 15, 20121 topic

The Dynamics of Modern Marriages

Until recently, couples formed around promises of emotional exclusivity and sexual fidelity, uniqueness in each other’s mind and life, and (more common until the 1940s) virginity. Marriage was also a partnership: economic, or related to childrearing, or companionship. It was based on the partners’ past and background and geared towards a shared future. Nowadays, couples coalesce around the twin undertakings of continuity (“I will ALWAYS be there for you”) and availability (“

Primary topic: Marriage Coaching

Marriage Coaching

1,861 views1/5 (1)

By Sam VakninOct 15, 20121 topic

"I am Terrified that S/he will Abandon Me! I will Do Anything to Avoid It!"

Clinging and smothering behaviours are the unsavoury consequences of a deep-set existential, almost mortal fear of abandonment and separation. For the codependent to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship, she must first confront her anxieties head on. This can be done via psychotherapy: the therapeutic alliance is a contract between patient and therapist which provides for a safe environment, where abandonment is not an option and, thus, where the client can resume perso

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

2,181 views3/5 (2)

By Sam VakninOct 15, 20121 topic

Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the DSM V

The DSM V re-defines personality disorders thus: at "The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits." According to the June 2011 text of the DSM V, the following criteria must be met to diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder (in parentheses my comments): Significant impairments in personality functioning in either identity, or self-direction (should

Primary topic: Psychology

7,476 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninOct 15, 20121 topic

Understanding Your Past Relationships and Preparing for the Future

Romantic relationships with intimate partners (significant others) are comprised of three components: I. Mate Selection (Choice) II. Relationship Model or Hypothesis III. Termination Triggers Mate selection is critical, of course, but even more important is to ensure compatibility between the mate selected and the model of relationship one has in mind. There are as many types of relationships as there are couples and one would do well to define precisely how one would lik

Primary topic: Dating

1,898 views1/5 (1)

By Sam VakninOct 15, 20121 topic

Romantic Jealousy

Pathological envy is not the same as romantic jealousy. These two emotions have little to do with each other. Romantic jealousy is the product of a violation of trust; a breach of romantic exclusivity of intimacy; and a denial of possession. It also involves damage to the self-esteem and self-perception of the cuckolded spouse, as he compares himself unfavourably to the "competition": the affair is perceived to be an overall rejection of the cheated partner. But there's muc

Primary topic: Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

1,973 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninOct 15, 20121 topic

When the Narcissist and Codependent Reverse Their Roles

Sometimes, the breakup is initiated by the long-suffering spouse or intimate partner of the narcissist or psychopath. As she develops and matures, gaining in self-confidence and a modicum of self-esteem (ironically, at the narcissist’s behest in his capacity as her “guru” and “father figure”), she acquires more personal autonomy and refuses to cater to the energy-draining neediness of her narcissist: she no longer provides him with all-important secondary narcissistic supply

Primary topic: Codependency

18,203 views5/5 (2)

By Sam VakninOct 15, 20121 topic

Countering Abandonment and Separation Anxiety

Clinging and smothering behaviours are the unsavoury consequences of a deep-set existential, almost mortal fear of abandonment and separation. For the codependent to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship, she must first confront her anxieties head on. This can be done via psychotherapy: the therapeutic alliance is a contract between patient and therapist which provides for a safe environment, where abandonment is not an option and, thus, where the client can resume perso

Primary topic: Friendship & Loneliness

Friendship & Loneliness

3,417 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninJun 8, 20121 topic

Bodily Effects of Torture and Abuse

There is one place in which one's privacy, intimacy, integrity and inviolability are guaranteed – one's body, a unique temple and a familiar territory of sensa and personal history. The torturer invades, defiles and desecrates this shrine. He does so publicly, deliberately, repeatedly and, often, sadistically and sexually, with undisguised pleasure. Hence the all-pervasive, long-lasting, and, frequently, irreversible effects and outcomes of torture. In a way, the torture vic

Primary topic: Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

2,773 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninJun 8, 20121 topic

A Good Mother Loves Her Children Unconditionally, No Matter What.

But what about narcissistic or psychopathic children, children suffering from conduct disorder, or oppositional defiant disorder)? Donovan, 16 years old, is incapable of loving and, therefore, has never loved you, his mother (or, for that matter, anyone else, himself included) in his entire life. His natural capacity to love and to return love was all but eliminated by his horrid childhood. We practice loving first and foremost through our parents. If they fail us, if they t

Primary topic: Family

3,193 views

By Sam VakninJun 8, 20121 topic

Narcissistic Supply and Sex

The psychosexuality of all types of narcissists – cerebral and somatic alike – involves the objectification and interchangeability of intimate partners. Narcissists are polyamorous and autoerotic. Quite a few of them have comorbid sexual paraphilias (are deviant.) The cerebral narcissist aims to stabilize the flow of narcissistic supply by suppressing his sexual predilections and orientation and thus by rendering himself asexual. The somatic narcissist aims to secure an uni

Primary topic: Sexuality

11,225 views

By Sam VakninJun 8, 20121 topic

I am Afraid to Date Again. I am Considering Online Dating instead of the Real Thing.

There is a delicate balance to be maintained between the need to process the trauma of divorce (to recuperate, heal, and recover) and the need to maintain the interpersonal skills essential to dating and, later, to bonding and pair-formation (pairing). The main problem may be the temporary suspension of the ability to trust, to open up, to render oneself emotionally vulnerable, and to reciprocate. The pain of divorce is so enormous and so all-consuming that narcissistic defen

Primary topic: Dating

2,431 views

By Sam VakninJun 8, 20121 topic

The Demise of Empathy at Home and in the Family and the Role of Technology

Empathy is on a precipitous decline in the family and home environments. Technology is partly to blame, but so are other social and economic trends. On June 9, 2005 the BBC reported about an unusual project underway in Sheffield (in the United Kingdom). The daily movements and interactions of a family living in a technology-laden, futuristic home are being monitored and recorded. "The aim is to help house builders predict how we will want to use our homes 10 or 20 years from

Primary topic: Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence

2,297 views

By Sam VakninJun 8, 20121 topic

“Parasite singles”, “boomerang kids”, and “accordion families”

"One man cannot be a warrior on a battlefield." (Russian proverb) The Japanese call them “parasite singles”, the Americans “boomerang kids”. Sociologists refer to the “accordion family”: it expands and then contracts as children return to what should have been an “empty nest.” With an anemic jobs market (youth unemployment hovers above 20% throughout the industrial world), extended education, and a culture of rampant individualism (not to say egotistical narcissism), parents

Primary topic: Family

2,877 views

By Sam VakninJun 8, 20121 topic

The Demise of Empathy in Business and the Workplace

Empathy is at the foundation of both altruism and collaboration. Thus, while it does consume scarce resources, empathy confers important evolutionary advantages both from the individual’s point of view (cooperation) and from the species’s (altruism.) Yet, we are witnessing a marked decline in both the ubiquity and utility of empathy. The decline in physical violence is not a good proxy to a supposed rise in empathy: aggressionand narcissism merely mutated into non-physical f

Primary topic: Business Coach and Business Coaching

Business Coach and Business Coaching

2,689 views

By Sam VakninFeb 2, 20121 topic

“I Attract Abusers Like a Magnet”

Many victims of narcissists are firmly convinced that they have bee "chosen" by their abusers because of their capacity to empathize, their innate sensitivity, compassion, and their ability to love and care. Indeed, these qualities tend to attract exploitative psychopathic predators who leverage these human emotions to their advantage. "Classical" narcissists, however, are actually repelled by such displays of contemptible "mushy" frailties. They regard natural born empaths a

Primary topic: Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

5,525 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninFeb 2, 20121 topic

“It's All My Fault for Having Provoked Him”

How often have you heard the following phrases coupled with the most horrific physical, verbal, and psychological abuse: "It's all your fault, you made me do it" or "look what you made me do!" Abusers have alloplastic defenses and an exte al locus of control. This means that they tend to blame others for their misfortunes, mistakes, and misconduct. They believe that the world is a hostile place, "out to get them", and that there is little they can do to mitigate and ameliora

Primary topic: Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

3,097 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninFeb 2, 20121 topic

"I Fear the Holidays: It is the Worst Time of the Year!"

The holidays season should be a time of family get-togethers, love shared, and relatives and friends brought up to date. Holidays are supposed to be the reification of that contradiction in terms: mass or group intimacy. Instead, for victims of family violence and abuse, the holidays are recurring nightmares, replete with danger and duplicity, a theater of the absurd with menacing overtones. This is especially true when the offender also has Narcissistic or Antisocial Person

Primary topic: Abuse and Recovery

Abuse and Recovery

2,803 views3/5 (2)

By Sam VakninJan 30, 20121 topic

"I Can Achieve and Do Anything If I Only Put My Mind to It"

From an early age we are taught (at least in the USA) that there is no limit to what we can achieve; that if we wish to accomplish something all we need to do is set ourselves goals and then apply ourselves to their attainment. With time and dedication, we are told, positive outcomes are guaranteed and ineluctable no matter how high we set the bar. There are no unrealistic aspirations - only insufficient perspiration and lacking inspiration! This is a narcissistic and delusi

Primary topic: Achievement

1,545 views3/5 (2)

By Sam VakninJan 23, 20121 topic

Abuse Victim's New Year Resolutions

New year resolutions are notoriously fragile and ephemeral. But victims of abuse cannot afford this cavalier attitude: their mental - and too often physical - health depends on strictly observing the following promises to themselves: 1. I will treat myself with dignity and demand respect from others. I will not allow anyone to disrespect me. 2. I will set clear boundaries and make known to others what I regard as permissible and acceptable behavior and what is out of bounds

Primary topic: Divorce

2,536 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninJan 19, 20121 topic

Loving Gaze, Adulating Gaze: False vs. True Self

In the film “The Beaver”, the character played by Mel Gibson suffers from depression. He latches on to a tattered puppet in the shape of a beaver and communicates exclusively through it. The Beaver is everything its ostensible master isn’t: daring, creative, exuberant, omnipotent, and omniscient, gregarious, resourceful, charismatic, and charming; a good father, good CEO, and good company all around. In short: The Beaver is the reification of the protagonist’s False Self. Wh

Primary topic: Psychology

1,808 views

By Sam VakninSep 19, 20111 topic

Narcissist's Reactions to Deficient, Fake, Negative, Low-grade, or Static Narcissistic Supply

The narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skilfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, in short: indifference. This front is penetrated in times of great crises that threaten the narcissist's ability to obtai Narcissistic Supply, or when the Narcissistic Supply is spurious (fake or low-grade), negative, or static. In the majority of cases, narcissists react to deficient narcissistic supply by resorting to several adaptiv

Primary topic: Psychology

6,135 views5/5 (1)

By Sam VakninAug 31, 20111 topic

I Can't Live Without Him/Her

Dependence on other people is a kind of addiction and, therefore, fulfills important mental health functions. First, it is an organizing principle: it serves to explain behaviors and events within a coherent “narrative” (fictional story) or frame of reference (“I acted this way because …”). Second, it gives meaning to life. Third, the constant ups and downs satisfy your need for excitement and thrills. Fourth, and most crucially, your addiction and emotional lability plac

Primary topic: Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice

1,318 views

By Sam VakninAug 31, 20111 topic

The Insanity of the Insanity Defense

Aron Levy, who kidnapped, murdered and dismembered 8-year old Leiby Kletzky in Brooklyn now faces a battery of defense-appointed experts in an attempt to plead NGRI (“Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity”). He has a history of “psychiatric disorders” and had been hearing voices, his lawyers claim. The insanity defense in criminal trials is nothing new. The Babylonian Talmud had this to say 1800 years ago: “It is an ill thing to knock against a deaf-mute, an imbecile, or a minor.

Primary topic: Psychology

1,348 views

By Sam VakninAug 1, 20111 topic

Dancing as an Evolutionary Strategy

Dances are thinly disguised simulations of sex acts. But there’s more to dancing than bawdy ribaldry. The sweaty proximity allows the partners to exchange an enormous amount of information about their respective bodies: from joint suppleness, through spatial orientation and coordination, and down to the fine details of their immunological systems (such as the major histocompatibility complex MHC) carried by their body odours. In this sense, dancing aids and abets the forces o

Primary topic: Humor, Fun and Games

Humor, Fun and Games

1,140 views

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