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Browse every published article connected to Tina Tessina, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
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To watch the video click here: Dr. Romance's Dating Guidelines for Single Parents As a single parent, you probably have so little free time that dating seems an impossible task. Yet, single parents are dating in unprecedented numbers, so if you’re looking for another “head of household” to date, you’ll find one, perhaps at LoveFilter.
Dear Dr. Romance: I suffer with sleeping alone in "our" bedroom while my wife of 14 years, sleeps in our two pre-teen sons' bedroom. I've tried to talk and reason with her about this important problem, only to fall on deaf ears. I'm desperate. What else can i do? How can i get an autographed copy of your book? I do a lot of reading in our bed since not much else ever happens. Dear Reader:
If video doesn't load, click here. Kindness is the lubrication for life, love and relationships. When you spread kindness, it comes back in many ways, and it’s the foundation of happiness. "Dr. Romance" shows how kindness works and why it’s important to learn to live kindly, even in today’s cynical age.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Guys, especially younger ones, are well known for having 'courting behavior' and then relaxing into their old, slobby selves once you're committed. It's not that men are from Mars, women from Venus - it's more like all of us have grown up on different planets. Couples can get caught up in arguing about who's right, rather than focusing on what will work.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a bipolar woman with emotional problems. These problems seem to manifest most lately with my boyfriend whom I tend to blame for everything. I feel super insecure when we are out and he notices other women. He taught me a lot about sexuality and commented constantly about other females and tried to entice me into threesomes, or at least get me interested in having one.
It was one of those magical encounters with a personal truth—you know how it feels. I was fifteen, in ninth-grade English. The teacher, Mr. Rizzutto, read us a poem, and it had such a profound effect on me that even five decades later, I’m still using it as a guide. The poem, “Outwitted,” by Edwin Markham, is simple: He drew a circle that shut me out; Heretic; rebel; a thing to flout. But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in.
Dear Dr. Romance, I need to forgive myself for continuing in the care of a dentist whom I had lost confidence in and didn't trust anymore. He put a crown in and messed up my bite so now I bite and scratch my cheeks. I have had anxiety and a brief hospital stay over this. I will always have a mental and physical reminder of this. I need to "let this go" and I am having trouble. Any suggestions as to how I can forgive myself? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance: I've seen your website and I think you may be the exact person to be able to help me. My wife and I have been married for just about 10 yrs., we have 3 beautiful children, and we live fairly comfortably (money is not too big of an issue). I grew up in a fairlyaffluent family, with good strong ethics -my wife calls us the 'Beaver Cleaver Family' .
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: When one hits a setback in life what are some healthy ways to keep moving forward? How can one build a healthy mental outlook when things go wrong? Dear Reader:
Oprah Winfrey opened her school in South Africa in January, and was both praised and criticized. The criticism was that she was spending too much money on too few girls, because her school was lavish, free, and could only accommodate less than 200 girls. Aside from the fact that Oprah is entitled to spend her money any way she sees fit, I think it is a worthwhile enterprise, and that the people who criticize her are short-sighted.
When life hands me a very difficult time, and I feel defeated and overwhelmed, I enter a hopeless and helpless state of mind I think of as The Little Orphan girl. This is the way I felt, as a teen, when I lost nearly my whole family, father, aunts and uncles, between the ages of 12 and 18. Needless to say, I was devastated; and I also survived and eventually, thrived. But little orphan girl doesn’t remember that I made it through – she sinks into despair.
Many years ago an Edwin Markham poem inspired me, and I’ve tried to live by it: "Outwitted" He drew a circle that shut me out — Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in!
Unless you're completely out of touch with any media, written, audio or video, you have been bombarded with words like "dysfunctional relationship", "codependency" and "toxic family system". You may have noticed that there's a lot of information available about these relationships, but not too much about what to do about them. This month, I thought I'd give a brief overview of the various terms and what they mean, plus a guide about the difference between these relationships and healthy ones.
Dear Dr. Romance, I have developed feelings for my co-worker and during the past several months, we have had very brief encounters that were limited to greetings. Due to the small work place, I could not go and talk comfortably to him without eliciting attentions/rumors.
Dear Dr.Romance: My friends were joking that I have never been single, and I argued that I have - but they said my definition of being single was wrong! true, I tend to have long term relationships, but before I met my last boyfriend I was "single" for nearly a year. I define this as not exclusively being in a committed relationship with any one person, but yes I dated a few guys. they say that because I was dating, I wasn't single.... what is your view on this?? (i'll award best answer to someone who supports my argument lol) Dear Reader:
To view the video, click here. Video: Dear Dr. Romance , I'm reluctant to get married again. When a relationship that probably began in hope and joy has ended in failure, grief and pain, It's very understandable to be conce ed about repeating an action that was so hurtful. Here are some Happiness Tips for recovering from divorce. Dr. Romance’s 3 tips for letting go of the pain of divorce
When I was a girl, growing up in the small township of Rockland, New York, there was a tiny post office, which was a small room with a separate entry in the house next door. Rockland’s official postmistress was Clara Weiss, who seemed very elderly even when I was a very small child. She was what we used to call a “maiden lady” or spinster, who had dedicated her life to taking care of her mother, who was disabled, and also not quite balanced. Mrs. Weiss had one leg, and frequently escaped from the house and crawled around the yard, yelling strange things.
If video doesn't load, click here. Discovering your partner has been unfaithful is a shock. Your first instinct may be to run, but if you have a shared history, children and finances, you may wonder – should you stay or go? Dr. Romance shows you how to decide.
Dear Dr. Romance: I heard you on the radio and I thought of writing to you. This is about my daughter. She has been married for a couple of years. They are both professionals. Since you listen to many cases and have a vast experience on divorce cases, I would like to ask you based on the following situation, should my daughter cut the loss now and take divorce or should she continue the marriage with the hope that it will be o.k. -Last time when they had a fight, he told me that he will not hesitate to take divorce even if they have kids.
If you’re thinking about having sex with a friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. We think we can control our feelings, but it's not so simple. - If one of you becomes romantically attached as a result of the sex, the friendship will probably not survive. - If you've done it before, and you know you can keep your feelings in check, you might be successful, but what about your friend? Are you sure he or she is aware of his or her own feelings and motives? - Think about it in advance and talk about it a lot.
One of the trends I dislike in our culture is the reluctance of people to take responsibility, or to respond with care to each other. In my counseling practice, I hear a lot of self-justification, mind-reading, defensiveness, blaming and complaining; which is why relationships, friendships, business connections and day-to-day living are not going well for that client. Their lives are not about trying to understand their own role in the problem, so they can deal with it effectively, but to push the responsibility off onto someone else, and avoid it.
Dear Dr. Romance: I find your articles very interesting. I have a minor problem with my husband. he keeps telling me that I don't listen and that I am stubborn. I admit my mind goes blank sometimes because he expects a lot from me and treats me like a teenager. I keep telling him not to push me.
Dr. Romance writes: Politeness and sensitivity are not held in high esteem in the media these days. The nastiest politicians get the most air time. Many media spokespeople, stars and commentators, “gangsta” rappers, nasty radio talk show stars and “edgy” comedians; as well as personalities like the judges on talent reality shows and certain game show hosts achieve success by putting people down and making fun of them. Sports are now about doping and winning at all costs, and the old ideals of sportsmanship seem to be lost.
Dear Dr. Romance: I enjoy reading your "Happiness Tips Newsletter" I actually want to ask you some questions. I know you are a psychotherapist, So i thought you might to explain the difference between the mental health unit of an hospital and a psych ward? Why would one feel ashamed to have stepped in there for one reason or another?
Dear Dr. Romance:
Despite the occasional temporary setback, my life is good, and I’m grateful. It wasn’t always that way, however. At 18, just after I left for college, I was essentially orphaned, and have had to go from no education or support to finding a purpose, supporting myself through a PhD, and developing four businesses to do that. I also recovered from an abusive marriage, and now have been happily married for 23 years, and in successful private practice since 1978. Before I could succeed, I needed to learn to support myself emotionally as well as financially.
In my counseling office, I see a lot of damage done because people don't know how to ask for what they want, or don't think it's OK. Not asking for what you want means you'll eventually resent somebody, and that leads to a lot of strife. So today, I thought I'd give some hints about how to ask for what you want. To really be successful, you need to understand the difference between asking and demanding, and how to approach different people. The Importance of Wanting
To view the video, click here. Dr. Romance's 3 Tips for Finding New Love
It’s not always easy to tell which strangers are dangerous, and which are not. Here are some guidelines for protecting yourself and telling the difference. 1. Don’t be alone with a new person too quickly, and don’t go to the other person’s home, or allow him or her in yours, especially if you have children. Get to know someone first away from your home. Rather, meet for coffee or lunch in a public place, or in a group.
There are a few simple communication techniques that work like magic in relationships, whether with committed partners, friends, co-workers or relatives. One of the most effective is reassurance, which is simple to do, and calms both of you down, which allows your discussion move on without struggles. When a discussion begins to get difficult, if you learn to stay calm and reassure the other person you’ll find it works very effectively.
To view video, click here.
Dear Dr. Romance I read your article, Gentle Persistence, followed the instrudtions, and got the truth.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a divorced father of 3. I am remarried. My 11 year old daughter is very upset about her mother's new boyfriend that is also still married. He was first introduced as a friend but she doesn't understand why he is always at the house and stays till late at night. My daughter has asked her mother if this is her boyfriend and the mother tells her no.
Dear Dr. Romance: After experiencing alot of physical and emotional abuse in my life, my last relationship was very damaging emotionally and physically. Now, many years later, I haven't had a serious relationship or even a date since. I've had two opportunities this year, but one wanted to be friends,the other is working on overcoming his addiction,and has been successful for several years.
Dear Dr. Romance: [My roommates] are loud, they're drunk, they keep me up or wake me up at night. What can I do? Dr. Romance Responds:
Put Spice Back into your Marriage with Tips to Help when the Sex Gets Boring Are you bored with your marital sex life? What can you do about it? Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D, psychotherapist and author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media 2008)" offers tips to improve intimacy with your mate. Q: Sometimes I feel sexually excited, but I don't always feel desire for my husband...In other words, I'd rather take things into my own hands. Does this mean there's something wrong or missing from our relationship?
Dear Dr. Romance: I have a question for you. I normally don't ask questions like this. But I was looking at your Facebook page and reading some of your responses. Here goes.
Anger is the emotional energy within each of us that rises up when something needs to change. If you act on the need to create change, your anger can be channeled effectively; but it’s not redirected to something effective, your frustration will build, sometimes to hurricane force.
Dear Dr. Romance: How can one be sure that a person they met through a dating service is not disturbed in any way? What type of safety precautions can one take? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I was wondering if in any of your books or articles you discuss about why men in their mid 40s-50s might be attracted to 20ish girls. I kind of know the obvious reasons, but being more curious about what that might mean maturity wise etc. Dear Reader: From your question, I don't know if you're asking about someone you know, and want to understand what's going on, or you're just generally curious. Here's some general information about age differences in relationships:
Dating Again? Five Things You Must Not Do Dating someone new is not easy for anyone. Expectations can be high, and it’s very easy to make a wrong move. Knowing what not to do on your earliest dates can help you to avoid future problems. Here are Dr. Romance’s reminders of what not to do on a date. 1. Don't assume your date is exclusive with you. If you've never talked about it, you probably should. 2. Don't be afraid of silence. Occasional silences allow a conversation to feel natural and unforced. 3. Don't make sex the objective.
3 Must Do's If You Want To Break The Cycle If you're the adult child of a divorce or simply trying to improve your marriage, here are three tips to help you cultivate a good relationship with your partner. 1. Weekly State of the Union discussion.
In this month of giving thanks, I am grateful for the lessons of my life. Perhaps the most important lesso I’ve learned is that a meaningful life is about growing your soul, and it happens slowly, in the process of engaging life.
(To view video, click here.) No matter how angry or hurt you may be after a divorce, if you have children, you’ll still share a lifetime with their other parent, your ex. Dr. Romance offers guidelines for moving past the anger and hurt, and finding a way to co-parent your children that is good for everyone.
And then, not expecting it, you become middle-aged…You achieve a wonderful freedom. It is a positive thing. —Doris Lessing
Dear Dr. Romance: Is it possible to love someone without ever dating them? If so, how can you tell that you are in love? Dear Reader: