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Browse every published article connected to Tina Tessina, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
Articles
Browse every published article connected to Tina Tessina, or search within this exact expert archive.
Moving in together is a financial commitment, and so is marriage, so it’s important to consider the tough issues you’ll face as a cohabiting or married couple. Dr. Romance's Financial Questions to Ask Before Marriage or Moving in Together
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance writes: Many years ago, an Edwin Markham poem inspired me, and I’ve tried to live by it: Outwitted
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance writes: The average person pays more attention to what she's saying or thinking about than what she is hearing, or how her words are "landing" on the other person. This self-involvement gets worse during an argument. You can become a much more effective communicator by using what I call the attentive speaking technique, a simple and highly effective way to improve your communication with your partner, your children, or extended family, or co-workers.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am writing to you for your professional opinion regarding my 15 year old son. His behavior overall is good but when he gets angry he throws things swears a lot and just a few minutes ago destroyed my vacuum cleaner in one blow to the floor.
Dear Dr. Romance: I read your monthly "Happiness Tips" newsletter and thank you your advice. However, I noticed that you try to help resolve or forestall relationship problems. My problem is still meeting a man that I like. When I go out and see a guy I am attracted to, I do look towards that man and "let" him know Ilike him. That guy usually looks at me back , but just does not approach me.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Two Must Know Tips If You're A Boomer Facing Divorce Divorce is a shock to anyone, but especially older marrieds, who may have been together for a long time. You are likely to be in shock for quite a while, feel numb and lost, and then have delayed grief. Here are two tips to help if you're a Baby Boomer or beyond and you're getting divorced after a long marriage. 1. Get emotional support.r
Dear Dr. Romance: What Is The Grieving Process? What are the stages of the grieving process? How long does it take to go through each stage? Can one stage be relived over and over again? Is there a way to help someone through each stage? Dear Reader:
None of us wants to think about it, but the standard definition of a totally successful relationship is the old, traditional til death do us part. Any time we love, whether its a life partner, a dear friend, a child, a sibling, a parent or even a beloved pet, we are risking the loss of that love.
Dear Dr. Romance: This is something that's puzzling me for along time. I often do want the playgirl, but they like the more bad boy type. I know for sure I want sex without strings attached, many men get this, but I simply attract women who want a boyfriend, and I don't want this! It seems as if society is saying, cause I'm a nice guy, I must be trapped into a commitment to get what I want which is sex.
As a single parent, you probably have so little free time that dating seems an impossible task. Yet, single parents are dating in unprecedented numbers, so if you’re looking for another “head of household” to date, you can find one.
Dr. Romance writes: Happy New Year, everyone! This is the time when a lot of energy is spent on making resolutions, most of which we don’t manage to keep. So, this year, especially given recent tragic events, I propose a different kind of resolution. Will you join me in resolving to create a year of peace?
Dr. Romance writes:
3 Must Do's + 2 Don'ts That Can Help You Today Are you about to be dumped? Your mate/date is losing interest? The signs are: lack of attention in conversation and being together; irritability -- refusal to talk about it, no sex or less interest. Here's what to do if you ARE dumped. 1. DO put it in perspective: If you're dumped, it hurts, but count your lucky stars. You don’t have a relationship if the other person's not really interested. 2. DO understand that there were problems already:
Ready To Get Back Out There? 3 Must Knows Men and women have to redefine themselves after a relationship ends, and reinvent their lives. If they do it well, it can lead to the most satisfying and successful years they've had. Dating successfully after divorce or a breakup require several steps to recover from the breakup. Understanding what went wrong in the last relationship, so you don't repeat the pattern. Identifying the kind of partner you're looking for and developing social networks involving these kinds of people.
We are all in a time of high stress, and national disasters often bring up fear. If these fears are not dealt with, they can lead to acting out behavior, such as drinking too much or creating relationship, work or money problems as a distraction. To avoid these kinds of problems, follow these simple steps for resolving your fear and anxiety.
Thirty years of marriage counseling and twenty-five years of a second marriage have convinced me that fights are not necessary in a marriage. Married couples need to have discussions, they need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree, but they don't need to squabble, argue, bicker or fight. Fights are dramatic, which is not helpful to a discussion. If you have enough energy to create drama, you have more than enough to tone it down into a discussion.
3 Tips to Maintaining Your Sanity During Divorce Dr. Romance’s three tips to maintaining sanity during divorce. 1. Know your rights:
For quite a while now, we've heard many public figures, like Rush Limbaugh and comedia Bill Maher express sco about people who are politically correct. Maher even gave his show the very funny title "Politically Incorrect." Terms like "the PC police" were used to laugh at people who were perhaps a bit strident about defending the rights of small groups of people. The hip-hop "gangsta" culture has been anything but PC.
For Adult Children of Divorce, 3 Tips for a Better Marriage than your Parents Had If you're an adult child of divorce in a marriage that's been struggling, you can learn good marriage-building skills to keep your relationship from going the divorce route. Here are three tips to help: 1. View your parents as examples of what not to do.
Introverts can enjoy the parties, too, if they respect who they are and don’t let negative fantasies take over. Limit your social engagements to those that are manageable or meaningful to you, and allow plenty of time for being by yourself or with a single friend, if that's what makes you happy. If you're not happy about missing out on all the parties, here are some strategies to help.
Many of my clients come in with complaints about personal habits that feel toxic in their lives. Just as you can detox your body when you're feeling sluggish, it's also possible to detox your emotional life. Here are some of the most common ways your life can back up on you, and how to handle it. 1. Frequently late
1. Seek first to understand. If you know your partner's frame of reference, you can speak to him/her within it. 2. Pay attention to how your words are landing. If your companion's response looks off the mark for what you said, check out what he/she is hearing.... 3. Focus on the solution that would work for everyone, rather than who's right or wrong. Only focus on the problem long enough to understand, then switch to what will fix it.
The revered Sufi poet, Rumi, wrote: "We turn poison into medicine and our sorrows into blessings"
There's a pervasive myth in our society that there is a right and a wrong way to love. However, there's not much clarity about what the right might be. We all have difficulty with relationships and difficulty with love. Therefore, we're liable to draw the uncomfortable conclusion: "Everyone knows how to love correctly except me."
Writing has a powerful effect on our emotional state. The following exercise is designed to help you fully express feelings that may have lain dormant for a long time, or may be too intense and jumbled for your to process effectively. Youll find it helpful in expressing what you feel, especially if youre having difficulty letting go, forgiving, grieving for or being appropriately angry at someone.
(To view the video, go here: http://youtu.be/OlC24alx1Gs.) You and your new spouse are over the moon about having a baby, but the children from your previous marriage are acting strange and upset or distant. What's wrong, and how do you fix it? Tina B. Tessina, PhD, "Dr. Romance" licensed psychotherapist and author, gives you steps to follow to make sure everyone gets onboard with the blessed event. Dr. Romance’s 5 tips to parenting step children with a new baby:
Miley Cyrus is only 19, and she's just gotten engaged to Liam Hemsworth. Will it last? Well, the fact that it's a celebrity match is not in its favor -- celebrity couples don't have a great track record. As a little pre-wedding gift, here's what Miley and Liam can do to make sure they're ready for a long, happy marriage. In my counseling practice, I see lots of couples who don’t make it, because they're not prepared, and their expectations are out of line with reality. In my counseling practice, however, I see lots of couples who don’t make it, for various reasons.
Ah, love! What rapturous, torturous words have been set down to try and capture the essence of love. Those clever Greeks, who invented the Olympics, also invented many names for love—Cupid, Eros, Venus, Aphrodite—and each name represented an aspect of love. The ancient Greeks had several words for several categories of love—they did not attempt to squeeze all of it into four little letters! Eros was erotic, or sexual love; Philos was brotherly love; Agape was altruistic, spiritual love. The Latin poet Ovid spoke of amor ludens, or playful love—love as a game.
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Dear Dr. Romance: I wanted to get your reaction to something; what would it mean to you if someone said to you "So maybe I quit on our relationship." Yes my wife said this to me right before I left on deployment and I have been having a hard time dealing with it.
(View my YouTube video on this topic here: http://youtu.be/hB-SuKLvJlk.) Dr. Romance's 4 tips to smoother step-parenting: 1. Give your blended family a chance to bond. Don’t worry if everyone doesn’t settle in right away; bonding takes time. Hopefully, you all got to know each other before you moved in together, but the transition to living comfortably together can take time.
Dr. Romance writes: It seems logical that like would attract like, but in my private practice as a marriage counselor and psychotherapist, I often see people drawn to their opposite because it's new and exciting.
Don't Let Divorce Muddy Your Marriage - 3 Tips Are you remarried? Are you trying to make this new relationship work. Dr. Romance offers three tips to help this new marriage work better than the first one. 1. Understand your baggage.
The old folk songs say it: Oh, love is handsome, love is fine Love is a jewel when it is new; But when love's old, it waxes cold And fades away, like morning dew. Folk wisdom says it:
Everyone wants the best relationship they can have. The markers of a happy relationship are: Cooperation/partnership, mutuality, laughter and affection. Whether you're in a relationship now or hoping to be, these keys will help you create a more loving and happier partnership. The Key to Handling Problems Before They Start: Be on the lookout for early warning signs that things are getting a little off track between you two:
Dear Dr. Romance: I am writing to you for your professional opinion regarding my 15 year old son. His behavior overall is good but when he gets angry he throws things swears a lot and just a few minutes ago destroyed my vacuum cleaner in one blow to the floor.
She was an Italian immigrant in New Jersey, a hard-working, frugal, Catholic single mother who lost her husband in WWII. She spent most days of her life as a “spooler” in a thread factory, retiring just before her job was automated. Her English was good, but she didn’t always catch the finer points. She sang Italian opera arias just for pleasure.
Dear Dr. Romance; I read your article "Age Differences in Dating" I am dating a man who is 22 yrs, younger than myself. He appeared older and I appeared younger to him. Now I'm afraid the age difference means our relationship won't work. Would you be able to help me with this dilemma?
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Men and women have to redefine themselves after a relationship ends, and reinvent their lives. If they do it well, it can lead to the most satisfying and successful years they've had. Dating successfully after divorce or a breakup require several steps to recover from the breakup. Understanding what went wrong in the last relationship, so you don't repeat the pattern. Identifying the kind of partner you're looking for and developing social networks involving these kinds of people.
Dr. Romance writes: As I write this, we have all been asked to shelter in place, staying home as much as possible, because of the pandemic. This puts pressure on both individuals, who may be very alone now, and couples, who may be struggling with needing alone time and space. Everyone is worried, and feeling stressed. Here’s how to stay strong in this crisis.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Don't Repeat Past Mistakes. Follow These Three Tips Looking for love after divorce? Here are three tips to help as you begin dating after your divorce. 1. Be suspicious if it all seems “too good to be true” – it probably is.