Dr. Neill Neill

Ph.D.

Official Guide

Addiction and Recovery Expert

Dr. Neill Neill Quick Facts

Main Areas: Alcohol Addiction Recovery, Relationship/Marriage Counseling
Best Sellers: Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman's Survival Guide
Career Focus: Author, Psychological Counselor

Dr. Neill Neill, psychologist, author and columnist, maintains an active practice with a focus on healthy relationships and life after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman’s Survival Guide. Get a copy of his free report "Codependency and Alcohol Addiction" at http://www.neillneill.com.

Free Articles & Book Excerpts

Codependncy and Alcohol Addiction

http://www.neillneill.com/

Dr. Neill Neill Books

Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman's Survival Guide

http://d eillneill.com

Articles by this expert

SelfGrowth articles and saved writing connected to this expert.

25 total

Article

***The Functioning Alcoholic Is Your Husband

You both enjoyed a drink when you were first married. But unlike your drinking, his has increased over time. In fact it has become an integral part of everyday living for him. It has become a familiar part of your life too, because you worry about what is happening to him and to your marriage. For present purposes I will limit my comments to home life.

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***Effective Communication: Listening Vs. Complying

Lately you’ve been finding yourself stewing about how you’ll handle your last child leaving home, and you need to talk with your husband about it. You start to tell him what you’re feeling, but his eyes glaze over and he tunes you out. You wonder how it came to this and if it’s fixable? You used to be able to talk about anything. Just to be clear, I should point out that I hear this almost as often from men as from women. Wives tune out their husbands too…

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***Your Relationship Comes First

Relationships are the heart and soul of our society. If our relationships with others were to disappear, most of us would feel all meaning slipping away from our lives. Our husbands, our wives, our children, our parents and extended family, our co-workers and our friends help to create what we become in life. We are a social species. Relationships unfortunately can falter. And when your relationship with your life partner is faltering, you need to act decisively.

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***Is Neediness Part of a Healthy Relationship?

As you contemplate entering a committed relationship, the greater your neediness, or his, the more likely codependency, dysfunction and disappointment will follow. Focus on what you want, not on what you need. I once knew a woman who as a teen dated a man in his twenties. He had a strong need to get married and the teen wasn’t ready. The pressure to fulfill his need increased until one day he lay down on the railway tracks with a train coming. He’d rather die than be without her. She caved. Use your imagination as to where that marriage went.

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***Can You Stop Drinking Alcohol on Your Own?

Sam has been charged with impaired driving twice. He drinks every weekend and he drinks a lot. His wife and other family members report that his personality changes when he drinks and he becomes mean. The next day he can’t remember much of what happened when he was drinking.

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***Marriage Stress, Blame and Alcohol

Life is full of events that lead to personal distress. And stress can build upon stress which can lead to marriage problems. If one of you drinks to reduce stress, in time the drinking itself causes stress and becomes a major roadblock to solutions. Quite naturally, you look around to see what’s causing your distress and the only person there is your spouse, so you instinctively blame him or her for upsetting you. Blaming your spouse is a gut reaction that escalates marriage problems, because it generates resentment and alienation. It is the Achilles’ heel of an intimate relationship.r

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***The Functioning Alcoholic: Gaps in Functioning? Part One

As drinking and driving becomes less tolerated, many communities have volunteer programs, as well as paid services, to get people home safely if they’ve been drinking and shouldn’t drive. Their existence is a reminder that parties, family gatherings, weddings and other celebrations push up alcohol consumption.

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***Can the Functioning Alcoholic Last?: Part Three

There is a third critical factor to bear in mind when questioning the functioning of a so-called “functioning alcoholic.” The first factor to consider was whether the alcoholic is functioning generally in life, or just in one aspect of life, like his job. The second factor was whether the alcoholic is achieving his potential and pursuing his dreams, not just getting by. The third factor has to with how long the “functioning,” at whatever level, can last in the presence of alcohol abuse.

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***Anger Issues: What makes me Angry?

Anger is a normal healthy emotion, albeit a negative one. We all have anger issues at one time or another. When you experience anger, it is your body trying to tell you something is wrong, that “something is rotten in Denmark.” But what? Not understanding your body’s message can lead to accusing your spouse of making you angry, or alte atively, stuffing the anger to avoid a fight. Either approach ultimately leads to reduced communication, distancing and alienation from your partner.

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***How Much Alcohol Is Too Much? The Facts Might Surprise You

Jackie asked me how many drinks could her husband have in a day before she should worry. She says he drinks three or four beers in the evening on work nights and a lot more on weekends when he doesn't have to go to work the next day. She thinks he may be a functioning alcoholic. Kevin worries that his wife's three or four glasses of wine in the evening could be the beginning of alcoholism. Alcoholism runs in her family.

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***An 'Addictive Personality'- The Alcoholic's Convenient Myth

People addicted to alcohol drink compulsively and often claim to have an addictive personality. It is a convenient myth. I heard of a dentist who approached his dental work with compulsive attention to detail. His crowns had to fit perfectly. He was fanatical about bite adjustment and his workspace cleanliness was impeccable--all things I like to see in a dentist, because I do not like pain . . . or recalls.

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***The Dangers of a Relationship with a Narcissist

In Greek mythology Narcissus was a handsome, proud man who disdained those who loved him. He fell in love with his own beautiful reflection in a pool, and because he couldn’t stop looking at it, he starved to death. Narcissists have a great deal of resistance to change, basically because they cannot see a need for changing perfection. Narcissism is the epitome of insight-free self-centeredness. In the modern world the “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” represents the extreme end of the continuum of narcissism…

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Websites & resources

SelfGrowth-published websites, downloads, and contributor profile websites connected to this expert.

5 total

Website

Practical Psychology for Capable People

Practical Psychology for Capable People is a growing collection of self-help articles on relationships, addictions, mental health, conscious living, etc. by psychologist and author, Dr. Neill Neill. Take the "Alcoholism Test for the Alcoholic Marriage"

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Website

Recovery and Life Rebuilding for the Functioning Alcoholic

Let this website be your central source for understanding and dealing with alcoholism or alcohol abuse, whether it's you or your partner with the alcohol problem, and let Dr. Neill guide you through recovery as you rebuild your marriage and your new life after addiction. Free audio book download.

March 9, 2012

Website