James Lehman
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From Defiant Child to Top Behavioral Therapist Expert
James Lehman Quick Facts
For three decades James Lehman worked with struggling teens, defiant children with behavior problems, families and professionals who live with, educate, treat and assist in managing them. In public schools, residential treatment centers, private schools, and numerous outpatient and inpatient settings, James developed an approach to managing children and adolescents that challenges them to learn to solve social problems without hiding behind a facade of disrespectful, obnoxious, or abusive behavior. James Lehman brought a wealth of personal experience to the arena of child and adolescent therapy, and had good reason to focus on behavioral management, having experienced severe behavioral problems himself as a child and adolescent. Born in 1946, he was abandoned at age 2 by parents unable to take care of him. He was found by Mr. Teddy Lehman, who, with his wife Marguerite, went on to adopt him. James began to exhibit oppositional and defiant behavior at home and in the classroom. There was no such thing as special education then, and as he grew older these behaviors became more severe. Eventually he quit school, left home, lived on the streets in New York City, and drifted into a life of substance abuse and crime, which led to numerous prison sentences. After more than 6 years in various jails and prisons, James was given the opportunity to participate in an accountability focused treatment program.
James Lehman graduated from that treatment program and participated in a period of training to become a staff coordinator – and his career as a counselor, behavioral therapist and teacher began. James attended Fordham University for 2 years, moved to New England, and obtained a Bachelor's Degree in Social Work, graduating Summa Cum Laude. As he continued working with children, families and professionals, James was able to attend Boston University and, in 1989, graduated with a Master's Degree in Social Work.
While working at a comprehensive residential treatment center, James began private practice, providing treatment, consultation and training to families, public schools and state agencies. The focus of that work was to provide parents, teachers and case managers with the tools they needed to successfully challenge difficult children to develop the problem solving and self management skills they needed to be successful without relying on disrespectful, obnoxious or abusive behavior.
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Articles by this expert
SelfGrowth articles and saved writing connected to this expert.
Article
Dealing with Anger in Children and Teens, Part 2: Effective Tools to Help You Handle It
It’s hard to get most adolescents to comply, but when you’re dealing with a hostile teen, it can be almost impossible. In part two of this series on anger and hostility in kids, James Lehman discusses concrete ways for you to break through your child’s force field of anger and defuse his hostility. Don’t give up yet—it really is possible to bring peace to your home.
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The Top 5 Parenting Mistakes-and How to Avoid Them
As parents, we all make mistakes. On the Parental Support Line, I often encourage parents to give themselves a break—after all, it’s impossible for any of us to be perfect. Our kids test us at every age and stage; it’s part of their job as children to push boundaries with us and see where the line is drawn. As they get older, it can often feel like we are running through a parenting obstacle course: just when we’ve figured out one stage—and its many challenges—our kids move on to the next one.
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Dealing with Anger in Children and Teens, Part 1: Why Is My Child So Angry?
Have you found yourself asking the question, “Why is my child always so angry at me?” Do you feel like your adolescent surrounds himself with a force field of anger and hostility? In part one of this frank Q&A, James Lehman explains the difference between hostility and anger—and tells you where these emotions often come from. EP: James, why do some kids seem to be so angry all the time? Where is the hostility coming from?
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"Anger with an Angle": Is Your Child Using Anger to Control You?
Have your child’s angry outbursts worn you down so much that you’ve simply learned to give in? You should know that this is not a phase or a behavior that will “just go away on its own.” Read on to discover 5 things you can do to stop your child from using “Anger with an Angle” today.
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Out of Control Behavior: Should I Medicate My Child?
The recent death of a four-year-old Massachusetts girl from an overdose of medications for ADHD and bipolar disorder has brought the issue of medicating children for behavior problems to the forefront of public consciousness. While this sad case shows the extreme end of the issue, it reminds us of the fork in the road many parents face daily. We have a behavior problem. Should I medicate my child? The question of medication is a complicated one, and many parents have understandable reservations on medical, moral or spiritual grounds.
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"I'm a Victim, So the Rules Don't Apply to Me!" How to Stop "Victim Thinking" in Kids
Whenever an adolescent doesn’t want to take responsibility, it’s very likely they’ll present themselves as a victim. When your child says, “You don’t understand me,” that’s playing the victim, because what they’re really saying is, “I’m a victim of your misunderstanding." When they say, “My teacher is mean. That’s why I didn’t do my homework,” that is victim thinking, because they’re blaming their teacher for not having completed their work.
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Do You Parent with Your Wallet? Or Know Someone Who Does?
We’re introducing a new monthly feature in Empowering Parents called "Gut Check"—articles that take an up close and honest look at the way we parent our children, ask the tough questions about what’s not effective, and provide real solutions you can use today. This month: how we use money in parenting our kids. Do you parent with your wallet? (Or know someone who does?) What kid doesn’t love it when Mom or Dad spends money on them? When you can afford it, buying things for your children is fun.
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Risky Teen Behavior: Can You Trust Your Child Again?
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The Lost Children: When Behavior Problems Traumatize Siblings
Q: What do the other children in the family experience when they have a brother or sister who’s hostile or acts out chronically? James:r
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How to Beat the Back to School Power Struggle
I’ve worked with many parents and children caught up in power struggles in the home—they argued over bedtime, homework, curfew, video game time—you name it, they fought over it. And the more these parents fought with their children, the better at arguing and manipulating situations their children seemed to get. Mothers and fathers came to me exhausted, frustrated and desperate to stop the constant tug-of-war going on in their homes.
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"I'm Right and You're Wrong!" Is Your Child a Know-it-all?
Does your child always insist that they’re right and everyone else is wrong? Some kids have a bad habit of asserting their opinions by drowning out everyone else in the room—regardless of whether or not they know what they’re talking about. Understandably, this overbearing behavior can be very annoying and frustrating for both parents and family members alike. Before I give you ideas for dealing with this behavior, I want to make one thing clear: As kids grow, they need to develop their interests and ideas, and they need to learn how to express them.
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Child Discipline: Consequences and Effective Parenting
Remember how you felt when you brought your baby home from the hospital for the first time? When your child was an infant, you probably acknowledged that you were anxious and unsure of what you were doing at times—most new parents are. In my experience, those kinds of feelings continue as we raise our kids—we just stop expressing them to others.
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Websites & resources
SelfGrowth-published websites, downloads, and contributor profile websites connected to this expert.
Website
Child Behavior Modification Program
A step-by-step, multi-media program designed to help parents manage challenging behaviors in children and teenagers by America’s leading behavioral therapist, James Lehman.
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Website
A Parents Program for Help with Struggling Teens
Simple, step-by-step techniques you can use at home to give your struggling teenager the structure he needs to solve the problems that frustrate and anger him and trigger the bad behavior.
March 29, 2010
Website
Effective Parenting Blog
Empowering Parents is a free online parenting magazine and email newsletter that features useful problem–solving techniques to parents.
September 10, 2009