Joseph Burgo
PhD
Free
Cilnical Psychologist Expert
Joseph Burgo Quick Facts
Joseph Burgo PhD is a clinical psychologist with 30 years' experience in the mental health field. He writes a blog, After Psychotherapy, for individuals who want to continue their jou ey of self-discovery after the end of psychotherapy.
Articles by this expert
SelfGrowth articles and saved writing connected to this expert.
Article
Love and Hatred
Each of us has a mixture of feelings toward those people we’re intimate with, and learning how to tolerate ambivalence is a part of growing up. Small children sometimes scream “I hate you!” when frustrated by their parents though they may be loving and affectionate an hour later. Such hostility can be so powerful that for the moment, it obliterates awareness of every other feeling. Very small children believe that what they are feeling right now is the only reality and they can’t remember they had other, loving feelings not long before.
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Winners and Losers
Competition is a fact of life; the desire to win at games, get the highest grade in the class or bring home a blue ribbon from the county fair is a feeling most of us can understand. Playing sports provides an outlet for competitive urges; watching your favorite professional teams allows us to compete vicariously.
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Why Most People Don't Really Change
Most people don’t change; they just become more the way they already are.
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A Different Take on Self-Criticism
Browse the self-help aisle at the bookstore, or comb through the online material about self-esteem, and you'll mostly find advice on how to take "conscious control of your self-talk," to stop negative self-statements and replace them with affirmations, to love yourself, to conquer this or that experience, etc. In an earlier post, I discussed why such verbal techniques don't work, but even for those people who do find them valuable, I'd like to suggest a different way of approaching this issue.
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Breathe More, Think Less
You're probably familiar with the cognitive-behavior technique known as "thought stopping," used to cope with stressful and anxiety-intensifying thoughts and ideas during panic attacks, as well as with negative self-statements in depression. I've never found this technique particularly useful, for me or my clients; even worse, its emphasis on replacing such thoughts with verbal affirmations means you're trying to address a maladaptive mental habit by prescribing that very habit. In other words, the problem isn't negative verbal thoughts but verbal thought in general.
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My Inner "Brat"
You've heard mention of that "inner child," the needy, vulnerable part of you that you neglect or criticize. We therapists often talk about "the baby part of you" or "the child side of you" as a way to address dependency issues. You know you've got a kid inside of you, right?
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