Getting Past An Uncomfortable Comfort Zone

Getting Past An Uncomfortable Comfort Zone Have you ever wondered why some people are able to successfully make change, yet many others cannot? This has remained a great mystery to many. Perhaps you have taken that moment to reflect and ask yourself this same question? I’m sure we all have done so at one time or another. I frequently ask myself, what is working well in my life, and what is not? What do I need to do to create the changes I want? When pondering my own situation, I consider what someone else may do to change this similar or same situation. This process of objectification and intentional distancing helps me to see my own situation in a less emotionally reactive manner so I may become more proactive in shifting toward my desired change. You may want to call this “Getting out of your own way.” We have all heard the adage “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result” (Unknown author)? That’s nothing new, right? This concept is integral and grounded in the means for creating a viable change template. When you are able to truly resonate with this and really feel it, you begin to foster a new awareness that propels you toward your personal growth. It evolves as your internal locus of control and directs you as needed. It may be that pivotal realization when you know that you have outgrown a stagnant plateau and recognize that its time for a change! It is a normal stage in our developmental process and most typically occurs at mid life; thus the “mid-life crisis” has caught on as a common catch all phrase that we hear all the time. However, you don’t need to be facing mid-life to pursue changes for co-creating a more fulfilling life for yourself. This experiential focus is the basis of Prochaska & Di Clemente’s (2001) research with their work from the substance abuse population; however, it has also been adapted as a useful model for all behavioral change. Beyond its use for treatment planning and tracking outcome indicators, it is useful for everyday life changes that you may be working toward. This encompasses a whole range of behavior from common weight loss goals to divorcing a mate or for any other major life decisions. The various stages these theorists propose are all part of this normal process. The stages include: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance. They also discuss relapse as a potential last phase, though for the purpose of this article I will only briefly mention it. The first stage is Precontemplation, or the simple lack of readiness to change. It is when self-exploration is most critically important. It is when you hear that unrelenting voice inside that constantly reminds you of the issue and challenges your ability to respond? Does the discomfort make you uncomfortable? It is supposed to do that. When this happens, what do you say to yourself? What self-statements might be self-sabotaging your desire to change? It is during this stage which behooves you most to clearly state your reasons for change. This will help you to become more motivated for the next stage. The second stage is Contemplation, when you feel like you’re just sitting on the fence. This signifies the heavy burden of ambivalence. As you listen to your self talk, you have every opportunity to strengthen your inner guide. Would you rather be with a kind, loving, friendly and compassionate guide or a harsh, impatient inner critic guide? The answer may seem obvious, yet oftentimes all of us fall prey to a feeling of victimization by the later part. By acknowledging each of these voices and embracing their positive intent, you learn how to value that protective function which has served you at some time. Since your wisdom source is much stronger now, you no longer need to feel misguided by the self-defeatist part . When these parts within us are authentically integrated, it facilitates the change so it may emerge with a greater sense of ease. The third stage is referred to as Preparation. Ok, you’ll want to “test the waters” now. Here is where you encourage yourself to assess the pros and cons and prioritize what you can in order to create change opportunity. What this illustrates for the weight loss example is that instead of being distracted to stop at an Ice-Cream store on your way home from work, you instead choose a health food store to avoid such negative temptation. This also underscores the time when you need to carefully discern the risks associated with not changing. Recognize how this will keep you stuck in that uncomfortable “comfort zone”. All in all, the most notable aspect of this stage is to focus on your innate skills and knowledge to harness these assets for goal attainment. The fourth stage is the goal manifesting by “Action”. This is the cumulative, courageous practice of modeling the new behavior. In reference to the weight loss example, this would include stocking up your refrigerator with healthy chosen foods and eating only those. You will want to remind yourself about the benefit of restructuring old cues that might cause you to deviate from your treasured goals. I cannot underestimate the value of creating a circle of strong social support so that when you need that morale booster, you have others to turn to so you can get back on track. The underlying beauty of this paradigm is that you learn how to release the cycle of negative thoughts that no longer uphold your healthy commitment to yourself. As you better familiarize yourself with this paradigm, you will be able to resist the thinking trap that attempts to sabotage the process. If you are faced with a setback or disappointment, find reassurance in knowing that relapse is often an expected part of this process. Know that it’s ok. This journey within helps you set establish a new baseline so you can take responsibility and move through and beyond it. You’ve heard it: Two steps forward, one step back. It’s still moving in the right direction. Once you master this shift, you will find value in every daily practice that serves your highest potential as an enlightened being.