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Articles by Bobbi Palmer

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100 articles by Bobbi Palmer · showing 50

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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

One Surprising Way Men Help Us While Hurting Us

It’s your fear of rejection that is getting you rejected. ~~ Bobbi Palmer I know…I write about rejection a lot: how to recognize when it is and isn't real; how there’s no such thing as rejection when you’re meeting guys using online dating; and how to learn from it, recover and move on to the next guy who will be better for you. (Yes! There WILL be a next guy!) When we say rejection hurts, it really does HURT.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***How You Can Help Men Make You Happy

If you don’t ask…you don’t get. I think this is the key to being happy with men. It’s one of my Dad’s favorite lines. I heard it so often growing up that it’s now a mantra in my already overloaded brain. Dad’s premise was that it is your responsibility to state what you want, and then give people a chance to give it to you. If you don’t ask for something, there’s a good chance you won’t get it. And if you don’t, it’s not the potential giver’s fault; it’s yours.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Do All Men Make You Mad? The Bitter Woman

Do All Men Make You Mad? (FemiType #5: The Bitter Woman) In an effort to help you understand the man side of this midlife dating experience, I’ve introduced you to The Princess, The 18 Year Old, The Scaredy Cat and The Wow-Me Woman: all FemiTypes* that send good men running. Today I’m going to talk about perhaps the most challenging of all FemiTypes: The Bitter Woman. She is a little scary, a lot angry, and all about being a victim. Not only does she scare and briefly traumatize the men she meets, but her bitte ess probably seeps into all areas of her life.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Dating Over 40: Why He's Not Asking You Out (Part 2)

Continuing from yesterday, it's important to make yourself memorable when you are dating. There are tons of women out there; you want to be the one he wants to know. When you follow this advice and get your story out in the right way, the guys who are good matches will take notice. They are getting to know you (sometimes) in one conversation…so make it count! 1. Get out that shiny stuff.r

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

How to Say “No” (Whether You Like Him or Not) [Video]

To Watch Video Click Here What do you do when a man asks you out and you aren’t interested? Are you worried about hurting his feelings? I get this question quite frequently because, after all, we want to please men, right? Here are my simple tips for how to say “no” to a guy you don’t want to see again (don’t worry…he can take it) AND how to say no to a guy you DO want to see….but he’s just doing something that kinda bugs you. (You might be surprised at what I’m telling you!)

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

The One Word You Can Use to Magnetize the Right Man

A single man I know once said: If a woman I'm interested in doesn't seem to love herself, why should I love her...and trying to convince her that she's great would be too exhausting. When a man meets this kind of woman he may be attracted initially, but after figuring out that she is a project (one he doesn't care to take on), he will soon disappear. Your phone won't ring after the first or second date because if you're not keen on yourself, a good man takes that as a signal to run. It makes sense. Think about how you judge a man as a good potential mate.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Two Simple Thoughts That Will Change the Way You Date

My guess is that you’ve been dating a while and not getting great results. You’re here reading this, after all. The best way to shift into having dates that render positive outcomes – like having more fun and eventually meeting The One – is to change the way you talk to yourself before you even leave the house. Whether it’s a meet-date or a date-date, there are two things you can tell yourself that will improve your chances of meeting Mr. I Love You. And here’s the great thing about this: it’s 100% in your control. (After all, we do love our control, don’t we?)

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Are You Dating Like a Grownup?

I’m often asked what I mean by Dating Like a Grownup. It’s obviously a great question that I probably should answer every so often. (I am, after all, the CEO of Date Like a Grownup!) I’m going to give you my definition, and then I’m going to tell you about a great book I’ve read that does a terrific job of discussing dating and love for grownups.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Answering the $1 Million Question: Is He In To You?

Answering the $1 Million Question: Is He In To You? At least half of all the emails I get from wonderful women who are over 40 and looking for love are about the same question you’ve probably been asking since you were a teenager: “Is he in to me?” Often the answer is: If you have to ask, he’s probably not.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

How to Tell if He Is Second-Date Worthy

I read this quote recently: I love that feeling of being in love, the effect of having butterflies when you wake up in the morning. That is special. ~ Jennifer Aniston I love her, and no offense meant, but how has that butterfly-thing been working for Jen so far?

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Your Fear of Rejection Is Getting You Rejected (FemiType #3: The Scaredy Cat)

We all know that dating over 40 can be a bit of a jungle with challenges, surprises and pitfalls. I'm sure you've encountered your share of Pingers, Needy-men and Players as you meet single men. I get it, and you belong to a large, loving sisterhood. But it's not only us gals who have dating disasters. Men have their fair share of icky, confusing, ego-crushing experiences too.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Will He Like You Naked?

Are you excited about the notion of hopping into bed with your new guy? Slowly undressing…eyes locked…savoring each other’s bodies…lust so intense that you both might explode… …or does the thought of it make you so nervous you want to puke? Let’s face it: if you’re working on attracting a fabulous man into your life, ya’ better be ready for sex. I know that for many of you—especially if you’re dating in your 40s, 50s, or beyond—it’s been a while since you stood naked in front of a man.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Don't Sleep through your Sex Life

Have you ever found yourself in a sexual lull? Maybe you're in one right now. During my oh-so-many single years, I used to call my gaps in dating and intimacy "being on hiatus." And the hiatuses were often pretty long. (Sorry…TMI?) The truth is that extended periods of celibacy are somewhat common for single women over 40. Unlike our earlier years of joyful experimentation and bed-hopping, most of us aren't sleeping with any guy that comes along. (Yes…pun intended.)

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Dating Over 40: Why He’s Not Asking You Out (Part 1)

I can answer this in three words: You’re not memorable. That’s it. Whether it’s the hot man you had a nice chat with at the local coffee shop or the guy you had a great first date with, getting him to ask you out can take some skill. Yep, I said skill. You’re not 18 anymore, and the men you are interested in (or should be) are mature men of depth. They have busy lives (like you) and would probably rather be single than in a bad relationship (like you).

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***How to Know if He is Merely Hot...or Maybe Husband

Looking for a life partner but keep picking players, paupers, or just plain zeros? Finding a partner is like finding a good job: you only need one, but making a bad choice wastes your time and sticks you in an unpleasant situation. To avoid that, you need to make a grown-up decision about whether it’s good for you and how it will enhance your life. That means not letting yourself be taken in by the flashy exterior. It means asking the right questions and using that sharp brain of yours to answer.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Nine Ways to Make Your Date Great (in the First Ten Minutes!)

The first 10 minutes of a date often determine whether a second date is even going to happen. And let's face it: second dates are not the norm for many. That was definitely my story until I learned about (what I now call) "Date Waste." Date waste is when a date is a drag but has little to do with whether you're a potential match. It's a drag simply because neither of you set the date up to succeed. These aren't the dates with jerks that you can't wait to end. They're the ones that are just a little boring, lack sparks, or just go nowhere. You can turn these into very positive experiences.r

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Should You Trust Your Instincts? Beats Me.

“Intuition is truly a feminine quality, but women should not mistake rash conclusions for this gift.”~Minna Antrim The other day I was listening to my friend tell me about her 25 minute “date” with this guy “who had nothing going for him.” As she’s talking I’m thinking: WTF?! So I ask her how she could possibly conclude anything about someone in 25 minutes? Her response: I trust my intuition; it’s always right.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Key #3 to Finding Hope and Finding Him: Shed Your Stuff

This is the third in a series of articles sharing my 5 Keys to Finding Hope and Finding Him. The 5 Keys are: M - Me and Me first. A - Assess your list. S - Shed your stuff. T - Time to get out and Trail blaze. R - Real women find their man. I know you are a fabulous, smart, accomplished woman who has created a good life for herself. You're probably here, though, because there’s a missing piece. It's likely that you're still looking for love because there's something standing splat in your way. And that something is probably You.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Why Online Dating Is Not for You

Last week I hosted a workshop called Get Online, Get Noticed, Get Dates, Exclusively for Women over Forty. I had a fantastic time with these smart and lovely women who really want to meet their mate. It was a total blast, and they all left excited and feeling like they had the confidence and tools to get online and go for it.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***"What Looking for Love and Birthing a Baby Have in Common"

There are so many women I care deeply about —both friends and clients — who are holding themselves back from bringing love into their lives. Are you one of them? Are you saying "I want a fabulous man in my life" and "I know I'm a catch," yet not doing much to actually reach your self-described all-important goal? Are you doing the same routine each day, expecting things to be different? Are you staying closed in your head and your heart, unwilling to learn to better understand and love men...and yourself?

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Dating and Looking for Love? Why You Should Think of Yourself First

Do you know that you are special, that you count big time, and that you deserve to think of yourself first when dating and developing a love relationship? This is such a difficult concept for so many women. Think of myself first? That’s so selfish! I’ve never done that before…ever! I don’t want to become one of those bossy bitchy women!

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

How to Shake Up Your Love Life This Weekend [Video]

To Watch Video Click Here Do you feel like you're in a bit of a rut? Sometimes, especially when we're older and haven't dated for a while, we can start feeling bored, boring or invisible when it comes to men. I recorded this video to help you shake things up! With very little effort you can start feeling more beautiful, more confident and more like a woman who really wants love in her life. That, girlfriend, is exactly what attracts men!

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

What Dating Is Like for Men (Oh…ya think you know?)

Last week was Men’s Health week; and as another nod to the guys, I thought I'd help them by helping you better understand them. (Did you follow that?) In particular, I want to help you better understand the experience men have when they're trying to “date like a grownup.”

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Why Married Men Adore You But the Single Guys Don't

As a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women, I talk to many women who say they are buddies with many married and attached men; yet they don't get asked out on any dates. The complaint comes under one of these two categories: 1. She talks to a lot of men and they seem to like her; but none ask her out. 2. While she doesn't connect with single men, the married and attached men adore her. In fact, they tell her they can't figure out why she hasn't met a fantastic man yet...and they mean it.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***When You Should Treat a Man Like a Woman

<img src="http://datelikeagrownup.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Girlfriends-Fotolia_9196352_S.jpg" width="160" height="160"> Are you an independent, smart single woman who is dating and looking for love? If so, you've likely been challenged with how to respond when a man does something that ticks you off. What are realistic expectations? What should you tolerate? I get asked this question in many forms.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

What Is Your Online Dating IQ?

I know I sound like a broken record about the benefits of dating online, especially if you are single and over 40. I’m going to continue to nag you about this because I want what you want: for you to find the man of your dreams, and to never let each other go. Getting online is the best way to make that happen. Go ahead, take the test, I promise you’ll learn things about how to meet the RIGHT MEN online, the RIGHT way. Like your mother used to say “You’ll thank me later.” True or False:

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Let's Agree to Face Our Fear

Do you go month to month, year to year, repeating the same mantra about men? It leaves your mouth in various forms, but you’ve got only one point: to release yourself from any responsibility and keep you safe and snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug without the worry of that pesky intimacy thing. "There are no good men out there. I’m better off without a man. I don’t want any man who isn’t willing to accept me exactly as I am. All the men my age are old fuddy-duddies or want the young girls...." Blah, blah, blah. Okay ladies…I’m here to say once again: Please Stop That!

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Are You Ready to Teach and Tame Her? (FemiTypes - The Epilogue)

<img src="http://datelikeagrownup.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Commitment_Success_Man-and-Woman-happy..jpg" /> Over the past few months I’ve profiled six types of women – I call them FemiTypes – who have less than healthy relationships with men. I’ve written about The Princess, The 18 Year Old, The Scaredy Cat, The Wow-Me Woman, The Bitter Woman and The Sexpot. Why have I written about women when you really want to know about men? Because I know it will help lead you get to where you want to be: in a loving relationship with a man who is devoted to you.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Why You're Still Single

One of my clients recently said, “I don’t think there’s something wrong with me; I just think I’m doing something wrong.” Bingo. The majority of women who come to me for help with dating and relationships lack confidence. Most are sure something is wrong with them. What else would explain why they are still single at this time in their lives? Is that you? Have you ever had the feeling that maybe you’re not lovable or men just don’t want “a woman like you?” Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s not something wrong with you…it’s just that you’re doing something wrong.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Do You Actually Know When You're Being Rejected?

Rejection can be a very good thing. Until you find the man who brings you the love and joy you deserve, you should thank the men who reject you. These men are doing you a favor. I think they know – consciously or not – that they won’t be able to give you what you need; and they know it before you do. I blogged about this last week. If you haven’t, you should read Why You Should Be Happy When a Man Rejects You. One of my spectacular coaching clients commented on that post today. And basically she said that she hoped the man she is stuck on rejects her. I say he already has.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Are You What's Holding You Back from Finding Love?

Why do we hold on to the man who isn’t good for us, our feelings of insecurity and being less-than, or our pattern of picking jerks and liars? These are all self-sabotaging behaviors and beliefs, and intellectually we know it. Yet we cling on for dear life, feeling powerless over our unfortunate circumstance.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Online Rejection: There’s No Such Thing!

This is one skill I want you to master: Rejecting online rejection. Learning to accept rejection gracefully, with as few “dings” to your self-esteem as possible, is key to finding your true love. As a dating coach, I’ve found the #1 reason you won’t have success online is giving up too soon. What you perceive as online rejection can exhaust you mentally and the positive attitude you started out with will quickly dwindle. Here are 4 things to know to help you move forward in the online dating world with your self-esteem intact! 1) They don’t know you.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Dating? (Exactly) What to Say to Men in Difficult Situations

In dating, good communication is the key to meeting and attracting men…especially the right men. It's also the key to developing and maintaining fulfilling relationships. One of the most important ways I support my coaching clients (www.datelikeagrownup.com/coaching) is by helping them communicate well with men. Online or offline, good communication requires certain knowledge and skill. It's a bit of an art, actually. When challenging situations come up, I help women write a script that not only communicates effectively but also feels comfortable and true to who they are.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

Avoid Dating Burnout by Thinking More Like a Man

This week I spoke with my client, “Sue,” who recently entered the online dating world. Right off the bat she had scoped out a profile she really liked and emailed him. He seemed interested, attentive and pretty fabulous on paper. The next thing you know…she has a date! When they met in real life, he complimented her generously, told her he felt so lucky to have met her, and talked about doing lots of things together. At the end of the date, they both agreed they wanted to see each other again. She felt a major connection.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***What Are Your Dating and Relationship Rules

Have you ever asked yourself this question: What are my rules for dating and relationships? What are my boundaries, what must I do, and what must I have? And what will I simply not tolerate in myself or in others? Too often I talk to women who stayed in unfulfilling relationships or have a history of dating jerky men. When I ask questions and get their story, here's what it is usually about: the man was interested so they went along. They thought that he was all they could have, they didn't want to hurt his feelings, they just wanted a man in their life…there are several reasons.

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Please Be Kind to Frogs

Think about the clever line we women often use: it takes some form of “I’ve kissed so many frogs I’ve got the warts to prove it!” or “How many frogs do I have to kiss before I find my prince?” You know what I’m talking about. It’s cute, and although we don’t really laugh at it, it tends to ease some of our feelings of disappointment and rejection. Let’s face it: after years of dating with no spectacular man to show for it, we have to tell ourselves something to help explain away the fact that we’re still “alone.”

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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Why It Can Be a Good Thing When He Goes Cave-bound

Last week a smart, thoughtful woman left a comment on my post about Dating the Somewhat Disappearing Man. These are the guys I call “pingers” because they ping you (or contact you) just often enough to make sure you’re there when they need or want you. They keep you attached and interested, and often get in touch when it’s time for some sex. She asked such a good question, I want to share it with all of you. Here goes:

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Valentine's Day: Make It All about YOU!

Have you been dreading it and trying to avoid it? Chances are pretty good – thanks to all the advertising and silliness – that you’re keenly aware Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. I used to call Valentine's Day “Singles Awareness Day.” Now that I'm married I couldn't care less about it. I know from years of personal, painful experience that being single on Valentine’s Day can suck. Sure, you might not want a box of cheap chocolates or a dozen roses that will wilt and die in days. But I’d bet good money you want what Valentine’s Day is supposed to represent: being in love.r

Primary topic: Dating
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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

***Key #1 to Finding Hope and Finding Him: Me First

This is the first in a series of articles sharing my 5 Keys to Finding Hope and Finding Him. The 5 Keys are: M - Me and Me first. A - Assess your list. S - Shed your stuff. T - Time to get out and Trail blaze. R - Real women find their man. A single man I know once said, “If a woman doesn’t seem to love herself, why should I love her?” That makes sense. Keep in mind that: • The way you treat yourself is how others will treat you. • What you expect from people is what you will receive.

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***Imperfection Does Not Equal Rejection

Are you perfect? Do you know anyone who is? Look at the people you know, especially those in midlife or older. Do you know anyone who hasn't had some rough times behind them or who are not currently facing life challenges? It’s doubtful, because this is real life; not the movies. Those of us who have lived full lives have some less-than-flattering “stuff” surrounding us. I received an email recently from Lisa, a woman who, after describing her life situation, asked: “Is there any hope for me?” Ugh. I can’t tell you how sad this makes me feel.

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By Bobbi PalmerRecently published1 topic

[Video] Dating New Men: How to Tell Him the Scary Stuff

To Watch Video Click Here Ungrateful children. Mortgage that’s killin’ you. Surgical scars. Chronic health problems…these are all realities of life after 40. Let’s face it: we’ve been around a while. We have “stuff!” When you’re dating it’s important to share it at the right time in the right way. Say it wrong or tell him too early or too late, and you may scare away a good man.

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***Four Ways to Flirt with Flair and Class

No matter your age, the way to connect with a man in the "I think you're hot and would be interested in going out with you" way is to flirt. When I suggest that to the over-40 women in my dating workshops and coaching programs, I can see them cringe. Most of these otherwise outgoing women have no idea how to flirt, and many consider it childish and classless. I have news for you. Here is what you get when you don't flirt with nice men: a nice conversation. That's it. But you're not looking for a buddy, right? You want to be asked out.

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***The Truth About Reading Men’s Minds – And Quieting Yours

If you’re a woman who tends to over think and over analyze (and let’s face it…what woman doesn’t?) I want to advise you when it’s appropriate to do so about men: N-E-V-E-R! Oh how we love to dwell in conversations with ourselves about all kinds of fascinating things. Is he attracted to me, what will I do if he does/does not call, what signal was he trying to send when he did this/didn’t do that, what did he really mean when he said…?

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***Make Your List, But Consider It Twice (Or Thrice!)

Can you use a dating pick-me-up? Something to boost your hope of finding your fabulous life partner? If you’re wondering if dating and the nonsense that sometimes comes with it is worth it, read on. I have a spectacular success story to share, along with advice on two simple things that will bring you the same success. I received the following email last week from a woman I coached several months ago: Hi Bobbi,

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***When Do Men Expect to Have Sex With Us? A Single Man's Response

I get asked this question constantly. Women who are dating want to know this; especially women who are divorced and over 40, and haven’t been dating for some time. They also want to know how they can tell if sex is all he wants. Good questions. The truth is that whether you’re dating at 20, 40, or 70 you’re going to question how long you should wait – and he will wait – before you get intimate. And you certainly want to be able to spot the guys who just want to hop in the sack and then go on to the next gal.

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