Dealing With the “Gimmes": Four Steps to Teaching Children an Attitude of Gratitude
Is Your Child a Materialist?
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
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Articles by Carolyn Stone
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47 articles by Carolyn Stone · showing 47
Browse every published article connected to Carolyn Stone, or search within this exact expert archive.
Avoiding Holiday Overwhelm
Now we are into December, and the holiday season is officially underway. How can you help you and your quirky kids focus on the enjoyment and minimize the overwhelm that can come with this time of year? Self Care
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,105 views
Read articleWhat is Moral Development?
Not long ago I heard an interview on the radio show, Humankind, about what parents can do to help children develop a moral core. The host interviewed Richard Weissbourd, a child and family psychologist on the faculty of the Harvard Graduate School of Education. What is a moral core? Weissbourd believes that a moral core involves being able to take another’s point of view, being able to value that point of view, and being able to manage difficult feelings. He believes that these and related qualities are more important to long term happiness that the much touted self-esteem.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,796 views
Read articleThe Difference Between a Teaching Moment and Letting Your Child Down
Recently I had a meeting with two colleagues who, like me, are both mothers. One was distracted as we started because she had gotten a text from her high school age son that he had left his keys on the bus. How would he get into the apartment? She had an appointment for a haircut after her work, a rare time set aside just for her. By the time we met, she had figured out that he could wait for her in the library nearby, a reasonable option. All the same, she was rattled. It was unnerving that even though he’s in high school, he would lose his keys.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,508 views
Read articleJust Ignore Him—Does it Work?
I recently read a blog post by a counselor who said that ignoring your children’s misbehavior is not helpful. He said that parents need to interrupt behavior. I think that ignoring can be a very helpful parenting strategy, but it isn’t appropriate for every situation. Clearly if your children are squabbling and one is hurting the other, you should intervene. If your child is destroying property, you’ll intervene. Ignoring is just one strategy in your parental toolbox. Ignore and Attend
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,666 views
Read articleDon’t Take it Personally
Several times lately I have met with parents who are hurt and angered by the things their children have said in anger. It makes sense that they are hurt. These are parents of “quirky kids” who get set off easily. Once your child is angry, she stops using her pre-frontal cortex to exercise judgment about what she says. Parents report remarks like, “You’re the worst Mom ever.” “I know you hate me.” “Go ahead, kill me now.”
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,514 views
Read articleHow Does Screen Time Affect My Child?
I thought when I chose this topic that I would dash it off quickly, but I found myself doing some research about what we know about how much children in the US use electronic entertainment and the research on what the effects of this are on children. It turns out that we know a lot. We know that on average the use of electronic entertainment went up almost an hour and twenty minutes a day between 2004 and 2010. We also have good research on what behaviors and habits are associated with higher amounts of TV watching, video game playing, and computer games and social media.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,907 views
Read articleHelping Your Rigid, Anxious Child with Gift Giving and Receiving
Is gift-giving stressful at your house? Do you try to find things that your child would like, hoping to surprise her, but then learn that it was not what she had in mind at all? Gift giving for children who are inflexible in their thinking can be a disappointing exercise in miscommunication. It takes some careful communication ahead of time to have a happy gift-receiving experience. If you want to surprise you child with a gift, you probably should let go of that. Children on the spectrum simply don’t do well with surprise.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,222 views1.5/5 (2)
Read articleSay Please!
How do you get your children’s respect? How do you know that they respect you? Is it that they obey? That’s a big part of it when they are young. When parents of young children come to me for Parent Coaching, they often ask for help with compliance. Their children don’t “listen.” I think that most parents have this problem at one time or another. I know that I did. Parents find themselves telling a child over and over to do the same thing. Often they report, “He doesn’t do it until I yell. I don’t want to yell all the time, but that’s the only way he’ll listen.”
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,322 views3.8/5 (4)
Read articleStrength in Community
I recently wrote about the complicated feelings that parents have when their child is diagnosed with a learning disability. While these feelings are all a normal part of coping with a special needs child in your family, they can interfere with your well being and your ability to advocate for your child unless you find ways to support and take care of yourself.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,597 views
Read articleYour Child Doesn't Like Your Great Solution? It's a Puzzle
Here’s a scenario I see often in my work. Parents are having difficulty with their child over Problem X (doing homework, getting up in the morning, getting ready for school, or managing time on electronics). Parents join me and the child for a meeting about this, and the parents have been thinking about the problem and have come up with a proposal. Very often these bright and successful parents have really good ideas. They say, “I’ve been thinking about this, and here’s what I want you to do from now on.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,693 views
Read articleTricky Balance
Lately I have had balance on my mind. I am thinking of the difficult balance between a parent’s desire to protect a child and the child’s normal desire to be more independent. This balance is more tricky when with an atypical child — whether due to ADD, learning disability, or Asperger Syndrome. Now add the child’s normal desire to be more independent in middle school and the significant increase in the complexity of work in middle school, and you have a situation that can become a crisis.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,751 views3/5 (2)
Read articleInvesting in Relationships With Your Children
Last week I gave a talk to a group of elementary school parents about ways to decrease nagging their children. The talk packed in the information from three or four parent coaching sessions. It was full of specific suggestions for behaviors for parents to try. I know that this approach works because I have used it on many occasions with all sorts of parents.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,414 views3/5 (2)
Read articleDo Lies Make You See Red?
Many times a year parents come to me for guidance about dealing with their child’s lying. Usually the situation is that the child has been involved in some activity that she knows her parents disapprove of. It could be sampling the frosting on a birthday cake before the occasion, or talking to strangers on line or downloading songs on iTunes without permission to use the parents’ credit card. Parents are very upset about the problem behavior and about the lie. Often they are somewhat surprised when I recommend that they focus on the behavior the lie was covering up rather than the lie.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,347 views2/5 (1)
Read articleMy Kid Doesn’t Talk to Me
Child psychologists tell parents to listen to their children, and they should. I have learned in my practice and in my life as a parent that it isn’t always clear how to get children to talk when you want to listen. When children get home from school or parents arrive home from work, parent asks, “How was your day?” Answer, “Fine.” “Anything interesting happen?” “Nope.” I can’t say that I know why this happens, but I know that it does. So, when can you talk?
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,180 views
Read articleWhat’s in Your Toolbox?
In the past few weeks there have been more anxious children and adolescents in my office than usual. This is probably just the randomness of the universe. Anxiety is often a feature with children who have ADD, learning disabilities and Asperger Syndrome. The situation has caused me to reflect on how treatable anxiety is. Deep Breathing
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,264 views2/5 (1)
Read articleManaging Holiday Expectations: Yours and Your Children’s
In case you haven’t noticed, it’s time to shop for Christmas or Hanukah. If you haven’t noticed, you must be seriously isolated, and I’m conce ed for your wellbeing. Many of us are trying to find a way through the commercial blitz while honoring our own values and budgets. Very likely your children are also influenced by the commercialism, raising the need for parents to educate them about what their family’s values and budget are. Throw in the wish to preserve the magic of believing in Santa Claus, and many parents find themselves in a bind.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,370 views
Read articleWhat if She Grows up Like Auntie Agnes?
Many of us have a “black sheep” in the family. Sometimes that person has a mental illness and sometimes not. It might be someone who caused you or your parents great unhappiness in your childhood. At any rate, you know someone fairly close to you who caused havoc in your life. That relative provides a model of what you do not want in your child and a model of what you fear. Yikes! When you have just gone through an angry, out-of-control episode with your child, you might think of Auntie Agnes and fear the worst. You panic. You might over-react.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,260 views1/5 (1)
Read articleManaging Screen Time in Your Home
I recently wrote about what we know from research about the negative effects of too much media exposure for children. That leaves families with the question of what to do about it in their own homes. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly encourages parents to avoid having children under two years old watch any television or other video media. At this age children’s brains are developing at a rapid rate, and we know that they learn best from actual interaction with the environment (like blocks and dolls) and with people, like you.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,288 views
Read articleWhat If She Fails?
Often I meet with parents who are very worried about their children’s achievement, usually in school, but sometimes in sports as well. These are well-meaning parents who want the best for their children. They want them to have the best opportunities, and they want their children to have accomplishments that they can feel proud about.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,725 views5/5 (1)
Read articleIs It Misbehavior?
Lately I’ve worked with grade school children who have “misbehaved” in some pretty major ways. We have running away from organized activities, hitting family members, and yelling insulting things at parents, to name a few. These are reasons for parents, teachers, and therapists to put their heads together to figure out what is going on and help these children to behave better.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,240 views3/5 (2)
Read articleGood Communication with Teachers Improves Your Child’s Education
I got thinking today about how helpful it is for children when their parents and teachers can communicate and collaborate well. I happened to run across two good examples among the families I work with. This is true even if your child does not have learning problems, but it is especially important for children who have ADHD, learning disabilities, or Asperger Syndrome. Here are some ways to go about building a good relationship that invites helpful communication.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,152 views
Read articleBaby Steps
Some of you may have seen the old Bill Murray movie, “What About Bob.” Murray plays a man who is very dependent on his psychiatrist, played by Richard Dreyfus. Dreyfus encourages his patient to make progress in his life by “baby steps.” He has even written a book by that name. It’s a good spoof on the mental health profession. Dreyfus is making a bundle with simplistic advice, and Bob is ultimately the undoing of his pompous doctor.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,950 views5/5 (1)
Read articleCreating Order for the Disorganized Child
Many parents talk to me with frustration about their children who strew their things throughout the house and then cannot find what they need when they need it. Some of these children have ADHD or a learning disability that we know makes it hard for them to organize stuff. Others are simply immature or undiagnosed. Whatever the case, it is irritating for parents and children alike for parents to constantly remind children to put things away.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,974 views5/5 (1)
Read articleWhat About College?
I find that college planning is on many parents’ minds even before junior year in high school. When parents receive diagnosis of a learning disability, ADHD or Asperger Syndrome, the meaning of doing well in school needs to be redefined. It is no longer, “Just work harder.” Now it means find out how your child learns, and work with the school to make sure he gets what he needs. Often the school and family situation gets very painful before proper services are in place.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,436 views
Read articleWhere’s Your Child’s Strength? Bolstering Self Esteem in Children with Learning Disabilities
Having a learning disability is exhausting. Whether your child has ADHD, or a Nonverbal Learning Disability, or a Language Based Learning Disability, or Asperger Syndrome does not matter. Learning differently from the way school is taught is hard work.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,360 views
Read articleKeeping Your Child Safe from Sexual Predators
This week we all have our minds on the disclosure of sexual abuse of young boys by a coach at Penn State. I have been struck by the emphasis on who did what when rather than conce for the children who were abused. For many of us it raises the frightening prospect that our children or children we know could be sexually abused. I want to spend some time talking about how parents can find out whether a camp, preschool, Sunday School, or club is a safe place for their children. The way I see it there are three lines of defense. Educate Children
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,147 views
Read articleCoping With Road Blocks
Recently a number of families I work with have been stymied by their children getting stuck. These are children with Asperger Syndrome, nonverbal learning disability, obsessive compulsive disorder, or some combination of those. During the course of a normal day, these kids hit road blocks that trigger outbursts. Often the cause is a change in plans that seemed inconsequential to you. You might say, “On our way home, I’m stopping at the grocery. Want to come in?” Child: “Nooooo.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,603 views
Read articleFinding Support When Coping with Your Child’s Learning Disability
When a child has a learning disability, ADHD, or Asperger Syndrome it affects the whole family. Parents and children deal with a host of feelings as they find their way to a diagnosis and proper services for their child. At first parents may be frustrated with a child who does not do as well in school as his aptitude would predict. Children with undiagnosed learning disabilities can have confusing academic performances. They might do quite well for elementary school and be utterly overwhelmed in middle school. They might do well in one subject but be stymied in another.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,364 views
Read articleWhat If She Acts Like This at 16?
Conscientious parents can get themselves quite worried when they think like the title here. On the other hand, it is pretty normal to do so. Say your first grader gets very frustrated with her friend when they are planning a pretend scene, and she stomps out of the room, saying mean things and throwing a book. You notice that this has been happening a lot lately. She has a short fuse, gets easily frustrated, and her behavior suffers. If you confront her, and tell her to apologize to her friend, you might have a bigger fight on your hands. You’re even walking on eggshells around her.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,334 views
Read articleTalking to Teachers: Seven Steps to a Productive Meeting
When your child enters school a new institution enters your family. The school influences your family life, your child’s life, and his or her sense of well-being. Often this is a positive influence — new experiences, new friends, pride in learning. However, for most parents there comes a time when you need to schedule a talk with the teacher. Think of this relationship as a collaboration. You need each other. Here are some tips for making that talk as productive as possible.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,196 views
Read articleMonkey See, Monkey Do — How We Teach Values With Our Behavior More Than With Words
Yesterday did not turn out as planned. My husband and I offered a ride to church to a sweet, confused friend, and she gratefully accepted. Unfortunately, when we picked her up, she had locked herself out of her house, and her husband had left already. After church her husband was still not home. Long story short, I invited her back to our house where she had lunch and told me stories about growing up in Southern Califo ia. Around five o’clock she and her husband caught up with each other, and I took her home. Both husband and wife were very grateful for my help.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,284 views
Read articleBest Feet Forward
That’s how we all want to start the school year—with our best feet forward. This morning as I returned from walking my dog, I met a neighbor Mom and her two young children. They were returning from a trial walk to the local elementary school. The older child is starting kindergarten, and they had timed the walk to school. “Thirteen to fifteen minutes, including dilly-dallying.” What good planning, I thought. School doesn’t start here until next Tuesday, but my neighbor was establishing their morning routine now. By the look of it, it had been a pleasant outing.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,610 views
Read articleTwo (not so) Magic Steps to Improve Children’s Behavior
Recently I served as chair of my college reunion. It was a fair amount of work, but I had a hardworking and good natured committee. When the weekend came, I enjoyed coordinating things and had a great time. Then came the surprise. People thanked me. Many people—some I knew and some I did not—made a point of coming to me and thanking me for my work. One person even sent me a lovely thank you note. I was surprised, and really appreciative. It sweetened the whole effort, and made me feel even better about my classmates.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,665 views
Read articleTry a Little Tende ess — For Yourself
Recently I went to a workshop on Mindfulness, and its use in psychotherapy. I was quite excited as I listened because I could see its usefulness to parents. First of all, what is mindfulness? When people practice mindfulness, they try to change the quality of their awareness so that they are observing and accepting of themselves. Mark Sorensen, Ph.D., (www.sorensentherapy.com) one of the presenters, teaches his clients to Stop, Observe, Accept, and Refocus. This shortens very nicely to SOAR. That’s a good concept isn’t it?
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,337 views4.5/5 (2)
Read articleDo You Think ADHD is Real?
Earlier this week I read a summary of a newly published study about the increased prevalence of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The study was conducted by Kaiser Permanente in Califo ia and covered a time span from 2001 to 2010. It got me thinking about the diagnosis, its prevalence and treatment.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,926 views
Read articleBecoming a Parenting Team
Any parent knows that one of the biggest challenges of being a parent in a two parent family is working with the other parent. You can be in agreement about décor, finances and many other things, but it is likely that parenthood will bring out differences that you were only dimly aware of before. Add to that a challenging or quirky child, and the differences can quickly become polarized so that you feel that one parent is too strict and the other is too lenient. In all likelihood both parents hold part of the solution.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,033 views3/5 (2)
Read articlePlay: Serious Business that Teaches Life Skills
This week I have been reading Welcome to Your Child’s Brain: How the Mind Grows from Conception to College by Sandra Aamodt, Ph.D. and Sam Wang, Ph.D. The authors describe brain development and child development, linking the two in a very instructive way. Along the way, they debunk a number of myths, and they offer research data to support all they describe. While some of the book gets fairly technical in its description brain anatomy and function, it also gives practical examples of ways parents can foster their children’s development.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,187 views
Read articleBack to School Jitters
We are into the second full week of August, and I have received my first call about a child who is anxious about school starting. The reminders are everywhere. The advertisements are on television for back to school supplies and clothes. Children with learning disabilities and others who are simply anxious are beginning to have difficulty sleeping at night. They might also be more irritable and rigid during the day. How to cope? This is no fun for parents either.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,676 views
Read articleWhy No One Can Have It All
A few times this summer I have come to think about the challenging job of raising children and how parents share that work and balance it with the demands of paid work. As I noted in an earlier post, I attended a college reunion earlier this summer. Most of my classmates have grown children by this time. A couple of conversations turned to the complications of sharing child rearing. One woman professional remembered that her husband was totally unwilling to leave work when a child got sick at school or day care.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
970 views
Read articleRoller Coaster Emotions: Some Thoughts on How to Deal With Your Child’s Roller Coaster
I went to a conference over the weekend that was aimed mainly at therapists who treat adults. However, one of the presenters talked about how children learn to understand their own feelings and those of others in the course of interactions as they grow up. I found the talk was really relevant to helping parents teach children about their emotions and about emotional regulation. Many children who have ADHD, Asperger Syndrome or other learning disabilities have difficulty with emotional modulation.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,319 views
Read articleSummer Time (and the living is easy?)
In my hometown it is officially summer. I know, the season really starts later this week on June 21, but school got out here last Friday. Last night the neighborhood children were out shooting baskets and hooting it up in the evening, a sure sign that they had no homework to do. So, is the living easy? I know that for many working parents it has been a scramble to find the coverage they need for the summer. They are planning their time off around the times that they do not have child care or a camp for their children to go to.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,317 views
Read articleSummer Routines for Your Quirky Child
Summer is the time of ease, of rest and relaxation, of freedom from all those rigid schedules. Hurray! However, if you have a child with learning disabilities or ADHD or other atypical profile, you know that your child needs some structure in order to get along well and be happy. Not knowing what to expect next can increase anxiety and lead to trouble.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,286 views
Read articleJuggling the Many End-of-Year Events: Some Tips
This is a busy time of year for families. It seems that every activity has an end of the year event, so parents and children are hurrying to recitals, chorus and band concerts, ball games and graduations. Hopefully, these events bring pride, joy and satisfaction. I hope that your child is beaming from the stage, and that you are relishing the moment.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,349 views
Read articleWhen to Stop the Conversation
Last week I posted about listening to your child and trying to find times that your child is available to talk. Many people commented on the value of just showing up to be available to talk. It’s a challenge to us busy, goal-oriented parents. In fact, last week I meant to write about this week’s topic but I realized that finding time to talk is really most important.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,286 views
Read articleFinding Community
Over the weekend I attended a large family Passover seder with about fifty people in attendance. The seder is a dinner with a liturgy that tells the story of how Moses led the children of Israel out of slavery in Egypt. It got me thinking about the value of community in raising children. Participants ranged in age from late eighties to seven years old. The elders told a little about the family’s origins in Poland and their travel to America, and they reminisced about seders of fifty and sixty years ago.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,179 views
Read articleWhat Is a Lie?
That’s a silly question, isn’t it? We all know that lying is saying something that is not true and acting as though it is true. Strictly speaking, that is the case. What is a lie that a parent should be conce ed about and what should parents do about it? That is a more difficult question, and I think that all parents face this at one point or another. Kids lie when they fear a bad outcome or when they don’t want you to know that they are messing up because you will be so upset or because they’ll be so embarrassed or all of the above.
Primary topic: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD and ADHD)
1,103 views
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