Articles
Browse every published article connected to Deborah Hayes, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
Articles
Browse every published article connected to Deborah Hayes, or search within this exact expert archive.
If I asked who you are how would you answer? Would you say; I am a stay at home mother, I am a real estate agent, I am a banker, I am a doctor, I am a massage therapist, wife, retired or “whatever”? Is that who you really are or is it the role you are currently playing? How many roles have you ...
Every once in a while you run into someone who has mastered the art of living, someone who doesn’t just move through life waiting for a certain time or place or person to make his or her time here a life of consequence, someone who doesn’t just live on the surface but really soaks it in; the good and the bad; someone who treats life as true adventure.
Gail Sheehy wrote the book Passages several years ago about how the body goes through ‘passages’ every 7 seven years or so. As it matures it evolves from infant to child, teenager and young adult to adult, crone and so on. With each of these life transitions changes are made and difficulties are overcome. On the other side of these transformations there is a new you. The infant no longer cares for certain toys after the age of 7 and the teenage girl gives up dolls for boys are a couple of simple examples.
We all come to a point in our life when we sense that things haven’t turned out quite like we expected. That moment in time when we look up and realize that many of the things we thought we would do or have or try or be “when the time was right” have not occurred and don’t seem to be anywhere on the horizon.
Is your dream machine stuck in a holding pattern? If you’ve been living on auto pilot; moving through one circumstance to another and doing only what you thought you should or had to do, you might want to spend a little time and effort on changing your routine. If you don’t find the time to explore your imagination how will you ever know what your dream is? Ruts, isolation and repetitive lifestyle patterns are dream killers. If you do this long enough you become stuck in auto pilot and might not remember how to fly the plane on your own! Remember the saying old habits die hard?
We have all heard this line a thousand times. My mother meted out this wisdom on any occasion when wise counsel or gentle consoling was needed. It was dispensed with love and affection and was the moral of the story she told of a similar survived event in her life. It was intended to assure me ...
OK. You’ve taken the time to examine your life as it is today and discovered the small hidden joy within; the want not should of what you really want to do! Exciting isn’t it? But after following all the steps and making a plan you still find yourself procrastinating and several of the important steps you planned somehow keep slipping to the bottom of the list. Why oh why can’t you make yourself do them?
One of the things that can be drummed out us as we age is our ability to dream. When we were younger they came so easily. Somewhere along the way this ability, those delicious ever changing desires, ambitions and dreams become so deeply buried we seem to be unable to find them. Where did they go? They are buried somewhere beneath a huge pile of that’s not the way it’s done, it won’t work, you’ll get hurt, you’ll be a failure, you’ll starve and I told you so until finally you simply stopped dreaming and became sensible.
The pursuit of happiness always starts with a dream and a decision doesn’t it? Making that decision is a process and likely one that doesn’t come ove ight. Once a seed is planted it needs to germinate before it gets to the point of blossoming into an actual decision for most of us. For me, it started with a feeling of something missing, boredom with the status quo, a sense of longing for something new and ultimately the news that my daughter and granddaughter would be moving to Califo ia in the near future; the seed.
Recently we’ve been talking about changes and transformation for the second or third part of our lives. We’ve talked about the reality of having an extra 20 to 30 years of quality living to do and we’ve looked at the exciting choices and opportunities a new perspective on the outdated term “retirement” can bring. We've stretched, looked at ways to deprogram ourselves from limiting beliefs and get to that place where we embrace and welcome change. Now that you are armed with all this knowledge what’s the next step?
Ever wonder why some people always appear to be genuinely cheerful and happy and others don’t? Of course we all have our moments but when we meet these perpetually sunny individuals while we are experiencing a bit of a drought for those positive vibes the clash of energy almost serves to further irritate us, doesn’t it? It almost seems as though they are somehow blessed with attributes that are not available to the rest of us mere mortals. Have you ever stopped to really consider why that is? The truth is blessings, luck and fate has nothing to do with it.
Change…difficult or at least a little scary at any age but for the midlife woman this time in our lives can be very unsettling. The truth is by the time we reach this part of our lives we have become so accustomed to living for other people’s benefit that it can be downright disquieting when many of those obligations disappear. Suddenly we realize a large part of who we thought we were is gone. Loss of Identity
We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. - Ellen Goodman I love this quote. This could very well be the difference between those who will struggle in the coming year and those who will thrive.
Many of us have come to that moment in our lives when we realize we have been presented with an unprecedented gift; quality time. We women of a certain age today will live healthier and longer than any time in history. Interestingly just as we are armed with a collection of more or less half a lifetime of experiences, failures, successes and the kind of knowledge and wisdom one acquires only through ‘living’ we find ourselves with an indescribable yearning for something more.
There comes a point in life when we begin to feel different; not good different and not necessarily bad different - just different. The hard ‘stuff’ is over and now we are freer and wiser than ever before. It’s that precious time we waited for, worked towards, time for those things we postponed a million times for a million good and not so good reasons; when the kids are through college, the house is paid off , we have more money, finally retire, or we feel more stable; then we’ll have the time for ‘fill in the blank.’
It’s not enough to want change, you have to take risks. You have to be prepared and motivated enough to leave the comfort of what you know and move willingly into that very scary place… the unknown. Yikes! That sounds ominous doesn’t it? It really isn’t all that scary but there are some very real hurdles one needs to overcome. One of those hurdles to successfully making a habit change is the fear of taking a risk.
When I was young my mother used to repeat a familiar saying… “Birds of a feather all flock together.” Generally she used this saying when she did not want me to date a certain person. Someone she felt was too old for me, or too wild, or too whatever! Of course I thought she was just being strict and didn’t really know what she was talking about. When I became a mother all that old fashioned advice suddenly made perfect sense. In fact it was then when I realized how many times she saved me from taking a wrong path. Sound familiar?
Could you do it? Have you ever thought or fantasized about it? Tell the truth have you ever sat and imagined what your life would be like if you sold all your belongings and moved to a brand new life? Where would you go; to live near a beach, to the desert, to a small quiet town from the city or a foreign country? Sounds a little extreme doesn’t it and probably not for everyone although I do know one person who has done this and lately I am hearing rumblings and reading about an increasing number of people who are considering it, doing it or at least talking about it.
There is a great deal of talk and sound evidence that boomer women today have exciting new opportunities available to us as we approach the remaining chapters of our lives. Many of us whether by circumstance or design are coming to realize how precious this time is and are eager to embrace these new possibilities. We are coming to see this special time as an opportunity to take stock of what has occurred, what no longer serves us and what we want to grow for ourselves in the future. It all sounds so easy doesn’t it?
Do you know what you really want in life? Have you taken the time to really slow down long enough to take stock of just where you are and where you want to go? What do you think of your life as it is? As the years tick by and the roller coaster we call life continues on its nonstop ride it is easy to forget to take stock of what’s on the inside. It only makes sense. We do it for our financial well being. We do it for our health with regular visits to the doctor for checkups.