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257 articles by Janet Pfeiffer · showing 50

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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

WHEN TO FIGHT AND WHEN TO NOT

I'm not much of a fighter. When I was a child, my dad taught me that if someone hits you, hit them back but never be the one to throw the first punch. In essence, only fight back when you have to defend yourself. My mom's message was taken from Luke 6:29 and contradicted Dad's: "If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them." Her voice resonated the strongest with me and for the better part of my life I'd walk away from any confrontation whether physical or verbal.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

A Year Unlike Any Other

I’m not much for New Year’s resolutions; I don’t make them at all. People have good intentions and initially put forth a valiant effort. But we all know as January progresses enthusiasm wanes and efforts diminish. By February, most are chastising themselves for being failures and vowing to be more persistent next year.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

The A~N~Y Words and Anger

There are thousands of things that trigger our anger: aggressive drivers, rude coworkers, disrespectful children, lying politicians, high taxes, unfai ess, and favoritism just to name a few. A critical statement or offensive comment can raise our ire to which we may respond with indignation. Did you know that there are also three potentially toxic words that when used incorrectly can put anyone on the defensive? Those words are what I refer to as the A~N~Y Words: Always, Never, and You.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

How Dare You Judge Me!

I'm reasonably confident in saying that there's not a person on this planet who has not felt unfairly judged at some point. While we may feel justified in imposing verdicts on one another, when we are on the receiving end the feeling can be quite hurtful. It is not uncommon to react with anger, defensiveness, arrogance or justification of our actions.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

That Was Really Awkward!

Last week I spoke to a group of employees at a manufacturing company. The topic was “Dealing With Really B~A~D* People”. No one is immune to these “challenging” individuals. They appear in our place of employment, our communities, our churches and most unfortunately our families. I’m no exception.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

More Advantageous Than Anger

Anger is a very powerful emotion which many conclude is a bad feeling. Whether one chooses to use it in a constructive manner or in a hostile way, it carries a lot of punch (figuratively speaking, of course). As you become angry your body's muscles tense up. Inside your brain, neurotransmitter chemicals are released, your heart rate accelerates, blood pressure rises, and your rate of breathing increases, all in preparation for you to take some type of physical action. Additionally, adrenaline and noradrenalin are released which trigger a state of heightened awareness.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

7 Communication Strategies to Reduce Anger and Conflict

Why is it so hard to talk to one another? Unless you're a recluse, it's something we all do every day. Perhaps because I'm a motivational speaker, author, and radio host I can talk ad infinitum. I actually find it enjoyable and relatively easy. Yet there is a significant difference between talking and communicating: talking involves only one person, communication includes at least one additional person. Although everyone is speaking the same language, it's not uncommon to become frustrated and angry with each other.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

How to Stop People From Annoying You

They're like mosquitoes on a hot summer night - those irritating and annoying people. They can be found anywhere from our families or coworkers to drivers on the roadways to complete strangers we encounter while on vacation. Their quirky behaviors and annoying habits can ruin our day. Other than blow up, walk away, or simply endure their lack of sensitivity towards others, we're often powerless to do anything about it.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

What Makes (Mike) Rice Boil? A Look at Aggressive Behavior

Aggressive behavior - many believe it is a sign of power, self-confidence, and courage. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Last week the country witnessed the termination of Rutgers University head basketball coach, Mike Rice. Video surfaced of his mean-spirited treatment of his players during practice. From name-calling to shoving, grabbing to gay slurs, his actions received nation-wide criticisms resulting in his dismissal.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

You Can't Ruin My Day

Have you ever gotten out of bed in the morning declaring that today was going to be a great day? And before your first cup of coffee, something happened that completely ruined everything? Perhaps your child woke up sick or the car wouldn't start or your boss calls you to let you know that you'll be staying late tonight to finish a very important project. The day is less than an hour old and already it's ruined. Or is it? We are quick to relinquish our happiness to the attitude or actions of another person or to the less than ideal circumstances that unexpectedly appear in our life.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Debunking Six Common Myths About Anger

I've been presenting seminars on healing anger for twenty years and it never ceases to amaze me how much misinformation is circulating about one of life's most powerful emotion. I've decided it is time to debunk some of the most common myths. So without further ado, let me begin with... Myth #1. Anger is a bad emotion. It's wrong to get angry.r

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Inspired Communication

The purpose of communication is so individuals can freely share their ideas, feelings, thoughts, and needs with one another as a means of better understanding themselves and the situation at hand. However it can present a unique set of challenges for several reasons: 1) As children we are not typically taught how to communicate - we are taught to talk, big difference. 2) Everyone has their unique style and level of speaking that is comfortable for them yet may be challenging for others to relate to. 3) We speak differently to our families than those we work with, our friends, or strangers.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

PUSHED TOO FAR: WHEN PEOPLE SNAP

We are all too familiar with headline stories about people who are pushed to their limits and snap. Whether on the job, within their own families, or even children in school - everyone has their breaking point. In 2010, Omar Thorton, a 34-year old employee at the Hartford Beer Distributors in Manchester, CT, reportedly stole a truck. He was given the option of either being fired or resigning. He chose the latter. However, before being escorted out of the building, he pulled out a handgun and began firing. Two people were wounded, eight were dead including himself.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

How To Communicate Rationally When You're Angry

Communication is difficult for most of us. It is one of the most necessary interpersonal skills we need yet few have ever been formally trained in. For most, it's a learn-as-you-go process. What makes effective communicating so challenging is that we all converse on different levels and employ varying styles. To know each person's preferences and make the necessary adjustments to accommodate their needs takes a special proficiency, one that few are interested in developing or are ill-equipped to implement. Even under the most comfortable conditions we can find ourselves becoming irritated.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

How Your Anger Benefits Me

Your anger can actually benefit me. That sounds a bit ludicrous, wouldn't you agree? Anger hurts the one experiencing it but how can it possibly work to my advantage? If you become angry with me, I might feel upset, disrespected, scared, or angry in return. On a deeper level those emotions can prove to be insightful and so to that extent yes, I can benefit. But is there something more that can be gained by witnessing or being the target of another person's ire? 1. Loss of Control:

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Winning Arguments Through Non-Resistance

When disagreements arise there is always the possibility that they will escalate into an argument or fight. The very nature of dissension triggers feelings of uneasiness in the average person. Most of us struggle with some degree of insecurity. Contradictory ideas, needs, beliefs, ways of doing things, or opinions challenge us and may threaten our sense of safety or question our level of intelligence. Our natural response to any perceived threat is resistance - we fight to preserve our integrity, to get what we want, or to prove ourselves right.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Addressing the Primary Sources of Conflict

Conflict is a normal, healthy, and useful part of life. At its simplest, it means there is a disagreement or difference of opinion between two or more individuals. In life we can identify two types of conflict: internal and exte al. Internal conflict, the root issue causing discomfort and the basis which leads to one outwardly expression of it, manifests for several reasons: 1) We are not living authentic lives - our values and beliefs.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

THE NAIL IN THE FENCE

"The sharpest sword is a word spoken in wrath." (The Buddha). A little boy, prone to anger, was told by his father, "Every time you're angry, drive a nail in that wooden fence. When you've learned to control your anger, start removing them." Six months later, the boy had removed every nail he had driven. Triumphant, he showed the fence to his father. The father sadly pointed out, "See the holes? The fence will never be the same." I first heard this story several years ago and thought it a perfect analogy to the potential damage anger can have on another person.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

How to Stop People From Hurting You

If I posed the question, "Who in your life has hurt you?", you might respond with, "Must I limit it to only one?" We've all been on the receiving end of someone's thoughtless behavior - their anger, sarcasm, back stabbing or betrayals. We've been hurt by those we know and love and even some that are complete strangers and it appears that we are powerless to stop them. Some tell themselves that they don't care if their boyfriend found someone else. After all, he's going to regret it when he finally comes to his senses and realizes you were the best thing that ever happened to him.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Conquering Depression: There is Hope

Regardless of how many tragedies occur in this country due to mental health issues, for many Americans there is still a stigma attached to those who suffer. Few are willing to openly address the issue. Tragedies such as Adam Lanza's mass murder of over twenty innocent elementary school children in Newtown, Ct. stirred nation-wide outrage to curtail the purchase and ownership of weapons by ordinary citizens yet cleverly skirted the more relevant issue of mental health.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

How to Pray When You're Angry

I begin each day in prayer. It is a vital part of my life. Mine are not the typical "gimme" prayers. I have matured beyond the childish requests of wanting my every wish granted. (With the exception of - I'm still praying for that pony for Christmas!) I've learned that what I'm seeking may not always be in alignment with Divine Will. My prayers now consist mostly of gratitude*, awareness, and alignment**. When praying for others, I ask only that they open their hearts and minds to God, allowing Him to guide them, heal their pain, and restore them to wholeness.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

FIVE EASY STEPS TO INNER PEACE

One of my favorite authors, the late Dr. Wayne Dyer, once stated that "There is no way to peace. Peace is the way." This seemed rather contradictory to the common belief that a peaceful state of existence is a destination we arrive at after traversing a righteous path. Wayne challenges us to view peace as a state of mind, a choice, a way of life. One who is serene makes different conscious choices in the way they live. Here are five steps you can take to create a more peaceful life:

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Your Relationships C*A*N Last Forever

For me, one of the saddest things to see is a relationship between two people who previously professed their deep love for one another now entering its final stage of dissolution. The divorce rate in this country is tragically high. When I was young and naive I believed that all you needed for a happily-ever-after life was love. After all, that is what the Beatles told us. But with life comes experience and hopefully wisdom.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

IT'S NOT FAIR!

At one time or another, we've all complained that life isn't fair. Children do it all the time: Karen, who is older by two years, is allowed to stay up later than her younger siblings. They complain to dad that they're being treated unjustly, not realizing that at the same age her bedtime was thirty minutes earlier. As adults, we attribute this behavior to immaturity and expect that as children grow and develop this rationale will make way for a more judicious way of thinking . Sadly, many people carry this mind-set with them well into adulthood.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

The Nail in the Fence

“The sharpest sword is a word spoken in wrath.” (The Buddha). A little boy, prone to anger, was told by his father, “Every time you’re angry, drive a nail in that wooden fence. When you’ve learned to control your anger, start removing them.” Six months later, the boy had removed every nail he had driven. Triumphant, he showed the fence to his father. The father sadly pointed out, “See the holes? The fence will never be the same.” I first heard this story several years ago and thought it a perfect analogy to the potential damage anger can have on another person.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Tough Advice About Anger

Everybody gets angry, even me. Professionally, I've been helping people understand and reduce their anger for twenty years. And in all honesty, I do practice what I preach. I experience far less anger and frustration than I did when I was younger, perhaps some of which is due to age. People often tend to mellow as they get older. They have a different perspective on life. Things that in younger years created great angst no longer hold the same importance. A bad hair day or an unexpected car repair no longer evoke the hysterics of days gone by.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Doorbells, Dishtowels, Ducks, and Cake Relieve Anger

Ducks, dishtowels, and doorbells: one wouldn't think they're connected to anger in any way. Cake, on the other hand, is a no-brainer: when upset, eat some. Plain and simple. No one can be angry when stuffing their mouths with a confectionery delight topped with butter cream icing and sugar roses. Yum! As tempting as it may sound to consume a sugary treat when angry that's actually not what I'm suggesting. Let me explain.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

SAVING AMERICA: HOW TO REVERSE HATRED AND RESTORE UNITY

Our country is experiencing the most tumultuous and dangerous period that I can remember since the race riots in the 1960's. Political dissension, racial profiling, random massacres, gender prejudice, a reckless and deceitful media, entitlement, and more have caused a division of American of Biblical proportions. Some believe terrorism to be the greatest threat to our national security; others say it's our economy or healthcare system.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

You Can 'Thank' Away Anger

I'm a very polite person. I was taught to always say "please" and "thank you" when I was a child, a practice that has continued throughout my adult life. However, I never realized the latter phrase could be used as a means of eliminating anger. You might think it an odd concept but let me explain. There are three areas where this applies:

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

The Only Race that Matters

As a child, I grew up aware of two distinct races: black and white. I don’t know who made this determination but that is what society taught us and we accepted it. I must have somehow lost touch with the world for a period of about two decades. When I finally reconnected I discover multiple new races had emerged: Hispanics, Asians, Latinos and others. Had I been in a time warp? Where was I when these new races were assigned? I attended school with children who came from these same diverse backgrounds but they weren’t labeled different “races”.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

What To Do About Annoying People?

I'd venture to say that everyone of us has had to deal with annoying people at some point in our lives. Whether it's a family member who is in everyone's business, a coworker who continually needs your assistance, the know-it-alls who always have to be right or a friend who talks incessantly, short of removing them permanently from your life or blowing up at them in an attempt to make them see the truth about what they're doing, what can be done about annoying people? The answer is twofold and may surprise you.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Let Go (of) My Ego: The Connection Between Ego and Anger

While in college back in the 60's, I majored in psychology. While it was not my eventual degree, I continued to find it a fascinating subject even decades later. I remember during one of my classes the professor stated that there were only two emotions: love and fear. I found that difficult to comprehend at age nineteen as I was certain I had experienced far more than just two feelings during the my life. Over the years, I've frequently reconsidered this concept as I gradually began to understand its veracity.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Her Way or the Highway

For more than a month I posted her picture on my social media sites. "Please open your heart and adopt 'Odette'. She is a precious yorkie/poodle mix rescued from a puppy mill." Her photo didn't do her justice. She sat huddled in the back of her cage at RBARI shelter in Oakland, her tortured life reflected in her body language. I posted and reposted but to no avail. I inquire if there had been any interest in her. "No", the shelter explained. "Dogs like her are hard to adopt out. They have been severely abused and are terrified of humans.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

KISSAway Anger

My guest on my radio show today, Dr. Erica Kosal, has been dealing with the devastating illness of her husband, Jim, for the past five years. Understandably, she has experienced a wide range of emotions including stress and anger. But this college professor and mother of two refused to allow those feelings to get the better of her. Instead, she relied on some age-old wisdom from her mother as well as some creative new techniques she developed for herself.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Depression and Global Consciousness - A Very Unique Perspective

I recently read an article that described depression as "a psychological reaction to the violent deformities of the modern world." I found that statement deeply provocative and began to ponder it's meaning. "Anger turned inward" doesn't satisfy me anymore. I do not subscribe to the belief that depression is a disease nor am I of the mindset that depression, or any other health issues, are heredity (a belief shared with some of the greatest minds in the mind/body/spirit arena).

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Let Go (of) My Ego

I have a family member who has issues with me (Go figure!). We got along well our entire lives but many years ago, “C’s” attitude towards me changed dramatically and with no explanation. All communication between us ceased (“C’s” choice, not mine) and family get-togethers became extremely uncomfortable. I discovered that C had deep rooted anger and resentment towards me for reasons that were completely without merit. C also began speaking unfavorably about me to family members and gradually damaged my relationship with some of them.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

WHEN LYING IS THE BETTER OPTION

Currently there is a commercial on TV where a cheerful woman visits her new neighbor with a homemade pie. She states that she has actually come by not to simply welcome the woman into the neighborhood but to see if in fact she might be weird in some way. The smiling neighbor inquires as to whether she would like to come in and snoop around to see what her new house looks like. The narrator poses the questions, "Wouldn't it be great if we all said exactly what was on our mind?" While many would agree that honesty is the best policy sometimes lying can be a better alte ative.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

You Can Prevent Bad Things From Happening to You

In 1981, the book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, was released. It chronicled Rabbi Harold Kushner's jou ey of doubt and fear that arose when his three-year old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that would dramatically reduce the length of his life. The following year, my marriage to my high school sweetheart abruptly ended, throwing me into a downward spiral of anguish, grief, fear, despair, and anger. In many ways, I felt deeply connected to the Rabbi.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Fear or Faith; Anger or Peace?

When I was a child my dad would take all of us for a "Sunday drive". Mom, my sisters, and I would pile into his 1950's Chevy sedan with the green vinyl seat covers and off we'd go. I never knew where he was taking us or when we would arrive home. But two things I knew for sure: Dad would always keep us safe on our mysterious adventure and we would have fun. I completely trusted my father. When I became old enough to venture out on my own, I was not as calm and relaxed. Although I was a responsible driver, I would become mildly anxious as I envisioned everything that could possibly go wrong.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Why Forgiveness is Obsolete

My mother has always been an advocate of forgiveness. When I was a child she taught me early on to let go of being angry with people. If a friend hurt me she suggested that perhaps they didn't realize what they had done. If it was a family member, well, families don't hold grudges. And as Christians, that is what we are told to do: forgive one another as God has forgiven us. Extending mercy towards others has always come easy to me. I've never been one to hold on to resentment or anger.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Diffusing Family Tension

I've spent over twenty years working with families as a spiritual life coach. Many of my clients divulge painful or embarrassing situations that their families are struggling with, believing there must be something wrong with them since other families they know appear so well adjusted. I assure them that even in the most seemingly normal families there are often veiled matters of concern. Dealing with tension and strife in our family units can present unique challenges. In our social environments we can more easily disengage or remove ourselves from problematic circumstances.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

ABCE: ANGER, BOUNDARIES, COMPASSION, ENABLING

No matter who we are or where we go in life, we encounter people who are struggling with personal issues and are not easy to engage with. They can prove challenging to deal for a variety of reasons. Often times, we feel ill-equipped to effectively deal with them. Some, feeling overwhelmed or unprepared, simply disengage and avoid any interaction at all. Others may become defensive or hostile toward them in an attempt to manage them or pressure them to change. Those who feel sympathetic, in an attempt to be supportive, can sometimes become enablers.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Ten Tips For Keeping Peace in an Out of Control World

I don't know about you but to me the world keeps getting crazier. Nothing makes sense anymore. I sometimes feel as though I've fallen into the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland. In an age of endless technology and societal demands, I am acutely aware of the ever constant pressures of living in an out of control world. What used to come naturally to me now requires a conscious effort to remain peaceful and calm. Here are ten tips that you can practice in order to maintain your sense of serenity in a chaotic environment:

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Healthy Anger

Anger is one of the most powerful yet misunderstood emotions we experience. On the one hand, it has become a form of entertainment on TV, video games, social media, and Youtube. Housewives from states across the nation screaming at one another and flipping tables are cheered on each week by millions. Amateur cell phone videos of physical altercations posted on Youtube receive tens of millions of hits world-wide. This misunderstood emotion has become a global phenomenon, a form of entertainment. Yet in real life, it continues to carry a social stigma.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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