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257 articles by Janet Pfeiffer · showing 50

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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Self-Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the powerful modalities we have regarding our spiritual and emotional healing. I have always found it easy to forgive those who hurt or offended me yet I am not as generous with forgiving myself. Professionally speaking, this is one of the topics I lecture on that I am most passionate about. I know I've enabled thousands of people to find peace in their hearts through the sharing of my knowledge and my own life experiences.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

10 WAYS TO STOP PEOPLE FROM ANNOYING YOU

They're like mosquitoes on a hot summer night - those irritating and annoying people. They can be found anywhere from our families or coworkers to drivers on the roadways to complete strangers we encounter while on vacation. Their quirky behaviors and annoying habits can ruin our day. Other than blow up, walk away, or simply endure their lack of sensitivity towards others, we often feel powerless to do anything about it.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Anger: How Much is Too Much?

Jesus got angry. He was troubled by the many injustices he encountered while on Earth. At times, he expressed his dismay to those around Him. Anger, as with all emotions, has a place and purpose. But how does one know if there is too much anger in their lives? Here are ten warning signs to gauge if your anger levels exceed what is considered safe and healthy: 1. Frequency: how often do you get angry? Rarely, every day, several times a day, or are you always upset? One who flies off the handle at the drop of a hat needs to get to the root of their issues.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

STICKS AND STONES: DISARMING HURTFUL WORDS

I used to pride myself on being sensitive. The problem was I was easily hurt by the things other people said to me. I lived in a chronic state of pain which lead to a lifetime of unhappiness and low self-esteem. But the alte ative (being cold and aloof) was less appealing so I resigned myself to a life of sorrow. But as I got older and more comfortable with myself, the criticisms and negative comments of others became less problematic for me. I realized that words have no power other than what I assign to them.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Sarcasm: Is It Humor or Something Sinister?

I hate sarcasm. It's rude, hurtful, and offensive. Yet I have met many people who insist that it is humorous. "Sarcasm can be funny, " my friend John told me. "I beg to differ", I replied. "There is nothing funny about saying something hurtful to another person." "Yes, but...", he continued, "you can make fun of them and as long as it's done in good taste it's not insulting." We debated the issue for a few minutes and then put it to rest. Clearly, he was of the mindset that there was nothing wrong with sarcasm.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

4 SIMPLE RULES FOR A HAPPY LIFE

Most people I know want to be happy. I say most because there some who are really miserable and seem content remaining that way. They resist every opportunity for joy and find excuses to stay stuck in their gloom. Although I believe that deep down inside every human being desires happiness, I also believe that some feel they are either undeserving or that it is unattainable for them. Some wallow in self-pity keeping them trapped in their own unhappiness. They become so comfortable in their ways of thinking and living that although it may be painful for them it is all they know.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Spiritual Healing Through Forgivenss

We have all been hurt by the things others have said or done (notice I didn’t include “to me/us” at the end of that sentence).* Very often, we say or do things that are inconsiderate or hurtful to the other party. Sometimes, we commit an offense by failing to do what we need to. Whether intentional or not, our actions, or lack of, can cause considerable suffering to another.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Peace on Earth: Beyond the Season

Ah, the holidays! A wonderful time of the year for many reasons: the birth of Jesus, Christmas decorations, the exchanging of gifts, families coming together to celebrate, and holiday carols that remind us of "peace on Earth, good will towards men". It' s a lovely sentiment that for most seems as elusive as the unico and as unattainable as achieving perfect health. How can we possibly have world peace when we cannot even get along with our spouses, parents, and siblings? Putting up with some of them for a brief amount of time during Dec. stretches our patience to the limit.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Why Do Couples Fight and How Not To

I enjoy reading advice columns. Yesterday, a disgruntled woman complained that Hallmark created the upcoming holiday of Valentine's Day to remind singles that they are losers. (I'm pretty sure Hallmark wasn't in existence during the Middle Ages when this day was first set aside to celebrate St. Valentine.) That being said, most people long to be part of a couple. Many succeed but sadly a good number will ultimately face the demise of their love relationship. Differences once deemed adorable, quirky or interesting become problematic as time progresses.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Silencing Your Inner Critic

I learned to be critical of myself at a very early age. I never did anything right; everyone else was better than me; and even worse, I was never good enough, period. It didn't help that during my impressionable formative years, society taught that the more you denigrated a child the harder they would try to improve. Long after my childhood was behind me the inner critic continued its sinister assignment of keeping me trapped in a pattern of callous judgment and self-loathing.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Ten Tips For Arguing Wtih An Idiot

"Idiots" are simply people like you and I who are struggling with unresolved personal issues ranging from low self-esteem to ego, insecurity to poor impulse control and more. While it is acceptable to regard the behavior as idiotic, it is never permissible to label the individual as such. People are inherently good but each of us at times acts out in an obnoxious or difficult manner. As you know, I do not make excuses or condone bad behavior but I do practice being understanding and non-judgmental of it.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Adversity, Anger, and Awareness

I've never met anyone who didn't have to face adversity at some point in their lifetime. Whether in our personal relationships, professional lives, in regards to a health issue, academically or financially, hardships seem to be a standard component of life.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

The Nature of Nature (Excerpt from The Great Truth)

I have two acres of beautifully landscaped property with colorful gardens. In each, I’ve planted a wide array of flora: roses, tulips, chrysanthemums, geraniums, daisies, sweet Williams, peonies, and others whose names elude me. One day, while preparing dinner in the kitchen, I heard voices outside. I wasn’t expecting company or the UPS guy so I ventured outside to see who was there. No one was visible yet the voices continued. I followed them around to the front of my house. Still, no one.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Achieving Self-Compassion

At times, human beings can be incredibly compassionate towards one another. A family member going through a difficult time is encouraged to take extra care of themselves. A teen struggling with adolescent challenges is given support and encouragement. We offer our assistance to a neighbor who's spouse is seriously ill. When others are at their worst, humanity is at its best. And yet, we are sometimes remiss in extending to ourselves the same tender care we offer to others.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

The Death Of Innocence

The recent tragedy in Newtown, CT, is one of unspeakable horror. The latest in what appears to be an alarming trend of mass murders in American communities is, in my mind, the most gruesome - due not only to the sheer numbers of lives lost but more significantly because of the tender ages of the smallest victims.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

I DARE YOU TO ASK THIS

Relationships are critically important in our lives. On a professional level, being a good team player and getting along well with others enables us to maintain our jobs and receive such perks as bonuses or promotions. Also, connecting with the right people can advance our careers providing we have good interpersonal skills. How people feel about us on the job plays an important role in how successful we are professionally speaking.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Who Needs Anger?

Everyone - we all need anger. The most simple basic definition of anger is that it's an indication that we have unmet needs that have to be addressed, a sign that something is lacking in our lives that we want to satisfy. As with all emotions, anger is normal, useful, healthy, and necessary. Emotions are messengers of sorts. Each one reveals aspects about ourselves that we may not be aware of so that we may better know who we are and what matters to us. When an outside event stirs anger inside, we must first ask ourselves, "What is it that I need in this situation?"

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

7 TIBETAN STEPS TO LASTING JOY

There is something about the country of Tibet that has always intrigued me. Perhaps it's the beautiful landscape along crystal blue waters or the unique architecture of its oriental style buildings. Or more importantly a group of monks that call this country their home are known for their serene way of life. They seem unaffected by the modern day stresses and anger that the rest of us are subjected to while residing primarily in a state of bliss. What is the secret to their joy?

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

One Secret That Will Redefine Your Marriage

I've been assisting couples and former couples professionally for nearly thirty years. Regardless of who comes into my office, there seems to be one common thread - people are seeking to learn how to better get along with one another. Their usual approach is to inform me of everything that's wrong with their partner and the proceed to tell me exactly what that person needs to do to fix the marriage. I'll venture to say that probably 100% of those who enter a till-death-do-us-part union do so in an attempt to get their own needs fulfilled. Let me explain.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

"THE 12 YEA'S OF CHRISTMAS: "GETTING ALONG WITH FAMILY DURING THE HOLIDAYS"

Is world peace really possible? Maybe, but peace begins within, then extends into the home before it can reach global proportions. Sadly, the holidays, proclaimed the most wonderful time of the year, are more realistically the most stressful, bringing out the worst in people rather than the true spirit of love and generosity.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

3 Keys To an Anger-Free Life

Have you been upset about an issue that seems to make no sense and asked yourself, "Why did I get so angry over something that was relatively minor?" Oftentimes, our response is triggered not by the present issue but from an alte ative source. Odd as it may seem, the past and future can hold the keys to why we are angry. It is the discovery of these secrets that can enable us to live an anger-free life. Let's take a look at each one: The Past:

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

3 R's That Mend Broken Relationships

Relationships can be challenging, each with its own unique set of issues. Whether on the job with co workers who can at times be condescending, to social encounters with individuals who are overly critical, to our most personal relationships with family members who deeply offend us with hurtful words - on every level our relationships can be seriously impaired and suffer deep wounds. However, even in the most serious cases, it is possible to repair the damage that has been done and restore the connection that once existed.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

WHEN ANGER MANAGEMENT DOESN'T WORK

I've been teaching anger management and conflict resolution for nearly a quarter of a century. What makes me so successful in my work is that I do not lecture on any subject matter that I haven't personally experienced and mastered. In that regard, people find me authentic and know that if I've succeeded at healing my anger and being at peace with my surroundings, they can achieve the same or more. For the most part, I'm a pretty easygoing and relatively calm person. For certain, I'm never rude or disrespectful even when I am upset.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

The Anger Exchange: Give Up These 7 to Gain This Instead

If you've read my book, The Secret Side o f Anger, or attended one of my lectures on the topic, you know that while there are thousands of events that can trigger anger, there are actually only three root causes: hurt, fear, and frustration. In any given circumstance, you can trace anger back to one or more of these causes. For the purpose of today's show, I've going to cover seven erroneous belief systems and/or behaviors that fuel our outrage, how we can relinquish them, and what we will gain by doing so. Give up:

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Fear: The Good, the Bad, and the Solutions

I've never met anyone who wasn't afraid of something. I have encountered those who claim they aren't scared of anything but upon deeper introspection, they realize that there are things in life that they worry about or that conce them. (Both worry and conce are milder forms of fear.) There are some common fears that the general population agrees upon: losing someone you love, becoming unemployed, street violence, death, war, terrorism, financial issues, natural disasters, speaking in public, being rejected by those who are important to you, and so on.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

The 15 Minute Conflict Resolution Solution

I abhor arguing. It's a waste of precious time and energy and robs me of my serenity. Conflict, however, is horse of another color. Conflict occurs daily in each of our lives. It simply means that there is a disagreement, a difference of opinion. My husband and I engage in disputes on a regular basis yet interestingly enough have had fewer than five arguments in our eighteen year marriage. Unlike popular opinion, conflict is not synonymous with fighting. I'm willing to engage in a discussion but will never allow it to escalate into a battle.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

The Dangers of Tolerating or Accepting What You Cannot Change (and the Surprising Alte ative)

Years ago, there was a major campaign in schools teaching children to tolerate the difference of others. It was an attempt to create a more comfortable and conducive environment for children of all cultures and ethnic backgrounds to coexist peacefully. I suppose some good came of it but still kids had difficulty being forced to put up with others whom they did not like, understand, or care to associate with. Even in the adult world we very often feel we must tolerate the behaviors, attitudes, and differences of others.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Five Steps to Inner Peace

One of my favorite authors, the late Dr. Wayne Dyer, once stated that "There is no way to peace. Peace is the way." This seemed rather contradictory to the common belief that a peaceful state of existence is a destination we arrive at after traversing the correct path. Wayne challenges us to view peace as a state of mind, a choice, a way of life. One who is serene makes consciously different choices in the way they live. Here are five steps to a more peaceful life:

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

The Sky is NOT My Limit: Setting and Enforcing Boundaries

Many of us allow others to treat us in ways that are uncomfortable, unhealthy or disrespectful. We remain silent rather than address our disdain for fear of retribution: what will happen if I speak up? Will I lose my job? Will my best friend get angry with me? Will my family choose to no longer speak to me? Will someone argue with me and tell me I'm wrong for feeling the way I do? There are risks involved whenever we voice our feelings and expect change. Not everyone is eager to accommodate our new requests. Some will argue, coerce or try to manipulate us back into our old patterns.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

The Pitfalls of Guilt and Shame

There have been times in our lives when most of us have struggled with issues of guilt or shame. I have. The night my mom and I put my dad into a nursing home was by far one of the worst moments in my life. To a great extent this was due to the extreme guilt I was feeling over my perceived abandonment of the father who loved and cared for me for the sixty years of my life. Diagnosed with Alzheimer's several months earlier, we kept him at home with my mom for as long as we could. But he required far more care than we were capable of giving him.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Grief, Healing, and Wholeness

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross defined the five stages of grief in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Grief is a deeply personal process and each individual experiences it on their own terms. Some may endure all five stages, others only a portion; some progress in a seemingly reasonable period of time, for others the process is much slower. In any case, it is important to recognize that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and no time frame that is considered normal. It is equally important to understand that grief, like every other emotions, fluctuates.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Lose Your Temper For Good!

I've had many clients over the years request my help in teaching them how to control their tempers. "I lose my temper and afterwards feel terrible. I don't want to do this anymore. I need to learn how to control my temper." My response to them is this, "If you lose your keys you seek to find them. If you lose your job you hope to be rehired or to acquire a new job. However, not everything that you lose needs to be found, your temper being a perfect example. Some things are better left 'unfound'.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

An In-Depth Look at Anger

According to psychologist Charles Speilberger, Ph.D who specializes in the study of anger, “Anger is an emotional state that varies from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. It's accompanied by physiological, psychological and biological changes. When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure elevate, as does the level of energy hormones adrenalin and noradrenalin."

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

RIOTING IN N. CAROLINA

Recently a 43 year old man and father of seven, Keith Lamont Scott, was killed by police in Charlotte, NC. As is often the case, there are conflicting reports as to what actually happened. Currently, an investigation by a separate state agency is taking place to determine if this shooting was warranted or was an act of racial profiling. In any event, investigations of this nature can take months to complete. In the meantime, people are up in arms about another killing of a black man that, for many, appears racially motivated.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Creating a Cooperative Company Culture

The latest buzz word in business today is "company culture". It refers, in part, to the overall atmosphere and mission of the company. Many entrepreneurs begin the best of intentions and hire people who have the same values and commitment to their objective. Yet somewhere along the line, in the day-to-day realities and responsibilities of work, they find that the overall mood of the work environment has diminished.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

"NEVER EVER ASK THIS QUESTION"

Never, ever ask this question! It is the quickest way to offend someone and turn an ordinary conversation into an argument. We've all encountered someone who is upset, distressed, angry, sad or not in a positive frame of mind. In an effort to find out what's wrong, we sometimes blurt out a rather offense query. The question (in question) is "What's your problem?" (Emphasize "your", say it with an attitude and be sure to scrunch up your face.) We've all said it or had others ask it of us. And the typical response is...? "Me? I don't have a problem!

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

WHY YOU NEED TO CHANGE

People become defensive at the thought of someone telling them or implying that they must change. "I am who I am; take it or leave it" is often the response. "I'm not changing for anyone. Except me for who I am or don't be in my life." While many view these comments as signs of self-confidence - that one does not rely on the approval of others to determine their worth or that they are perfectly content with themselves exactly as they are - in truth this attitude is typically a cover-up for fear. "If I change then I am admitting there is something wrong with me.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

ANGER AND POWER: THE CONNECTION

We all seek to be powerful. I'm not speaking necessarily about having authority over others but we certainly want to have control over our own lives. Yet even the most well-intentioned, enlightened person wants to control a particular situation or individual at times. Certainly, parents impose their authority over their children which is not necessarily a bad thing. Children, especially those who are young and immature or who may be developmentally slow, are not fully capable of making responsible decisions for themselves and rely on the judgment and guidance of the parents to do so for them.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Misdirected Anger

We've all taken our anger out on the wrong party, not to say that there is ever a right party who is deserving of our ire. It's not uncommon to be upset with one person and misdirect it at someone or something else. Your boss has been crabby all day and continually comments on every aspect of your work. You arrived home only to be confronted by your wife who mentions that you forgot to wipe the mud off your shoes before walking across her newly mopped floor. You blow up at her, then storm off into the den. Sound familiar?

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Assertive Anger: Tough With a Twist

Sixteen years ago, I moved to a quiet dead-end street. Imagine my dismay when I discovered that I lived near a teenage heavy metal band! As day turned to evening, my silent haven was interrupted by the sound of innocent drums and guitars being tortured!rn.r

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Anger: The Bigger Picture

Have you ever found yourself in a situation that was somewhat confusing, uncomfortable or perhaps even dangerous? Sometimes it's hard to understand why things happen or why we must participate in particular activities. We don't often understand why certain people enter our lives or why they leave. "Living in the moment" is a wonderful philosophy but can obstruct our ability to more fully see the bigger picture, the why's and what for's. As a child, I believed I had the meanest parents in the world.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Pet Peeves: The Things That Anger Us the Most

I frequently receive emails from people upset about something in their life that is not going according to their plans. They scrutinize the behaviors of others and complain because people are not doing what they are supposed to be doing according to their standards. Some of the most frequent complaints I hear are:

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

Healing Anger Natur-ally

Several years ago, I had a client whose nine-year old son had anger issues. His doctor diagnosed him with ADD and suggested medication to quell his angry outbursts. "What do you think?" the mother inquired of me. Not an advocate of prescription medications (with the exception of the most extreme cases), I told her honestly that if it were my child I would exhaust every natural method before resorting to drugs. "Is he at risk for hurting himself or someone else?" I asked. "No", she replied.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

IT'S NOT FAIR!

At one time or another, we've all complained that life isn't fair. Children do it all the time: Karen, who is older by two years, is allowed to stay up later than her younger siblings. They complain to dad that they're being treated unjustly, not realizing that at the same age her bedtime was thirty minutes earlier. As adults, we attribute this behavior to immaturity and expect that as children grow and develop this rationale will make way for a more judicious way of thinking . Sadly, many people carry this mind-set with them well into adulthood.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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Joe Frasier's Got Nothing On Me (Reactive Anger)

I was an instructor at the Learning Annex in NY City for many years. Classes ended at 9 pm and the ride home was a long one. One evening, after teaching an anger management course for three hours, I pulled into my driveway around 11 pm, exhausted and anxious to crawl into bed. I pulled my car into the garage and from there entered directly into the great room at the back of the house.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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By Janet PfeifferRecently published1 topic

I Don't Do Ugly

She's strikingly beautiful: tall, large oval-shaped eyes, full lips, dark flowing hair. Her exotic look could land her on the cover of any fashion magazine. Her personality perfectly suits her ample frame. She's outgoing and bubbly, intense and opinionated and I've enjoyed the two years she's spend in my anger management group. She is well-known for her strong opinions and feelings. Last week was no exception.

Primary topic: Anger Management
Anger Management
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How to Always Be Right and Win an Argument Every Time

Disagreements - those annoying irritations that throw a monkey wrench into our otherwise blissful lives and disrupt any possible chances we have of experiencing serenity and joy. Augh! "Why can't people simply agree with me, even if they don't, and just allow us to coexist peacefully? But, no - regardless of how right I am there are some people who will disagree simply to aggravate me. I can never win an argument and that annoys me even more!" Sound like anyone you know?

Primary topic: Anger Management
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